


Small Comforts

by Yanyangire



Series: Small Comforts [1]
Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Developing Relationship, First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Massages, Protective Walt, Rough Sex, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-03-17 17:35:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 89,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3538166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yanyangire/pseuds/Yanyangire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jesse offers to give Walt a massage. Walt reluctantly accepts and ends up enjoying it a lot more than he thinks he will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Breaking Bad fic so super nervous. 
> 
> Anyway, this takes place in S3 and is a bit AU in that Jesse doesn't steal or try to sell any product and ends up not meeting Andrea.

Walt let out a groan as he absently rubbed at his shoulders. Cooking for hours on end, several days in a row was utterly exhausting. Constantly on his feet and having to deal with heavy machinery, well, it was completely different from his many years as a teacher. It almost made him miss the profession. _Almost._

He glanced over to the lockers where his partner was stripping off his protective gear and into his normal clothes. Not that Walt thought that Jesse’s clothes could be described in any way normal. Unlike himself, Jesse seemed to be in almost the exact same state as when he had wandered in. What was even more frustrating was that in the end, Jesse was the one who did most of the heavy lifting with Walt chipping in when necessary. It was at moments like this that Walt found himself particularly envious of Jesse’s youth. Even more so when he knew the frivolous things he wasted them on.

“Yo, Mr. White, you coming or what?” asked the younger man, staring at him expectantly.

“Just give me a moment!” he yelled short temperedly. Jesse rolled his eyes, looking completely put out.

All Walt wanted to do was go home – which depressingly for the foreseeable future looked to be his condo – soak in a bath, eat whatever he had in refrigerator and then sleep for a good ten hours. Unfortunately however, Jesse’s car was in the shop and he had reluctantly agreed to drive him to and from work. This of course only served to irritate Walt even further with Jesse being the one to tell him to hurry up. Damn kid, never did appreciate a favour.

“Finally,” Jesse sighed once they were in the car. And Walt was tempted to push him out and just drive away. Instead it was his turn to roll his eyes.

The drive to Jesse’s was mainly silently and Walt found himself wincing slightly every time he had to take a sharp turn. His shoulders really were killing him.

Finally he pulled up outside Jesse’s place. “Well, here we are. Guess I’ll pick up tomorrow at the same time as this morning. And _do not_ be late this time.”

Although he said this, Jesse was still sat there, the car door remaining unopened.

“See you tomorrow,” he tried again, hoping to get across that Jesse was supposed to leave.

“Uh, Mr. White, do you... do you wanna come in?” Jesse asked him, sounding somewhat nervous.

“What? Oh, no, I’m pretty tired. I’ll see you to-”

“Please, Mr. White,” Jesse interrupted.

All at once Walt found himself suddenly both concerned and curious. “Is there something we need to talk about?”

“Just come in for like five minutes, okay?”

“Fine,” he sighed, and Jesse nodded, stepping out of the car.

“Do you like want a beer?” Jesse asked the moment Walt had closed the door behind him.

“No, thanks,” Walt replied his concern slowly growing. “Now, what is it you wanted to talk about?”

“Come on, you can at least sit down,” said Jesse motioning to the futon.

Walt sighed but obliging he sat down. Jesse promptly sat at the other end, two beers in his hands, one of which he placed down on the table in front of Walt despite the other man’s declination.

Jesse took a swig of his beer, not saying anything but not looking particularly worried either. With this, Walt found his patience wavering.

“Well?”

“Oh, uh, I thought you might wanna hang out or something?” Jesse admitted hesitantly.

“ _Hang out_?” Walt spoke his words back to him in disbelief, “Jesse, what I really want right now is to be back in my condo. The only reason I’m here right is because you said you needed to speak to me about something.”

“Yo, I just asked you to come in.”

“Yes, but you said it in a way-” Walter threw his hands up in frustration. “You know what, forget it.”

A moment later, Walt found himself grabbing the beer in front of him instead of leaving which would have undoubtedly been the smart thing to do.

He thought he saw Jesse smiling out of the corner of his eye, but the younger man was taking a swig of his own beer a couple of seconds later which concealed his mouth.

“So, like, are you okay?” Jessed asked him, and Walt wasn’t sure if he was just making small talk.

“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“Man, it’s like a frickin interrogation with you,” Jesse huffed, letting himself fall against the back of the futon. “I’m asking cause you keep touching your shoulders like you’re in pain or something.”

“Yes, they’re sore. Which is why I wanted to go home. Instead you drag me in here to ‘hang out’.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Sorry for being concerned, bitch!”

Walt sighed, guilt now melding with his annoyance. “They’re a little painful right now. I just need to take some painkillers and sleep and I’ll be fine.”

“What about a massage?” Jesse asked suddenly, and yet again Walt found himself completely disconnected with the younger man’s thought processes.

“It’s a bit late to go somewhere.” This was true unless Jesse was suggesting some unsavoury establishment to which if that was the case would be completely out of the question.

“No, I meant like I could give you one?”

Walt just stared. “What?”

“My aunt Ginny, I used to, you know give them to her all the time. She said it helped a lot with the pain.”

“From the cancer?” Jesse nodded.

“Look, Jesse my cancer is-”

“I know it’s in remission, but it’ll still help with the pain. I mean, people have massages for all different kinds of stuff, right?”

“Plus, my aunt, she said I was pretty good at it.” Jesse added somewhat pensively.

It was moments like these that reaffirmed to Walt how close Jesse actually was with his aunt, apparently having a completely different relationship with her than that of his parents. He felt his guilt grow and once again against his better judgement, agreed.

“Fine,” he said, shrugging his coat off. “But just for a minute. What I require is painkillers, Jesse.”

“A minute is all I need,” Walt heard Jesse say smugly as he turned his back to him.

Walt highly doubted Jesse to be any good, having an image of the poor woman enduring it so as not to hurt her nephew’s feelings.

Despite Jesse’s gusto just moments previous, he could feel the man’s hands wavering above his shoulders. “Well?”

“Yo, don’t rush me. Just give me a sec, okay?”

Walt tensed even more; a usual reaction when interacting with his partner. “Jesse, would you just-”

But he stopped, feeling Jesse’s hands pressing down on his shoulders.

“Seriously, relax. God. I don’t think my aunt was as ever tense as you and she could get super stressed.”

Walt rarely ever felt relaxed; especially these days. With everything that had happened it was almost impossible to be. Not that he had been a particularly easy-going person before all this damn business had begun. Still, any notion he had of his inability to relax was suddenly purged as he focused more on more on fingers gently pressing against his shoulders.

“Wow, this... this is really nice,” Walt admitted, unable to hide the surprise from his voice.

“See, I told you!” Jesse boasted, and Walt had no doubt in his mind that Jesse had a triumphant grin on his face.

He let out a soft contented noise as Jesse’s fingers worked further down. They didn’t speak and Walt assumed Jesse was just absorbed in the task at hand. Walt meanwhile, was simply enjoying it, so much so that he almost wanted to protest when Jesse finally pulled away.

“How’d you feel?” Jesse asked, again sounding somewhat tentative.

“Good. Really good actually,” Walt answered, once more not able to quite hide the disbelief from his voice.

“Awesome.” He felt Jesse shuffle backwards and in turn, he let his back fall against the back of the futon.

“Was it just for your aunt that you would do this for?” Walt found himself asking, somewhat curious if there was some mysterious period between finishing high school and now that Jesse Pinkman actually worked as a masseur.

“Yeah. She used to say it was the highlight of her day,” Jesse laughed.

Walt could certainly see why.

“Do you want another beer?” Jesse asked, picking up his own empty bottle.

“Uh, sure, why not.” As he watched Jesse head to the kitchen, Walt realised he hadn’t felt this light in a long time.

It looked like he had made the correct choice in coming in after all.

 

Walt hadn’t bothered taking any painkillers when he got home that evening, instead going straight to bed. He felt a small dull ache as he awoke that morning but nothing in comparison to the day before. Mainly he was focusing on how hungry he was, having forgone dinner for sleep.

It was only when he sat down to eat breakfast that that he contemplated the strangeness of the previous evening. How Jesse had gone out of his way to make sure he was alright and how he had actually let younger man give him a massage. Walt hadn’t had one in God knows how many years. The only person he had ever let touch him like that was Skyler. There of course was Gretchen but he had learnt early on in their relationship that massaging wasn’t one of her strong suits and therefore actively tried to avoid them.

The feeling of some strangers’ hands on him wasn’t a feeling he enjoyed and so he never sought out a professional massage. It was just one of the ways he had been able to convince Skyler that a couple’s spa weekend just wouldn’t be worth it. As such, the fact he had let Jesse Pinkman of all people give him one, was slightly baffling. While it was only out of two other people, it was still the best damn massage he had had and it had lasted less than ten minutes. Thinking back, he was rather thankful that Jesse hadn’t stuck to the only one minute he had demanded of him prior.

Glancing down at his watch, Walt realised that he was running late. “Damn.” Quickly, he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door.

“Yo, you’re late!” Jesse yelled as his Aztec pulled up in front of the house. “I’ve been waiting out here for like ever.”

“I highly doubt that,” replied Walt, then added, “There was traffic.”

“Riiight.” Jesse climbed in the car and shut the door.

The journey to work was mostly silent. Walt wasn’t entirely sure why, but he felt somewhat apprehensive that Jesse would suddenly say something about the previous evening. He didn’t however.

There had been a moment were he thought he thought he caught Jesse staring him whilst he was driving but he couldn’t be entirely sure.

Work went by normally. Or as normal a day that could be had working in a super lab located under an industrial laundromat where they cooked crystal meth.

The ache from the day before returned slightly although the pain was far duller. Still he found himself rubbing his shoulders in the same manner as the day before, and was positive that he had seen Jesse looking at him then.

As the previous evening, he pulled up in front of Jesse’s house. There was ten seconds or so of silence and just when he was going to give up, Jesse asked, “So, uh, do you wanna come in for another beer, since you’re here?”

Walt shrugged casually. “Sure, why not.”

“I can’t stay long however,” he then added, almost as a way to distract from the odd feeling of satisfaction.

He followed Jesse into his house and unlike last time instantly sat down.

“Here,” Jesse said, handing him a beer a moment or so later.

“Thanks,” he replied, putting the cool bottle to his mouth.

“So, your shoulders still hurting?” Jesse asked a few minutes later.

“What?”

“In the lab, you were rubbing at them.”

“Oh no, they’re fine.” Walt took another sip of his beer.

“Really? I mean, if they like still hurt I could you know, give them another massage or whatever.”

“Well, if you want to,” Walt replied, “You don’t need to but-”

“No, it’s fine, Mr. White.” For a moment, Walt thought he was going to say more, but Jesse just sat there patiently, waiting for him to turn his back. Walt did so and few moments later, the previous feeling of relief returned.

He gave a small grunt of approval and he could practically hear Jesse smile as a result.

“This helping?” the younger man asked, as if he didn’t know already.

“Would you mind going a little lower? My back-”

“No problem,” Jesse responded, slowly moving his hands down Walt’s spine.

Walt let out a contented sigh. Jesse seemed to apply just the right amount of pressure. He had heard that deep tissue massages were beneficial, but Walt much preferred the gentle caresses that Jesse’s fingers were offering him. Again he thought about Jesse’s possible past career as a masseur but recalled that Jesse had said he only did it for his aunt. Walt found himself strangely pleased by this, almost relieved by the knowledge that Jesse’s hands hadn’t been all over the bodies of a bunch of faceless strangers.

The kneading motions eventually stopped, and once more it felt far too soon.

“There you go,” said Jesse, sounding satisfied for an apparent job well done.

“Thanks,” answered Walt, sinking back.

Jesse grinned. “I am the master, yo.”

Walt smiled in return, feeling completely relaxed. “You certainly do have a talent.”

The younger man’s face reddened and he quickly shot up. “I’ll uh, get us some more beers.”

Walt watched curiously as Jesse practically fled to the kitchen. He has seen Jesse react with embarrassment to praise – usually unable to hide his shy pleased expression – but not like this.

When Jesse finally returned – longer than what it would usually require grabbing a couple of beers – Walt wanted to ask if he was alright. Then he remembered who he was dealing with. Chances were that Jesse would react negatively and either lash out or shut down. Neither reaction particularly appealing, Walt chose to remain quiet. He wanted this tranquil feeling of contentment to continue for as long as possible after all.

“I’m gonna put the TV on,” Jesse informed him in a way that it seemed like he was also asking for Walt’s permission.

“Go ahead.”

Jesse nodded, and grabbing the remote, the TV flickered to life. He changed the channel a couple of times before settling on some outlandish action film, the kind Walt had no interest in whatsoever. And yet he found himself staying till the very end, occasionally glancing over to Jesse, focusing on the way his face lit up whenever the supposed good guy triumphed.

He would later blame it on his peaceful state of mind following the massage but for a brief moment, more than anything, he wanted to be the one to make Jesse smile like that.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments.

The next day at the lab while they worked, Walt found himself oddly fixated on Jesse’s hands, watching as they forcedly smashed the methylamine into small crystals. In spite of the action, they looked incredibly delicate. He thought of Jesse’s hands on his shoulders, his fingers brushing softly against his neck, moving down and-

“Mr. White?”

Walt startled, instantly brought back to reality.

“You okay?” Jesse asked him with a bemused expression on his face, “You’re just like standing there.”

“I’m fine,” Walt answered quickly and in a harsher tone than he intended, that familiar feeling of shame and panic that occurred when he was caught doing something he couldn’t easily explain arising, “I’m just trying to work some numbers out in my head.”

Jesse shrugged. “Whatever.”

“Hurry up. We need to get this batch weighed.”

Jesse quite predictably rolled his eyes.

“So uh, any plans this weekend?” Jesse asked him on the drive to his house.

Walt was caught slightly off guard by the question. Inquiring about the others personal life was not something either of them generally did.

“Well, I’m having dinner with my family tonight.”

“Cool.” For a moment, out the corner of his eye he thought Jesse looked disappointed, but he quickly dismissed it as his imagination.

“Yourself?”

Jesse ran his hand through his hair. “Dunno, probably just chill with Badger and Skinny Pete. Take it easy, you know?”

Walt simply nodded, not saying it but believing that Jesse relaxing would be for the best. Although the cuts on his face were healing well and the bruises mostly faded, Jesse was technically still recuperating from the brutal beating forced upon him by the hands of Walt’s own brother-in-law. The guilt still niggled at him. The phone call had been necessary however. There was no other way. He had no idea Hank would react so violently, that he would beat his young partner unconscious. That Jesse would-

“Mr. White?”

For the second time that day, Walt was shaken from his thoughts.

“Thanks for the ride.” It was only then that Walt realised he was outside of Jesse’s house. Apparently driving here was something he could now do on autopilot.

“No problem,” he replied, trying for casual. “Next week, will you-”

“I’ll have my car back by then so you don’t need to pick me up and like drive me about anymore.”

“That’s good.” Walt nodded, ignoring the small stab of disappointment.

“Yeah, so I guess our days of carpooling to work at the secret underground meth lab are over,” Jesse joked, and Walt let out a small chuckle in response.

“I guess so.”

“Well, see you Monday,” said the younger man as he climbed out the car.

“Wait, Jesse!” Walt found himself yelling just as Jesse turned to walk away.

“What’s wrong?” Jesse asked, stopping in his tracks.

“Do you need a ride to pick up your car or-”

“Uh, it’s cool. Skinny said he’d drive me so...”

Walt nodded, suddenly feeling foolish for offering. “Alright. See you Monday.”

He drove off, not waiting for a response.

Dinner that evening went by much like Walt thought it would. While Junior was happy to see him, he was still a teenage boy and it being a Friday night he hurried off to hang out with friends as soon as he finished his meal. Skyler remained cold and distant towards him. She tried to remain pleasant for Junior’s sake but Junior’s anger at her for kicking out his poor father only heightened her resentment of Walt. The only true reprieve of the evening was getting to hold and spend time with his infant daughter and even that was tainted by the fact Skyler’s eyes were boring into him the entire time. When it was time to put Holly to bed for the night and he announced he would be leaving, his wife – sorry, ex-wife – didn’t bother to hide her relief, taking her daughter quickly from of his arms.

“Well, I’ll see you and Junior on Sunday,” he said, standing in the door way.

“Right,” she replied coolly, “Sunday.”

She closed the door and Walt sighed. This was his life now apparently, and it troubled him that a part of himself would have rather spent the evening in the company of his former student. His shoulders started to tense up and for a brief moment on the way back to his condo he had to stop of himself from making a left turn and driving over to Jesse’s place.

That night he dreamed of Jesse’s hands on his shoulders, only he wasn’t wearing a shirt, no barrier to get in the way of Jesse’s nimble fingers on his skin. He could feel Jesse inches away, almost pressed against his back and he couldn’t help but let out soft moans as the other mans fingers worked fervently on his skin.

“Jesse...”

The younger man was pushed completely against him now, his face resting next to Walt’s cheek.

“Mr. White,” Jesse whispered into his ear and Walt shuddered awaking with a start, breathing heavily.

He didn’t need to think twice about where the dream was going as he stared downwards in disbelief, his panicked mind contending with both relief and anger that he woke up before it had gone any further.

The sultry way Jesse had said his name played over in his head before Walt violently banished all thoughts. Grabbing his erection feverishly he instead tried thinking about the tall beautiful blonde woman who had once been his wife. But all he could see was Skyler’s cold accusatory stare and the urge to remember Jesse’s small lithe form pressed against him returned.

_“Mr. White...”_

Imagining it was Jesse’s hands stroking his cock and not his own, he came shortly after.

Lying back against the mattress he stared feebly at the ceiling. It was going to be a long weekend.

Jesse didn’t get Mr. White, like at all. One minute he was being a complete asshole which was normal for the man, but then out of the blue he’d be really nice to him only to go straight back to being an asshole.

Last week he had actually praised him on doing a good job, now he seemed to be on his ass for every little thing.

“Yo, chill the fuck out!” he had yelled when Mr. White’s constant grating had driven him to his limits.

At that Mr. White had stormed out of the lab and into the small office, slamming the door behind him.

Jesse stared in disbelief at the closer door before tossing the clipboard he was holding across the lab in anger. Shoving his ear phones back in, he continued on with the batch.

Mr. White emerged from the office about half an hour later without a word.

The rest of that day they worked in silence, other than to offer short curt confirmations about their progress. That in itself wasn’t unusual but the tension was practically palpable.

Jesse didn’t bother saying goodbye when they finished for the day, although it was likely that Mr. White hadn’t actually noticed. Once he had come out of the office, he seemed to avoid looking at him at all costs.

This continued on to next day. And by the third day, Jesse was ready to explode, his constant telling himself that he shouldn’t give a shit the only thing holding him back. It was just a job after all. It shouldn’t matter that his ‘partner’ was giving him the silent treatment or whatever the hell Mr. White thought he was trying to prove.

However, despite what he told himself, Jesse still desired an explanation.

And he hated himself for it.

He hadn’t wanted to be dependent on the man any longer. It was just one of the many reasons he had told Mr. White he wanted nothing to do with him when he had come to the hospital. He believed he had lost everything because of Mr. White and yet without him he had nothing at all. Now the man was shutting him out again.

He had seemed so relaxed and at ease when he was at his place just last week. Grateful even, which Mr. White was, of course, like never. They had even sort of hung out. And it was, well, nice... Weird but nice.

Had that not meant anything? Had he really gone back to having nothing?

That day he watched his old teacher wince slightly as he lifted one of the boxes filled with their product and Jesse made sure to grab the rest.

Mr. White had just nodded at him, although he did look appreciative. Jesse wanted to tell him to shove his gratitude up his ass. If Mr. White was going to be a dick then screw him.

“Goodnight, Jesse,” he heard the man behind him say before he left, and once again, Jesse felt his resolve waver.

The past week had been gruellingly long for Walt, not that the past several months had exactly been kind to him. The situation with Skyler and his family remained unchanged. But mostly on his mind was the dream he had had of Jesse. Repeatedly he told himself that there had been nothing erotic about it in the slightest. The massages Jesse had given him had been pleasurable and as such some wires had gotten crossed in his subconscious resulting in his erection upon waking. It wasn’t that unusual after all. And yet whenever he saw Jesse a wave of shame washed over him mixing with the desire to have his hands on him again.

Just about everything Jesse said caused him to lash out at him whether he deserved it or not and it was putting the younger man ever on edge as well. Fighting it out in a worn down RV was one thing but he didn’t think his current employer would appreciate them venting their frustrations out in an eight million dollar lab with delicate equipment; especially considering he had brought Jesse in against Gus’ initial judgement. It wasn’t fair to Jesse either and so he closed off, trying his best to maintain a distant relationship. However, this in its own way only seemed to make things worse.

Out the corner of his eye he would often find Jesse staring at him, his expression varying between hurt and anger. There was curiosity in there too, almost as if he were trying to figure out the reason for Walt’s behaviour. It only served to aggravate his guilt and his back and shoulders would start to ache again almost as punishment.

In his moments of fantasy he imagined Jesse offering to help take the tension off right there in the lab, but considering the way Jesse had been looking at him all week, he no doubt wanted to hurt Walt more than make him feel better. And yet, strangely, without protest Jesse still did all the heavy lifting.

With a frustrated sigh he sat back on his couch, another empty night in his condo away from his family; no doubt much to the relief of Skyler.

He missed his son, and the daughter he hardly knew. He missed... well, whatever Skyler was to him now. He still loved her, he knew that. Did she still even love him?

He hadn’t seen her smile at him once since before his operation.

_“I fucked Ted.”_

Her accusatory stare flashed in his mind. She didn’t understand, didn’t understand that he was doing this for her, for the kids.

_“I get it now, that's why you're doing all this. You want to make some cash for your people before you check out.”_

Jesse, he had at least understood. And while they cooked for different reasons, Walt had detected a hint of admiration from Jesse for what he was doing for his family.

He thought of Jesse’s smiling face, how the fact that Jesse easing Walt’s pain seemed to please him just as much as it did Walt. But then the expression on Jesse’s face morphed to one of contempt, almost identical to Skyler’s.

He sat up. At this rate Jesse would...

Without much thought he found himself quickly grabbing the house phone next to him and dialling Jesse’s cell.

It rang several times before going to the automated voice mail message. Walt’s heart sunk and just as he was about to hang up, a voice piped through.

“Yo. Who is this?”

“Jesse, it’s me.”

“Mr. White?” the voice echoed back as if puzzled to why Walt would be calling him.

“Yeah. Look, Jesse, we need to talk.”

“About what exactly?” the man on the other end of the phone asked, his tone cautious.

“Work. There are...well, some things we need to discuss. Can you come over?”

“What, like right now?”

Walt sighed in frustration. Why was nothing ever easy with Jesse? “Yes, right now. It’s important.”

Apparently it was Jesse’s turn to sigh now. “Okay, whatever. I’ll be over in like thirty minutes.”

“See you then.” Walt hung up the phone. Now he just had to decide what the hell he was going to say to Jesse.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for the comments and kudos.

Jesse’s fingers tapped nervously on the steering wheel as he drove over to Mr. White’s condo, his mind desperately trying to figure out what was so important that had Mr. White wanting to see him straight away.

Several times Jesse had voiced his frustration about the entire operation, of how despite they were the ones who cooked the product, their ‘boss’ was making a shit-ton more money than them. Mr. White had outright ignored his opinions before but perhaps it was possible that he had changed his mind and wanted to discuss it?

He frowned, trying to figure out what would cause him to think differently all of a sudden. Not that Mr. White was ever consistent, what with his moods constantly shifting. One minute he was walking away from the meth business only to jump straight back in when the prospect of more money was shoved in his face.

While he had never met the guy who was apparently in charge, he still held resentment over the fact he had only bought the meth Jesse had cooked merely as a ploy to get Mr. White to work for him.

_“I’m in, you’re out.”_

Mr. White had sounded so smug; triumphant.

His hands tightened on the steering wheel at the memory.

He had ended up in the hospital not long after, no thanks to Mr. White’s DEA dickwad brother-in-law.

It was then that Jesse started to panic. What if Mr. White hadn’t changed his mind about the way things were run, but about him?

Unless, this had been part of his plan all along; partner with Jesse once more in order to stop him from suing the pants off his brother-in-law? It also explained why Mr. White had spent the week practically ignoring him. He had been angry, lashing out at him and once he had finally come to the decision to let Jesse go or whatever he was going to do, he couldn’t bear to look him in the eye.

The phone call had felt rushed and Mr. White hadn’t sounded calm at all. It was possible that they were making him do, that it had to be tonight or else. Or maybe Mr. White just wanted to get it over and done with quickly, like pulling a band-aid. No point in waiting till Monday and spending the weekend feeling guilty, after all.

Jesse felt the rage boil inside him. If Mr. White thought he could just toss him aside then he would make sure to bring down the man and his brother-in-law. Everyone would learn who the great Heisenberg really was.

He pulled up to the condo and slammed the car door, stalking up to the house.

He banged on the door forcibly, although really he would have only needed to knock once, Mr. White there opening the door within a couple of seconds.

“Jesse, hey, come on in,” the man said, allowing Jesse access to pass.

“Okay, tell me what the hell this is all about,” Jesse demanded, barely able to control his anger.

Mr. White looked taken aback, which only served to make him madder. Did the man really think he would go down without a fight?

“Jesse, are you alright?”

“No, I’m not _alright_.”

Once more looking like he hadn’t expected to face Jesse like this, Mr. White suggested that he sit down. “Just calm down and we can talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

“What’s bothering me? What’s _bothering_ me is you trying to get rid of me after, like what, a month!” he yelled, pointing his finger accusingly.

Now Mr. White just looked baffled. “Jesse, what on earth are you talking about?”

“What? Isn’t that why you invited me over here like this, to fire my ass or whatever? So are they making you do it or did you decide you’ve had enough of me?”

“Jesse, once again I have no idea what you are going on about,” the older man replied, a mixture of worry and frustration in his voice. “Why...Why do you think I would invite you here just to fire you?”

Jesse felt slightly lost now. He had been so sure that was the reason, but the way Mr. White said it made it sound really stupid.

“I dunno,” Jesse replied defensively, “You’ve been really weird all week. I figured I had pissed you off or done something wrong.... Then you inviting me here like this out of the blue... Like I said, it’s, well, weird.”

Mr. White held his head back for a few moments before exhaling. “Jesse, no. That is not it at all.”

“Then why did you ask me to come here tonight?” Jesse asked, flumping down onto one of the seats.

“I just wanted to find out how you were feeling about things... about working in the lab that is. I mean, it’s different from the RV, very different for that matter. And there’s a lot of specialised equipment which can be, if you’re not familiar with it, rather daunting.”

“Why are you asking me now all of a sudden? Did I mess up, cause usually you’re on my ass right-”

“No, no! Jesse, you’ve done nothing wrong. I promise.” Mr. White retorted hurriedly, making a halting gesture with his hands.

Jesse stared up wearily at Mr. White, still not entirely convinced.

It was then that Mr. White surprised him. Crouching down in front of him, the man placed his hand on Jesse’s shoulders. “As I said before, we’re fifty-fifty partners. Until the job is done, we’re in this together, alright?”

Mr. White’s face softened and Jesse felt his worry start to fade; all that anger suddenly gone.

“Sorry,” he replied faintly, now feeling embarrassed at how worked up he had gotten.

Mr. White simply smiled. “It’s fine.” Giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze, the man stood back up.

“So, have you eaten dinner yet?” he asked pleasantly, clapping his hands together.

Jesse shook his head. “No, not yet.”

“Neither have I,” Mr. White confessed, “Hey, how about I order in some pizza? That sound good?”

“Uh, sure,” Jesse replied, surprised by the offer. He then watched as Mr. White grabbed the phone and a take away menu that happened to be lying nearby.

“Any preferences?”

Jesse just shrugged. “I can eat anything.”

 

They remained mostly silent until the pizza came, both focused on whatever was happening on the television screen.

Walt had ordered them an extra large pizza to which earned him a bemused look from Jesse as he set it down on the table in front of them.

“I wasn’t sure how hungry you were,” Walt stated lamely.

“I don’t mind, I love pizza,” responded Jesse, eagerly picking up a slice, “I could totally eat it like every day.”

Walt didn’t doubt it.

“Wow, this is really good!” the younger man proclaimed. Walt grinned, picking up a slice himself. He had ordered from what was considered the best pizzeria in the area.

“Good call, Mr. White!”

Last time he had offered someone pizza, it had ended up on the roof of his old house. Not one of his finest moments. Still he was pleased to see that Jesse appreciated this.

“You got anything to drink?” Jesse asked once it appeared he had eaten all he could manage.

“Beer alright?”

“Hell yeah.”

He knew he shouldn’t be encouraging Jesse to drink since he was driving but the only other beverages he had to offer was water and coffee. He really needed to do a grocery run at some point.

Handing Jesse a beer, Walt settled back down on his chair with a bottle of his own. Out the corner of his eyes he glanced at Jesse who was contentedly watching TV. He felt relieved, having been shocked at Jesse showing up so angry, simply glad that he could placate him. He tried to focus on that rather than the guilt that so often welled up inside him whenever Jesse was around nowadays.

Nevertheless, he was still in disbelief that Jesse thought he had been planning on getting rid of him. Not that he had been particularly easy to deal with this past week but it was an extreme notion.

“Did you have plans this evening?” Walt found him asking suddenly. He hadn’t even taken that into consideration when he called, so desperate to see Jesse. “No party you were planning on attending?”

“Nah, I wasn’t really feeling it,” Jesse admitted, and for Walt this translated to he wasn’t in a good mood, which of course had been his fault. His guilt rose.

“Look, Jesse. I’m...Well, I’m sorry how I’ve been acting this past week.”

“You sure it wasn’t something I did?” Jesse asked tentatively.

“No. Honestly. It was nothing to do with you, I swear.”

Another lie. But it wasn’t as if he could tell Jesse the truth. ‘I woke up with an erection after dreaming you were massaging me then jerked off thinking of you stroking my cock,’ was definitely not something he could say.

“It’s just my divorce,” he began. He could work with that; an advantage of neither of them divulging much about their personal lives with each other. “I signed the papers. It was finalised and so...”

Jesse just nodded. “No. Yeah, I like totally get it.”

It still surprised Walt how understanding Jesse could be at times.

“I dunno, just maybe next time something like that happens let me know so I’m not...and you’re not...” he trailed off, apparently struggling to find the correct words to say.

“I will. I swear.” Walt knew he should have left it at that but found himself adding, “That was another reason I wanted to see you tonight, to apologise.”

Jesse looked somewhat taken aback at the admission. “It...It’s fine,” then taking a sip of his beer, asked, “You don’t like regret it? I mean firing that other guy?”

Gale. Walt still felt guilty about getting rid of him. The man had been extremely talented and his passion for chemistry almost rivalled Walt’s own. Nevertheless, he just wasn’t Jesse; the scrawny idiotic man-child who he had grown so fond of despite spending most of his time wanting to throttle him.

“Mr. White?” Jesse once again sounded nervous and Walt felt something twist inside of him.

“Not for a second,” Walt told him and he had to resist the urge to reach out and physically reassure the younger man.

Jesse nodded, apparently pleased with the answer, a small shy smile revealing itself. “Okay.” He turned his attention to the television and Walt followed suit.

“Uh, it cool if I have another beer?” Jesse asked a short while later.

“Sure.”

“I’ll get it,” Jesse offered, getting up before Walt could.

Returning, Jesse had grabbed one for Walt too, handing it to him as he sat back down in his chair.

As had happened the previous week, Walt couldn’t help but take note of how strange this all was. Nice, but once definitely strange.

Losing interest in what was on TV – some comedy show in which he thought to be no way amusing yet was managing to elicit some laughs from Jesse – he found his eyes wandering to the younger man. The bruises on his face had almost faded and the cuts appeared mainly unnoticeable unless you were purposely looking for them. It pleased him. He realised that since beginning this venture together that he had seen Jesse beaten up far too many times.

‘It’s a real pity, given such a attractive face,’ a voice in Walt’s head echoed, one that he instantly shot down.

He quickly turned back to the screen, while his thoughts slowly returned to that dream – or dreams as they had now become – and remembered why he had been avoiding Jesse in the first place.

Trying to focus on the TV, he yet again found himself distracted by his partner, this time fixating on the way his fingers tore at the label on his beer bottle. While he felt that his own grip eclipsed much of the bottle he held, Jesse’s hands seemed so small in comparison.

Mentally he scolded himself. He needed to stop this. These thoughts were getting out of hand. It-

“You okay?” Jesse was looking at him, a curious yet innocent expression on his face. It should have been this innocence that made him stop; instead it somehow merely spurred him on.

“You know, my back is playing up again,” he said, gesturing behind him, “Would you mind...”

“Oh, I get it, this is the real reason you invited me here,” said Jesse, getting up. And Walt momentarily panicked before hearing Jesse’s pleasant laugh.

“I’m kidding. I know I’m good, but I’m not like _that_ good.”

Walt was very tempted to correct him but he was too busy inwardly cursing himself for his moment of weakness. Maybe next he would just rip his shirt off.

God, this was ridiculous.

Just as he opened his mouth to tell him to stop, that he too had only been joking, he felt Jesse’s hands press down on his shoulder blades, and the protest he was about to deliver completely died, instead being replaced with a satisfied moan.

“Man, you should like totally call up that asshole Fring and get him to bring in like a professional masseuse. Don’t big companies do that? Their employees get all these benefits and shit. I mean, I know it’s just the two of us and all, but considering the money our cooks rake in for the guy, he should be bending over backwards for us.”

“Considering how much money we’ll be making in a year alone, I don’t think we can make too many demands,” Walt stated calmly through the bliss. However, the moment he said it, he felt Jesse’s hands falter slightly and Walt found himself being quickly jerked back to reality.

“Whatever.”

Jesse had voiced his concerns about the operation a couple of times before. Walt was always quick to shoot him down before it turned into an issue but clearly his partner still held some resentment.

“Hey.” On impulse he reached behind him and grabbed one of Jesse’s hands, surprising both himself and Jesse. Then lightly he said, “Why would I need a masseuse when I have you?”

Jesse laughed and Walt felt himself relax again. “I guess that’s true.”

“Although...” Walt felt the other man press closer towards him, his breath catching. Quickly he let Jesse’s hand go as the images from his dream came rushing back. He tensed.

_“Mr. White.”_

“Shouldn’t I be getting paid more if I’m the one giving out free massages?”

Walt let out a sigh, unsure if he was relieved or disappointed.

“Very funny,” he replied weakly, his brain struggling to come up with anything else to say.

Jesse resumed the gentle kneading of Walt’s shoulders. “Hey, I’m just sayin’.”

“Well, in that case, we can take turns,” Walt found himself saying without much thought.

“What, of giving each other massages?” Jesse asked incredulously. Then with another laugh, “I dunno. Sounds pretty gay. I mean have you even given someone a massage before?”

“I have on a number of occasions,” Walt stated, matter-of-factly.

He was unable to see the dubious look on Jesse’s face. “Who for?”

“Well, my wife for one.” _‘Don’t you mean your ex-wife?’_

“Yeah, but isn’t that like... you know a...” Jesse’s voice fell to a murmur and all Walt could make out was ‘massage’ tacked on at the end of the sentence.

“What?”

“Noth-Nothing!” Jesse quickly stated, sounding slightly panicked.

Walt cursed himself. Clearly he had crossed a line. He opened his mouth to apologise but hesitated, unsure if he would just make things worse. Hadn’t the point of inviting Jesse here been to put things right between them?

“I guess you can if you want,” he heard Jesse say and it was then that he realised that Jesse was still massaging him and hadn’t in fact bolted for the door. “It’s not like I’ve ever had one before so...”

“You’ve never had a massage before?” Walt was honestly surprised. “Well, I suppose I’ll have to make your first one good then.”

Once Jesse had finished massaging Walt, they swapped places. Walt told Jesse to take off his oversized hoodie which revealed an equally oversized t-shirt, albeit with shorter sleeves. He really didn’t get younger people and their bizarre need to wear clothes that didn’t fit them. Although for him this mainly concerned Jesse.

Just as Jesse had accused him of being, Jesse appeared tense. Walt’s hands lingered momentarily above Jesse’s shoulders and he realised that if anyone saw them, they would mistakenly assume he was about to strangle the younger man. Given their relationship, that would probably make more sense than what was about to happen.

Jesse flinched slightly as his hands touched him.

Surprised by the reaction, Walt was about to pull away when he heard Jesse mutter, “Hurry up”.

He rolled his eyes, gently gripping Jesse’s shoulders. God, the kid was so bony that Walt feared he might break something if he pressed too hard.

“You okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jesse replied in a tone that indicated he had no clue why Walt was asking him.

Walt started moving his hands upwards, one of his fingers catching the bottom of Jesse’s hair as he rubbed his neck.

“This feels good.”

“See, I told you,” Walt chuckled, echoing back what Jesse had said the first time he received a massage from him.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Moving downwards, Jesse flinched once more as his hands settled on his back. He made a hissing sound and Walt instantly panicked.

“Jesse, are-”

“Yo, it’s fine, it’s fine,” the man sitting in front of him quickly assured, “It’s just my back is still a little messed up.”

Once again, guilt welled up inside of Walt. The cuts and bruises on Jesse’s face may have healed but that didn’t necessarily apply to everywhere else.

“I’m sorry, Jesse. I should have-”

“Relax, Mr. White,” said Jesse, turning his head slightly. “It’s not your fault.”

The fact that Jesse sounded so earnest when he said this just served to make him feel worse. After all, wasn’t it his fault? Hadn’t he come up with idea to make the fake phone call to Hank regarding Marie?

In the hospital, Jesse had definitely blamed him, and he, well, he had simply argued that it was necessary. It had worked; they had managed to destroy the RV and the evidence linking them to it was gone. They were safe. And Jesse having the crap beaten out of him? Well, that was just an unfortunate consequence.

“Hey, can I see it?” Walt asked, trying to keep his voice even.

“What? My back?”

“Yeah. I mean, if it’s hurting it’s important to check that it’s healing properly,” Walt began, “Have you checked it recently or-”

Jesse shook his head. “No, I figured it would just heal on its own.”

“Well, just to make sure...” Walt was about to gently tug Jesse’s t-shirt up when Jesse reached behind and pulled the entire thing off.

“How does it look?” Jesse asked uncertainly.

There was some discolouring below both his shoulders but it didn’t look too bad. Nevertheless, this didn’t do much to alleviate Walt’s regret.

“It seems to be healing well.” Without thinking he gently ran his finger along the tattoo, a stylised skull on Jesse’s back.

He felt the younger man shiver slightly under the touch.

“I’ll be careful from now on. I won’t hurt you again.” Walt stated firmly, not knowing whether he was saying this to assure Jesse or himself.

“Uh, sure.” Jesse made to grab his shirt but Walt halted him.

“Why don’t you leave it off? Massages tend to feel better when there isn’t any clothing in the way. Plus it means I can avoid your bruises more easily.”

Once again Jesse looked briefly surprised before giving a small nod. “Okay.” He turned back around.

As Walt started rubbing again, he realised just how much this echoed his dreams, only here Jesse was the one with his shirt off and on the receiving end of his hands.

Had this been what he had wanted all along? To have Jesse like this before him?

No. He really did want to see the bruises.

This was just a...what, an added bonus? Still, it was hard to focus on the guilt as he caressed Jesse’s soft skin. Jesse was remarkably pale and it saddened him slightly that he was only getting to see the younger man’s back.

Inwardly, Walt cursed himself as he tried to push such thoughts away. He was doing this to make Jesse feel better, not for his own perverted fantasies, which in all honesty he had no clue what to make of.

However, this was proving difficult given the small appreciative moan Jesse let out.

“This feels good, Mr. White.”

He swallowed. “I-I’m glad.”

“Hey, could you use a little more pressure?”

“Are you sure?” Walt asked, stuck between fear of hurting Jesse again and awkward arousal.

“Yeah. My like shoulders and neck are fine, just my back... It’s not that bad. Guess I was just being a pussy.”

Walt did as requested and started kneading his fingers in deeper and Jesse let out another soft moan in response.

Walt felt his breath hitch.

His hands moved rhythmically along Jesse’s shoulders. Jesse was enjoying this, that much was clear, but one wrong move and Walt feared he may hurt him again. Still, the intermittent noises of approval were enough the urge him on and it continued this way until he heard something that sounded very much like a sob.

“Jesse?” He felt the younger man freeze under his hands. “Are you alright?” he asked, letting go of him.

“Uh, yeah, no, I’m fine,” he heard Jesse stutter.

Although he couldn’t see his face, Jesse appeared to be rubbing at his eyes. Oh God, he really was crying.

Just as he made to move around, Jesse abruptly leapt from the chair.

“So I uh, think I’m gonna bounce,” Jesse announced and Walt could tell he was struggling to keep his voice sounding normal.

“Did I hurt you?” Walt asked fearfully. So much for his earlier assurances...

“No! You didn’t. Really,” the blond replied quickly as he pulled his t-shirt back on.

But Walt wasn’t sure what to do with this information given that Jesse was looking anywhere but at him. Unless...

Oh God, did Jesse know? Did he know about the dreams?

No. That was stupid. Impossible even. But still...

“Anyway, thanks for the pizza and you know...”

Without another word, his former student left.

Walt stared helplessly at the door before turning his gaze back to the chair where Jesse had left his hoodie.


	4. Chapter 4

Jesse stared helplessly at the ceiling as he lay in bed. The second he had gotten home from Mr. White’s place he became a pathetic sobbing mess and the only way to calm himself was to get high. He didn’t use crystal or – he shuddered –heroin, just smoked some pot. Still, the fact that he was dependant on any drug after everything sickened him.

After that he had soon fallen asleep. But he was awake now, unable to stop thinking about the previous night. He had been fine, completely fine and then within a matter of seconds...

He rubbed his hands over his face. He couldn’t tell if he felt more embarrassed with or angry at himself. Mr. White had invited him over to apologise for how he had been acting and Jesse had all but ran out on him.

He had just felt so relaxed. Mr. White was making him feel so good and then all of a sudden he was remembering the last person to make him feel that way...

Jane, the person he would never be able to see ever again. Jane, the person he had practically killed. The one person whose arms he had truly ever felt at peace in.

He had been so sure he would never feel such comfort again; that he would spend the rest of his days with an empty craving feeling that no matter how many drugs he took would never be filled. But then there had been Mr. White with his hands on shoulders, easing him, almost filling him then and suddenly he was back at that crack house.

The memory was hazy but he remembered Mr. White coming to find him, of being cradled in his arms as he sobbed helplessly into the man’s chest. Mr. White had held him and stroked his hair, assuring him that Jane’s death was not his fault.

But it was. And he didn’t deserved to be comforted, no matter how much he craved it, no matter how much he wanted Mr. White to tell him it wasn’t his fault, that he needed him.

_“I want you.”_

Filled with both rage and despair, Jesse had ignored these words when Mr. White had first uttered them. Now he hung on to them like some sort of lifeline, the past week having instilled in him the bleak realisation, that without their cooks, without Mr. White, he had nothing at all.

Mr. White had tried to give him something and he had run away. He didn’t deserve it, and more importantly, he couldn’t let Mr. White see him like that again; a broken mess unable to come to terms with what he had done and who he was. After all, he was the bad guy.

He grabbed his cell phone from the bedside table to check the time, revealing that it was already mid-afternoon. He could see he had several missed calls and a voice message, all from Mr. White.

He placed the phone back down and curled pathetically in on himself, deciding that despite the time, he wasn’t yet ready to face the day.

Somehow, he managed to fall back asleep.

 

When Jesse awoke, it was to the sound of faint knocking. He groaned and sitting up he realised that it was already dark outside.

God, how long had he slept?

The doorbell rang now and with another groan he dragged himself out of bed.

“Hey, I’m coming.” He meant to yell out but instead it came out as a murmur.

He opened the door straight away, not bothering to glance through the peek-hole and instantly regretted it once he saw who was stood there.

He had expected it to be Badger or Skinny Pete, unable to remember if they had made plans to hang out this evening. He certainly hadn’t expected Mr. White to be the one stood on his doorstep.

His mind panicked. He had at least been hoping to have until Monday to come up with some excuse on how it had only looked like he had broken down but was in fact something completely different, and he hadn’t run away either, he had simply been in a hurry.

“Uh, hey,” he greeted weakly.

“Hey, Jesse. I...well I tried calling earlier but you weren’t picking up.”

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve pretty much been asleep the whole day,” Jesse admitted uncomfortably.

“Here,” Mr. White held out a bag for him. “It’s your hoodie. You left it at my place last night. I thought you might want it back.”

Jesse took it out the bag. He hadn’t even realised he had left without it. “Thanks.”

The other man simply nodded and Jesse found himself adding, “You didn’t need to come all the way over here.”

“Well, I was having dinner with my family so I figured I’d drop by with it on my way home. Plus you weren’t answering your phone so...”

“Again, sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, I’m just glad that-” Mr. White stopped, trailing off again and an uneasy silence came over them.

Then against his better judgement, Jesse asked, “Do you, uh, wanna come in or something?”

“Sure.”

 

Walt had been left flummoxed at Jesse’s sudden disappearance the night before. He had run the events over in his head several times, trying to figure out how they had gone from Jesse telling him gratefully how good he was making him feel to Jesse bursting into tears and fleeing.

He had decided to let it lie, and once his uncertainty faded, he jerked off, imagining his hands back upon the younger man’s skin as Jesse made soft pleasurable noises.

He slept well that night, the guilt gone.

As he felt was the case with any semblance of peace in life of late, it didn’t last very long and the guilt instantly crept back in. He couldn’t quite tell if it was because of the state Jesse had left in or his less than savoury thoughts about his partner that had caused his conscience to turn against him once again. Nevertheless, he decided to go with the former. After all, while he may not know the reason why Jesse was upset, it still made a hell of a lot more sense to him than his sudden sexual attraction to the younger man.

In the end, he decided to call him. He did at least hold off until midday, not exactly knowing but believing it was unlikely for Jesse to be awake before that time on a Saturday morning.

The phone rang out.

He decided to call back a few hours later and once again no answer came.

He groaned in frustration.

“Hey, Jesse, it’s Walt. You’re not answering your phone so I thought I would leave a message. I’m heading over to my family’s but if you call and I can’t answer, I’ll...well I’ll get back to you, okay?”

He hung up, regretting not getting Jesse’s new house phone number, it having seemingly changed since Jesse had moved out his aunt’s old house and back in again.

Regardless, he planned to go spend time with his actual family, not worry about his ‘nephew’ as he had once described Jesse.

Walt’s mind felt at ease once he had baby Holly in his arms. Junior even seemed to be in a good spirits; the reason being he was going to a party with Louis, although he would spend the night at Louis’ and be out no later than eleven. Thankfully, this was likely to happen as he knew Skyler would be calling Louis’ parents to make sure the boys where back safe and sound, otherwise there would be hell to pay.

A car honked outside and Junior quickly got up.

“Bye, Dad.”

He smiled. “Bye, son. Have a good time.”

“Remember, no drink, no drugs!” Skyler called after him.

Once their son had left, her gaze settled on him, as if suddenly remembering her ex-husband’s connection to drugs. Her eyes turned cold. A pity, since it had actually been a pleasant evening so far.

Walt knew he should feel guilt, that he should be upset that Skyler was looking at him like that, but his mind simply returned to his worry regarding Jesse, the worry he had been trying to shut out all day; the worry and fear that Jesse would relapse.

It was unlikely. Highly unlikely, and yet...

“I’m going to put Holly down for the night,” Skyler eventually said, turning away from him.

Walt would often put Holly to bed before he left, would offer to and Skyler, albeit reluctantly, would let him. He knew there was no chance of that happening tonight however.

“I suppose I’ll leave then,” he uttered, standing up.

He smiled and gave Holly a little wave once she was in her mother’s arms. “Bye-bye, sweetie.”

He said goodbye to Skyler who offered him nothing more than a wan smile.

He nodded and left.

He had lied to Jesse about dropping by on his way back from seeing his family. Driving home, Walt had felt himself grow tense, unable to rid himself of the fear that Jesse had started using again. It was too much of an assumption to make merely from him not answering his phone but the memory of finding Jesse in that crack house was still raw. He could still clearly remember the young man sobbing in his arms, blaming himself for Jane’s death, and of having to practically carry him out of the place.

Realising that he would need and excuse, Walt sped up and once he had reached his condo he ran in and grabbed Jesse’s hoodie before rushing back out again, this time driving to Jesse’s place.

Now there, Jesse opened the door to him, appearing slightly dishevelled.

Walt noted that Jesse sounded somewhat wary as he invited him but after coming all this way he wasn’t going to leave now.

“Sure.”

He walked in and closing the door, Jesse followed behind him.

Jesse remained standing while he took a seat on the futon. Wearing only his boxers and the same oversized t-shirt he had on the day before, he couldn’t help but think that Jesse looked very much like a small child.

“So...” He had no idea what he was actually going to say, his main only main concern being to get here.

“You want a drink or..?”

“Oh. Just a water. Thanks.”

Jesse nodded and headed for the kitchen.

Walt clenched his hands together, taking a breath when he noticed the bong on the table. His heart stopped.

“Here,” said Jesse, holding the glass out to him as he returned.

Walt stood up and Jesse looked confused when he didn’t take the glass.

“Uh...”

“You’re using again.”

Jesse’s confusion deepened. “What?”

“This!” Walt yelled angrily, picking up the bong.

Jesse flinched.

“Did rehab do nothing? What about your meetings? Are you not going or-”

“I just smoked some pot, okay? It’s no big deal!”

“Not a big deal? You’re a recovering drug addict for God’s sake!”

“Look, it’s not even mine!” Jesse defended.

Walt scoffed. “Oh, and I suppose it just magically appeared here, hmm?”

“No, a couple of my friends left it. They smoked some last time they were here. I didn’t have any but I told them to light up if they wanted, cause unlike you, I’m not a total asshole.”

“You just said you smoked some!”

“Yeah, last night! And only cause of-”

“Because of what!?”

“N-Nothing,” Jesse replied, his voice small. “I just needed to. Like I said, it’s... it’s no big deal.”

Walt’s anger eased slightly upon seeing the sudden helpless look on his partner’s face. “Jesse, it is a big deal.”

“No. It’s _not._ It was a one off thing. And like I said, it was just some pot. I’ll never use crystal or heroin again, not after...” He trailed off, but Walt knew what he getting at.

“Isn’t it always a ‘one off thing’? A ‘one last time’? Isn’t that the way addicts think?”

Jesse was glaring at him now. “Hey, fuck you!” He grabbed the bong out of his hand and tossed it forcefully against the wall.

Walt watched as it smashed to pieces, taken aback.

“There! You happy now!?” Jessed shouted, tears forming in his eyes.

Without thinking, Walt rushed to Jesse, wrapping his arms around him. The younger man struggled weakly and Walt pulled him closer. “Hey, hey. Jesse, calm down. It’s okay.”

“St-Stop...”

“Shhh.” He lifted his hand to cusp the back of Jesse’s head and began to gently stroke his hair. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jesse. I didn’t mean to accuse you or yell,” he admitted, feeling very much as if he had just kicked a puppy.

“It’s not that,” Jesse murmured into his shoulder.

“Then what is it?”

Jesse didn’t reply, and Walt exhaled.

Jesse was crying but he wasn’t sobbing, not like in the crack house. He had gotten here before that happened; that was if it ever would happen again. Nevertheless, he wasn’t willing to take the chance.

‘Be gentle’ he told himself, reminded that Jesse was like a cornered animal. If Jesse felt threatened he would certainly lash out. He never was good at seeing Walt’s side of things after all.

He continued gently petting the back of Jesse’s head and Walt felt the smaller relax into his embrace.

Just as he felt some relief, he heard Jesse say, “I don’t deserve this.”

He tensed, once again seeing Skyler’s cold glare levelled at him.

God, no. Had he... Had he lost-

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

He startled, confused. “W-What?”

Jesse pulled back, gazing up at him with his tear stained eyes. “I don’t deserve this, Mr. White. Not after everything.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked, his heart frozen in his chest.

“After what I did to Jane.” Another tear ran down Jesse’s cheek.

“Hey, hey. No. I told you, that was not your fault.”

“But-”

“No!” He grabbed hold of Jesse’s face, clasping his cheeks in his hands. “Jesse, listen to me. That was not your fault. What happened to-” He couldn’t say her name. “What happened to her was awful but it was not your fault. It was nobody’s fault. Believe me.” _Liar._

“You need to stop blaming yourself. And this whole, not deserving thing. It’s just...well, it’s nonsense! What you deserve, what you really deserve is to move on with your life, to be happy. Do you understand?”

Jesse stared back, a variety of emotions on his face, so much so that Walt was finding it impossible to identify what his partner was feeling. Finally, Jesse nodded and Walt felt immense relief.

He smiled, rubbing his thumb softly against Jesse’s cheek. “I mean it, Jesse. I really mean it.”

The young man broke into tears once again and this time was the one to throw his arms around Walt.

He held Jesse tightly, making soothing motions on his back. “You’re okay son. You’re okay. I’m here. Everything is going to be alright. I promise.”

He had been completely caught off guard last time, so unprepared to see his defiant former student utterly crumble before him. But they weren’t in that awful crack house this time, they were in Jesse’s house. They were safe and Walt would make sure Jesse stayed that way. He would be here for him.

They remained like that until Jesse’s sobs eventually subsided.

The blond haired man pulled back a little and rubbed at his eyes. “S-Sorry...”

Walt kept his arms around him. “Jesse, you don’t need to apologise.”

“Yeah, but I kind of just bolted yesterday.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I was a little surprised,” Walt replied gently, “But I wasn’t mad. Worried yes, but definitely not mad.”

“I just started thinking about Jane,” Jesse admitted nervously.

Walt’s heart sunk in a way he couldn’t quite understand. “Oh.”

“I remembered being around her and then I thought about how nice you were making me feel and...”

“And?”

“And, I kept thinking that I didn’t deserve it, you being so...well, you know...” Jesse’s gaze fell to the floor.

Pulling away one of his arms from Jesse, Walt took his hand and tilted the smaller man’s chin upwards to look at him.

“Believe me, Jesse, you deserve to be happy.”

He watched the transformation on his face as Jesse’s cheeks reddened, the disbelieving look on his face changing to reveal a shy smile. God, he was so beautiful. Why hadn’t he ever noticed before?

“Jesse, I-”

There was a loud knock and both men startled.

Walt let his arms fall and glanced at Jesse, who seemed just as confused as he was.

“Who-who is it?” Jesse called, moving tentatively towards the door.

“Yo, it’s me, Badger!” yelled a loud voice.

“And me!” came another.

“Why are you guys here?”

“Uh, we’re here to hang out,” Badger informed him through the door. “Remember, we were gonna watch through the Jurassic Park movies tonight!”

“Yeah, get to see some dinosaurs fuck shit up!” added Pete.

Jesse ran his hand through his hair and shot Walt an apologetic look. “Uh, sorry. I guess I made plans and then forgot...”

Thankfully, Walt was able to do a good job of hiding his disappointment. “Well, I did just show up unannounced.”

Regardless, Jesse still looked guilty. “Yeah, but-”

“Dude, can we come in already?!”

“Fine!” shouted Jesse, his expression changing to one of annoyance.

“Finally, I was- oh, hey, Heisenberg?”

Walt merely nodded at the pair.

That’s when their gazes fell to Jesse, who only suddenly seemed to realise he was stood there in his boxers. His face turned bright red.

Badger looked speechless. “Uh...”

“Are we like interrupting something?” Pete asked, glancing between them.

“Mr. Whi- Uh, Heisenberg, just came over to talk about our operation!” Jesse blurted, panicked.

Walt took this as his cue to leave.

“I was just leaving,” he informed them coolly, trying to maintain his aloof Heisenberg persona. He turned back to Jesse, “Jesse, I’ll see you at work.”

With that he left, his heart hammering in his chest. Once outside, he had to stop for a moment, realising how strange a sight it must have appeared to Jesse’s friends. From what Walt could garner they were both idiots so there should be no problem. What was bothering him however was the possibility of what he would have said to Jesse if they hadn’t arrived at that moment.

“Mr. White, wait!”

At his car, Walt turned around, surprised to see Jesse hurrying towards him. He was still in his boxers, but he now wore the hoodie Walt had returned and had at least shoved some shoes on before coming outside.

With half his bare legs showing and the hoodie engulfing his small frame, Walt was sure he should have found seeing Jesse like this to be comical. Instead, the word adorable came to mind. And certainly that was a word Walt never thought he would ever associate with a grown man.

“Are you okay?” he asked, trying not to smile at the sight.

“Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks for you know...” Jesse trailed off, “I didn’t get a chance with those guys showing up.”

It was then that Walt without thinking found himself reaching out to ruffle Jesse’s hair with his hand. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”

Walt was relieved to find that the gesture hadn’t caused Jesse to become indignant and swat his hand away. Instead Jesse was smiling like he was enjoying it, his cheeks tinted pink. Once more, the word adorable rose to the forefront of Walt’s mind.

“Uh, I better go back inside,” stated Jesse, once Walt had removed his hand.

_“You should come home with me.”_

Walt nodded. “Well, enjoy the rest of the weekend. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Yeah, see you Monday.” He turned and ran back inside, Walt watching as Jesse closed the door.

Monday. He could wait until then. After all, he was used to days feeling like years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading, and for the kudos and comments!


	5. Chapter 5

Jesse was finding it extremely difficult to keep the smile from the face once he got back inside. Badger and Pete stopped their conversation – something to do with the raptors in the movies being way too big – to stare at him.

“Uh, what?” Jesse asked, feeling awkward.

“So do you and Heisenberg hang out together a lot?” Badger enquired, curiously.

“We weren’t ‘hanging out’. He came over here to talk business.” And to return the hoodie Jesse had left at his apartment when they actually were hanging out. Some crying and hugging had also been involved, but there was no way in hell he was telling his friends that part.

“How come you aren’t wearing any pants?”

“Cause I just woke up! Jesus, what is this, like an interrogation?” hissed Jesse, growing annoying.

“Relax, dude. I was just asking. You’re still up for watching stuff, right?”

Jesse sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. “Yeah. Just let me like grab a shower first.”

Badger grinned. “Awesome.”

“Hey, mind if we smoke some shit?” Pete asked, pulling a bag of weed from his pocket.

Jesse couldn’t help but wince slightly when he saw it. Mr. White had gotten so angry when he found out he had smoked some. Still, just because he had stopped didn’t mean his friends couldn’t.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Aw man, what the hell happened to my bong?” Badger yelled, having just noticed the shattered pieces of glass on the floor.

“Uh...I dropped it.” Jesse lied.

“From where?” his friend asked, glancing between the floor and the wall.

“Chill, I’ll buy you a new one, and like compensate you or whatever.”

Badger sighed. “Fine,” And then turning to Pete who was already in the process of rolling a joint, said “Dude, roll me one.”

With that, Jesse took the opportunity to go shower, and he let out a soft sigh as the stream of water flowed against his skin.

Reaching to wash his hair, he thought about how Mr. White’s hand had been resting there just ten minutes previous, ruffling his hair in what seemed to be an affectionate gesture. His cheeks reddened at the memory and as he started to wash the rest of his body he recalled the other man holding him in his arms.

Jesse had broken down in front of Mr. White again. He had tried so hard not to let him see it happen, but had ended up doing it anyway.

And yet strangely, he felt better for it.

_“Believe me, Jesse, you deserve to be happy.”_

An odd warmth enveloped him as Mr. White’s words echoed in his mind. He had seemed so earnest when he had said it to him. As if he truly believed that Jesse deserved joy in his life.

With the water streaming down his face, it took Jesse awhile to realise that he had tears in his eyes. But for once, it seemed not to be from pain or from hurt.

He broke into a smile and started to laugh.

 

Walt was surprised to find that when he arrived for work on Monday, Jesse’s car was already pulled up there. In the past two months that they had worked there, Jesse had never turned up to the lab before him.

As such, he couldn’t help but feel somewhat tentative as he opened the door to the lab. He glanced over the railing to see that Jesse was already in his protective gear and appeared to be making preparations for their first cook of the week.

Seemingly, Jesse hadn’t heard him come in and Walt used the time to observe the younger man as he readied the equipment. Jesse clearly knew what he was doing and Walt couldn’t help but smile fondly at the sight, unsure whether it was his being a teacher seeing his student succeed at a task or something else entirely that was causing the proud feeling within.

Still, he couldn’t stand there and watch Jesse forever and so he made his way down, his footsteps on the winding metal stairs alerting Jesse to his presence.

“You’re here early,” Walt stated before Jesse had the chance to say anything, and then jokingly added, “Did hell freeze over?”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Hah-hah.”

“Still, it’s unusual for you to arrive before me.”

“It’s not like I’ve been here long or anything,” Jesse uttered petulantly.

Opening his locker, Walt couldn’t help but chuckle, finding it an unusual thing to be defensive about. Then again, Jesse never really did make much sense to him.

Jesse’s face reddened somewhat as a result. “Are you gonna stand there laughing, or are you actually gonna help me?”

“Alright, alright, I’m coming,” Walt replied as he started to unbutton his shirt, “No need to nag.”

“Man, that’s rich, coming from you.”

“I suppose it is.” And then with a small smile said, “Maybe we’re just rubbing off on each other.”

Jesse looked momentarily surprised before breaking into a smile himself. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 

Walt spent the rest of the day watching Jesse with mild fascination, almost but not entirely letting Jesse take the reins of the cook, curious to find out just how adept his partner had become. He had been slightly nervous in the beginning when Jesse first started working at the lab, worried that the sophisticated equipment would prove to be too overwhelming or complicated for him in comparison to the make shift lab they had in the RV. He quickly learned however that he needn’t have been concerned, and watching Jesse today further cemented the fact that the young man knew what he was doing.

This didn’t stop him from looking to Walt for guidance however, Walt finding that if he didn’t provide instructions or say anything for awhile, Jesse would turn to him for prompting, appearing almost hesitant. He wasn’t sure if this was because Jesse was just confused over Walt’s sudden laxness or if he feared making a mistake. As a result, Walt made sure to be encouraging.

“That’s great, Jesse.”

Looking surprised again, Jesse had simply nodded before turning back to work. Walt was momentarily disappointed by the reaction before catching out the corner of his eye the sides of Jesse’s mouth twitching as he tried but failed to hide a smile.

It was rather endearing and Walt couldn’t help but feel oddly triumphant, both pleased that he could elicit such a smile from him and the fact that Jesse still turned to him for direction.

Somehow, he was able to resist the urge to reach out and ruffle his partner’s hair.

 

“Hey, so I was uh, gonna go grab dinner at that diner nearby here if you wanna join me or whatever?” Walt heard Jesse ask nervously just as he finished changing back into his clothes. Glancing over, he saw that Jesse was leaning against the lockers in what Walt assumed was a failed attempt to appear casual.

Walt hesitated, wanting nothing more than to say yes in that moment, but he already had plans; dinner with his family.

“Relax, it’s not like I need company or anything,” Jesse blurted suddenly, clearly sensing his uncertainty.

However, seeing the flicker of disappointment on Jesse’s face, Walt made up his mind.

“I’ll join you.”

“Really?” Jesse smiled brightly and Walt was sure if he was a puppy his ears would have perked right up. “I mean okay. That’s cool.”

Jesse headed up the metallic staircase while Walt followed behind.

“Hey, I just need to make a phone call. I won’t be a minute,” Walt announced once they got outside.

“Sure, no problem.”

Jesse headed on to his car while Walt pulled his phone out of his pocket. He stared at it warily for a few moments – a common action for him in the past several months – before dialling his old house number.

“Hello?”

“Hey Skyler, it’s me. About dinner tonight... Well, something... something’s come up. I was wondering if we could reschedule.”

“Reschedule,” Skyler repeated flatly.

“Yeah, maybe tomorrow night? I’m sure Junior will understand, and Holly, well, you know, she’s still too young to-”

“I’m busy.”

“What?”

“I have plans tomorrow night,” Skyler stated staunchly.

“Oh. I see. Well, maybe-”

“Really, Walt, if you’re not going to make it to dinner then a little notice would be appreciated,” she deplored.

“I told you, something just came up,” Walt replied irritated, “It’s not like I planned for it to happen.”

“Well, there’s been a great deal of things you haven’t planned for, Walt, isn’t there.”

Walt exhaled, trying his best not to let Skyler bait him.

“Wednesday. How about then? Does that work for you?” He was finding it difficult to keep the anger from his voice.

“Wednesday is fine.”

“Wednesday it is then. Goodbye, Skyler.” He hung up, his good mood turned sour.

Climbing into the passenger seat of Jesse’s car, he sighed.

“Everything okay?” Jesse asked him curiously.

“Yeah. It’s fine. Just...”

“Family stuff?”

“More or less.”

“That sucks,” Jesse supplied, “You still wanna, you know, grab food?”

Walt couldn’t help but snort. His entire conversation with Skyler would have been completely unnecessary if he ended up not going. Jesse however did not know this and so was looking at him confused and slightly concerned.

He nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

Looking relieved, Jesse started the car. “Cool. Let’s go.”

 

Jesse was clearly hungry given he ordered a large burger and an extra helping of fries. From the amount of pizza he had consumed the other night also, Walt was amazed that Jesse remained so thin. He supposed general youth and a good metabolism helped. Although he imagined Jesse’s erratic eating patterns played a role too. Really, the boy should be taking better care of himself.

Now however was probably not the best time to lecture Jesse on healthy eating habits, especially given that he too had ordered a burger.

“Man, this is good,” Jesse exclaimed, through a mouthful.

Walt followed suit and took a bite out of his own. It wasn’t good but it wasn’t bad either; just a burger. Maybe it was his age but he couldn’t help but feel slightly envious of Jesse’s ability to find joy in little things. Then again, thinking of the teenagers he had taught over the years and their underwhelmed reactions and general apathy towards most things, perhaps it wasn’t quite so much an age issue but rather Jesse simply being Jesse.

He couldn’t help but smile a little. Jesse nodded at him as he took another bite, mistakenly believing that Walt was just pleased with his burger.

“So, how was your movie night? You know, the-” he struggled to remember for a moment, gesturing with his hand, “dinosaur films. Jurassic Park?”

Jesse chuckled. “Dude, I thought you would have loved those movies, so much science talk in them, or well, like the first one anyway.”

“I have seen the original. The other one’s I’m aware of but only because of Junior,” Then reflecting fondly, he added, “He used to love dinosaurs when he was little.”

“Duh, that’s because dinosaurs are the bomb, yo!” Jesse declared with a grin, “Man, I totally wanna go to a theme park that has dinosaurs.”

“Admittedly, it has been awhile since I saw the movie, but didn’t things end very badly for everyone who went to the island?”

“Yeah, but not like everyone died,” Jesse retorted as if that excused everything.

“I maintain that being attacked and almost eaten would still count as a bad experience even for the people who survived.”

“Yeah, but they still got to go to an island full of frickin dinosaurs. That’s just like, crazy awesome! Plus, how many people could say they were almost eaten by a dinosaur? I mean except for all those cave people and shit. But they’ve been dead for like ever.”

“You do realise that human beings and dinosaurs never co-existed together,” Walt informed him, “In fact, dinosaurs went extinct sixty five million years before the first kind of hominid – that is, early human beings – walked the earth.”

“What? No way!” cried Jesse, looking slightly aghast. “But what about the Flintstone’s and shit? I mean, I know they didn’t like use the dinosaurs for phones and dishwashers and that kind of stuff, but...”

The younger man sighed, apparently his world view having just been shattered.

“Man, I feel so lied to.”

Walt wanted to point out that he would have covered this sort of topic at school, but he knew from experience that things went in one ear and out the other whenever Jesse Pinkman was in a classroom. Still, Jesse seemed to have realised that dinosaurs wouldn’t have actually been used by people as household conveniences or offer sarcastic observatory comments. Walt supposed that was something at least.

“Hey, you used to work in science labs and shit. Did you ever think about bringing back dinosaurs?” Jesse asked questioningly, shrugging off his sudden disillusionment.

“No Jesse, I never did,” replied Walt, trying to hide his amusement, “Also, I’m afraid to say that it would be impossible.”

“Hmm, I dunno. Like that scientist guy in the movie says ‘Life, uh, finds a way, yo!’ So maybe they could someday. And hey, didn’t they clone a cow or something?”

“It was a sheep,” Walt corrected, “And trust me, it’s not going to happen.”

Disappointed, Jesse was practically pouting. Walt would have felt bad if it wasn’t so damn adorable.

“I guess maybe it’s for the best,” Jesse admitted reluctantly and Walt chortled loudly.

“Dude, what is wrong with you?” the blond man asked, his cheeks reddening in embarrassment at his partner’s outburst. “It’s not that funny.”

However, as Walt struggled to hold back his laughter, a small smile formed on Jesse’s face as he leaned back into his seat. “Man, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh or smile this much before. Wait, have I even heard you laugh before? You are actually Mr. White, right? I mean I haven’t just like gone out to dinner with Mr. White’s evil twin brother or something?”

“Actually I’m his clone,” Walt joked.

Jesse grinned in response. “What? No way! We can’t clone dinosaurs but we can clone Mr. White? Jeez, science really is lame.”

It was then that they both laughed. Jesse had been right about the laughter and in all honesty Walt could not remember the last time he had laughed quite this much. Even for himself it felt odd and for Jesse, well, it must have seemed downright bizarre.

It was then that Walt realised he also hadn’t quite heard Jesse laugh this way in what felt like forever. So much had happened to them since those early days cooking in RV that his partner’s laughter had faded almost entirely. Back then Walt would tell Jesse sternly to stop fooling around and to focus, but right now the sound was filling him with something he couldn’t quite describe. As Walt was being a made aware of far too frequently these days, you never realise how much you’ll care and miss something until you lose it.

He reflected on this momentarily before glancing back at Jesse who had finished his burger and started on his fries, dipping them in a gloop of mayo on the side of his plate. This caught Walt’s attention, as while being an innocent enough action, Jesse had managed to get a spot of mayo on the side of mouth. And of course in Walt’s mind, it reminded him of something completely different.

Jesse was apparently oblivious and Walt found himself fidgeting somewhat, trying not to stare. It didn’t help that the smear stood out in contrast to Jesse’s lovely pink lips and Walt would be lying if he said he hadn’t before imagined the young man’s sweet mouth wrapped around his cock taking him all in.

It was one of many thoughts of late that he wasn’t proud of but considering that berating himself seemed to do nothing to stop them he figured he may as well indulge. However, actually seeing Jesse like this was another matter entirely. And despite the fact that it was mayo on Jesse’s face and not Walt’s cum as in his fantasies, it did nothing to quell his sudden arousal.

“Yo, you okay?” Jesse asked, taking note of his sudden silence.

“Yeah. It’s just-” Pointing to his face, he motioned with his finger. “You have a little something-”

“Oh. Shit.” Of course instead of wiping it away with a napkin, Jesse scooped the cream with his finger to which he proceeded to innocently lick it off.

Walt swallowed. Clearly he was being punished.

“I get it all?”

Walt nodded. “It’s gone.”

“Cool.” And with obliviousness that Walt was extremely thankful for, Jesse went back to eating the rest of his fries.

The rest of the meal went by pleasantly and to distract himself from the sudden excitement that Jesse’s eating practices were apparently giving him, he gave the young man a brief overview of the different time periods that dinosaurs resided over since it was something he actually seemed interested in.

“In fact less time separates us from certain dinosaur species than from the dinosaurs to each other. For example, more time separates the existence of the Tyrannosaurus rex which lived during the Cretaceous period and the Stegosaurus which existed in the Jurassic period than the time period between the Tyrannosaurus rex than you and I.”

“What, so they didn’t like all live together?” Jesse sounded stunned, and then with another sigh, “Shit, The Land Before Time totally lied too.”

Jesse debated grabbing a dessert at one point but decided against it, something that Walt was extremely thankful for given that Jesse was a messy eater and he doubted that he could handle seeing him eating anything creamy or sticky at this time.

Jesse of course remained ignorant of Walt’s inner struggle.

“I’ll get it,” said Jesse, grabbing the bill before Walt had the chance to pick it up.

“You sure?” Walt asked. Not that their meals had been particularly expensive.

“Yeah. I mean you got the pizza. And I kind of owe you for you know...” Jesse trailed off but he knew what the younger man was referring too.

‘You don’t owe me, Jesse,” was what Walt knew he should say, but there was something satisfying about Jesse believing himself to be in debt to him, to have Jesse look at him with gratitude. He found the appreciation in Jesse’s eyes helped to dampen the blow of Skyler’s contemptuous glare.

And so he nodded, allowing Jesse to pay the bill.

Walt was also aware he should feel guilty about not seeing his family that evening, but given he was able to witness Jesse both smile and laugh in a way he hadn’t in what felt a very long time, he couldn’t feel too badly. Plus, he would see them on Wednesday. He hadn’t been lying when he said Junior would understand. Holly of course was still too young to be aware, and Skyler... Well, part of him had the impression that Skyler would be happy to not see him all together. For the meantime anyway.

He followed Jesse to his car were he drove him back to the Laundromat.

While the food was nothing to write home about, Walt was pleased about the diner’s existence. And being a less than five minute drive away, it hopefully wouldn’t prove too difficult to convince Jesse to grab food with him every now and again. The downside however was that it was far too public a place to receive a massage or to do the variety of other questionable things with Jesse that had been on his mind.

Overall, his desire didn’t seem to be dissipating in the slightest. However, provided that Jesse didn’t order any cream based dessert in the future, he figured he would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the kudos and comments!
> 
> Also, there will be smut eventually, I promise.


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next while, Jesse found himself occasionally staring at Mr. White’s hands, almost as if he were mesmerised by them. It was...well, pretty weird. After all, it was hands; it wasn’t like there was anything special about them. And yet, apparently he was finding himself drawn to them. The most embarrassing part had been when Mr. White had actually caught him. Asking him what was the matter, Jesse had embarrassingly stuttered that everything was fine. Of course, in return, Mr. White fixed him with that stare of his that meant he didn’t believe Jesse’s bullshit but couldn’t quite be bothered with enquiring further.

He couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with the massage that Mr. White had given him. Or maybe when the man had ruffled his hair, or maybe it had been when he had held Jesse’s cheeks between his hands or perhaps even when Mr. White had wrapped his arms around him while he cried.

Lying back on his bed, Jesse’s face reddened at the memories. They weren’t bad memories exactly. After all, the massage had – or at least before the awful sobbing anyway – made him feel good, while being held in Mr. White’s arms as he cried had almost been like some form of cathartic release, and having his head patted...well, that had just felt nice.

Still, he wasn’t quite sure what to make of his newfound captivation. Usually, when he felt upset Jane would pop into his mind, reminding him of how good he felt in those few short months they spent together. Now instead he thought of Mr. White. He knew he should be fine with this. After all, Mr. White was alive, being someone he saw almost every day, while his memories of Jane and the knowledge that she was gone forever only served to enhance his grief.

He had loved Jane, he didn’t doubt it but what he didn’t understand was why his mind was suddenly replacing her.

He sighed, knowing that his counsellor from the Narcotics Anonymous meetings he attended would tell him that he just moving on, that he was finally ‘forgiving himself’ or some other self-indulgent crap.

Maybe it was simply a result of just how much time they had been spending together over the past few weeks. It was almost seemed like they had formed some sort of routine with the pair of them dropping by the other’s place or grabbing food together when Mr. White wasn’t spending time with his family and Jesse didn’t have his meetings or was hanging with Badger or Pete.

It wasn’t like they did anything in particular either, mainly watching TV. The odd thing was Jesse got the impression that Mr. White didn’t even like over half the things they watched, which generally resulted in Jesse switching to the discovery channel. That one documentary on deadly diseases had been awesome but terrifying; particularly that Ebola virus were people’s intestines just slid out of their butts. It made Jesse shudder even thinking about it.

He still gave Mr. White a massage when the man was feeling sore, having even taken time to look online to see if he could improve his technique since Mr. White seemed to like them so much. Apparently, massage oils ‘enhanced’ the experience but there was no way he could bring himself to use any. Not to mention, Mr. White would most likely think him some kind of freak for even suggesting.

An awkward moment had occurred when Mr. White had offered to give him another massage. He had tensed, and apparently sensing his unease, the other man had said no more about it, changing the subject.

Perhaps it was the fear that he would lose control of his emotions that made him decline the offer. This is what he had been telling himself anyway.

However, a couple of days ago in the lab, Mr. White had patted him on the back after a job well done, leaving his hand resting there for a good ten seconds or so. Jesse remembered this clearly as with each passing second he found himself leaning back further and further into Mr. White’s palm as if some kind of magnetic force was drawing him to the man’s touch. It had been fleeting but he felt an odd sense of loss when Mr. White removed his hand.

And really that was the reason why he couldn’t take up his offer. He wanted the comfort too much; the comfort that apparently only Mr. White could provide him with.

He felt ashamed. Surely, Mr. White would look at him with disgust if he knew.

_“Believe me, Jesse, you deserve to be happy.”_

A feeling of warmth washed over them whenever he recalled those words. Mr. White had definitely sounded like he meant them, but even so...

Groaning loudly, he covered his face with a pillow. He was supposed to be heading over to Mr. White’s condo. Maybe he would just suffocate himself instead.

 

Walt made a laboured moan as he twisted his shoulder joint. For once he really was in as much pain as he sounded, with no need to play up the extent of his aches to obtain Jesse’s attention. Cleaning the lab equipment had been an even more gruelling task than usual that day to the point where even Jesse seemed completely drained. Nevertheless, it hadn’t stopped him from inviting Jesse over and despite the younger man bemoaning how tired he was he had still come.

Jesse flopped into the chair next to Walt’s, raising his legs to rest them on the table. Walt shot him and a look and with a roll of his eyes, Jesse dropped them on the floor.

“Dude, I am wiped. Do we like really have to clean everything so much?” Jesse sighed exhaustedly.

“Yes, Jesse, we need to make sure that the equipment is properly maintained,” Walt replied matter-of-factly, “Otherwise we risk an inferior product, or God forbid, some kind of contamination.”

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think the people using our product give a shit about any of that.”

“Well, I do. There’s a standard, Jesse, and our employer, he expects that,” he retorted brusquely, in no mood for an argument.

“Yeah, well maybe he should get his hands dirty for a change...” Jesse muttered petulantly.

Now Walt rolled his eyes.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying being able to relax, when Jesse finally spoke up. “Yo, you got any beers?”

The last thing Walt wanted right then was to move but he still hoped to receive a massage despite Jesse’s fatigue so he figured he may at least try to appease him. And so with what felt like great effort, he stood up.

However, opening the fridge revealed he was out of beer. They must have drunk them all last time. Inwardly he cursed, until suddenly he remembered. Moving across the kitchen, he opened a cupboard and pulled out an unopened bottle of scotch. Then acquiring two glasses which he filled with ice, he headed back to the living room.

“I’m all out of beer I’m afraid,” and with a grin added, “but I do have is this.” He placed the bottle down on the table.

“Aww sweet,” said Jesse, nodding in approval, “Pretty fancy, Mr. White.”

“I assume you’ve had scotch before?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jesse replied incredulously as if he had just been asked a ridiculous question. Given that all he had seen Jesse drink before was beer, Walt thought enquiry was pretty reasonable.

Walt picked up the bottle again and filled their glasses. Handing one to Jesse, the younger man took a swig before proceeding to cough and splutter.

“Easy now,” said Walt, patting the man’s back a few times.

“Shit, I forgot how strong this stuff is.”

“Well, it is a man’s drink,” stated Walt with a smirk, swigging his own glass back with relative ease.

Jesse just glared at him before picking his glass back up, taking another sip, albeit much more carefully.

“Well, you have been around _a lot_ longer than me, so I guess you’ve had more time to get used to it.”

Walt glanced over to see Jesse trying to conceal a grin. Apparently he was trying to tease him and that familiar feeling of affection for him washed over once again him.

“I suppose you’re right,” he said reaching over to pat Jesse’s leg.

He thought he felt the Jesse lean into his touch, much like the other day in the lab. Originally he had believed it to be simply wishful thinking on his part but maybe not. Still, it didn’t explain why Jesse had seemed so panicked when Walt had offered to give him another massage the other week. Walt wasn’t sure of Jesse’s reason, but it was almost like his partner was holding back.

The television remained off as they fell into a comfortable silence. It felt like such long time since time he was able to sit with another person like this, simply enjoying their presence.

He gazed over at Jesse who had sunk back into his chair and wondered what Jesse would look like in a state of ecstasy. Not from drugs as he had witnessed him before, but from another person’s touch; his touch.

He was still puzzled by his attraction to the younger man. He had found one or two of his male classmates attractive during his college days and at one point had debated experimenting. But he never went through with it in the end, and after that he didn’t give it much more thought.

Just to make sure it wasn’t just Jesse, the previous week he had tried thinking about some other men from his life in a somewhat sexual fashion. Of course immediately he regretted that decision.

Apparently Jesse was an abnormality. Then again, when he fell for someone, he found it difficult to see anyone else. In over fifteen years of marriage, Skyler was really the only one person he thought of being with. It had been the same with Gretchen, before the doubts regarding their relationship crept in leading to their eventual break up. If his previous relationships were any indication, it was unlikely that his feelings for the man would suddenly vanish. In the end, it was just completely different from what he was used to. However, given that just about everything in his life was now different, it wasn’t exactly saying much.

Nevertheless, it could explain why he was so unfazed by his attraction to another man, and one half his age at that.

As time went on, the more thoughts such as ‘He’s closer in age to your son than to you,’ and ‘You’re old enough to be his father!’ no longer held much weight.

There was nothing wrong with knowing what you wanted, after all. The problem however was he wasn’t exactly sure what Jesse wanted.

“Jesse, give me a massage,” he ordered gently, leaning forward.

“Wow, bossy much?” complained Jesse, nonetheless standing up.

Without prompting, Walt started to unbutton his shirt. The first time Jesse told him to take it off, he had been surprised.

_“Didn’t you say it was better with nothing to get in the way?”_

He had said this, although he hadn’t exactly been referring to himself.

It was odd; he felt almost self-conscious the first time despite the fact that Jesse had seen him without his shirt many times before. Incidentally, the first time had been during their first ever cook together. The idiot had even videotaped him. Walt had been slightly heavier back then, the chemo causing him to lose weight. He had managed to keep it off, but it did nothing to quell his apparent unease.

In the end, Jesse seemed to have no apparent reaction, and had continued massaging him in the same way he always did. Walt had been both grateful and disappointed. He berated himself afterwards. It wasn’t like Jesse was going to swoon over him after all.

Once his shirt was off, Jesse took his position behind him, slowly kneading his fingers into his shoulders.

Walt let out a moan. After work today it felt heavenly. “Feels good.”

“Damn straight.” Walt had heard Jesse say this well over a dozen times now, but even without being able to see him, Walt could tell from his voice how pleased Jesse became when Walt told him so.

As always, he was impressed by just how much Jesse was able to tell what his body needed. He would only need to start opening his mouth to ask Jesse to work on a different area or alter his pressure and Jesse was already doing. Walt would say the man was bordering on telepathic if he actually believed in such nonsense.

Part of him still thought about telling Jesse to get out of the drug business and become a masseur, but the thought of anyone other than him enjoying Jesse’s hands like this bothered him far too much.

No. He wanted Jesse to himself. Even if this was the extent of Jesse’s touch.

Walt listened as Jesse started to hum a tune, something he occasionally did when he massaged Walt, as if to fill the silence. Walt never knew the songs he hummed – their tastes in music, like with most things were far too different after all – but he enjoyed listening to them. It added to the peaceful and somewhat comforting atmosphere.

Eventually Jesse’s caresses started to slow, alerting Walt to the disappointing fact that the massage was coming to an end.

“This enough for you?” Jesse asked, all but stopping.

Walt wanted to reply no, that Jesse should keep on going, but he did feel incredibly relaxed. And while the massage definitely helped, he would be lying if he said the scotch hadn’t also played a part.

“Great as always.” He took a small sip of his scotch before manoeuvring himself around slightly to hand the same glass to Jesse. “Here.”

It was a somewhat intimate gesture Walt knew and Jesse looked momentarily confused before realising he was supposed to drink it.

Tilting his head, Walt watched Jesse as he swallowed the spirit, his throat bobbing up and down.

“Thanks,” said Jesse as he bent forward to return the glass. Then without any thought, Walt stretched his hand out tentatively and took hold of Jesse’s wrist.

The other man startled and Walt used his other hand to remove the glass from Jesse’s fingers.

“Mr. White?”

“You have really amazing hands, you know that.” Walt found himself saying, slowly rubbing his thumb along Jesse’s wrist. He knew he should find the tattoo there gaudy; but truthfully he really liked it.

“Th-Thanks,” Jesse stuttered out.

And upon hearing his partner’s voices, Walt realised what he was doing. He quickly let go of Jesse’s wrist, about to mumble out some apology or excuse when suddenly Jesse grabbed his hand. “Wait!”

He glanced back around surprised, Jesse looking much the same.

“I...uh...”

It was at that moment that Walt made a decision, and entwining their fingers together, he used his hand to guide Jesse around the chair until he was stood in front of him. Jesse looked lost before Walt pulled him down while Walt pushed his own body forward. Their lips crushed together more harshly than Walt had intended and Walt used his free hand to cradle the side of the other man’s face.

Jesse tensed and Walt pulled back slightly seeing Jesse looking shocked and confused. Walt stared back at him, the oh so familiar feeling of panic engulfing him.

There was no way he could come back from this, nothing he could say to-

However, such thoughts were instantly banished as Jesse’s mouth was pressed again his once more. For a moment he feared he had lost control of himself, but no, Jesse had been the one to initiate the kiss, his hands moving to rest upon Walt’s shoulders.

This was really happening.

With renewed vigour, he forced his tongue inside Jesse’s mouth, the younger man offering up no resistance. His hands reached out, wrapping themselves around Jesse’s back as he pulled him forward, forcing Jesse to climb up onto his lap.

“God, Mr. White,” he heard Jesse moan, and his cock twitched at his voice.

He drew Jesse in closer, indulging his desperate need to have the smaller man’s body flush against him. Apparently this was what Jesse desired as well judging by the noise he let out.

“Mr. White,” Jesse gasped through their kiss and once again his voice went straight to Walt’s cock. It didn’t help that Jesse was practically squirming against him.

But as with massages, the kiss eventually came to an end.

Jesse was breathing heavily and Walt loosened his grasp on him slightly. Apparently this was the wrong thing to do however, as in response Jesse only tightened his arms around Walt’s shoulders.

“Ah, sorry,” he said, hastily strengthening his hold.

With Jesse’s face now buried against the crook of his shoulder, Walt was unable to make out his expression.

“You okay?” he asked somewhat tentatively.

He felt Jesse nod and mumble something into his shoulder.

Jesse didn’t seem to be crying which was always a good sign, but nevertheless, he cupped the back of his Jesse’s head, using his thumb to make gentle stroking motions.

“Thanks,” he heard Jesse say, more clearly now. Walt thought it was an odd thing to say, but he wasn’t about to question him about it. Instead he inhaled deeply, deciding to focus on the body holding on to him.

It was a pleasant and peaceful moment until Jesse started to wriggle again – unsurprising given the boy was constantly fidgeting – and by this point Walt was almost completely hard. Given that it was poking against him, it was certainly likely that Jesse knew too.

Slowly Jesse pulled back to look at him. God, his eyes were stunning.

“Mr. White, you’re hard...” He heard Jesse say, unsure if it was a question or not. Then, “Hey, do I like turn you on?”

That was definitely a question, although one he thought the answer to was quite obvious. Of course, Jesse never was quick on the uptake, and so, “Yes, Jesse, you turn me on.” _Quite a lot actually._

“I guess you’re gonna need help with that then.” And before he had time to reply, Jesse was climbing back off his lap.

About to bemoan the loss of contact, Jesse was suddenly down on his knees in front of him. He reached for Walt’s belt and by this point for Walt it was very clear what was about to happen. His heart hammered in his chest as Jesse started to undo his belt.

“Jesse-”

‘ _You don’t need to do this,_ ’ he knew he should say. But he wanted this. He wanted this so fucking much. And by the time Jesse was pulling down his pants, any protests he was about to make were completely gone.

 

Jesse felt woozy, unsure if it was from the alcohol he had consumed or the fact he was suddenly on his knees about to suck the dick of the man who was once his high school chemistry teacher. Possibly it was a combination of both.

The kiss had also left him dazed and wanting more contact, but he had never done this before, never thought it was something he would be doing it. Yet, it didn’t feel wrong. And perhaps the fact that this along with everything else that had developed between Mr. White and himself in the past several weeks didn’t feel that way was the strangest thing of all.

He stared anxiously at the erect member in front of him, a sliver of precum running down it. Nevertheless, he couldn’t back down now, especially not when he could feel Mr. White’s eyes looking on at him expectantly.

“ _Yes, Jesse, you turn me on.”_

He shuddered slightly, trying instead to focus on Mr. White’s words. He made Mr. White feel good and wanted to do more; _needed_ to do more.

Hesitantly, he pushed his head forward before stopping, risking a glance up at the man before him. Mr. White was looking at him so wantonly that suddenly he felt a little bit vulnerable. He supposed his current position also had something to do with that.

So distracted, he couldn’t help but quiver when he felt Mr. White rest his hand against the back of his head. Even like this his hand felt so nice and Jesse felt his resolve return as Mr. White guided him forward.

Licking his lips, Jesse opened his mouth around the tip, feeling around with his tongue. He heard Mr. White moan in response and tentatively he started to lick the precum leaking out before running his tongue around the head.

“Yes, Jesse that’s good,” Jesse heard Mr. White say as he tightened the hand behind his head.

He moved closer, grasping his hand against Mr. White’s inner thigh as he titled his head forward trying to take more of him in.

He spluttered, and gagging, his body’s response was to pull away. Yet, Mr. White held his head in place allowing him to pull back only slightly.

“Easy now, just take it easy. Not too fast,” the man ordered softly as he began the familiar motion of rubbing his thumb through Jesse’s hair.

Jesse relaxed somewhat, breathing through his nose as he started to suck.

“Yes Jesse, just like that,” Mr. White encouraged, “That’s good...”

Jesse started to suck harder, bobbing his head backwards and forth as Mr. White’s words spurred him on. And it wasn’t long before-

“Jesse, I’m going to-”

Mr. White released his head as Jesse pulled back. Jesse was not fast enough however, getting some cum on face and lips as a result.

Jesse sat back panting for a minute, before risking a glance up at Mr. White who was sat back on his chair with his eyes closed.

Unable to read his expression, Jesse panicked momentarily. “Uh, that was good, right? I mean you enjoyed it...”

Mr. White chuckled. “It was very good. And if you want evidence of my enjoyment, well it’s right there on your face.”

Jesse instantly reddened as he turned away, quickly rubbing at his face. “Asshole,” he mumbled, “You could have gave me a heads up you were gonna blow your load.”

“I did,” Mr. White countered, “Although it has been a long while since I last had a, well, you know...”

Jesse had thought as much unless he was just that good, which given it was his first time giving head, he doubted it. Nonetheless, Mr. White had enjoyed it. That was the main thing.

Suddenly, he stopped, taking a moment to let the fact that he had just sucked off another guy set it. He had actually given Mr. White a blowjob. Furthermore, he had just thought of it as being his ‘first time’. Did that mean there was going to be a second?

“Jesse?” He turned back around to find Mr. White stood up now, pulling on his pants and underwear. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I am, I mean that was just, uh...” He started gesturing with his hands, “Kinda you know...”

“Different?” Mr. White supplied, and Jesse nodded.

“Yeah, different...”

Mr. White was moving closer to him now. “I’m assuming you haven’t done anything like that before then?”

Feeling his heart hammering in his chest, Jesse shook his head.

Mr. White smirked. “Good.” And before he could say anything the older man was kissing him again.

And if Jesse was suddenly feeling weak at the knees, well, it was totally because of the scotch and fatigue. No other reason. Absolutely not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first vaguely smutty thing I've written in quite a number of years so hopefully it wasn't too bad. ^^;;
> 
> Thanks again for reading and for the comments and kudos, they are much appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

Walt sighed contently, still in disbelief. Somehow Jesse giving him a massage had turned into frantic kissing to the young man on his knees in front of him sucking him off. Part of him was still convinced that it was all just a dream but the body currently pressed up against him felt far too real. He glanced down at him and smiled. Jesse’s eyes were closed and he appeared to be gently dozing.

After the blowjob – how long had it been since he had had one? – he found himself passionately kissing Jesse again. The younger man seemed to have no complaints, allowing Walt to drag him down on to the sofa and on to his lap once more.

He regretted not getting a better look at Jesse before he had rubbed the evidence of the blowjob from his face. Walt had been in such a blissful state afterwards that he hadn’t been in the right state of mind to take the time and appreciate the sight. That wouldn’t happen next time. He would make sure of that.

Jesse had climbed off of Walt’s lap once they finished their prolonged make out session much to his disappointment. Although Jesse had curled into his side afterwards, allowing Walt to drape his arm around his shoulder. He supposed that was something at least.

Presently, Jesse just looked so small and peaceful. And given everything they had been through, it was a welcome sight.

Feeling a wave of affection, he gently started to pet Jesse’s head.

The blond stirred, opening his eyes.

“Shit, did I fall asleep?” Jesse asked tiredly.

Walt just smiled. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Nah, it’s cool,” said Jesse as he sat up, stretching out his arms, “Man, what time is it anyway?”

“After two,” Walt replied, surprised by the time.

“What? Really? Man, I guess...I guess I better head home.”

“No.”

Jesse blinked at the brusque reply, and hurriedly Walt added, “I mean you’ve been drinking scotch. It’s a lot stronger than just a couple of beers so driving would definitely not be a good idea. Plus, not to mention, if you got pulled over for drink driving, having the police involved would-”

“Alright, I get it, I get. So I guess I’ll sleep here tonight?”

“It makes sense. No point in taking unnecessary risks.” It sounded ridiculous to Walt as he said it, given all the incredible risky ventures they had participated in in the past. And while it was true that Jesse shouldn’t drive, really he just wasn’t willing to let go of him quite yet.

Walt stood up, expecting Jesse to follow. However, when he turned back around, he was still sat on the couch.

“Should I like sleep here?”

Walt was momentarily confused. Hadn’t they just established that?

And then it clicked. Jesse was referring to the couch.

He was shocked. Surely after what had happened, Jesse didn’t expect Walt to make him sleep on the couch? Jesse couldn’t really think he was that much of an asshole, could he?

But as Jesse stared at him expectantly waiting for an answer, it was clear that apparently he did.

“No. Of course not,” retorted Walt, unable to hide the annoyance from his voice, “I was assuming you would sleep in my bed,” and then just to make sure things were clear, added, “To which I would be there too.”

Jesse suddenly looked panicked. “Oh. Uh...”

“If it bothers you that much however, then feel free to sleep here,” Walt replied angrily, the rejection stinging.

“Mr. White, I’m sorry!” spluttered Jesse, “I just don’t think I’m ready. I mean this has happened really fast, you know. I mean _really_ fast. And I just-”

“Hold on a minute,” Walt interrupted, raising his hand to silence him, “What are you actually referring to?”

Jesse looked confused before making an awkward gesture with his hands, his cheeks red. “You know...”

Then he realised. “What? No! I just meant to sleep.” However if sex was on the table Walt would definitely not turn it down. However, seeing as Jesse had already given him a blowjob, he supposed he shouldn’t be too greedy, regardless of how much he wanted it.

“Oh. I uh, knew that...” replied Jesse, quickly getting up, “I was just kidding, you know?”

Still, the fact that Jesse had assumed sex, well surely that was a good sign for the future?

Walt felt his cock stir.

No, now wasn’t the time.

Nevertheless, it was difficult not to smile at the thought. Having Jesse sucking him off was one thing, but to have the younger man writhing in ecstasy beneath him was something else entirely.

“Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

Jesse nodded and this time followed behind.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Walt announced, “The bedroom is just ahead.”

When he had finished in the bathroom, in the bedroom he discovered Jesse standing there, apparently trying to put as much distance between himself and the bed as humanly possible without actually leaving the room. Additionally, while Walt had stripped to his underwear for going to sleep before coming in, Jesse was still fully clothed.

“Is there a problem?” he asked in a harsher tone than he had intended upon seeing the hesitant look on his partner’s face.

“Yeah, look...Mr. White. I don’t think I can do this.”

“Oh, and why is that? I already told you that I had no intention on having sex with you tonight.” His eyes narrowed, “Unless you think I’m going to molest you in your sleep?”

Did Jesse believe him to be some kind of sex starved monster for Christ’s sake?

Jesse looked shocked. “What? Wow, of course not!”

“Then why?” Walt demanded.

“Because last time I shared a bed with someone when I woke up they were gone!”

“Gone? Jesse this is my condo. Why would-”

“No, man! You don’t get it.”

Walt just stared at him. Clearly he didn’t.

With a despondent sigh, Jesse ran his hand through his hair. Finally, in a small voice he said, “The last person I slept in a bed with, when I woke up, they were...” He hesitated, his gaze downcast “When I woke up, she was dead...”

And with those words Walt felt as if he had just been punched right in the gut.

God. Jesse was referring to Jane. He hadn’t even...

Of course. Jesse had been the one to wake up and find her; had tried desperately to resuscitate her, unaware that she had already been dead for hours previous.

Walt had received a phone call from Jesse, his distressed partner on the other line begging Walt to tell him what to do. He had simply told Jesse to calm down, that he would deal with it.

And he had.

Saul sent Mike to ‘clean up the mess’ and the next time Walt saw Jesse, it was to save the boy from overdosing and killing himself in some filthy crack den.

Every time the scene played out in his mind, Walt felt his heart break a bit.

_“I loved her...I loved her more than anything.”_

He was ashamed to say that he had never quite considered how devastating it would have been for Jesse finding Jane like that; to be so filled with joy and love one moment only to experience crippling fear and despair the next.

He didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about the young woman, and when he did, assurances such as ‘it was for the best’ usually accompanied it. However, moments like these and finding Jesse in that crack den made it truly difficult to believe.

“Jesse, I...I’m sorry,” he apologised, slowly approaching him, “I didn’t-”

“It’s fine. It’s not like it’s your fault or anything,” Jesse interrupted, raising his gaze.

Walt thought he could see some tears in Jesse’s eyes. Alcohol and remembered trauma was not a good combination and so Walt tentatively wrapped his arms around Jesse, pulling him to his chest. Feeling Jesse lean into his embrace, he was filled with mild relief.

“I’m sorry,” he said again before placing a kiss on the top of Jesse’s head. He had really been saying this a lot lately.

Walt held on to Jesse before eventually Jesse started to pull away. Walt kept his hands on Jesse’s shoulders however. “Jesse, I know how awful it must have been for you – still is – but when you wake up in the morning, I will be lying in that bed next to you.” He left the _alive_ unsaid.

“Yeah, but-”

He raised his hand to clasp Jesse’s face. “I will be right there beside you, Jesse, I promise,” he told him tenderly, gently wiping away a stray tear with his thumb.

Jesse appeared incredibly conflicted, possibly more so than Walt had ever witnessed him being before. But finally he nodded. “Okay, Mr. White.”

Walt placed a chaste kiss on lips. “Come on then. Let’s go to sleep.”

Walt headed towards the bed and pulled the covers back as Jesse stripped to his boxers. He would have appreciated the view if not for the sudden pull on his heartstrings.

Nevertheless, he climbed in and watched as Jesse got in the other side of the bed. Looking momentarily unsure, Walt lifted his arm signalling for Jesse to scoot in closer. The younger man did so and Walt placed his arm over him pulling Jesse slightly more towards him.

“Is it alright to switch the light off?” Walt then asked, his hand hovering by the bedside lamp.

Jesse simply laughed. “Dude, it’s not like I’m afraid of the dark or anything.”

“Just checking that you’re ready,” Walt replied lightly before turning the lamp off, and then with a quick kiss to the forehead, “Goodnight, Jesse.”

Jesse settled against him. “Goodnight, Mr. White.”

 

Walt winced as he opened his eyes, a stray string of light shining through a gap in the curtains. His head ached, an unpleasant reminder that he had drunk a decent amount of scotch the night previous. Thankfully however, the figure currently curled against him was enough to distract him from the pain. He smiled, glancing down at Jesse who was still in the same position as the night previous. It was a pleasant surprise given that he had envisioned waking up to find Jesse on the other side of the bed from tossing and turning. But no, like the night before on the sofa, Jesse remained pressed against him looking wonderfully peaceful. God, Walt would happily stare down at Jesse like this all day if possible. But alas, he had, or rather they both had work.

It was then that Walt remembered that he hadn’t set his alarm before going to sleep. Turning his head slightly to check the alarm clock on his bedside table without disturbing Jesse, he hoped it would be around the time his alarm would go off had he set it. Sadly however, he wasn’t that lucky and inwardly he cursed as the digits on the clock revealed that they should have been in work thirty minutes ago.

It was then that Walt found himself torn. On one hand he greatly valued punctuality, hating tardiness of any kind, but on the other, waking Jesse when he just looked so serene – yet another word he never expected to associate with the younger man – seemed almost cruel. Still, it wasn’t like they could just take the day off and so with great reluctance Walt gently shook Jesse.

“Jesse,” he found himself whispering despite trying to wake him up.

“Hmmm.” Slowly Jesse started to stir. Opening his eyes he seemed momentarily confused before realising where he was. And then with in an instance, relief swept over Jesse’s face.

He smiled at Walt. “You’re still here.”

Walt felt his heart ache slightly, recalling their conversation before they had got into bed. Shuffling down he pressed a kiss to Jesse’s forehead. “I made a promise, didn’t I?”

Jesse’s smile widened. “Yeah, you did,” he said and leaned up to kiss Walt on the lips.

And with that gesture, Walt too felt relief, the fear that Jesse upon waking would deem last night a mistake, slowly dissipating.

“You sleep alright?” Walt found himself asking, “The bed comfy enough? It, like the rest of the furniture all came with the apartment. I thought about getting a different mattress but-”

Jesse laughed. “Relax, Mr. White. I slept fine. All the way through actually.”

Walt was pleased to hear this, the thought of Jesse waking up in the middle of the night to the momentary fear that the person lying next to him might dead, unsettling him.

“Plus, it a million times better than sleeping on those crappy camper beds we had in the RV.”

“They were rather uncomfortable,” Walt agreed, “Although when we shared them you weren’t cuddling into me, so that would definitely count as a drawback.”

“I ain’t cuddling in to you!” Jesse declared, his cheeks reddening, “You...You’re warm is all.”

Walt chuckled, running his hand along his Jesse’s arm. Whether their bodies were pressed together or not, it certainly wasn’t cold so it was a rather feeble excuse. Those nights stranded in the desert certainly had been however. Still, as much as he wanted to remain like this, they really needed to get going, and so with great reluctance he untangled his arm from Jesse and sat up.

“Come on, we better hurry. We were due at the lab half an hour ago and if we don’t start cooking soon, the current batch will be ruined.”

“Shit. Didn’t you set an alarm or something?” asked Jesse, following Walt in getting up.

“Well, I was somewhat distracted,” Walt retorted, then picking up Jesse’s clothes were he had left them on the floor the night before, he tossed them to him, “Quickly, get dressed.”

“Wow, you that desperate to get me out of your bed?” Jesse replied and while he seemed to be aiming for teasing, Walt noticed the slight apprehension on his face.

“Believe me, Jesse, that’s the last thing I want right now,” he admitted, shooting the younger man an apologetic smile, “But I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to enjoy lying in bed some other day.”

Jesse’s face lit up at his words. “Yeah? So this,” he said, gesturing between them, “Last night, it’s not just like a onetime thing then?”

Walt just grinned. “Do you want it to be?” Walt asked, despite being positive he already knew the answer.

“Yeah. I mean no!” Jesse spluttered then attempting to appear cool, added “I mean, if it happened again, I wouldn’t mind, you know?”

Walt was finding it difficult to refrain from laughing, something about Jesse being flustered ridiculously endearing.

“Good. Now come on.”

 

Given how late they already were, Walt was forced to forgo his usual morning ritual. A shower would have been nice but having one while Jesse didn’t seemed somewhat unfair. Although the thought of him and Jesse sharing one had crossed him mind, he quickly dismissed it. When they did, Walt wanted to be able to enjoy it, not having it being them accidentally elbowing each other in the ribs as they hastily tried to get clean. The idea of shower sex was also appealing, which like the blowjob he had received, was something he hadn’t experienced in a long time. But like he had told Jesse, they would have plenty of time.

Despite running late and being unable to shower, he managed to find himself pulling up to a drive-thru window at McDonald’s.

“Come on, Mr. White, I’m starving! I ate like one bag of Fritos yesterday.”

Walt had wanted to yell back that it was Jesse’s own fault for having such inconsistent eating habits in the first place but whether through affection, guilt or that fact that Jesse had blew him the night before, he wasn’t quite able to say no.

“Fine!” he shouted, taking a sudden turn as he spotted the McDonald’s sign out the corner of his eye, “But we’re not sitting in, and you eat in the car on the way. As soon as we get to the lab, we need to start cooking!”

“Alright, I get it, I get it.”

Walt couldn’t help but feel slightly sick as he watched Jesse wolf down an Egg McMuffin.

“You sure you’re okay not getting anything?” Jesse asked, slurping at his cola through a straw.

“I’m sure,” Walt replied, eating anything the very last thing he wanted to do. While he was feeling the effects of drinking the night before, Jesse appeared fine. Whether it was him having drunken more or Jesse having the benefit of being young, Walt wasn’t sure. Nevertheless, he still felt incredibly envious of Jesse’s lack of a hangover.

“How can you drink soda this early in the day?”

“I always drink soda at this time,” Jesse answered, apparently baffled by the question.

Walt rolled his eyes. Fritos and Coca-cola. How was this man still even alive?

 

Once they got to the lab, Walt was relieved to find they still had time. The batch wouldn’t spoil.

“See, it’s fine, yo!” Jesse declared.

Walt merely grunted. He doubted Jesse would be so carefree if he had actually met Gus Fring and while Walt would never willingly admit it, the man unnerved him greatly.

It was only after they changed into their protective suits that Walt noticed the smudge of egg on the side of Jesse’s mouth.

“Hey you have a-” Reaching out to cup Jesse’s face, he rubbed at the spot with his thumb.

“Dude, what the-” Jesse started to protest only to make a noise which sounded very much like a giggle.

“Hey!”

Walt instantly let his hand drop, quickly looking around to find Victor at the top of the stairwell.

“You’re over an hour late,” the man stated coldly.

“Yes. We’re about to start. We’ll catch up, don’t worry about that,” Walt replied, feeling somewhat self-conscious.

“I’m gonna have to tell the boss.”

“Yo, why don’t you just chill, man!” yelled Jesse, “As long as we get the cook done for the day, what the hell does it matter what time we get here at?”

“It matters because I know for a fact that you need to stick to a schedule.”

“How do you know that? You ain’t no cook!”

“Jesse, why don’t we just get started okay?” Walt interjected placing his hand on Jesse’s shoulder.

“Sure, whatever,” the younger man sighed, heading to the other side of the lab.

“Look, it won’t happen again,” Walt promised, turning to look back up at Victor.

He stared at Walt for a few moments before replying with “Fine.”

And without another word he left.

Walt sighed, remembering the look on Victor’s face the first time he had led Jesse into the lab. Walt had assured him it was for the best but he supposed he couldn’t blame the man for being sceptical. Gale had been incredibly professional and Jesse...well he was something else entirely.

Nevertheless, he didn’t want there to be any further reason for Gus to question Jesse being Walt’s partner, the man’s misgivings already firmly in place.

“Yo Mr. White, hurry it up!”

Still, while everyone else involved with the operation may question his decision, there were no doubts in Walt’s mind he had made the correct choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. A combination of course work and health issues getting in the way of writing. I'll aim to have a new chapter up at least every few weeks however.
> 
> Once again, thank you for the comments and kudos! :)


	8. Chapter 8

Jesse ran his hand through his hair as he stood in front of the aisle looking through the various bottles of massage oils. He wasn’t sure which was weirder, the fact that he was here to buy some in the middle of the night, or the fact he was buying them to use on Mr. White. Having being stood there staring for over five minutes was also pretty damn weird but thankfully there was no one around to notice other than the store clerk who was too engrossed in a magazine and a security guard who had vanished into some back room not long after he had entered the store.

Much like he did when he couldn’t make up his mind what kind of potato chips he wanted, he grabbed several different bottles and made his way to the cash register. He grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a bag of funyuns as well as if adding these items somehow negated the oddness of purchasing several bottles of massage lotion at one am. Of course one of the bottles had the word lube written on it in addition to massage and Jesse found himself blushing. This of course was ridiculous, him being no stranger to sex and all. Yet apparently it being used in relation to Mr. White changed things completely.

After leaving the store, part of him wanted to drive over to Mr. White’s place despite how exhausted he was feeling. However, it was certainly more than likely that the older man was already asleep. Furthermore he didn’t want to come across as needy, having already spent the night there yesterday.

It had been the first time he had shared a bed with someone since Jane. Mr. White had also been the first person he had kissed since her. And as for the blowjob, well, he was the first person ever to receive one from Jesse.

Mr. White had seemed so pleased when he found out and Jesse couldn’t help smiling at the memory; the way Mr. White had grabbed hold of him and forced his tongue into his mouth before pulling him down on the couch were Jesse had ended up again on the man’s lap.

 

After the drive home, Jesse flopped down onto the futon, unceremoniously tossing the bag containing the massage oils onto the table.

With a groan he rolled back his shoulders. Mr. White had been so worked up about making it on time to his family for dinner that Jesse had ended up finishing the cook himself.

“Jesse, hurry it up!” Walt had demanded of him, “I can’t cancel tonight. It’ll just give Skyler one more thing to hold against me. And I can’t turn up smelling like I haven’t bathed in two days either. I need to go home and shower and-”

“Dude, just go already,” Jesse sighed; Mr. White’s yelling doing nothing to speed him up.

“In case you haven’t noticed, we haven’t exactly finished here,” Mr. White retorted, using the tone he reserved specially for when he thought Jesse was being an idiot, which of course happened to be quite often.

“I can finish up,” Jesse said simply, “It ain’t gonna take me that much longer by myself.”

Mr. White looked momentarily taken aback before his face softened slightly. “Jesse you don’t need to-”

“I know I don’t need to. I want to, you know? So like go already.”

Mr. White hesitated for a moment before giving him a nod. “Thank you, Jesse.”

With those words, Jesse felt his heart skip a beat. “It’s no problem,” he replied, turning away so the other man couldn’t see his flushed cheeks, because apparently even simple words of gratitude made them redden.

Still, it didn’t stop Mr. White from coming over and patting him on the back. Thankfully he could lean into it now without Mr. White thinking of him as being weird.

“Damn, I drove you here,” cursed Mr. White suddenly remembering, “Your car is at my place.”

“Yo, relax. I can get Skinny or Badger to give me a ride. No big deal.”

This time Mr. White ruffled his hair affectionately. “Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jesse watched out of the corner of his eye as            Mr. White got changed, all the while inwardly chastising himself for being disappointed that the older man hadn’t kissed him goodbye.

In the end Jesse called a cab to drop him off at Mr. White’s, not wanting to explain to either of his friends why his car was at his partner’s house, especially considering they had already witnessed Jesse conversing with the man wearing when he was wearing only his boxers.

Everything had been fine until he went to bed that night, the image of Jane lying there next to him playing on loop in his mind over and over again while simultaneously, his body wanted to reach out for Mr. White.

Jane had signed for the mattress he had bought back then, the mattress she had died on; literally her own death bed. And while it was a different bed he slept in now the realisation made him feel sick, and so he got up. It was perhaps for that reason he went to the store so late. Jane was gone, and while Mr. White may not be there next him, it was probably better to focus on someone who was actually alive.

_“Thank you, Jesse.”_

Curling up on the futon, Jesse pulled the blanket over himself. It was as good a place as any to sleep.

 

“So, do you have plans this evening?” Mr. White asked as they started to change out of their hazmat suits.

“I’m free,” Jesse replied with smile, then suddenly remembering, “Aw shit. I have an NA meeting tonight. But I could like skip it if you wanna-”

“No,” the older man said abruptly, “Jesse it’s incredibly important that you attend your meetings. You can’t decide not go because-”

“Alright, I get it,” he retorted, closing his locker with more force than he intended. Mr. White still didn’t trust him. He thought he would start using again. Sure, he’d had some weed but that was just a one off thing. Crystal meth he was done with, and even if he had a gun to his head there was no way he was injecting heroin into his veins ever again. But apparently once a junkie, always a junkie.

“Hey.” Mr. White took hold of his arm. “Why don’t I come over afterwards for a little while, huh?”

While still hurt, Jesse couldn’t say the offer didn’t appeal to him.

“Sure, that’s cool, I guess.”

 

Jesse hadn’t been home long, having just turned the TV on when Mr. White appeared at his door.

“Hey,” Mr White greeted and Jesse shuffled to the side to let the man in.

“Beer?” Jesse asked.

Mr. White nodded.

Returning from the kitchen, Jesse handed Mr. White his beer and stared hesitantly at the futon were the man was sat, recalling their positions from the other night at Mr. White’s place.

Jesse swallowed.

“Hey, could I-”

As Mr. White glanced up at him Jesse felt his resolve instantly waver. “Uh, nothing, never mind.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” said Mr. White, apparently thinking nothing of it.

However as Jesse was in the process of sitting down he asked, “Could you hand over the remote?”

“Sure.” Bending over to reach it, Jesse was startled as a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around his waist drawing his body backwards. Finding himself suddenly pulled in to Mr. White’s lap he let out a small yelp much to his embarrassment.

“Dude! What-What the hell!?”

“Relax. This is what you wanted right?” Mr. White replied, and Jesse could feel the man’s breath against his neck.

“What? N-No!” It wasn’t exactly a lie, having wanted before to ask the other man if it was alright to curl up against them. But even that was awkward enough that he had stopped himself. And yet, now here he was on the guy’s frickin lap!

“Really? But it feels nice, doesn’t it?” Mr. White stated, and to Jesse the man sounded way too smug.

By now, Jesse’s face was beetroot red, but as Mr. White started to run his hands gently through his hair he had to admit that it did feel quite pleasant. “I’m not some fucking kid.”

Mr. White just chuckled.

“Asshole,” he muttered, finally letting his head fall against the man’s chest. He could hear the man’s heart beating and he found oddly soothing.

They remained this way for a good while. What played on TV neither were particularly interested in, but Jesse had dropped the remote when Mr. White had grabbed him, and fearing the moment would end didn’t want to risk moving.

“Hey, what’s this?” Mr. White started to bend forward slightly. Despite this, the arm around Jesse’s waist tightened and Jesse took this as a sign that he wanted him to remain on his lap.

It turned out that Mr. White was referring to the bag on the table.

“Oh, those are some massage oils I picked up,” Jesse admitted shyly, “They’re supposed to like ‘enhance’ the experience or whatever.”

“Is that so?” Mr. White was smiling appreciatively as he picked up one of the bottles and Jesse felt his heart flutter slightly.

“Do you wanna try them out? I can give you a massage now,” he offered, willing to move if it meant making Mr. White feel good.

“Actually, I have a better idea.”

Jesse watched curiously as Mr. White unscrewed the lid off the bottle he was holding before squirting some of the contents onto his hand.

Believing Mr. White was going to give him a massage, Jesse made to get off him when Mr. White instantly returned one of his arms back around his waist.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“Uh, don’t you want me to get off?” the younger man asked, confused.

Mr. White was smirking now. “That was the plan.”

And before Jesse could reply, the older man was slipping his hand down his pants.

“Wh-”

“Relax,” Mr. White whispered in his ear, suddenly taking hold of Jesse’s dick.

Jesse gasped. “Mr. White, you don’t ne-”

“Quiet now. Let me return the favour. Let me make you feel good, Jesse.”

Unable to believe that this was actually happening Jesse closed his eyes as Mr. White’s thumb began stroking the tip of cock.

“Yes, just like that,” Mr. White said approvingly as Jesse quickly grew hard. “Feels really nice doesn’t it?”

“Ye-Yeah,” Jesse stuttered.

Jesse’s cock was straining against his pants now.

“Let’s get these off you,” Mr. White told him as he made to start unbuckling Jesse’s belt.

Jesse hastened the removal of his pants by taking over and undoing his belt himself, not wanting Mr. White’s hand to leave his dick. Within a matter of ten seconds Jesse had pulled off his pants and boxers and was now sat naked from the waist down on the man’s lap.

“Good. That’s much better isn’t it?”

Jesse didn’t reply, instead focusing on the feeling of Mr. White’s hand as it wrapped itself around his cock, his thumb still fingering at his tip.

He let out a small moan that fought to become a bigger one as Mr. White started to run his hand up and down his shaft. Perhaps his sudden fixation on Mr. White hands had actually leading up to this.

“Mr-Mr. White...”

Suddenly Jesse found himself grabbing on to front of the older man’s shirt, biting down on his lip to suppress the pathetic noises he knew he would make if he opened his mouth. Meanwhile, Mr. White started to quicken his rhythm, the lotion making the traction a lot smoother.

Mr. White used his free hand to cup Jesse’s ass causing Jesse to thrust upwards slightly. “That’s it, Jesse. Good boy.”

Jesse gasped out Mr. White’s name again and the man removed his hand from Jesse’s ass, running it up along his back and into his hair.

“Almost there, son. Almost there.”

And he was right as Jesse soon came.

“Fuck!” he cried out, shoving his face against Mr. White’s broad chest.

Jesse had received many a handjob in his life, but this had been completely different from any he had experience. For example, he had certainly never been given one while sat on someone else’s lap, let alone from another man.

All of a sudden he felt incredibly small, Mr. White seeming so much larger than him with his arm wrapped protectively around his waist as if he Jesse was something delicate. And yet strangely instead of upsetting him, it only made Jesse want to bury into the man’s chest even more.

He felt so warm. So safe.

“You liked that didn’t you?” said Mr. White, pressing a kiss on the top of Jesse’s head.

Jesse nodded, his head still buried in the man’s shirt. His eyes were watering and he didn’t want Mr. White to think that he was crying.

“Well, I guess the evidence is on my hand this time,” Mr. White joked, has hand covered in Jesse’s cum.

Jesse laughed, finally pulling way to look at the man who was holding his hand out.

“Do you have towel or-”

“Shit. Yeah. I’ll go grab one.” Quickly Jesse climbed off of Mr. White’s lap.

About to head to the kitchen, he realised that he was naked from the waist down. Although with his t-shirt being as long as it was, it was more like from the hips down.

Being in a t-shirt now and previously only wearing boxers, Mr. White would see him naked eventually. However, that moment was not now and so Jesse hastily pulled on his boxers and pants before going to the kitchen.

He returned and handed a cloth to Mr. White who proceeded to wipe his hand clean.

“That was pretty awesome, yo,” declared Jesse as he flopped back down on the futon beside him.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” replied Mr. White, patting Jesse’s leg.

“Hey, do you wanna crash here?” Jesse asked hopefully, remembering how pleasant it had been and just how well he slept when he had spent the night at Mr. White’s place.

“Actually, I was just about to head home,” said Mr. White, standing up.

“Oh.” Jesse felt a stab of disappointment. He really thought Mr. White would stay.

“Guess I’ll catch you at work tomorrow then.”

Mr. White looked conflicted. “Jesse, it’s not that I don’t...” He stopped, taking hold of Jesse’s shoulder. “Hey, this Saturday, come over to my place. I’ll cook for you.”

Jesse blinked, confused. “What, like meth?”

“No Jesse. Not meth,” Mr. White said incredulously, “ _Food._ ”

“Ah.” Jesse supposed that made more sense.

“Hey, wait a minute. You’re gonna cook dinner for _me_?”

“Yes. Is that problem?”

“What? No. It’s just I didn’t think you would like...” Jesse fumbled with his words awkwardly before finally saying, “I guess I’ll look forward to?”

“Good.” Mr. White smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jesse.”

This time he kissed Jesse goodbye and once again Jesse felt his heart flutter.

Unlike the evening before, he slept well that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the kudos and comments! :)


	9. Chapter 9

Walt couldn’t help but hum happily to himself as he darted around the kitchen to prepare dinner for this evening. He had been in quite a good mood lately. A ridiculously good mood. Even Junior seemed to have picked up on it, which surprised him, believing himself to have acted no differently than usual. He just hoped that his son didn’t take it as a sign that he and Skyler were getting back together, knowing for a fact that Junior wanted him to move back home. Unfortunately he had no say in that matter, as his wife – or rather ex-wife – was unlikely to forgive him any time soon.

Skyler had seemingly picked up on his good mood as well which only seemed to fuel her suspicions of him. He missed both her and his children, but apparently the thing giving him the most joy in life at the moment was a recovering drug-addict who he had taught chemistry to eight years previously. Furthermore it was difficult not to smile when he had the memory of the younger man down on knees sucking his cock with those sweet pink lips of his. What made it even better was that Jesse had chosen to do it, wanting nothing more than to please him, and God, if that didn’t turn Walt on. The desire to please was an endearing trait that Jesse possessed and Walt would be lying if he said he hadn’t also been touched by Jesse’s offer to finish the cook by himself earlier that week so Walt could make it in time for dinner with his family.

He had been determined to pay Jesse back and even more so when he found the bag of massage lotions on the table. With the boy already sat on his lap and a source of lubricant right in front of him, it only made sense to put it to use. It was hardly an altruistic act however as Walt could hardly deny that he loved having Jesse’s small body squirming on his lap, clutching at his chest. Not to mention those soft little moans he made were like music to his ears.

It was for those exact reasons he had left the other evening, declining the offer to spend the night despite Jesse’s obvious disappointment. Walt knew if he had stayed he would be unable to contain himself, that if Jesse climbed back up on to his lap he wouldn’t be able stop himself from grabbing hold of the boy and fucking him right there and then.

And perhaps he was just growing overly sentimental in his older age, but he wanted something more. He didn’t want the two of them having to rush about the morning after like they had when Jesse spent the night at his condo. He actually wanted to be able to take in the sight of his partner curled up against him dozing peacefully, reminding Walt that despite all the awful things Jesse had been put through he was still capable of finding some semblance of peace.

It was because of this Walt had suggested tonight, knowing for a fact that there was no where Jesse would possibly need to rush off to on a Sunday morning. He wasn’t entirely sure if it was his newfound sentimentality that had resulted in him offering to cook the younger man dinner or the fact that he didn’t think he could handle anymore takeaway. Pizza and Chinese food were all well and good but sadly his metabolism wasn’t what it once was. He had a met Skyler when he was still a young man – albeit twelve years her senior – still in his prime. The last thing he needed was anything to put the younger man off, especially since he had once described him as being ‘the nerdish old dude he knew’.

Despite this, he decided to go with making spaghetti carbonara for dinner. He knew a pretty good recipe, plus he was positive if he put anything overly healthy in front of Jesse, he was more than likely to dislike it. He had even gotten some wine to go with it, not even sure if Jesse liked wine or not. He debated briefly between getting red or white, before choosing white, the red reminding him of blood of which they had both seen far too much of since starting this business, or the discolouration of the bruises Jesse had once sported.

While usually they would just eat in front of the TV, Walt had pulled the table out so they could actually sit. It was the first time he would be eating at the table as well, generally electing to also sit on the sofa when he was on his own or at the kitchen counter.

With dinner soon to be ready, Walt found himself constantly checking the time. Jesus, why the hell was he so nervous? It wasn’t like he was trying to impress Jesse. And even if he was, it wasn’t like Jesse was that difficult to impress. While often bratty and obnoxious, Jesse would show real admiration of his former teacher. And Walt had to admit it felt good. At home everything had been so routine while at work his students just didn’t care, holding no awe or appreciation towards the majesty of Chemistry. Everything had lost its colour until Jesse Pinkman resurfaced in his life and he had started cooking meth.

It was almost inconceivable the amount of distressing, or more bluntly put, fucked up situations they had found themselves in. Nevertheless, Walt always figured out a way through them and each time Jesse would look at him as if he had found a way to rid world hunger. As such, it was somewhat hard to believe that Jesse had once been one of the most disinterested students Walt ever had the displeasure of ever having taught.

He wondered if Jesse actually knew how much his encouragement spurred Walt on.

“ _Yeah, Mr. White! Yeah, science!”_

He chuckled to himself.

The doorbell went, signalling that his partner had arrived.

“Yo,” Jesse announced in his usual manner as Walt opened the door.

“Hey, come on in,” he said, moving to the side so Jesse could get past, “Dinner should be ready soon.”

Jesse paused as he entered the living room almost causing Walt to bump into him. “Wow, you really are cooking dinner.”

“I said I would didn’t I?”

“Well, yeah but... Shit, I wasn’t supposed to get like dressed up or anything?” Jesse asked, gesturing awkwardly at his clothes.

“Not particularly. Why?” He himself had put on one of his nicer shirts but he hadn’t expected Jesse to go out of his way.

“It’s just you’ve got the table out and everything...”

“I thought it would be nice to sit and have a meal for once,” replied Walt, suddenly panicking that he had gone too far. He didn’t want to scare the boy off. The exact opposite actually. “If you’d feel more comfortable eating on the sofa then-”

“No! It-it’s cool.” Jesse hastily sat down.

“Well, like I said, dinner will be ready shortly. Would you like some wine?” he asked picking up the bottle, “It’s white.”

“Ah, white for _White_ , huh?”

Walt had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Still, better for Jesse to believe that than the fact that red wine only served to remind him of the boy’s once bruised and beaten body.

Pouring some out, he handed the glass to Jesse who quickly took a sip.

“It’s nothing fancy I’m afraid,” Walt admitted.

Jesse just laughed, glancing around. “Believe me Mr. White, this is pretty damn fancy already.”

 

Walt placed a basket of garlic bread on the table between them before putting Jesse’s plate down in front of him. “I hope you like Italian.”

“This looks totally dope, yo!” Jesse declared happily.

“Wait till you try it first,” chuckled Walt as he took a sip of his wine, watching as Jesse swirled the spaghetti around with his fork and shoved it eagerly into his mouth.

Jesse’s face lit up as he chewed away. “This tastes awesome, Mr. White! Shit, you really are like the iron chef.”

Walt smiled at the reference to their first cook together. Taking a bite, he had to admit it did taste rather damn good.

While once he would have been irritated by it, he couldn’t help but love the slurping noises Jesse made while he ate. That combined with the carbonara sauce on the boys face...

He took a deep breath. No.There would be plenty of time for that later.

Walt had made a decent amount, knowing that if Jesse enjoyed it, he would happily take seconds.

By the time Jesse had finished, the boy let out a contented sigh, and Walt observed as Jesse wiped at the sauce on his face with his fingers. Apparently Jesse was still unaware how ridiculous sexy he looked when he sucked the creamy sauce from his fingers. And while he would never admit it, it was for that reason Walt had purposely not left out any napkins.

“Man, I can’t remember the last time I had a home cooked meal. I mean, I had one like a few months ago with my parents and little brother before they kicked me out for good, but that was only cause I had just showed up there place,” Jesse admitted sadly, “With the cancer and everything, my aunt didn’t really have the energy to cook. I’d make her lunch every day, and for dinner when I was around we’d have like microwave meals. So this is...well, pretty awesome.”

Walt couldn’t help but smile. “There’s dessert to if you’d like some?”

Jesse’s face of course lit up. “Uh, hell yeah! What it is?”

“Strawberry pavola.”

“Did you make it as well?”

“I’m afraid not. Store bought. Baking was never quite my speciality.” Not that cooking food really was either, but he would let Jesse hold on to the belief that he was the ‘iron chef’ for just a little bit longer.

“I used to bake a lot with my aunt. Uh, I mean when I was a little kid I did,” Jesse then added quickly as if embarrassed. And while once Walt wouldn’t have been able to picture it, he could now quite easily imagine Jesse as an adult helping his aunt bake.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, she like used to make the best chocolate brownies ever,” Jesse spoke somewhat wistfully.

“Do you know the recipe?”

“I kind of remember. But I haven’t made in a few year... uh I mean-”

“Since you were a little kid?” Walt teased as he cut the pavola.

“Uh, right.”

“Well, if you ever feel like making them...”

Jesse laughed. “That a hint?”

Walt smiled. “Maybe.”

“Aunt Ginny was pretty ‘particular’ about baking and shit so I kinda just watched her. I don’t think I’d be able to make them the same way.”

“You never know until you try. Who’s to say they won’t end up tasting just as good?” Walt said, mentally comparing the meth Jesse used to cook to the product he made now.

“Maybe,” Jesse replied, but didn’t seem convinced.

The topic was quickly forgotten however once Walt placed the dessert in front of Jesse.

 

Once they finished eating, they retired to the couch. Walt raised his arm signalling for Jesse to cuddle into him. Jesse did so while looking slightly embarrassed, although the moment Walt began to stroke his hair the practically boy melted into his side.

Of course it wasn’t long before Walt found himself once again pulling Jesse onto his lap.

“Dude, what the hell is it with you and having me sit on your lap?” Jesse complained despite willingly letting himself be manoeuvred so he was facing the man.

“Well, for one it makes doing this much easier,” Walt explained as he planted a small kiss on the younger man’s lips. Jesse grinned in return. Apparently he had being waiting for Walt to kiss him.

“Plus, you just fit here so well,” Walt added, placing his hands on either side of Jesse’s narrow waist.

“Really? Ain’t I like heavy?”

Walt couldn’t help but snicker at that.

“Yo, what’s so funny?” Jesse asked with a frown on his face that much more resembled a pout.

The boy, especially under all his clothing was just so small. However, Walt had no doubt that Jesse would take offence if he told him this and so instead replied, “You’re fine.”

Jesse didn’t look convinced but curled against him all the same. “You smell kind of nice.”

Walt chuckled. “Is that so?”

“Yeah, I guess it’s like your cologne or something,” then somewhat defensively added, “Well, it’s not like I make a habit of smelling other guys or whatever.”

Walt was rather fond of Jesse’s scent as well but rather than saying so he instead placed another small kiss on Jesse’s temple.

He felt incredibly relaxed and was sure he would have probably have fallen asleep if it wasn’t for Jesse’s intermittent squirming. However instead of finding it annoying, he was thankful, reminding him just what it was he wanted from this evening.

“Are you spending the night?” Walt asked him, continuing to stroke Jesse’s hair.

Shifting, Jesse lifted his head from against his chest. “You be disappointed if I didn’t, Mr. White?”

“Very.”

Jesse grinned, this time pressing a kiss to Walt’s lips. “Guess I’m staying then.”

Running his hands up to Jesse’s face, he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into his mouth. Jesse made one of those gorgeous moans of his and Walt pulled him closer, feeling his cock twitch.

“Fuck, Mr. White.”

Yes, that’s was Walt wanted. What he needed more than anything.

“Hold on a minute,” ordered Walt albeit without much conviction.

Jesse wasn’t listening however, kissing Walt with so much fervour that it felt almost criminal to stop him. Not that he had much of a problem committing criminal acts lately of course.

Still, he pulled away, cupping Jesse’s cheeks between his hands.

“Yo, what’s the matter?”

The worried expression on the boy’s face was somewhat heart wrenching.

“It’s okay Jesse,” he found himself saying quickly as he caressed the younger man’s cheek with his thumb “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

He heard Jesse’s breath quiver, and placing his mouth against his ear he whispered, “I want to fuck you Jesse. I want to fuck you so much.”

He felt the boy shudder against him. “Mr. White...”

“Is that something you want, Jesse?” he asked, running his thumb over Jesse’s delicious pink lips. “Do you want me to fuck you, son?”

By this point it sounded like Jesse had stopped breathing altogether before he stuttered out a soft “Y-Yes.”

Walt grinned. “Good.”

Pulling Jesse up with him, he wrapped his arms around the boy’s waist as he steered them to the bedroom, made all the more difficult by Jesse having his mouth plastered against his. Not that this bothered Walt in the slightest, the boy’s apparent eagerness spurring him on.

Once there, Walt quickly pulled the over sized t-shirt Jesse was wearing revealing his pale chest and the tattoo etched upon it.

In return, Jesse started to unbutton Walt’s shirt but whether through nerves or not being used to dealing with so many buttons, his fingers were fumbling.

Impatiently, Walt took over. He did feel momentarily guilty however as Jesse shot him an apologetic look. Still what he was most concerned about was getting them both naked and onto the bed that had been silently screaming at him to bring Jesse to all day long.

Once he had ridden himself of his shirt he saw that Jesse had shaken off his pants about to pull off his boxers.

Catching Walt staring, Jesse suddenly looked self-conscious.

“Go ahead son,” he encouraged gently.

Slowly Jesse pulled them off revealing a hardening cock that his boxers had managed to conceal. Walt wet his lips in anticipation. Why Jesse could possibly self-conscious with a body like that Walt couldn’t understand. The boy was gorgeous.

Forgetting that he was still wearing his pants Walt grabbed hold of Jesse’s hips before crushing his mouth against his. The boy was shorter than Skyler and so Walt found himself having to tilt his head downwards to meet his lips.

Jesse moaned, wrapping his arms around his shoulders as Walt quickly manoeuvred them towards the bed. Jesse fell not too gracefully onto the mattress and Walt followed, pressing his body down on top of him.

He started placing small kisses down the length of Jesse’s neck, eager to explore all of the exposed skin laid right before him. Clearly Jesse was enjoying this as the younger man’s hips bucked up against him revealing to Walt that Jesse’s cock was growing ever harder. With his own cock doing the same, it was then that Walt realised that he was still wearing his own pants, having been completely distracted by the allure of watching the younger man strip.

Hastily he began unbuckling his belt all the while trying to stay on top of Jesse, loathing to lose contact with him for even a second. In the end he shot up to pull them off, all dexterity he possessed having apparently been robbed by just how ridiculously turned on he was at finally getting to fuck Jesse.

He heard a soft little chuckle which he assumed was in response to his tighty-whities. He hadn’t really thought about acquiring ‘sexier’ underwear for the evening, tighty-whities being what he felt most comfortable wearing.

However as he took them off, the expression on Jesse’s face morphed into one of curious admiration, which was really all the encouragement Walt needed as he dove back down on top of the younger man, satisfied in the knowledge that there was no longer anything to get in the way between them.

Grabbing hold of Jesse’s hips he signalled for him to shuffle up to the top of the bed so his head lay against a pillow.

“Hey, have you done this before?” Jesse asked somewhat hesitantly just as Walt bent back down to kiss him.

“No. Never with another man before,” Walt admitted.

Then feeling the need to reassure Jesse, added, “But I know what I’m doing. Don’t be nervous.”

“I ain’t nervous!” Jesse defended, “I just...It’s not like I’ve ever had another dude’s dick up my ass, so....”

Walt resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Anyone else making that comment would have completely taken him out of the moment, but he knew what to expect from Jesse and so quickly went back to kissing him to which Jesse fervently accepted.

Reaching over to the bedside table he grabbed the bottle of lube he had conveniently placed there earlier. And perhaps he was being smug or overly confident but with the way things had been developing between them, there had been no doubt in Walt’s mind that Jesse would end up in his bed tonight.

Squirting a decent amount of lube into his palm and on to his fingers he caught Jesse staring, his expression varying between curiosity and mild panic.

“I’m going to have to open you up a bit before we get can started. I just need you to lie back and relax, okay?” Walt told him in the calmest voice he could muster, desperate to begin.

Jesse gave a small nod.

“Now just spread your legs apart. That’s it.”

Jesse winced as he inserted the first finger and Walt had to tell himself that it was more of the shock than Jesse feeling actual pain. Nevertheless Walt found himself asking if he was alright.

“I’m fine, yo,” replied Jesse, sounding somewhat frustrated, “Hurry it up.”

This time Walt did roll his eyes. However, it was quickly forgotten and gently he teased the entry of Jesse’s hole before circling and drawing his finger in and out.

The younger man squirmed, clearly not used to the sensation.

“Jesse, I’m going to add another finger. It might hurt a little at first.”

“Y-Yeah.”

It was only as he inserted a second finger that he realised just how unbelievably tight Jesse was. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. It was the boy’s first time after all. In regards to this, Jesse was practically a virgin. And God, did that turn Walt on.

The younger man flinched as he pushed his fingers in deeper. “Try not to clench down.”

“I-I’m not,” Jesse retorted, sounding strained.

“Relax son. It’s okay,” he said softly, running the thumb of his other hand around Jesse’s hipbone in a soothing manner. “Just keep breathing.”

Gradually Jesse started to loosen and both slowly and carefully Walt parted the two fingers slightly. However, the boy’s ass tightened once again in response and Walt stopped, allowing him time to get used to the sensation. He continued caressing Jesse’s hipbone which seemed to help ease him somewhat.

“That feel alright?” Walt asked, struggling to hide the excitement in his voice.

“Yeah, it’s good,” replied Jesse, sounding less than convinced, but was still hard which to Walt was a good sign at least.

Walt’s cock throbbed as he pulled out his fingers, so desperate to be inside the boy.

Grabbing hold of the bottle of lube again, Walt realised he had left the packet of condoms in the bedside drawer. He debated asking Jesse to reach over and grab them – not that they hadn’t done things already – when his partner spoke up.

“I’m uh, clean by the way,” Jesse said, leaning forward slightly, “At rehab, you know, cause of using needles and shit, they test you. And I... like they didn’t find anything. So you don’t have to worry about... I haven’t used since. Um, other than the weed. I mean I smoked some but that’s different. And I haven’t been with anyone either.... But I, uh, I get it if you-”

“Jesse,” Walt interrupted and with a small smile, said “I trust you, son.”

Jesse swallowed and nodded, appearing relieved. Walt resisted the urge to climb over and kiss him, instead continuing to lube up his cock.

Jesse watched transfixed as he did so. And Walt became aware of how careful he needed to be otherwise he would come right there and then, the boy laid out before him a sight to behold. He could all ready feel his pre-cum mix in with the lube.

“Should I turn over?” he heard Jesse ask once he had finished. A part of Walt knew he should say yes, that it would be easier on Jesse, but God, he wanted to look into the boy’s beautiful eyes and see the pleasured expression on his face as he thrust into him over and over again.

“This is fine. Now just relax,” Walt ordered gently, his cock teasing at the boy’s entrance. This time Jesse shuddered as he penetrated him, and Walt couldn’t help but gasp at the sudden tightness enveloping around his cock.

If he thought Jesse was tight before, it was nothing compared to the sensation his dick was experiencing at this moment.

“F-Fuck,” the younger man stuttered, bucking his hips involuntarily.

Walt couldn’t even utter reassurances, too busy focusing on his breathing to stop himself from coming.

Gently he pulled back before pushing in deeper, the action eliciting what sounded like a pleasured moan from his partner.

“How does that feel, son?”

“It kinda hurts but it feels-”

Before Jesse could finish, Walt repeated the action causing the boy to gasp. Walt grinned.

“Sh-Shit.”

Jesse’s hands were clutching at the covers, his eyes shut as Walt started to speed up his pace. “That’s it, Jesse. That’s it.”

Jesse let out a strangled moan before biting down on his lip, sweating as Walt went in deeper.

“Good boy. Take me in son.”

“M-Mr. White.”

Walt started putting more power behind his thrusts, convinced that Jesse could take it and again Jesse’s hips bucked in response.

The boy whimpered before quickly closing his mouth and it was then that Walt realised deliberately trying to be quiet.

“Don’t hold back,” he ordered, desperate to hear those soft moans, “Let it all out.”

Trying his best to support his weight, he moved one of his hands to cup Jesse’s cheek.

Jesse gasped again. “B-But-”

“Look at me.” Doing as he was told, Jesse opened his tear stained eyes. And gazing into them, everything in the world suddenly felt right for Walt, as if all the things he’d been through in the past several months had been leading up to this moment.

With his eyes open Jesse was looking at him with such longing and trepidation that Walt felt momentarily overwhelmed.

“That’s good son,” he encouraged as Jesse let out a louder moan, his face flushed red, “Good boy.”

“P-Please...”

“Good boy. Just like that.”

All the nerves in his dick felt like they were on fire. Close, so close now.

With a strangled sob Jesse came. And if it wasn’t that final thrust, it was almost certainly the noise he made that caused Walt’s own cock to follow suit.

“Fuck!”

With no time to react, Walt came inside of Jesse, while Jesse’s own come had streaked both their stomachs.

There were tears streaming down the younger man’s face as he panted heavily and Walt thought that Jesse had never looked more beautiful.

“Shit...That-That was...” Jesse was struggling for words but Walt knew exactly what he meant and so he pressed a chaste kiss on Jesse’s lips as they both struggled to regain their breath.

While it had ended all too soon, it was well worth the wait. Even as he pulled out, Walt marvelled at how tight Jesse was.

Pushing himself up he moved to the top of the bed, letting himself fall next to Jesse.

Stretching his arm out, Jesse was pressed against his side in a matter of seconds. With his face hidden in the crook of his neck, Walt couldn’t make out his expression.

“You alright?” he asked, gently stroking his hair.

He felt Jesse nod, his face still hidden.

“Does it hurt?”

This time Jesse shook his head.

“Can I see your face?”

No reply.

He pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Come on, let’s get under the covers.” Using his weight to raise Jesse he managed to shuffle them under the sheets. And although he couldn’t see his face, Jesse was practically clinging to him, and Walt had never felt more needed by anyone in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting.
> 
> Thanks once again for reading and for the comments and kudos. They really mean a lot to me! :)


	10. Chapter 10

Jesse’s first thought upon waking was how warm he felt. Not a bad uncomfortable warmth were you wanted nothing more than to kick the covers off, but the kind that you full heartily wanted to embrace. Jesse smiled. He supposed he was technically being embraced. After cleaning them up, Mr. White had positioned him so that his back was flush against the other man’s chest, Mr. White’s arms wrapped snugly around him. There was also the fact that they were both completely naked.

“Good morning,” a voice murmured in ear, and Jesse’s smile widened.

“Hey,” Jesse greeted, repositioning himself so he was face to face with his partner.

“Sleep alright?” Mr. White asked, also grinning.

“Yeah, pretty good. You been awake long?”

“Over an hour or so.”

“You could have just got up.”

“I didn’t want to wake you. Plus maybe I like watching you sleep. I didn’t get to indulge in that last time you spent the night.”

“You like watching me sleep? Wow, creepy much?” Jesse joked.

Mr. White rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s the only time you’re not fidgeting or yapping away so it is a rare sight to behold.”

Jesse chuckled, snuggling into Mr. White’s chest while the man did the familiar gesture of stroking his hair that Jesse loved so damn much.

Within the warmth of Mr. White’s chest Jesse couldn’t help but reflect on the fact that the sensation he was experiencing was completely different to what he was normally used to. For starters, the complete lack of breasts, not to mention the presence of chest hair. Still, the feeling of having something solid to curl up against more than made up for it. Plus he kind of loved Mr. White’s wrapped his arms around him holding him close. Again it made him feel safe.

Shuffling upwards slightly, he raised his head to plant a kiss on the older man’s lips.

“Last night was pretty awesome, yo,” he said, realising he hadn’t said so before.

“No regrets then?” Mr. White asked, although given the assured look on his face, Jesse was positive he already knew the answer.

“I’d definitely be up for it again,” Jesse replied, kissing him again.

“The dinner or the sex?”

“Hmm...” Jessed paused as if debating, “Both. Definitely both.”

“I hope the sex isn’t dependent on me cooking you food beforehand.”

“I’m afraid so. Also you have-” Jessed stopped suddenly.

“Aw shit...”

“What’s the matter?” Walt asked with a hint of concern in his voice.

Jesse groaned. “I just realised that you totally wined and dined me.”

Mr. White looked momentarily puzzled before letting out a loud laugh.

“Yo, it ain’t funny!” Jesse exclaimed, his face red, although he too was chuckling.

“Is that what that was?” Mr. White spoke out loud to himself with a hint of comprehension, “Well if that was the case, I was most certainly successful in my endeavour.”

“Yep,” Jesse agreed, “You ain’t gonna throw me out now are you?”

Mr. White grinned. “Not on your life.”

And before Jesse could respond, Mr. White was on top of him, kissing Jesse passionately, his weight pushing Jesse down into the mattress.

Jesse circled his arms around the man as Mr. White started placing kisses down his neck and on to his Jesse’s chest were he then proceeded to suck at one of his nipples.

Jesse’s hips bucked involuntarily at the sudden sensation.

“Someone’s sensitive,” Mr. White stated, sounding ridiculously pleased.

He went back to sucking Jesse’s nipple while gently rubbing his finger over the other.

Jesse shuddered in response. With his nipples erect, his cock was starting to follow suit.

“F-Fuck.”

“You like that, huh?” Again, Mr White sounded way too smug, but given how good he currently felt, Jesse couldn’t really complain.

“Does it hurt at all?” Mr. White asked suddenly. Jesse was momentarily confused before the man added, “From last night I mean.”

“A little,” Jesse admitted with a sly grin, “But I want you to fuck me again now anyway.”

Mr. White looked like he had just won the jackpot. “Exactly what I wanted to hear.”

And within a matter of seconds Mr. White had grabbed the bottle of lube and was lathering up his stiffening cock.

Jesse couldn’t help but watch him with mild fascination. Mr. White was growing hard just for him and soon he would be inside Jesse once again. The thought made him even harder.

“I’m going to have to loosen you up a bit,” Mr. White declared as he inserted a finger, and Jesse couldn’t help but flinch slightly when he added a second digit.

“That feel alright?” Mr. White asked, Jesse’s breath hitching at the sensation of being stretched out.

“Y-Yeah...”

With that confirmation, Mr. White withdrew his fingers, even that being enough to cause Jesse to whimper.

Taking a moment to lube up his entrance, Jesse couldn’t help but feel frustrated, wanting the man inside right there and then. But Mr. White, like the night before, was being very careful as if he really didn’t want to hurt him and Jesse couldn’t also help but be touched by this, making feel truly cared for.

“Mr. White,” he whined impatiently, hating the way he sounded as he said it.

“Patience now,” Mr. White whispered in his ear and instead up entering him, the man suddenly took hold of his balls.

Jesse gasped as Mr. White fondled his testicles, caught off guard by the unexpected action.

“Sh-shit.”

“Look at you already,” Mr. White stated huskily as pre-cum started dripping from Jesse’s tip, “You really love this, don’t you, son?”

Jesse cursed inwardly, Mr. White clearly teasing him. He wanted to yell at him but apparently in his current state this was impossible and so instead Jesse found himself nodding desperately.

Mr. White was grinning. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” he told Jesse, placing a kiss on his inner thigh.

What happened next all felt like a blur for Jesse and just as Mr. White started to push inside him, Jesse came right then.

“Fuck!” he gasped, enjoying the release.

But once his senses returned he realised that Mr. White was still inside him and also still very much hard.

“S-sorry!” he quickly apologised, having been unable to hold back.

But instead of being angry like he thought, Mr. White just looked more turned on than ever before.

“That’s my good boy,” the man said, running his thumb gently along Jesse’s cheek.

Jesse couldn’t help but melt and just as he was about to relax, Mr. White pushed into him causing his body to jolt, a mixture of pain and pleasure coursing through him.

He moaned loudly in response.

“You’re so tight, son,” Mr. White told him, once again sounding ridiculously pleased.

Jesse definitely felt that way and it was difficult to not to clench down on his partner’s cock. It wasn’t like Mr. White was even that big. He wasn’t small either, and if Jesse was being honest he thought the man was actually a bit bigger than him, but he was still unused to the sensation. It hurt but it also felt so fucking good.

He bit back a whimper, his own cock growing stiff again.

Wrapping his arms around Mr. White, he buried his head into his shoulder. His moans while muffled seem to spur the man on and it wasn’t long before Mr. White came, panting loudly.

Jesse then grabbed his own dick and with a few swift motions soon followed suit.

Once he had regained his breath, Mr. White pulled out, flumping down next to him on the mattress.

“Fuck, that was good,” Jesse sighed happily.

“I could tell you enjoyed it,” said Mr. White smirking, with a nod towards both their stomachs.

Jesse’s face reddened, feeling somewhat embarrassed that he had already came twice as unlike Mr. White.

Wanting a distraction Jesse sat up and reached over the side of the bed for a nearby towel.

However, Mr. White took it out his hand once he had found one. “I’ll get that. Lie back.”

Jesse did as he was told and soon Mr. White was dabbing at his stomach gently. “There we go,” he said, a hint of admiration in his voice. The man had such a fond look on his face.

And then catching Jesse completely off guard stated, “You really are beautiful, you know.”

The blush already on Jesse’s face darkened considerably. Of all the things Mr. White could come out with, Jesse certainly wasn’t expecting that.

“Wh-What?” he asked, unable to stop himself from stuttering.

“You don’t believe me?” Mr. White replied nonchalantly, as if it had been a completely normal declaration.

“Hell no!” he cried and then upon seeing the slightly hurt expression on Mr. White’s face, quickly added, “I mean, beautiful things are like...I dunno, paintings or some really gorgeous chick or something.”

Mr. White chuckled. “Beauty is a subjective thing you know.”

The fact that Mr. White was saying all of this with a straight face, like he really meant it only made Jesse blush harder. “So what, you subjectively think I’m...” For some reason he couldn’t quite get the word out, “...you know.”

“It definitely seems so.” Mr. White bent down and kissed him, before playfully adding, “Especially like this. The colour red definitely suits you, son.”

With that Jesse turned over, smooshing his face into the pillow.

“Shut up! Stop saying weird shit, asshole!” he yelled. Although rather than be offended, Mr. White simply laughed.

Shit. No one had ever said that to him before. Sure he had been told by girls before that he was ‘hot’ and once or twice that he was ‘super cute’ – which he never quite knew if to take as a good sign or not – but never ‘beautiful’.

Something welled up inside of him as Mr. White ruffled the back of his head while Jesse reflected on his words.

He wanted really badly to bury himself in the guy’s chest but instead he pushed his head deeper into the pillow. He totally wasn’t going to cry. Not at all.

 

It had taken some coaxing but eventually Walt was able to drag Jesse out of bed. Apparently his comment about thinking of Jesse as being beautiful had affected the younger man more than he thought it would. He didn’t regret saying it however. To Walt it was the truth and Jesse seemed more taken aback than upset by it. Walt also hadn’t been lying when he told Jesse that red was a colour he most definitely suited. Jesse’s flushed cheeks along with the cum on his stomach was definitely a sight to behold. Walt could have easily spent the entire day just looking down at him.

However to make up for not being able to last time Jesse spent the night, Walt suggested they grab a shower.

“You gonna go first?” Jesse asked him innocently.

Walt shot him a look. Despite what they had just done, Jesse was apparently short on the uptake today.

“What?” Then clicking, “Ohhh.”       

Walt’s shower wasn’t particularly big but given how he wanted to be as close to his partner as possible, he didn’t consider it much of an issue. Within seconds and the warm water rushing down on them, he had Jesse pressed against the titles, his mouth on his. Walt was pleased that unlike his old home, his boiler for the condo provided a decent amount of hot water. He was especially grateful given that it was the longest shower he had taken in a long time, eager to explore Jesse’s body. Furthermore thanks to Jesse’s presence, this was also the first shower in years were he hadn’t gotten off by himself.

They were both rather red when they got out the, a combination of spending so much time under the stream of hot water as well as other things. Walt was also pleased to discover that Jesse’s moans were just as gorgeous in the shower as in bed.

With Jesse’s hair sat flat against his head, Walt couldn’t help but find the look somewhat endearing. Jesse held out his hand for a towel but instead Walt placed it over Jesse’s head and started rubbing.

“Hey!” Jesse yelled. Junior had always protested as well before bursting out into laughter when Walt had done this to him as a child. Of course, Junior had been much younger than Jesse. Between remembering taking showers with Skyler and drying his son’s hair, he was definitely experiencing an odd sense of nostalgia.

When he was finished, Jesse’s hair was no longer quite so flat, instead sticking out in all different directions.

“Asshole,” he muttered, grabbing the towel off of him. Of course given that the boy was biting back a grin, Walt could tell that he wasn’t truly annoyed.  

“Yo, you got a spare toothbrush?” Jesse asked once they had dried off.

“Also, you should probably brush your teeth as well cause your breath kinda smells and there’s no way I’m kissing you again if you don’t,” he added cheekily once Walt had handed him one.

Walt rolled his eyes and started brushing, something he had planned on doing whether Jesse had commented on his breath or not.

Afterwards Walt changed into some new clothes for the day while Jesse put back on his clothes from the previous one.

“You didn’t bring a change?” Walt asked incredulously.

“I came with what you see,” said Jesse signalling to his outfit, “It’s not like I packed for a sleepover.”

“You can borrow some underwear if you’d like,” he offered, debating whether they would actually fit him before remembering that practically every item of clothing that Jesse owned was already far too big for him anyway. One more thing would not be an issue.

“Uh, yeah, no offence but the day I start wearing tighty-whitey’s is the day when I’ve officially given up on life,” Jesse retorted as if Walt’s offer had actually been ludicrous.

“This coming from someone wearing oversized boxers with...what the hell was that pattern on them?” He wanted to say skulls given how many of Jesse’s items of clothing seemed to have them.

“Are you kidding me?” Jesse replied shocked, pulling his pants down, “It’s Batman, yo!”

“Ah.” He thought he recognised the patterns.

“Please tell me you’ve heard of Batman,” Jesse said, pulling the waistband of his boxers, sounding almost panicked, “Like you have to know who Batman is.”

“Of course I know who Batman is!” Walt admonished. How out of touch with things did Jesse think he was? “Forgive me for not paying close enough attention to what kind of underwear you have on.”

“For someone not paying attention, you were sure looking pretty hard last night,” Jesse said teasingly, letting go of the stretched waistband so it smacked back against his hip.

“To be honest, I was a lot more interested in what was underneath them,” Walt replied, placing his hands on either side of the boy’s hips. Then pressing his mouth against Jesse’s ear, whispered “In fact I’d quite like you to strip out of them again, let me get an even closer look this time.”

He heard Jesse’s breath hitch. “Do you mind if I grab something to eat first? I’m kind of hungry.”

“Sure,” Walt relied, pressing a kiss to his cheek before letting go, “Come on, let’s have some breakfast.”

 

Although given the time it would more likely be counted as lunch.

“You got any cereal?” Jesse asked as he started opening Walt’s cupboards.

“No. I don’t.”

“What? How can you like have no cereal?” Jesse complained, causing Walt to roll his eyes.

“I have some eggs in the fridge and I can make you some toast. Will that suffice?”

Jesse grinned. “Wow, you cooked me dinner and now you’re making me breakfast, Mr. White? That’s like pretty generous for you.”

“Hmm. Maybe I shouldn’t. I don’t want to spoil you too much after all,” Walt teased.

“Aw, come on. I’m hungry,” Jesse whined, “Plus this ain’t the first time you’ve made me breakfast.”

“No?”

“Yeah, you know, back when my parents kicked me out, I came over to your house with the RV and you got majorly pissed off and we had that...well you know...”

Walt recalled and he had to admit the memory stung a little. While it had been incredibly stupid and reckless for Jesse to show up like that at his house, the boy had been desperate. Covered in and reeking of toilet sanitizer, Jesse had been in a truly pitiful state. Of course, given that Walt had just suffered a particularly unpleasant argument with Skyler, Jesse’s well-being hadn’t been high on his priority list then. Instead he had used Jesse showing up as an opportunity to vent his anger and lash out, including calling him a ‘pathetic junkie’.

Looking back on it, it was no wonder that Jesse’s hands had wound up wrapped around his neck. Jesse hadn’t punched him however, despite Walt telling him to do it. Whether it was being ordered to or all fight having left him, Jesse had dropped his fist, falling onto the floor of the RV next to him. Walt had also given in, bringing Jesse into his house – it being unlikely that Skyler would return anytime soon – and handing him his share of their money. He then offered and proceeded to make him breakfast, unsure where else to go from there.

Walt was positive if he saw Jesse in that state now, is reaction would be completely different. Nevertheless, given how he acted, it saddened him to think that it happened not all that long ago.

“Hey, you okay?” Jesse asked him and Walt realised he hadn’t responded.

“Oh, I’m fine. Yes, I remember,” he confirmed and then grabbing some eggs out of the fridge asked, “Fried or scrambled?”

“I’m cool with whatever.”

With his back turned, Walt nodded and set about making breakfast.

“Yo, you ain’t still mad at me for that are you?” Jesse asked apprehensively.

Walt turned around. “Mad?”

“Yeah, you know, cause I showed up in the RV, and we got into that fight...”

“Of course not! I’m-” In truth he was angry at himself, “Let’s just put it behind us, shall we?”

“Uh, sure,” Jesse agreed meekly before adding, “Shit, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to use one of porta-potty things ever again. Seriously, what the hell is up with all that blue stuff anyway? Like is doing your business with all that chemical crap near you even safe?”

Somehow while making breakfast, Walt found himself explaining the sanitation process and the chemicals used, a distraction from the unpleasant memory.

It was an odd topic but as with most of Walt’s explanations nowadays, Jesse listened intently.

“Yeah, well just promise me you haven’t put any weird chemicals in my eggs,” Jesse joked with a grin as Walt placed his breakfast down in front of him.

Walt smiled in return and ruffled the boy’s now dry hair. “I promise.”

 

The rest of the afternoon they spent lazing around and having sex. Like so many things of late, Walt couldn’t recall when he had last experienced a day like this. And staring down at the panting body beneath him, he hoped that there would be many more to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading, and for the kudos and comments! :)
> 
> Apologies again for the slight delay between updates.


	11. Chapter 11

Life had been pretty sweet for Jesse this past month. He felt... well, at ease.

Between everything that had happened since he and Mr. White started cooking together and the delightful side effect of paranoia back when he did meth, feeling relaxed was something he hadn’t experienced in quite a long time.

Still, Jesse was positive that he in no way felt as relaxed as the man he was currently massaging if the noises he was making were any indication.

“That’s good, Jesse. Yes, right there.”

Again Mr. White moaned loudly as Jesse kneaded his fingers into his tail bone. He would have offered to leave the room, embarrassed, if not for the fact he was sleeping with the guy on a regular basis.

“Man. Either you really needed this or I’m getting better,” Jesse said, grinning.

Instead of the futon, they had decided to make use of Jesse’s bed for the massage, allowing Jesse easier access to Mr. White’s lower back which had apparently been giving the man hell all day.

Mr. White was currently laid down on the bed on his stomach while Jesse massaged him, his knees resting at either side of the man’s body.

“Go a little lower would you?”

“Yo, any lower and I’ll just be massaging your ass,” Jesse retorted.

“I don’t see how that’s a problem,” Mr White answered and Jesse could tell from the tone of his voice he was smiling, “Plus if I just happened to turn over you could always-”

“Thought you were like super tired, huh?” Jesse teased, “Just wanted to get a quick massage then hit the hay.”

“Clearly your massage has rejuvenated me,” Mr. White replied, no hint of shame.

Jesse bit back a laugh. “Riiiight. You hinting for a happy ending there, Mr. White?”

“Well, I certainly wouldn’t say no...”

Jesse rolled his eyes.

Mr. White started to push himself up while Jesse lifted up his knee in response, allowing the man to manoeuvre over onto his back.

Hooking his knee back over, Jesse climbed atop Mr. White.

“So the massage help, then?” Jesse asked, grinning down at him, already knowing the answer.

“Absolutely. I don’t know how I managed to spend all these years without them,” Mr. White spoke contentedly as he took Jesse’s hand in his own, entwining their fingers together. “You do have incredible hands.”

In response, Jesse bent down, placing a kiss on the man’s lips. It was kind of lame but every time Mr. White said he enjoyed a massage or praised him, Jesse felt his heart swell. It made him just want to give the guy even more.

Mr. White placed his other hand on Jesse’s cheek and pulling him down deepened the kiss. Jesse practically melted into it.

It had tickled Jesse at first but he was finally getting used to the sensation of facial hair brushing against his face every time they kissed. Now he kind of loved it. Not to mention that Mr. White looked pretty badass with a goatee.

“So, how about that happy ending?” Mr White said once Jesse had pulled back from the kiss.

“Ugh. I’m too tired.” He really was. Since Mr. White had hurt his back, Jesse had urged him to rest for a bit in the office leaving most of the cleanup process to Jesse.

“But it would be such a waste not to make full use of these,” Mr. White teased, placing several small kisses on the hand still entwined in his own.

Jesse couldn’t help but snort. Of course in Mr. White’s world, Jesse using his hands to their full potential was to give the dude a hand job.

Still, the desire to make Mr. White feel even better was strong and so untwining their fingers, Jesse agreed. “Fine.”

“Take these off,” Mr. White ordered, tugging at Jesse’s pants as Jesse reached over for the massage oil.

“Wanting a show too, eh Mr. White?”

“Actually I was thinking there’s no reason why we both can’t enjoy ourselves.”

Mr. White shuffled upwards while Jesse removed his pants and underwear. In retaliation to Mr. White ordering him about, Jesse was tempted to leave his shirt on since he never specifically told him to take it off. However, in the end he removed it as well, deciding to cut the guy some slack and not be ‘difficult’ as Mr. White would put it.

After applying the oil, Jesse bent forward about to take Mr. White’s dick in his hand when the man grabbed his ass pulling him closer. Taking Jesse’s wrist he then started to guide his hand downwards.

“Uh, you are aware that I know how to give a hand job, right?” Jesse asked, confused.

Mr. White scoffed. “I know that but like I said before, there’s no reason why we both can’t enjoy ourselves.” He then proceeded to manoeuvre Jesse’s hand so that it curled around both of their dicks.

Jesse smiled, realising what the man had in mind.

Mr. White was a bit ahead of him but with the feeling of their cocks pressed against each other and Jesse beginning to stroke them, Jesse’s own cock soon followed suit.

“Just like that, Jesse,” Mr. White moaned as Jesse slowly but surely started to speed up his pace, “That’s good, son.”

Jesse whimpered. It was embarrassing, ridiculously so. But Mr. White calling him ‘son’ or even ‘good boy’ turned Jesse on like no tomorrow. He had no idea why he had that reaction as really it should have pissed him off. Like he told Mr. White before, it wasn’t like he was some fucking kid. And yet, whenever the man uttered the word ‘son’, it sent a shudder throughout his entire body.

The other week after a cook, Mr. White had praised him with an innocent ‘Good work, son’, of course to which Jesse found himself hard in what seemed like a matter of seconds. Jesse was positive that he was going to die of embarrassment right there and then. Thankfully, however, he had been able to excuse himself before Mr. White noticed, or if his partner had been aware, he certainly hadn’t said anything. Jesse was convinced that if it had happened in any other place, the guy totally would have totally been all over him – not to mention never letting him live it down – but Mr. White was pretty strict about ‘proper conduct’ in the lab.

The first day of work since they had sex, Jesse went to kiss Mr. White only to be instantly shoved away.

“Dude, what the hell?!” he had yelled angrily in response, utterly confused.

“Jesus, Jesse, we can’t do that here!” the older man retorted gruffly, his eyes darting around the lab as if he had expected to find a hundred spectators, “What if Victor had walked in us?”

“Alright, whatever” he muttered, “I’m sorry, okay?”

Mr. White let out a frustrated sigh. “Let’s just get back to work.”

“Fine.”

Although Jesse had acted like he had simply brushed it off, his partner’s reaction had stung, the rest of the day spent with feelings of self-doubt swirling around his head. Had he made a bigger deal of what they did bigger than it really was? Mr. White had given him a warm smile when he greeted him that morning but what if...

He couldn’t help but thinking back to when he met Jane’s father for the first time; the disappointment he had felt when Jane made it out to her Dad that Jesse was nothing more than a neighbour, just some random guy who lived next door. This wasn’t the same thing, not at all. But still...

He had given Mr. White a wide breadth the rest of the day, offering noncommittal grunts when confirmation of the cooking process was required. Mr. White barely spoke either.

Having finished changing before Mr. White, Jesse had offered a simple, ‘bye’ before quickly leaving. It wasn’t like he’d been trying to run away, he had just wanted to get home. Plus Mr. White was having dinner with his family that evening. There was absolutely no reason for him to stick around.

Once he had returned home, he flumped down on his futon pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting up. Taking a drag, he debated calling Badger and Pete to see if they wanted to hang out. It was that or play video games by himself, and while maybe it seemed kind of sad, his almost nine to five job as well as hanging out with Mr. White had been eating into his precious gaming time.

Deciding to go with gaming, he bent over to pick up his X-box controller when someone knocked on the door.

Jesse groaned loudly, not caring if the person outside heard it or not. Apparently nothing was going the way he wanted it to that day.

He was surprised when he opened the door to find Mr. White standing there; although given how often Mr. White was around of lately he felt he probably shouldn’t have been.

Before Jesse even had the chance to ask him what he was doing here, the man brushed past him.

“Yo, just invite yourself in, why don’t-” But Jesse was interrupted by a pair of lips suddenly crushing against his own while his body was pushed against the wall. Mr. White’s hands were on his face and upon hearing a slam, Jesse assumed that he had used his leg to shut the door behind them. He kissed Mr. White back greedily and in a matter of seconds found himself tossed down onto the futon, Mr. White climbing on top of him.

In what seemed like a frantic haze, Mr. White had removed his pants and started lubricating his asshole with what Jesse assumed to be massage oil from the same bottle he had used when jerking Jesse off the previous week.

Jesse gasped as Mr. White entered him, his body still getting used to the sensation.

They both came quickly, Mr. White panting loudly as squeezed down awkwardly side-by-side next to Jesse as much as the folded futon would allow.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all day,” Mr. White told him, a pleased smile on his face.

“Really? Could have fooled me,” Jesse replied, apparently still hurt enough not to get wrapped up in post-coital bliss.

Mr. White looked momentarily puzzled before apparently realising what Jesse was referring to. His expression then became slightly ashamed.

“I suppose I could have handled it better,” he admitted.

“If you didn’t wanna kiss me, that’s fine man. Just don’t shove me away like I have rabies or some shit.”

The man next to Jesse simply sighed, and Jesse felt burst of anger coarse through him. Well, if that was going to be his only response...

Just as he was about to get up, Mr. White snuck a hand around his waist and would have most likely pulled Jesse closer if not for the already very little space between them.

“You know that wasn’t the reason why I pushed you away,” Mr White said finally.

“Do I?” Jesse knew he most likely sounded petulant, but he honestly didn’t care.

“It’s just these people... Rather, the _man_ we work for. The less he knows about us, the better. And the lab...” he sighed again, “Well, there’s a chance it may be bugged.”

Jesse’s eyes widened. “Bugged? As in totally listening in on us? That’s like a complete invasion of privacy, yo!”

“Given that Gustavo Fring distributes and sells methamphetamine, I don’t think spying on his employees ranks very high on his list of morally unacceptable acts.”

“Asshole,” Jesse muttered, “I hate that guy.”

“You haven’t even met him,” Mr White countered.

“Yeah, cause I ain’t good enough too,” Jesse retorted, manoeuvring himself into a sitting position.

“He’s just a very private person...”

Jesse snorted as he lit up a cigarette. Usually he tried to avoid smoking around Mr. White, given the whole lung cancer in remission thing, but God, he really needed a cigarette right then.

“Look, I’m probably just being paranoid, but there’s no harm in us being careful,” the other man replied, pushing himself up. Jesse budged out of the way to let him get off of the futon.

“Plus, we have no idea what Victor is telling him. Remember when we were late last week? We don’t want to arouse any suspicion.”

Jesse took a long drag of his cigarette. “Yeah, well, it ain’t like we’re doing anything wrong.”

Looking up, Jesse discovered that Mr. White was quickly shoving his clothes back on. “You leaving already?” Jesse asked, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“I have dinner with my family tonight, remember? I need to go back to my condo and grab a shower and change of clothes before I go over to the house. Already, I’m going to be-” He stopped, glancing around, “Where is my-”

Jesse held out his shoe. “Oh, thank you.” Graciously, Mr. White took it from him.

“I just wanted to stop in to-”

“For a quickie, right?” Jesse interrupted, “Wow, you that horny for me Mr. White that you just had to come all the way over here?”

The older man scoffed as he pulled on his jacket. “You ran off before I got a chance to say goodbye.”

Jesse ignored him, and taking another long draw of his cigarette, asked “So what, does me in a hazmat suit do it for you then, Mr. White?”

“Actually I much prefer you like this,” Mr. White replied with a pleased smirk. It was then that Jesse realised that unlike the man before him who was now completely dressed, he was still naked. “And sadly as much as I would like to stay and admire the view, I need to get going.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Jesse answered quickly, trying to brush off the sudden feeling of vulnerability.

Mr. White patted him on the shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jesse nodded, not bothering getting up or watch him leave.

He sighed and putting out his cigarette, he debated lighting up another one, when the door opened again.

Mr. White moved quickly towards him while Jesse stood up. “Yo, what’s-” Again he was interrupted by the other man’s lips on his, but unlike before, the kiss was soft, almost chaste and yet Jesse felt himself melt into it completely.

“That’s to make up for the one I didn’t return earlier,” Mr White told him, his hands clasping either side of Jesse’s cheeks.

Jesse’s face reddened as a feeling of warmth seemed to envelope him, touched by the gesture. A huge smile broke out on his face in turn triggering an expression of fondness from his partner. Jesse felt lightheaded.

“Hey, shouldn’t you like be getting to your family?”

“You’re right.”

Mr. White proceeded to kiss Jesse once more, gently running his thumb down his face. “I’ll see you tomorrow, son.”

Regardless to whether Mr. White was just being paranoid or if that asshole Fring really had bugged the lab, they avoided talking about anything that could be incriminating. Despite not being able to kiss, it didn’t stop Mr. White constantly touching his shoulder or leaning into him. Not that Jesse was really complaining given that he found the other man’s close proximity and presence oddly comforting. He wondered if Mr. White felt the same way. It made sense considering how irritated the man became whenever Victor entered the lab. Mr. White didn’t speak much when he was around let alone touch Jesse. And he definitely seemed much more at ease when it was just himself and Jesse in lab. As with the RV, it was almost like their own private special place.

By contrast, Jesse was quite positive that Mr. White’s favourite place for them was either his own bed or Jesse’s. Although, Jesse had to admit, he was pretty damn fond of those places as well.

As Jesse circled his finger around the tip of Mr. White’s cock, the man came with Jesse following not long after.

“Shit, that was a good idea,” Jesse panted, the other man using a towel to wipe away the cum on their stomachs. Then taking hold of Jesse’s wrist started to delicately clean Jesse’s hand.

“I can do that myself you know,” Jesse replied inaudibly through a yawn, using his free hand to rub at his eyes.

Mr. White was smiling. “Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

Another good idea and Jesse shuffled upwards while Mr. White stood up and quickly switched off the light before pulling the sheets down so they could both get under the covers.

Jesse turned onto his side facing away as Mr. White climbed into the bed next to him. The man’s arms proceeded to wrap around Jesse, pulling the smaller body closer to him so that Jesse’s back was flush against his chest.

Mr. White placed a kiss on of Jesse’s head.

“Night’ Mr. White,” Jesse mumbled, on the verge of drifting off.

“Goodnight son.”

Yeah, life was pretty sweet right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the gap between updates. Life has been a a bit hectic of late, but now that things have calmed down, chapters should be updated a bit more regularly. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope people are still liking this. I certainly missed writing for it. ^^;
> 
> Thanks again for all the kudos and comments. They are much appreciated! :)


	12. Chapter 12

Walt felt on edge. For the past several days it seemed that Victor had been lingering around the lab more than usual. Whether this was really the case or his own paranoia, Walt wasn’t sure. Nevertheless, it was putting him in a foul mood. He was a professional and knew what he was doing, not to mention being the _very best_ at what he did. He didn’t need supervision; much less by someone who he was convinced didn’t even know a single simple chemistry formula.

Glancing over at the unwelcome intruder, he saw that Victor was watching Jesse somewhat intently. Jesse meanwhile, currently had his earphones in and so appeared oblivious to the man staring at him as he focused on the task of packing their product.

Walt grew tenser, not appreciating the way Victor was looking at his partner. He knew from the beginning that the man did not trust Jesse and that he thought bringing Jesse in and getting rid of Gale was a mistake. Not that Victor had at all voiced this to Walt of course. They barely spoke, the man all but a silent presence. Still, from the expression on Victor’s face the first time he had guided Jesse into the lab Walt could easily tell the man didn’t approve.

Eventually the enforcer/babysitter left but Walt’s unpleasant mood lingered, his thoughts on Victor. His and Jesse’s cooks proceeded on time and went just as well as the ones during the brief stint he had working with Gale; if not better given how used to the process and in tune with each other he and Jesse were.

Walt wondered if he had offended Fring by rejecting Gale as a lab assistant, the one that Gus had personally chosen for him. Like with Victor, it was easy to see that Gus did not hold Jesse in high esteem.

_“You can never trust a drug addict.”_

Surely they didn’t think that Jesse was stealing product? He may have been a user in the past but he was clean now, not to mention Walt was positive he would be able to tell if Jesse was either using or stealing. After all, their haul at the end of the day always added up, not to mention-

Walt startled as a smaller hand was suddenly placed over his own. Glancing upwards he saw Jesse standing there next to him. Too absorbed in his own thoughts, he hadn’t even heard him come over. Possibly sensing Walt’s mood, Jesse gave his hand a soft squeeze.

Ever since Walt had pushed Jesse away when he had attempted to kiss him, Jesse seemed reluctant to show any kind of affection outside their prospective homes. It was safer that way Walt knew, but it did little to quell his frustration with the situation, especially on the days were he wanted nothing more than to pull the boy close to him and kiss Jesse until they were both breathless. Other fantasies had Walt bending Jesse over one of the counters and fucking him right there in the lab.

Not that Walt would. It was their work place after all. And Walt of course was professional. Still, it was fantasy that would help satisfy him until he was able to get Jesse home were with great pleasure he would proceed to reduce the boy to a writhing mess.

As Jesse started to pull his hand back, Walt entwined his fingers through Jesse’s. While once a massive pain in the ass, Jesse’s presence soothed him, his touch even more so. They were coming towards the end of the day and so he didn’t expect Victor to return. It wasn’t much but he wanted to feel close to Jesse one way or another.

“Almost done now,” Walt told Jesse, giving him a small smile, gently rubbing his thumb against his hand.

Jesse grinned in return. “Yeah. It’ll be nice to like get home, just chill out and...” Jesse gestured with his head, “well, you know...”

Walt did know, and he was very much looking forward to it.

This time, Walt gave Jesse a small squeeze of his hand before letting go, fighting the urge to kiss him. “Well, I suppose we better hurry and finish up then.”

 

Walt’s improved mood would prove to be short-lived however as when climbing into his car, he received a phone call. Reaching into his pocket for his cell phone, he stopped, realising that it was actually his burner phone that was ringing. Jesse had just left moments ago in his own car so Walt doubted he would be calling. There was only one other person who had the number for this phone.

Warily, he pressed the connect button. “Hello?”

“Hello Walter.”

It was Gustavo Fring.

 

The phone call left Walt feeling unsettled, unable to enjoy his evening. Of all the things he thought a phone call from his enigmatic employer would consist of, it certainly wasn’t an invitation to join the man for dinner; at his house no less. Walt, of course, had agreed to attend, having no reason not to. Furthermore, given what very little he knew of the man, it was best not to do anything that could be misconstrued as disrespect.

Jesse, unsurprisingly, was not extended an invitation. After all, Walt was technically the one in charge of the lab with Jesse being his lab assistant, even if they did split what they earned fifty-fifty. As such, it made sense that Gus would want to talk specifically to Walt. Still, the question of ‘why now?’ echoed in his mind.

Was it merely an innocent dinner? Or was there some kind of issue which Gus wanted to discuss with him; in particular, a problem which concerned Jesse.

“Uh, you okay?” Looking down, Walt found Jesse staring up at him from his lap with a slightly confused expression on his face. Usually Walt could only last so long with the boy sat squirming in his lap before he would grab hold of Jesse and more or less have his way with him, so he was aware that Jesse’s bafflement at the complete lack of reaction was in fact justified.

He had decided not to tell Jesse about having dinner the next day. And while he doubted that Jesse would be shocked by the lack of invitation, until he knew more, he decided to keep it a secret.

In all honesty, he wasn’t sure which ‘secret’ was worse; having dinner with Gus Fring or the bombshell that Skyler had dropped on him the other week that she had never filed the divorce papers and that she and Walt were in fact still married. Walt had been shocked, even with her rationalisation that married couples can’t be made to testify against their spouses. If there weren’t a dozen other factors to make him feel uneasy about his relationship with Jesse - Jesse being one of his former students as well half his age were two big ones – then still being married certainly would have.

It had only been a couple of days before Skyler had announced their continuing status as a married couple that Walt had actually stopped wearing his wedding ring. If it hadn’t been for his relationship with Jesse he probably would have kept wearing it; a combination of habit and the hope that Skyler would come to her senses and take him back. But ever since he started sleeping with Jesse, his desire to reconcile with Skyler had fallen lower and lower down his priority list.

Walt wondered if he should say something to Jesse about still being married, but then again, he hadn’t even told his partner about Skyler forcing him to bring her to meet Saul, or her suggestion that he should purchase the car-wash he had slaved away at for four years in addition to his job as a chemistry teacher.

It was frustrating and part of him knew he should tell Jesse but frankly when he was around the boy, there were a lot of other things he would rather be doing with him. Unfortunately however, it was unlikely that these ‘other things’ would be happening at all tonight thanks to all the things going on his mind as well as his unresponsive cock.

“I’m just tired is all,” Walt finally replied to Jesse’s question, trying to keep out any irritation in his voice.

“You sure?” Jesse asked, his expression a mixture of doubt and worry.

“Sorry. I’m just having an off day,” he apologised, placing a kiss on Jesse’s forehead, “I’ll make it up to you.”

This at least seemed to reassure Jesse somewhat, eliciting a small smile from him. “It’s cool, yo,” Jesse said, leaning his head against Walt’s chest, “Don’t worry about it.”

In the end, it was only Jesse’s nervously sweet ‘you’re still spending the night though, right?’ that briefly pulled Walt out of his worrying thoughts that evening.

With a quick kiss to the top of his head, he started running his fingers through his hair.

“Of course, son.”

The boy could be a pain in the ass at times, but he could also be ridiculously precious.

 

Thankfully Jesse had an NA meeting the evening he was invited to Gus’s house. While not much, it was of somewhat of a relief to Walt in that he wouldn’t have to lie that he was seeing his family and therefore couldn’t spend the night with the younger man.

Putting on an old beige suit – he wasn’t sure exactly of the dress code but decided that formal would probably go down better – he headed over to his boss’s home.

Unsurprisingly, Gus lived in what appeared to be a very nice suburban neighbourhood; his house much larger and fancier than the one Walt, until recently, had resided in for the past sixteen years.

Greeting him at the door, Gus took Walt inside, the interior just as nice as the outside. Glancing around he saw toys splayed around the place and it dawned on Walt that he had not once thought about his employer having a family of his own. He got a brief glimpse of them in picture frames as he was guided to the kitchen but wherever the Fring family where, it certainly wasn’t here. Dinner, therefore, seemed to be just the two of them.

Still, even with the sweater in place of Gus’s usual attire and slightly warmer expression on the man’s face, it did nothing to quell Walt’s unease, his anxiety only increasing when he was handed a knife to help slice some garlic in preparation for dinner.

“Why did you invite me here?” Walt asked finally, unable to relax.

“We’re working together...” Gus replied calmly, “Why not break bread together?”

The meal, Paila Marina that Gus prepared – and technically Walt too with the small contribution of slicing garlic – tasted very good, so much so that Walt for a brief moment considered cooking it for Jesse. That was if Jesse even liked fish. He figured he should probably find that out first.

Walt was quickly shaken out of his thoughts however, remembering exactly where and in whose company he was in.

After a short although not altogether unpleasant conversation about the senses and relational memory, Gus finally started to make it at least somewhat clear as to why it was he had invited Walt tonight.

“Walter, I would like to help you, if I could,” Gus told him politely.

“Help me how?” Walt asked, growing tenser by the second.

“Well, when I first started out, I made a lot of mistakes. More than I care to admit. I wish I’d had someone to advise me.”

Walt wasn’t quite sure how to respond. “I...I see.”

“All of this, cooking methamphetamine that is, you’re doing it for your family, are you not?” Gus said, more of a statement than a question.

The sudden mention of his family made Walt uncomfortable. Yet what Gus said was the truth.

“Yes. That is the reason.”

“I was wondering if I could ask you about the nature of your relationship with your lab assistant Jesse Pinkman?”

Walt froze. “Je-Jesse?”

“Yes. I hope you do not think I’m overstepping my bounds by asking,” Gus said before taking a small sip of wine, “It’s only that I have been informed that outside of the lab, you seem to be spending quite a great deal of your, well... personal time with him.”

Hidden under the table, Walt clenched his fist, anger building from within him. “Have you been spying on me?”

“You? Of course not. Mr. Pinkman on the other hand....”

Walt couldn’t believe it. Gus _knew_.

“Forgive me, Walter. It was not my intention to have someone spy on you, nor you whom I do not trust.”

Walt had to give it to him, the man sounded genuinely apologetic. Not that it did anything to dampen his anger.

“So you don’t trust Jesse, then, is that it?” Walt challenged.

“Quite,” his employer replied simply, “I told you once before, never trust a drug addict.”

“Is that what you wanted to advise me on?” Walt asked darkly.

“My advice, Walter, is to remember why you’re doing all of this. For a man like yourself, family is the most important thing. Everything else is merely a distraction. And while many distractions we engage in can be harmless, others... well, they come at great cost.” Gus paused, taking another sip of his wine. “However, should you find yourself in need of ridding yourself of any distractions, I, of course, would be more than happy to help.”

Walt could only stare, unable to believe what he was hearing; that they were actually having this conversation.

“So, what you’re saying is-”

“What I’m saying, Walter...is never make the same mistake twice.”

 

Walt felt sick. Gus knew; knew about his ‘relationship’ with Jesse. How long the man had known, Walt had no idea. What was clear however, was that that Gus did not approve. And while he never specifically said he would go after Jesse, this did little to relieve Walt’s anxiety.

Had he made a mistake replacing Gale with Jesse? It was true that he was doing all this to provide for his family, whether they appreciated it or not. Reflecting back on his frantic panic of delivering the meth to Gus within the specified timeframe and missing the birth of his daughter due to Jesse being completely out of it on heroin, not to mention then being blackmailed by Jesse’s then girlfriend, part of Walt did have to wonder if perhaps Jesse really had become a distraction for him.

“Hey Mr. White, are you alright?” spoke the voice of the very person he was thinking about, “You uh, kinda look like crap.”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Walt replied brusquely. He had barely gotten a wink of sleep the night before and Jesse’s blunt observation did nothing to help his mood.

“You sure?” Jesse asked worried, looking very much like he wanted to reach out to him.

While normally he would find the boy’s concern endearing, right now it only served as a further source of irritation. “ _I’m sure_. Now let’s get started. We’re all ready running late.”

“Fine. Whatever,” Jesse muttered, and Walt too absorbed in his own thoughts failed to take notice of the wounded expression on his partners face.

Jesse’s attempts throughout the day to engage him in conversation fell flat and Walt briefly wondered how the boy could be so calm before remembering that Jesse had no idea about his dinner with Gus. Ignorance was bliss he supposed.

Thankfully, Walt was able to lose himself in the cook process, but the second Victor appeared, any semblance of calm instantly disappeared.

Walt had no idea how many cronies were in Gus Fring’s employ but Walt was positive that Victor would have been the one spying on them; the one who told Gus about Jesse spending the night at his place or vice versa. The fact that this man, this nobody was stalking them, watching them when they weren’t working angered Walt more than he could describe.

Glaring at him, Victor just smirked back in return, leaving Jesse to glance helplessly between the two.

“Yo, what the hell is going on?” Jesse whispered hurriedly once Victor had disappeared into the office.

“Nothing,” Walt replied, his hands almost shaking from anger.

“Bullshit. You look like you wanna fucking murder the guy! Like I get that, I seriously do. After all, the guy’s a total a-hole. But why-”

“Jesse just drop it!” Walt snapped finally.

Jesse was the one glaring at him now. “Fine, whatever, bitch!”

Walt sighed as Jesse stomped over to the other side of the lab. They weren’t finished their current task but Walt didn’t say anything. In complete juxtaposition to his usual desire to have his partner as close to him as possible, right now he just desperately needed the space.

Before the enforcer left, his eyes practically boring holes into the back of Jesse’s skull until Walt caught his gaze.

How dare he look at his partner like that? How dare he and Gus think he could treat him like this? Gus may have provided them with a state of the art superlab, but without Walt, without his formula, it was all worthless. Gus needed him and Walt needed Jesse, and the fact the man had made him question Jesse’s place in his life, insinuated that Jesse was nothing more than a distraction, incensed Walt more than he could properly express.

Again Victor smirked at him and it took every single ounce of restrain for Walt not to stalk across the lab and punch him square in the face, a fierce protective urge growing inside him. Jesse was part of this. Walt needed him. And most importantly of all, Jesse was _his_.

The second the door fell shut, Walt stalked straight over to Jesse, the boy’s shoulders hunched over as he half-heartedly crushed their product into tiny pieces to be weighted and packaged.

Walt grabbed him and spun him around to face him.

“Dude, what the hell-” Jesse started but Walt crushed his lips against his, silencing his protest.

Walt kissed him harshly, pressing in as close to him as he possibly could.

“Shit. Mr. White...” Jesse was gasping when Walt finally pulled back. “That was... but what about...” Jesse’s eyes darted to the door. “What if he-”

“It doesn’t matter.” And once more Walt was kissing him, running his hands down Jesse’s back, but the damn protective suit was in the way. Like Jesse’s sweet lips, Walt desperately needed to feel the rest of him.

“Take this off,” he ordered.

Jesse looked shocked. “Uh, you’re joking right?”

Walt simply stared. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

“Dude, we’re in the lab. Seriously, what if-”

“I told you it doesn’t matter.” Walt’s hand crept down, reaching over Jesse’s cock as best as he could through the suit. “Come on. Be a good boy, Jesse. Take this off for me.”

Jesse gasped at the unexpected touch. “Sh-Shit...”

Before Jesse even had time to comply, Walt was hastily pulling down the zipper, freeing Jesse from the protective suit.

The lab was safe. They were safe. The cook was done, therefore no risk of exposure or contamination.

Grabbing Jesse’s face, Walt kissed him again before ordering him to remove the rest of his clothes. Meanwhile, Walt focused on ridding himself of his own until they were both stood there in their underwear, Walt in his tighty-whiteys and Jesse in his ridiculous boxers.

Jesse looked so vulnerable, almost completely naked; so small in comparison to the large equipment surrounding them.

Walt could hardly contain himself at the sight. Another one of his fantasies about to turn into a reality.

He reached over, pulling down Jesse’s boxers to reveal his erection.

“Hey Mr. White...” Jesse started nervously, staring at him with eyes that begged for an explanation of what exactly was going on.

But Walt wasn’t willing to give it, not right now anyway. Instead he crushed his lips against Jesse’s, his cock hardening as it brushed against the inside of the boy’s thigh.

“Mine,” Walk gasped through the kiss, wrapping his arms around Jesse’s lithe frame, “All mine.”

Jesse’s fears of Victor showing up seemed to dissipate as he reached out for Walt’s dick. Walt stopped him however, grabbing hold of his wrist.

“No,” Walt told him, “Turn around.”

Jesse looked unsure but once Walt released his wrist, he turned around without protest. Walt meanwhile wandered to the cleaning station and chose the first thing he could find that could actually be used as a source of lubricant. He regretted not having actual lube on him – the thought of fucking Jesse in the lab having always been a fantasy – but this would do.

Quickly Walt slicked up his fingers, so desperate to be inside Jesse.

“Bend over,” he ordered, guiding Jesse downwards while Jesse positioned himself so he could hold on to the counter.

“I’m going to put my fingers inside you now.”

Apparently Jesse was unprepared for the sensation however, his body flinching as two fingers pushed their way inside him.

“Fuck!” he cursed, “It hurts.”

“Relax,” Walt told him, feeling Jesse’s muscles clenched tightly around his fingers.

“Easy for you to say,” Jesse muttered sounding strained.

“I just need to open you up a bit more.”

Walt’s desperation to be inside Jesse was growing stronger and it wasn’t long before he began stretching the fingers inside of Jesse.

The boy tensed with a gasp.

“Easy now, son,” he soothed, “Easy.”

Eventually Jesse started to loosen up. Hurriedly, Walt removed his fingers and began to eagerly slick up his cock. Walt shuddered as he did so, already so hard.

God, he needed to be inside Jesse so badly.

Grabbing hold of his hips, Walt started to push in.

Jesse grunted. “Fuck.”

“You can do it, son. Come on now, just take me. Yes, just like that. Just like that. Good boy. That’s it.”

Walt was being rougher than he normally would, but he knew Jesse could take it. That he would be fine.

The young man gasped as Walt suddenly started to quicken his pace, a stream of swearwords pouring out of Jesse’s mouth.

With one hand firmly on his hip, Walt slid his other hand upwards, rubbing it over Jesse’s chest.

Jesse whimpered as his nipples grew hard under Walt’s touch.

“You like this, don’t you, son?” Walt spoke in his ear, “Feels so good, doesn’t it?”

It was only when Jesse didn’t instantly reply with a needy, desperate ‘ _yes_ ’ that Walt realised that the boy had his mouth closed, his teeth biting down on his lip.

It became apparent to Walt that Jesse was deliberately trying to keep quite. But right now, more than ever, Walt desperately needed to hear the boy’s moans; to hear them echo in the vast expanse of the lab just as in his fantasies.

“Open your mouth, son,” Walt said, tightening his grip on Jesse’s hip. “Don’t hold back. Just let it all out.”

“But...shit. What if they’re listening?”

“I told you that it doesn’t matter!” Walt shouted, not caring if the entire world heard them.

As such, he put more power into his next thrust making it impossible for Jesse not to cry out.

Walt grinned. He wanted them to hear. Wanted Victor to come rushing in, an expression of horror on his face while Walt smirked at him.

Jesse was his, and no ‘advice’ or even outright threats from Gus or his cronies was ever going to make him give up Jesse.

Jesse was so ridiculously tight, could feel his body tremble under him.

The sounds alone were enough to send him over the edge, but first he needed something.

“Say you’re mine, Jesse.”

Jesse was panting so heavily, also on the brink of ejaculation as Walt repeatedly shoved into him. “Hey, I think I’m gonna co-”

“No! Say it, Jesse!” Walt tightened his grip on him, “Say that you’re mine!”

“I’m yours Mr. White!” Jesse choked out, “I’m yours!”

With one final thrust Walt came.

It felt like an explosion.

Jesse Pinkman was his. And Gustavo Fring, not with all his wealth, not with all his power, could ever make him give Jesse up.

He wrapped his arms tightly around the body beneath him.

“Mine...all mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was super nervous about this chapter so it took a bit longer to write. Things are a tiny bit muddled continuity wise but considering Jesse doesn't meet Andrea, I'll use the this fic is an AU excuse. ^^;;
> 
> Thanks again for all the comments and kudos! They are much appreciated. :)


	13. Chapter 13

In the end, Victor did not appear, leaving Walt’s sexual encounter with Jesse an unseen spectacle. Whether it remained unheard however, well that was another matter completely as if Walt was correct in supposing that the lab was bugged then there was no way the mikes didn’t pick up on the sounds Jesse was making as he was being fucked.

Walt felt exhilarated, adrenaline pulsing through him. In the state he was in, he could have likely mustered the energy to go again, but as great as it had been, they still had to finish weighing and packaging the day’s batch before it would be collected and then shipped off to wherever.

Jesse had came not long after Walt but he was still breathing heavily, his forearms resting against the counter for support.

“Get dressed,” Walt told him as he picked up his underwear off the floor, “We need to hurry and get back to work.”

Jesse shot him a look as if he had just suggested something ludicrous. “Seriously? Right now?”

Walt ignored him, choosing instead to enjoy the hefty feeling of triumph he was experiencing over defying Gus.

By the time Jesse’s breathing evened out and he had pulled himself up, Walt was already putting back on his protective suit.

With barely a second glance at Jesse, Walt began to pick up the task Jesse had been doing before he had interrupted him.

“Jesse, hurry up!” he yelled as he looked at his watch, not wanting to run late given he was having dinner with his family that evening.

“Here, start packaging this,” he ordered Jesse as the younger man slowly wandered over.

“Wow, straight back to work, huh?” Jesse replied, and Walt thought he could detect a bit of annoyance in his voice.

“What do you expect?” said Walt, not looking up as he scribbled the weight of the crushed meth on a clip board, “We have a job to do and we need to finish it. Now come on. Victor and Gus’s other cronies will be arriving to pick this up soon.”

Jesse simply snorted. “Now you care about someone showing up.”

Walt was baffled, no idea to why Jesse was acting so bratty all of a sudden. From the sex he had just given him – and Walt knew for a fact that Jesse enjoyed it if the noises he made were any indication – he would have thought Jesse would be in a much better mood. Instead he just seemed bitter.

“What exactly is it you want?” Walt asked, stopping his task to look at him.

Jesse in response just diverted his eyes. “Nothing,” he sighed.

Not wanting to ruin his good mood, Walt decided not to question him further, instead taking Jesse at his word.

“Good.”

When Victor did return later on, nothing on his face suggested that he had any clue that Walt had just fucked Jesse on the very counter he was leaning against as the product was uplifted. That alone gave Walt a strong feeling of superiority. He was just disappointed he wouldn’t get to see the expression on his face had Victor walked in on them.

Once outside the Laundromat, Walt bid farewell to Jesse.

“As you know, I’m seeing my family tonight, but I’ll drop by tomorrow. We can spend the rest of the weekend together, okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” Jesse replied vacantly.

It wasn’t quite the reaction he had been hoping for, the bright and mischievous smile Walt was used to absent from the boy’s face. Instead Jesse was acting withdrawn which he knew from experience was never a good sign.

“You okay?” he asked.

Jesse simply nodded. “I’m fine. Just tired, I guess.”

Walt didn’t have much time and so again he chose to take Jesse at his word.

“Well, rest up. I’ll see you tomorrow.” With a small squeeze of Jesse’s shoulder, Walt headed to his car and drove off.

 

Walt had never fucked the boy that hard before and now sitting down at the dinner table with his family, he could still feel his hands on Jesse’s hips as he pushed into him, one powerful thrust after another.

Yet another one of his fantasies surrounding Jesse Pinkman had just being fulfilled. And it had been good, great even. Yet, why did he feel so...well, guilty?

At the time it seemed like Jesse had enjoyed himself. Sure, Walt had been a little rougher than usual but-

“Dad? He-Hey, earth to Dad. Are you even like listening to me?”

“Of course.”

A lie. He hadn’t been listening at all, his thoughts on a completely different young man as his brain tried to piece together why Jesse had been so downcast when they had parted ways earlier.

As Junior continued talking, Walt tried his hardest to pay attention to no avail.

He sighed inwardly. He really did have Jesse Pinkman on the brain.

Still, no matter what Gustavo Fring said, Jesse was most certainly not just a distraction.

Walt decided to leave straight after dinner. He excused himself by claiming he wasn’t feeling well and that he was going to head back to his condo to rest. While Junior told him to feel better, Skyler looked like she didn’t believe him in the slightest, although this was more likely because she thought he was running off to avoid a further conversation about buying the carwash. And while not being completely untrue, it was not his main reason for leaving.

Unable to stop thinking about his partner, Walt drove straight over to Jesse’s place. Once he got there however he realised he probably should have called first given that he hadn’t bothered to ask if Jesse if he was planning on going out or having friends over before they left work.

If it happened that Jesse’s friends were around, it wouldn’t take much to convince them that he was visiting for business reasons given that they already knew him as ‘Heisenberg’.

Walt knocked on the door, choosing not to walk straight in as he usually did after knocking.

A rather tired looking Jesse opened the door.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey. What are you, uh, doing here? Thought you were like seeing your family tonight?” said Jesse as he rubbed at his eyes, stepping aside to let Walt in.

A quick glance around revealed that Jesse was the only one there, much to his relief.

“I was,” Walt replied, “I mean I did see them. Just thought I’d drop in on my way home and see how you’re doing.”

It was a weak excuse given that Walt’s condo was in a different direction but if Jesse thought so, he didn’t say anything.

Walt moved to kiss him but instead the boy flopped down on the futon, ignoring his advance.

Normally never one to shy away from affection, alarm bells started going off in Walt’s head.

Taking a seat next to him, he noticed Jesse wince slightly as if in pain.

“Jesse, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, yo. Though you wasted your time coming here cause I’m really not in the mood for doing anything.”

“Doing anything?” Walt was confused, before it clicked. “Oh. That’s not-”

“Yeah, so guess you’ll just have to go home and like resign yourself to jerking off or whatever.”

If Walt didn’t know any better, he would say Jesse sounded bitter.

“To be honest, I’d rather stay here and spend time with you.”

It was the truth. Even if the boy wasn’t sucking his cock or being fucked by him, he would choose Jesse’s company over being by himself any day.

Jesse however didn’t seem convinced by his admission.

“Whatever,” he replied, taking a swig of his beer, his eyes glued to the television.

Yes. Jesse was definitely pissed off at him. Shared intimacy would generally remedy their bad moods and soften any frustrations but if Jesse’s demeanour was anything to go by, sex of any kind was definitely off the table that evening.

Walt stood up and headed to the kitchen. If he was going to be dealing with a sullen Jesse then he should at least have a drink.

He also acquired a bag of funyuns which he handed over to Jesse. Although, given that they were Jesse’s in the first place, it wasn’t much of a peace offering.

Wordlessly, Jesse took and opened them. He did place them on that table in front of them however, a sign which Walt took to mean he was welcome to some.

Meanwhile the silence continued. Whether this was on purpose or Jesse was just engrossed on the film he was watching on TV, Walt was unsure.

“Look, I’m...I’m sorry for today, okay?” he said finally, “I was short with you and I may have been a bit well...overzealous when I-”

“When you fucked me in the lab out of like nowhere?” Jesse interrupted, now turning to face him.

Walt winced. “Yes. That.”

“Hey, it ain’t like I’ve never thought about it before, but you throw a fucking fit when I try and kiss you and then suddenly decide to, I dunno, take it out on my ass cause you’re mad at the douchebag that’s always eyeing us up.”

“What? Jesse, that’s not it at all. I-” He paused. At the time he thought he was proving just how much Jesse meant to him, that Gustavo Fring couldn’t force him to give Jesse up. But in the end, it had simply left Jesse hurt and feeling used.

“I’m sorry, son,” Walt said, truly meaning it, “I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have been so forceful.”

Jesse crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, well, maybe take it down a notch next time.”

Then with a more light-hearted tone added, “You totally owe me though.”

Walt smiled, feeling immensely relieved. “Of course.”

Taking his chances, Walt bent over to kiss him, and to his further reprieve, Jesse returned the kiss. The kiss didn’t last long however, Walt deciding to end it so it didn’t appear that he was angling for more.

Jesse meanwhile, nestled into his side, a sign Walt took to mean that he was mostly forgiven.

Walt wrapped his arm around him and as he started to run his hands through Jesse’s hair, he felt the boy melt further into him.

Walt didn’t think he had ever met another human being who was as receptive to touch as Jesse Pinkman; the boy practically turning to putty whenever his fingers combed through his hair. It reminded Walt of a cat and like a cat he found that Jesse was practically fond of curling up on his lap.

While Walt was usually the one to pull Jesse on, he had deliberately avoided doing so one evening, purely to see how Jesse reacted. The more time that went on, the more Jesse fidgeted; shooting him puzzled looks which Walt in turn pretended not to notice.

Eventually, Walt had taken pity on the boy, although not without getting some gentle teasing in.

“Would you like to come and sit on my lap, son?”

Jesse had looked so torn in that moment that Walt had to bite the inside of his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud. Clearly Jesse’s pride and desire to be held had been warring with each other.

“Fine, if you want,” a red faced Jesse had replied in a way that suggested he was doing it as a favour for him.

Walt couldn’t help but laugh at that point. Jesse looked fairly unimpressed but he had already climbed onto his lap by this point and Walt had securely wrapped his arms around him less he decided he’d had enough and try to escape. However, with a few gently caresses and sweet kisses, Jesse’s annoyance was soon forgotten.

Walt had to admit, he did love the feeling of the smaller man sat on him, resting his head against his chest.

Jesse always seemed so peaceful in those moments.

“Yo, I can totally hear your heartbeat!” he had claimed excitedly once, causing him to wonder when the last time Jesse had been held like that before Walt.

The fact that he could bring a sense of calm to his troubled, young partner in turn made Walt feel good about himself.

Wanting to bring Jesse that feeling of security in the current moment, Walt started to pull Jesse onto his lap but the second he did so, Jesse flinched making a slightly pained sound through gritted teeth.

“Jesse, are you okay?” Walt asked immediately, panicked.

“I’m fine,” Jesse replied, apparently recovered, “Like I said, just maybe take it down a notch or two next time.”

Walt felt sick. Oh God, today in the lab... He had hurt Jesse.

He swallowed. “Wh-Where does it-”

“Uh, my ass of course,” Jesse answered as if Walt was being a complete idiot, “My hips too, I guess. Dude, you have a super strong grip, I have like bruises, yo.”

Walt’s whole body tensed. “Br-bruises?”

“Yeah, like they ain’t big or nothing but... Hey, are you okay?”

Walt clamped his hand to his mouth, truly feeling like he was about to throw up.

He had... Oh God.

He had hurt Jesse.

Memories of Jesse lying there in hospital beds bruised and beaten circled in Walt’s mind. Jesse had been hurt so much since they went into business together that he had finally made a promise with himself that he would protect Jesse and make sure he didn’t get hurt at the hands of another person ever again. In the end, Walt felt that this was as much for his own sake as for Jesse’s. After all, he doubted his heart could take seeing the boy broken and sobbing in his arms again. Not when Jesse deserved so much more.

“Mr. White, wh-what’s wrong?”

Jesse was looking at him with such concern that Walt struggled to keep it together. Out of everything he had done these past several months, Walt had never felt as much like a monster as much as he did in this moment.

Not even when he had killed another human being.

“I’m sorry, son. I’m so so sorry.”

“Hey, It-It’s okay, yo,” Jesse said hurriedly, “I mean it’s like no big deal, really.”

“Let me see.”

“What? My bruises.” Jesse seemed taken aback. “Seriously Mr. White, I told you it’s cool.”

“Please, Jesse,” Walt begged, having to see for himself the damage he had done.

Jesse appeared torn before finally relenting. Shuffling awkwardly, he started to pull down the right side of his pants and boxers to reveal his hip which featured a few small and newly formed bruises, clearly the result of Walt’s fingers digging into the skin.

Walt gasped. He reached his hand out to touch them only to stop himself.

“Let me see the other side.”

“Seriously, it-”

“Jesse.”

Jesse sighed, continuing to do what he was told.

Walt inhaled deeply. While his left hip didn’t seem to be as badly bruised, it was still early and there was no telling how the bruising would look the next day.

“Jesse...I’m...God, I’m so...” Walt choked, unable to finish.

Jesse meanwhile seemed startled by his partner’s reaction. “It’s totally fine, Mr. White!”

“I mean, I’ve had the shit beaten out of me so many times so this is like nothing,” Jesse said, trying to sound positive.

Walt felt his throat constrict, tears welling up in his eyes as Jesse quickly clicked that this had been the wrong thing to say.

“Honestly, it’s not as bad as it looks, yo!” Jesse tried to reassure, “It super embarrassing, you know, but I bruise like super easy.”

Walt sat there in silence with his hands over his face. Even if that was the case, it didn’t negate the fact that he had still hurt him.

“M-Mr. White, you’re freaking me out, man!” Jesse cried out, shaking his arm.

Walt didn’t react. After promising not to let Jesse get hurt again, how could he possibly look him in the face when he had been the one to hurt him.

“Please, Mr. White! Don’t like shut me out!”

Jesse was begging now and as he heard the desperation in his voice, Walt felt something inside of himself break.

Slowly he turned to the younger man, taking in his panicked fearful expression. Instantly he wrapped his arms tightly around him, bringing his hand up to grasp the back of Jesse’s head as he buried his own into his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, son. I’m so sorry.” He was crying now, unable to hold back the tears.

“Hey, it-it’s fine! I...I’m not mad I swear!” Jesse stuttered, returning his embrace as Walt tried as hard as possible to stop himself from sobbing out loud.

“Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do, Jesse. I swear,” he told him, his voice muffled.

“I know that Mr. White. I totally get it. I mean, you’re always looking out for me. And I know you didn’t mean it. I ain’t mad. I promise.”

The fact that Jesse was the one trying to comfort him despite everything, made his failing him hurt even more. But he had to try and pull himself together; for Jesse’s sake.

Taking a deep breath, Walt let go of Jesse’s head and pulled back. He should be the one reassuring and comforting Jesse; not the other way around.

Reaching out, he clasped Jesse’s cheek in his hand. Despite the self-loathing boiling inside him, he couldn’t help but smile faintly. “I’m so lucky to have you, you know that right?”

Whether it was the words or the way Walt was looking at him, Jesse seemed taken aback.

“I feel the same way, yo,” Jesse admitted, somewhat shyly. “Uh, I mean about you that is.”

It was a lie. Jesse wasn’t lucky at all. Walt realised this even if Jesse didn’t; Jesse’s words in the hospital about having nothing and being all alone since he had started cooking with Walt, echoing back to him.

Still, Walt couldn’t let him go; wouldn’t let go even. He was selfish and he needed him. And Jesse needed him too, if only because Walt had taken everything else away from him.

“So, you gonna like kiss me or just keep staring?”

“Can’t I do both?” Walt asked before he pressed his lips to Jesse’s.

The boy’s lips were slightly chapped, probably from biting down on them earlier; not that it stopped Jesse from kissing him back sweetly however.

Walt pulled back, his hand still clasping Jesse’s cheek. “I promise never to do that ever again. Jesse, if I hurt you in anyway, let me-”

Jesse lips were in on his again. “I get it.” Jesse said softly, raising his own hand to Walt’s face, “And I totally forgive you. Just don’t shut me out and shit. I mean we’re partners, right?”

“You’re right. I just got angry with the...well, the situation. I don’t care if Gustavo Fring or Victor do know about us or how they’d react. We’re in this together and without you, without both of us, there is no cook.”

While Walt didn’t inform Jesse that both men were aware of the relationship, he was being honest when he said he didn’t care what Gus thought. He would choose his relationship with Jesse over that man’s approval any day.

“Hell yeah! Fuck those guys. Besides, those bitches are the ones who need us, right?”

Walt chuckled. “Right.”

“I mean the lab’s pretty frickin sweet but I do miss the crystal ship,” Jesse told him as he carefully climbed onto Walt’s lap.

Avoiding his hips, Walt rested his hands on Jesse’s back to provide him with support.

“Crystal ship?” Walt queried, confused.

“Oh, you know, the RV. It was kinda my nickname for it,” Jesse admitted somewhat embarrassedly.

Walt smiled and placed a soft kiss to Jesse’s lips. Of course Jesse gave it a nickname. Given the fact they used the RV to cook illegal drugs and had almost died in the thing more than once, Walt figured he shouldn’t find the nickname so endearing. Most likely it was because it came from the even more endearing person sat on his lap.

“I feel the same way,” he confessed.

Jesse looked at him somewhat dubiously. “Really? You were always bitching about how disorganised and how cramped everything was. Gotta keep the ‘workstation’ clear and all that shit.”

“Well, I’m not going to lie, the lab is far superior for what we’re doing, but the RV...well, it’s where we started out. That means it’s special to me.”

Jesse grinned. “Really?”

“Of course it is. Just like you.”

Jesse’s face turned a lovely shade pink at his words, and while the reaction was sweet, he really hoped that Jesse knew this already.

However, just as he was about to say more, Jesse let out a loud yawn, and Walt realised that the poor boy was probably exhausted.

“Why don’t we get you off to bed?”

“Sounds good,” replied Jesse, stretching, “Shit, it’s still early. You gonna stay or take off?”

Softly Walt kissed his forehead. “Stay of course. Plus if we both go to sleep now, we’ll have more time to spend together tomorrow.”

“Hmm. And what if I like sleep all day tomorrow?” Jesse teased as he wrapped his arms around Walt’s neck.

“Then I guess I’ll have no choice but to stay in bed next to you and watch over you while you’re asleep.”

Jesse just laughed. “Wow, being creepy again, huh, Mr. White?”

“Well, it’s a hard sight not to appreciate.”

Jesse kissed him on the lips before carefully climbing off his lap.

More seriously, Walt found himself asking Jesse if he wanted to take any painkillers first before they went to sleep.

Jesse shook his head however. “It’s not that bad... Plus I don’t really like taking any kind of drugs now.”

Walt wanted to protest but he was aware that it was a delicate subject and he didn’t want to force or upset Jesse anymore that he had already had today.

 

A few minutes later they found themselves in bed.

“This feel alright?” Walt questioned as he cautiously wrapped his body around Jesse’s, not wanting him to experience any discomfort or pain while they slept.

“Mind if I turn around?”

“Of course not.”

No longer spooning, Jesse carefully rolled over so his head was against Walt’s chest.

With an arm still around him, Walt then positioned himself so Jesse could rest his head on top of him.

“How’s this?”

“Good.”

Reaching over Walt switched off the bedside light.

“Chill, Mr. White. I’m fine,” came Jesse’s voice through the darkness.

Walt glanced down, puzzled. “Hmm?”

“Your heart, I can hear it beating. It’s like really fast right.”

“Oh. Sorry,” Walt replied awkwardly. Whether it was because of the adrenaline from earlier in the day or his emotional reaction to Jesse being hurt, he was finding it extremely difficult to wind down.

Meanwhile, instead of being annoyed, Jesse just chuckled, and changing the subject slightly, said, “Your chest is like super comfy, yo.”

“Super comfy, huh?”

“Yeah, it like totally makes up for the lack of breasts,” Jesse began, then realising what he had just said, added, “Not that you should have breasts. Ugh, God, that’d be so so gross.”

“Well, I guess, I’ll have to keep a close watch on my diet then.”

It took a moment to click but when it did Jesse burst out laughing, and Walt was reminded once again of how much he adored the sound.

He pressed a kiss to the top of Jesse’s head before softly running his hands through Jesse’s hair. Jesse gave a contented moan and Walt found himself continuing the motion long after Jesse had already fallen asleep.

In the end, before falling asleep himself that night, all he could think about was how truly lucky he was to have this person in his life.


	14. Chapter 14

When Jesse woke up, he found himself alone in his bed, his head no longer resting comfortably upon his partner’s chest. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit disappointed by Mr. White’s absence, but given his early bedtime the night before and that light was now shining through the blinds, it made sense that Mr. White would want to get up and do something. Despite what the older man said, Jesse imagined that just watching him sleep would be pretty damn boring.

Stretching, Jesse got up and headed to the bathroom to relieve himself before wandering to the living room, part of him hoping to find Mr. White still in his apartment. The living room was empty however and once again disappointed, he flumped down onto the futon. He couldn’t help but wince slightly, still hurting somewhat from the day before.

Nevertheless, his mind wandered back to the previous evening, recalling Mr. White sat next to him with tears in his eyes, telling him how sorry he was. Jesse had seen Mr. White upset before but he had never witnessed him crying, and if Jesse thought he ever would see him cry, he certainly didn’t think it would be over him of all things. He had truly been shocked by the man’s reaction, and felt a bit guilty in turn. He had been pissed off with the guy, there was no doubt about that, and he had wanted to make Mr. White feel at least a little bad about his actions, but he had never expected that kind of response. He was so used to people not giving a shit about him, that it was still a bit hard to believe, and Mr. White had seemed so remorseful...

‘Not enough to stick around today,’ a surly voice in his head supplied.

He moaned. “Ugh. He said he was sorry. Stop being such a needy little bitch,” he told himself, this time out loud.

Deciding not to think about it, he switched his attention to just how hungry he was. It was a problem that could be easily solved by going into the kitchen and grabbing some cereal or whatnot but that would actually involve getting up and moving, something that since he was now sprawled on the futon, he really could not be bothered to do.

However, if as on cue, the front door opened, revealing Mr. White with a couple of bags in his arms which smelled very much like they contained food.

“Oh, hey. You’re up,” the man greeted him, “I was hoping you’d still be in bed when I got back.”

“I’ve only been awake for like five minutes,” Jesse admitted, pulling himself up into sitting position. He couldn’t help but notice that Mr. White was wearing different clothes. Seemingly he had planned on using the time Jesse was still asleep to head home and get changed before returning. Jesse smiled at this; his disappointment upon waking up alone vanishing.

Placing the bags on the table, Mr. White bent down to kiss him. Jesse thought he smelt amazing. Clearly he had showered and had put on that aftershave Jesse loved so much. About to tell him so, he was suddenly interrupted by a loud grumbling sound.

Jesse blushed; realising that it had in fact came from his stomach. “Uh...”

Mr. White simply laughed. “Guess, I made the right call picking up breakfast. Though, I was hoping to bring it to you while you were still in bed.”

Jesse felt his heart tighten slightly, remembering the time when he had tried to bring Jane breakfast in bed. Like him however, she had woken up before he got the chance to surprise her.

“Jesse, are you okay?”

Jesse snapped out of his reminiscence, noticing the concerned expression on his partner’s face.

“Yeah. I’m good,” he answered, and hoping to reassure Mr. White, smiled widely. “Shit, I’m soooo hungry. You are like my saviour right now. So what’d you get?”

“Well, I went to Denny’s but I wasn’t sure what you’d prefer this morning,” Mr. White began as he started to take the containers out of the bag, “so I got both waffles and pancakes. I also picked you up some soda, although how you can drink that first thing after you get up I’ll never know.”

Jesse’s stomach growled again as he stared at the food. It was food from Denny’s, not exactly high quality dining, but he was seriously starving.

“Did you even eat dinner last night?” Mr. White questioned him as he returned from the kitchen with cutlery, apparently noticing how famished he appeared to be.

“Nah. Kinda why I’m so hungry now,” Jesse replied, taking the knife and fork offered to him.

Mr. White frowned. “You should have told me. I would have whipped something up for you.”

“Uh, to be honest I didn’t like have much of an appetite last night.”

Mr. White looked guilty all of a sudden and Jesse realised that the guy was probably still feeling bad about yesterday.

Hoping to distract him, Jesse shoved a large piece of pancake in his mouth. “So good!” he cried, his declaration muffled by the food in his mouth, “Pancakes are awesome, yo!”

Mr. White’s face softened somewhat at this as he took a much smaller bite of his own food.

He then chuckled as he reached over to Jesse, gently brushing his finger against the side of Jesse’s mouth.

“You had a bit of whipped cream there,” Mr. White told him, revealing a spot of white on his finger. To Jesse’s surprise, the older man licked the tip of his finger and in turn, Jesse couldn’t help but stare, finding it strangely hot. It was a pity that Mr. White didn’t have any whipped cream on his own waffles.

Now finished eating, Jesse sat on the futon, nestled into his partner’s side “Thanks for breakfast. It was good but Denny’s have nothing on your pancakes.”

“You prefer mine?” Mr. White asked, sounding generally surprised.

“Of course. You’re like a really good cook,” answered Jesse, and with a chuckle added, “And I ain’t just talking about your meth, yo.”

Mr. White ruffled his hair, looking pleased. “Occasionally I would make dinner for the family but Skyler did most of the cooking. Since living on my own, I have gotten more a bit more practice in however.”

“Hmm. Even living on my own, I’ve never had much motivation to cook. I like live off of takeaway and microwave meals.”

“I had noticed.”

“But home cooked meals are awesome,” Jesse continued, “Even if it doesn’t taste good, at the same time it still is good cause like someone made it for you, you know? I mean, I was like seriously happy that time you invited me over to your place and cooked dinner for me. That carbonara was the bomb.”

“I’d need to run out to the store for ingredients but I can make it again for you tonight if you want?” the man offered, as he ran his fingers through Jesse’s hair, “I can pick up some dessert too. We can have dinner, relax, watch a movie. Hell, I’ll even watch one of those superhero films you like so much.”

While the offer was certainly appealing – especially since Mr. White’s carbonara had the benefit of actually tasting good as well as being a home cooked meal – Jesse felt unsure.

“You don’t need to.”

“I thought my carbonara was the ‘bomb’?” Mr. White questioned, apparently picking up on his sudden hesitation.

“It is! It totally is. It’s just... I mean, you already got me breakfast, you know? You don’t have to make dinner as well.”

“It’s no big deal. I want to. And like you said, you live on takeaway and microwave meals. A home cooked meal will be good for you.”

Jesse bit down on his lip.

“Jesse, what’s wrong?”

“You don’t have to make anything up to me, you know,” Jesse told him, “I ain’t mad at you. So you don’t have to like try so hard...”

An uncomfortable silence came over them and Jesse quickly regretted his words.

“I understand that,” Mr. White said finally, sliding his hand down from Jesse’s head to rest on his shoulder, “But I want to.”

Jesse nodded, again unsure of what exactly to say. He supposed he should be flattered. And Mr. White’s home-cooked meals were pretty damn awesome. Still, he didn’t want the man to feel like he _had_ to.

After they descended into silence once more, Jesse got up.

“I’m gonna go grab a shower,” he announced and then trying to lighten the mood, added, “Seems unfair for you to be all clean and smelling awesome and me being all sweaty and shit.”

“You smell fine.” Mr. White said as Jesse bent down to kiss him.

“Yeah, but definitely not as good as you.”

 

When Jesse returned to his room to change, he found Mr. White perched on the edge of his bed.

“Yo.”

“Hey. How was your shower?” Mr. White asked him, and Jesse couldn’t help but think he sounded somewhat anxious.

“Uh, fine. You okay?”

“Yes, I...”

Jesse realised that the man was staring at his hips which were currently concealed by the towel wrapped around his waist.

“How does it look?”

Inwardly Jesse groaned. He supposed there was no use in pretending he didn’t know what Mr. White was referring too.

“I didn’t really look.” This much was true. In the past six months he had received so many cuts and bruises he had stopped keeping track.

“Can I see?”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Dude, it’s fine. Seriously, it doesn’t matter.”

“Jesse.” Mr. White stared at him with that look of his that said he wasn’t going to take no for an answer and so with a loud put upon sigh, Jesse untangled the towel around his waist.

Tentatively the older man reached out his hand while Jesse walked a few steps towards him. Any other time, he’d find undressing in front of Mr. White hot but right now the man seemed solely intent on examining his hips.

Mr. White frowned, clearly not liking what he was seeing. Glancing down, Jesse saw that his bruises were more visible now. In his opinion they really were nothing, but clearly Mr. White felt differently.

Hoping to change the mood once again that morning, Jesse grinned as he wrapped his arms around Mr. White’s neck.

“I’m already naked. Wanna fuck me, Mr. White?” Jesse purred as he leant in to kiss him.

He was quickly stopped however as Mr. White’s hands too hold of his shoulders.

“Yo, what’s deal?” he asked as he was gently pushed back.

“We should probably wait a couple of days until you’ve healed a bit,” Mr. White told him as his hands slid from Jesse’s shoulders to rest on his arms.

“Jesus, it’s just a couple of bruises. Like I said before, no big deal.”

“I was referring more to-”

Mr. White gestured awkwardly to his ass and Jesse pouted. “It doesn’t hurt that much now...”

“Still, just to be safe we should avoid doing anything like that for now.”

“Fine, whatever,” Jesse huffed, making to step back as he grew more and more uncomfortable under the man’s dissecting gaze.

Mr. White held on to him however and then as if weighing something up...

“Come on. Sit down.”

“At least let me put on some pants.”

Mr. White shot him a sly grin. “I need you naked for this,” he said getting up while gently guiding Jesse to take his spot on the bed, “Or at least from the bottom down.”

With those words, Mr. White proceeded to spread Jesse’s legs apart as he knelt down in front of him.

“Hey, you don’t need to-” Jesse began, but his voice was quickly silenced as his body registered the sudden sensation of Mr. White’s tongue on his prick.

His cock hardened at the contact and glancing down, Jesse saw Mr. White licking at his tip, a bead of pre-cum having already started to leak out.

Resting one hand on his thigh, Mr. White used his other to cusp Jesse’s balls, causing the younger man to gasp out loud. Slowly he started to cover his mouth around Jesse’s cock and Jesse shuddered as he felt Mr. White’s lips slide down over his shaft.

“Fuck,” Jesse moaned as Mr. White began to suck more deeply. This was the first blowjob he had received from his partner, and Jesus Christ, was it good.

Jesse reached his hands out to grasp at the bed sheets as he watched Mr. White’s head bob up and down. It was strange to see a head devoid of hair between his legs but like so many other things the past month and half, he either didn’t care or had come to love it just like Mr. White’s broad chest; perfect for resting his head on.

Mr. White continued fondling his balls and in turn Jesse struggled not to buck his hips in response, feeling himself on the edge of climax.

“Shit...I’m gonna come,” Jesse announced as he tried to shuffle back, but even with just one hand, Mr. White was able to keep him in place, and within a matter of seconds Jesse came.

Much to Jesse’s surprise, Mr. White still didn’t pull back, instead swallowing his release.

Feeling as if all the tension he had been carrying had just been expelled, Jesse struggled to keep himself upright, digging his palms into the mattress to stop himself from falling back.

Eventually Mr. White pulled away, spluttering slightly as he covered his mouth with his hand.

“Hey, you okay? Jesse asked, concerned but unable to stop from grinning.

His coughing coming to an end, Mr. White dropped his hand from his mouth to reveal his own smile. “I’m fine, son.”

Jesse’s cheeks reddened upon noticing that Mr. White had drop of his cum in his goatee. Honestly, it was kind of ridiculous how hot he was finding it. Getting down on his knees beside him, Jesse pressed his lips to Mr. White’s goatee and using his tongue licked the cum away.

“That was pretty awesome,” Jesse sighed happily as he took the man’s face in his hands.

“Hmm. I’m glad you enjoyed,” said Mr. White, pressing their lips together.

Jesse laughed into the kiss, resulting in Mr. White pulling back, a bemused smile on his face.

“What is it?”

“Your goatee sorta tickles,” Jesse admitted sheepishly, realising he was probably just more aware of it in that particular moment.

“It does huh?”

And before Jesse could stop him, Mr. White was gently brushing his face against Jesse’s, eliciting a series of giggles from him.

“Hey, cut it out! Stop it!” Jesse cried even though his hands were still firmly plastered against Mr. White’s face.

Eventually his partner took mercy on him and drew his face back. Even so, Jesse still found himself giggling despite the ended contact.

“You really do have the sweetest laugh,” Mr. White told him, a great deal of fondness in his voice, “I love listening to it.”

Jesse let go of the man’s face, always finding himself caught off guard when Mr. White said such things to him. His cheeks already flushed from laughing, reddened even more.

“Really? You totally didn’t think so in class,” replied Jesse, embarrassed.

“It was already difficult teach a class full of students, most of who didn’t want to be there without your laughter distracting them from my lesson,” Mr. White countered, “Plus, it’s much much nicer to have someone laughing with you rather than at you.”

“I never laughed at you!” replied Jesse, giggling once more.

Mr. White just cocked his head, disbelievingly.

“Okay, well, not all the _time_. Anyway, your laugh is pretty great too, you know. Especially considering till like a couple of months ago, I didn’t think you even knew how.”

“Well, I have to admit, until recently I felt like I didn’t have a whole lot to be happy about.”

“What about now?” Jesse asked, suddenly nervous, “Are you like happy, Mr. White?”

He smiled. “Of course I am.”

 

Jesse ended up accompanying Mr. White, who was still fully intent on making dinner, to the grocery store later that day. Given that it wasn’t exactly a day out at the fair, Jesse couldn’t help but find it strange how much was enjoying himself. It felt weirdly domestic as he walked down the many aisles with Mr. White. They found themselves so caught up in their conversation, their own world almost, that at least twice they realised they had completely walked by item they had meant to pick up. This resulted in Jesse offering and then hurrying back to grab it.

The second time Jesse returned, Mr. White thanked him and ruffled his hair.

“Cu-Cut it out!” cried Jesse, his cheeks flushing red as he ducked his head away from the man’s hand.

Rather than take offence however, Mr. White just laughed. “Come on, let’s go choose a dessert.”

Jesse loved Mr. White running his hands through his hair, but it was the first time he had done so in public. It wasn’t like they were holding hands or kissing – Jesse was positive that Mr. White would freak out if he attempted either – but Jesse always thought the gesture oddly intimate and once again his thoughts turned to how domestic the whole thing felt.

Anyone who had saw them would have likely have believed the action merely to be a father showing affection to his son, albeit slightly unusual given that Jesse was a grown ass man and not a little kid, but nothing too out of the ordinary.

Mr. White was old enough to be his dad, and in many ways he did act like a father to him, but in the end it was so much more. He figured that this much was obvious, but he couldn’t help but wonder how Mr. White felt.

 

Once they had picked up everything that they needed, they went to Mr. White’s condo. Meanwhile, the feeling of domesticity continued as Jesse helped Mr. White prepare dinner. While Mr. White was happy to cook himself, Jesse was adamant that he help out at least a little.

As he had a go at chopping the garlic, a pair of arms slid themselves around his waist from behind. Jesse grinned as he leant back into Mr. White’s chest, placing the knife he was holding down on the chopping board.

“You have to get the slices really thin, okay?” the man said, resting his head on Jesse’s shoulder, “But be careful not to cut yourself.”

Jesse snorted, feeling very much like he was being treated like a little kid. “I’ve used a knife before, you know.”

Still, with Mr. White pressed against him, it was difficult to be annoyed; especially when the guy started placing small kisses on his neck.

Other than chopping and crushing the garlic, Jesse pretty much left Mr. White to most of the preparation. Instead he propped himself up on the countertop – which had earned him a disapproving look from Mr. White – and watched and chatted as his partner did his whole iron chef thing.

As Jesse expected, dinner tasted pretty awesome. Mr. White had even used some super fancy kind of cheese which was way better than the stuff Jesse was normally used to.

After dinner they retreated to the couch were Jesse took up Mr. White’s offer to watch ‘one of those superhero movies’ he liked so much.

The last time they had watched one of those types of movies hadn’t gone so well; Mr. White unable to buy into the concept of all.

“Genetic mutation doesn’t work that way at all!” Mr. White had exclaimed, “And, furthermore, are we just expected to believe that some ‘mutation’ enables a person to control metal or change their form at will. That’s absolutely ridiculous!”

“It’s the X-Men!” Jesse defended, “That’s what it’s about, everyone having all these different awesome powers and shit.”

“I know what the ‘X-Men’ is. Junior used to watch the cartoon when he was younger. But that was for children. This is a live-action film with actual actors, and we’re just supposed to accept this nonsensical explanation for why people have these different ‘abilities’?”

“Oh my God, it’s fiction! And awesome fiction at that, yo.”

“Well, I prefer my fiction with a little realism,” Mr. White replied matter-of-factly.

“So what, boring as shit then?”

“I have fine taste in films, I’ll have you know.”

“Riiight.”

Trust Mr. White to ruin the X-Men for him. Still, it hadn’t been a complete loss of a night. Jesse had pulled the older man down and kissed him hard on lips to get him to stop complaining, which in turn lead to Mr. White fucking him right there on the futon. They missed the end of the movie, but Jesse had seen it already a bunch of times before and he highly doubted Mr. White cared at all. Not that Jesse had been bothered at that point either. Having Mr. White moaning his name was way better than listening to the guy whine about the preposterousness of a dude who could shoot beams from his eyes.

Deciding that the second X-Men movie also probably wouldn’t go down well with Mr. White either, Jesse chose ‘Batman Begins’ which thankfully, Mr. White was able to put aside his disbelief. He even claimed to enjoy it, although Jesse was unsure if he was just saying this as an extension of the whole ‘making it up to him’ thing he currently had going on. Then again, who the hell didn’t love Batman?

“You were wearing Batman underwear that night we first slept together.”

“You remember?” said Jesse, oddly touched that he remembered.

“I remember the next day you getting particularly worried at the prospect that I didn’t know who Batman was. Batman was around when I was growing up too you know.”

“Wow, so Batman’s like super old too, huh?” Jesse teased.

“Little brat,” Mr. White replied, though giving that he was smiling and soon placing a kiss on Jesse’s lips, there was clearly no real annoyance behind the words.

As Mr. White entwined his fingers in Jesse’s own, Jesse remembered that his partner was no longer wearing his wedding ring. Jesse had first noticed about a week ago when Mr. White had cusped his cheek in his hand as he kissed him; the lack of feeling the small metallic band against his face alerting him to its absence.

He supposed that it wasn’t that big a deal. The guy was divorced after all. Still it not being there on his Mr. White’s finger had caught him off guard. It wasn’t like Jesse had never seen Mr. White without it before; he did take it off whenever they cooked after all.

Again, he knew that it wasn’t a big deal but his heart had stilled at that moment he’d noticed while his brain raced a hundred miles per minute trying to remember if Mr. White had been wearing it earlier in the day or even the day before or if he had in fact just taken it off in the lab and forgotten to put it back on again. He couldn’t remember however, much to his frustration.

The whole issue would have been an even lesser deal for him if not for a conversation he’d had with Bader and Skinny in which they asked him dumb invasive questions.

They had been hanging out at his apartment when out of nowhere, Badger asked, “So who’s this chick you’ve been sleeping with?”

“Yeah, man, do we like know her?” Pete added.

“Um, what the hell are you guys talking about?” Jesse asked, completely baffled.

“Dude, this past month, you’ve blown us off like a million times. It feels like we hardly hang out anymore.”

“Uh, well, clearly not, since you guys are in my house right now” Jesse replied sarcastically, still very confused.

“Yeah, okay, but before now,” Badger retorted before gesturing his hand to mimic a phone, “Pete and I are all, ‘So hey, Jesse, you wanna hang out?’ and you’re always like, ‘Sorry guys, I’m busy, yo’.”

“How the hell does me being busy equate to me fucking some chick? Unlike you assholes, I actually have a job. I’m one of the cooks for this like super meth empire business, yo. I’ve got important shit to do. I don’t have time to just hang out all the time.”

“So, what, you’re saying is every time we call to hang, you’re busy with work?” his friend said disbelievingly, “That’s like total bullshit man.”

“I’m with Badger on this one,” said Pete, “There ain’t no way you’re this happy when you’re just working.”

“Yeah man. Meth is awesome and all but cooking it is boring as shit. That time we got that cook going in that RV, I thought I was gonna die of boredom for reals.”

“You think I seem happy?” Jesse asked Pete, ignoring Badger.

“I dunno,” Pete answered with a shrug, “I mean, after Combo died and you got out of rehab, you’ve had some serious dark vibes. But the past month, when we see you, you’ve actually been smiling and laughing and shit. Like old times, yo.”

“Which means that you’re totally getting laid,” laughed Badger.

Jesse had honestly been shocked. Since when the hell had his friends become so observant? And more importantly, was it really that obvious? It was true that he had been feeling pretty good the past of couple of months. Even before he and Mr. White had started fucking, his mood had greatly improved just from them hanging out together with him. And it was kind of true that he had been spending a lot more time with the man than Badger and Skinny. But still....

“So, come on, who is she?”

Jesse bit his lip. It had been rather obvious that he wouldn’t be able to convince them that he wasn’t spending time with a particular person, especially if his mood had really changed that much. Nevertheless, there was no way in hell that he could tell them that this ‘chick’ he was spending his nights and weekends with was in fact a dude. And not only a dude, but a dude twice his age who also happened to be that guy they knew as Heisenberg.

“It’s just someone I know is all,” Jesse replied, fidgeting with his fingers.

“Wow man, you really don’t wanna tell us that much? What, she got like a boyfriend or something? Come on, it’s not like we’d judge!”

“Seriously, it doesn’t matter who _they_ are,” Jesse retorted, deliberately avoiding using the word, ‘she’, “Why don’t you bitches just gimme some privacy, okay?”

“Cold, bro,” Pete replied.

“Chill, you don’t need to get so defensive,” said Badger, holding up his palms.

Jesse sighed in response, suddenly feeling bad.

“Look, it’s complicated, okay?” he said, rubbing the back of his head, “I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

“That’s cool,” said Pete.

“Yeah man,” Badger agreed, “Though, you totally have to introduce us if you start the whole dating thing and shit. Especially since we never got to meet your last girlfriend.”

“Dude!” Pete hissed, shooting his friend an annoyed look.

“What? Oh! Shit...Uh, sorry man, I didn’t...”

Jesse didn’t reply. He knew Badger had been referring to Jane, but that hadn’t been the cause of his sudden lapse into silence. Instead it had been the mention of the word ‘dating’.

Was that what he and Mr. White were doing? Dating?

What they had together seemed way more than just fucking, like Mr. White was truly concerned over his wellbeing. Furthermore, they had been through so much together and there was so much emotional shit between them.

It had played a lot on Jesse’s mind the past several days. Mr. White had been in a pretty shitty mood however so it hadn’t seemed like the best time to bring it up. As such, Jesse had kept such thoughts at bay, more concerned with what was going on with Mr. White than their relationship status.

But now, curled up once more on Mr. White’s lap, Jesse couldn’t help thinking about it as he stared down intently at the ringless hand entwined in his own.

“Is everything okay, son?” Mr. White asked him, gently rubbing his thumb along the outside of Jesse’s hand.

“Yeah, I was just thinking is all...”

“Oh? About anything in particular?”

“Kinda. It’s just...” For some reason, Jesse found he couldn’t quite look the man in the face, instead focusing on their hands. “Are we like dating?”

Mr. White ceased the gentle rubbing motion and a surge of panic filled Jesse.

He knew he shouldn’t have said anything. Of course there was no way that Mr. White would think they were ‘dating’. Now Mr. White would start questioning things between them.

Jesse cursed himself. He had screwed things up, all because of a stupid need to put a stupid fucking label on their ‘relationship’.

“I suppose we are.”

Jesse’s heart stilled.

“What?”

“I...Uh, I believe what we have is an intimate relationship that is, well, both physical and emotional...” Mr. White answered, sounding somewhat flustered, “So I suppose, you could say that yes, we are in fact dating.”

“Re-Really?”

The other man nodded. “Does that bother you?”

Jesse quickly shook his head. “No, it’s just...” Jesse couldn’t help but laugh as a smile spread to his face. “Shit. I guess that means you’re like my boyfriend, right?”

Mr. White looked momentarily shocked before breaking into a smile himself. “I suppose so.”

“Boyfriend, huh? That sounds so weird, yo.”

“Uh, but not like bad!” he quickly added, “I just... I guess I never thought I’d do the whole ‘gay’ thing, you know?”

“I never thought I would be cooking crystal meth. The world truly is full of surprises,” Mr. White said reflectively.

“Do you regret it?” Jesse found himself asking suddenly, “I mean if you could go back, would you still cook?”

Mr. White didn’t answer straight away; seemingly thinking the answer over. Not that Jesse blamed him. It was a pretty loaded question.

“No.” For a fleeting moment, Jesse felt his heart sink before the man continued.

“I don’t regret it. There are things I would do differently. God, so so many things...” He smiled sadly. “But like I said earlier, I feel happy.”

Jesse smiled in return. “Same.”

“Even when your boyfriend is ‘super old’ like Batman?”

“Well, he’s old. But he’s also like ‘super hot’ so it’s all cool.” Jesse teased.

“Are you talking about me or Batman?”

Jesse laughed. “You, asshole!”

Their fingers still entwined, Mr. White lifted their hands and placed a soft kiss on Jesse’s. “Good. With how much you love Batman, I doubt that I would at all stand a chance otherwise.”

Untangling his fingers, Jesse wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck before he kissed him.

“Nah, you’d be totally fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone that's still reading! This fic has ended up going on quite a bit longer than I had originally intended. ^^;;
> 
> And thanks again for all the comments and kudos. They are much appreciated. :)


	15. Chapter 15

Walt had been sat in his parked Aztec next to the Laundromat for nearly five minutes now. Despite having spent an enjoyable weekend with Jesse – who thank God, had forgiven him – it was time to return to work. Walt however was having a rather difficult time getting out of his car and clocking in for the day. It wasn’t the work itself that had Walt feeling so anxious, notwithstanding the nature of it being wholly illegal, but instead the reaction of his boss over his recent indiscretion.

He had spent the entire weekend trying to make up for this indiscretion; only instead of to his employer, it was to his partner. Jesse had been quick to forgive him but it hadn’t stopped Walt from wanting to pamper the boy as a way of apology.

Jesse always seemed so appreciative as if no one had ever showered him with so much attention before. As such, Walt had spent most of the weekend dedicated to making him feel good, wanting him to know that he was as equally appreciative. However, with this as his main focus, Walt gave little thought to anything else. But the weekend was over and now he had no choice but to face other much less pleasant things.

Taking a deep breath, Walt exited the car and headed to work.

The lab looked the same as ever when he entered but Walt couldn’t help but glance around cautiously as his brain tried to work out where the ideal places for listening devices that could be concealed from view would be. That was if there even was any. He desperately hoped that he was simply being paranoid.

His current mindset was in complete contrast from Friday were part of him had actually wanted to be heard as he had fucked Jesse against the counter; part of him even wanting Gus’s damn enforcer to walk in on them catch them in the act.

He had intended it as a message. Gus could control his means of making meth, but the man, boss or no, could in no way control or influence him in who he chose to spend his time with. Gustavo Fring may have provided him with a state of the art lab, but when it when it came to running the place and cooking, it was Walt’s territory.

As such, he had rejected Gus’s prodigy, Gale, and chosen Jesse instead. Jesse, who in Gus’s eyes was a reckless junkie and nothing more than a meaningless distraction in Walt’s life.

Jesse was important to him. Their relationship was important to him, and as he had fucked Jesse that day, he had wanted Gus to hear him moaning Jesse’s name, to hear Jesse’s cries of pleasure and prove to the man that as far as Gus was concerned, Jesse was part of his ‘territory’ and thus belonged to him.

Without his consent, Gus had already given up Hank to the Cartel; his brother-in-law just barely making it out alive. Walt would not let the same happen to Jesse; would not allow him to be sacrificed.

However, upon reflecting on his actions, he realised that his display of dominance may have only served to put himself and Jesse at more risk.

If the lab was bugged and Gus had heard them then surely he would see it as an act of defiance. How he would deal with such a thing Walt did not know. And neither did he want to find out.

Nevertheless, if there was a form of punishment, he was positive that Jesse would be the one to pay, no matter how he much Walt claimed responsibility. After all, Walt was needed. Jesse on the other hand was completely expendable in Gus’s eyes.

What he really needed to do was to make this not so.

Like Walt, when Jesse arrived at the lab, he appeared somewhat on edge. It had only been when he was leaving Walt’s the night before that Jesse remembered the possibility of someone listening in on them.

“Shit! What if they heard us?” Jesse had asked him panicked, “You said the lab might be bugged, right?”

“I’m sure we don’t need to worry about that,” Walt lied.

“Yeah, but what if-”

“Trust me, okay?” said Walt, interrupting him.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of things.” Then with a gentle squeeze of the younger man’s shoulder, added, “I always do, don’t I?”

Jesse had still looked unsure but he nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

Walt had cupped Jesse’s face, planting a sweet kiss on his lips. Jesse, as always, melted into both the kiss and Walt’s touch, and Walt, as always, was pleased by the soothing affect it on his young partner. He really did mean to take care of things, and most important of all, Jesse.

However, now back at the scene of the crime so to speak, Jesse’s worry had undoubtedly returned.

“Yo,” greeted Jesse, his anxiety clearly articulated through that one syllable.

“Hey,” Walt replied, strongly resisting the urge to walk over to him and repeat his actions of the day before.

Still, it was a risk he could not take, especially since he was currently struggling to keep his own unease in check.

“Just us here?” Jesse asked, cautiously glancing about, “No, you know...”

“Just us,” Walt answered, aware that Jesse was referring to Victor.

Jesse nodded, still appearing nervous while Walt remained in the same spot; feeling frustrated that he couldn’t provide any reassuring words less someone really was listening in.

“Let’s get started with the cook,” he quickly declared, wanting to forget his current worries.

With the exception of the weight on their minds, the day went by much like any other and as time went on, Walt noticed that Jesse’s worry gradually began to ease.

Walt took Victor’s absence as a good sign. After all, surely if they had been heard that day, the enforcer would have showed up first thing that morning? That or Walt himself would have received a summons from Gus himself over the weekend.

They had gotten away with it he was sure. But just as Walt finally allowed himself to relax, the door to the lab opened.

He and Jesse were in the middle of leaving, their cook finished for the day. Jesse was slightly ahead of him on the stairs while Victor walked along the metal rail ever approaching them. Inwardly Walt panicked and instinctively he reached out for Jesse’s arm, ready to pull him behind and shield the boy with his body. Victor, however, simply walked past them, saying nothing.

Jesse shot Walt a confused and worried look, before Walt turned to see Victor pick up and glance down at the clipboard in which Walt had written down the amount of methylethanamine they had yielded that day. Seemingly, seeing that things were in order, Victor put it down and entered the small office out of sight.

A few moments passed and eventually Walt gestured to Jesse to continue their ascend up the stairway.

“Do you think he knows?” Jesse asked once they were outside.

“It didn’t seem like it,” Walt replied, although in all honesty he had no idea. Like Gus, the enforcer had an incredibly good poker face.

“Dude totally gives me the creeps. Don’t know why the hell he’s always creeping around us all the frickin time.”

‘Probably because he doesn’t trust you’, Walt thought, trying to recall if the man had loomed around quite as much as when Gale had been partners.

Their time cooking together had been significantly shorter than his and Jesse’s. However, unlike Jesse, he doubted Victor held any mistrust of Gale who was both loyal and obedient. Jesse too shared these traits; only they were towards Walt and not for Gustavo Fring.

“You think we got away with it?” asked Jesse, his voice teetering on the edge of hopeful relief.

Walt certainly hoped so. Still, whether they had gotten away with fucking in the lab or not, it didn’t change the fact that Gus still knew about their relationship. And as Walt had garnered from that awkward dinner he had suffered through, Gus did not at all approve.

Jesse of course, had no idea of this, and Walt did not care to enlighten him to this fact either. After all, there was no point in worrying Jesse, especially if things continued on – and God Walt hoped that to be the case – as they had been. Furthermore, there was a good chance that Jesse would never even have to meet Gus Fring which in Walt’s mind was definitely for the best.

“I think we did,” Walt said finally, wanting to rid Jesse of his current worry.

“Thank God,” Jesse sighed, “Although, maybe he’d keep like a wide breath if he knew we were...well, you know.”

“Fucking?” Walt supplied.

Jesse chortled. “Uh, I was gonna say dating, but yeah, that too.”

Walt couldn’t help but smile.

Dating... That was certainly an interesting revelation that had come out during the weekend.

He had certainly been surprised by the notion. Until Jesse had outright asked him, Walt hadn’t even considered what they were doing was ‘dating'. Nevertheless, it was undoubtedly true. They were definitely more than just ‘friends with benefits’ or the more lewd term ‘fuck buddies’.

They had become both emotionally and physically intimate so quickly that it was difficult for Walt to believe that until a little over eight months ago, his former student had been all but a distant memory. And not one he had ever expected to ever be brought up again either.

It felt a little strange to be someone’s ‘boyfriend’ at the ripe age of fifty. Walt believed ‘partners’ would be the better word but they had already classified to themselves as being so since their days in the RV. And while partners still covered what they were, things had undeniably evolved and progressed between them.

He supposed ‘boyfriend’ it was then...

Still, there was something particularly pleasing about being referred to as someone’s ‘super hot boyfriend’ even if he and Jesse had just been talking amongst himself.

He couldn’t help but wonder if Skyler had ever spoken of him in such a manner, although if she did, Walt imagined her voicing it in a rather different manner of speaking than Jesse Pinkman.

Another reason that could explain why he found the idea of being someone’s boyfriend so unusual was that he never thought he ever would be one again. For all intents and purposes, once he married Skyler and became her husband he had expected to be so until the day that he died. And by law, technically he still was her husband. Skyler hadn’t filed the divorce papers and Jesse had no idea that his _boyfriend_ remained a married man.

Walt really didn’t care to think about it and so he decided that at least for the moment, he would put a pin in it. After all, he had a much more pressing matter to deal with. One he couldn’t afford to put off any longer.

“You okay?” Jesse asked him, that familiar look of concern plastered on his face.

“Yeah,” Walt lied, “Skyler asked me to pick up something for dinner tonight and I can’t for the life of me remember what it was. If I turn up empty handed I’m sure to get an earful.”

With a show of reluctance, Walt pulled out his phone. “I better give her a call before I head off.”

“Well, good luck with that,” Jesse chuckled, apparently harbouring no suspicions that Walt wasn’t being truthful. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Hey, aren’t you forgetting something?”

Jesse blinked, confused. “Uh, wha-”

But before Jesse could finish, Walt had pressed his lips against Jesse’s, all the while cupping the boy’s face between his hands.

Jesse let himself melt into it, although quickly coming to his senses, the second it was over he abruptly pulled back.

“Yo, you sure we should be doing that here?” Jesse asked, his eyes hurriedly darting around the place.

‘Probably not’, Walt thought, but he wanted to taste Jesse’s lips against before heading back.

They were a little bit away from the Laundromat so he doubted that anyone would have seen them. And if any of the workers had happened to notice them kissing, he doubted it would have mattered much anyway, Walt positive that ignoring the two strange Caucasian men who mysteriously came and went being just part of their job description.

Walt shrugged at Jesse. “Live a little.”

Jesse snorted. “Riiight.”

His cheeks were flushed however and Walt was sure that it wasn’t just from panic. He couldn’t help but grin.

After exchanging farewells once more, Walt watched as Jesse got into his car and drove off. Pocketing his cell phone, Walt proceeded to head back to the lab; none of the laundry workers batting an eyelid at his return.

Victor was still in the office and when Walt reached the open door he had to stop himself from knocking on it lightly, remembering that the office was in fact his and Jesse’s.

Annoyed at himself for the almost submitting action, he cleared his throat.

“I need to speak with Gus,” he said, deciding to get straight to the point.

“He’s busy,” replied Victor, offering barely a customary glance as he paged through some papers.

Walt resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“It’s important.”

“Like I said, he’s busy.”

“And like I said, it’s important,” Walt stated more firmly.

Victor was finally giving him his full attention now and he did not seem pleased with Walt’s insistence.

“What’s so important? Something wrong with the current batch?” asked Victor, a hint of worry in his voice.

Walt refrained from smirking. Of course, he was listening now. After all, if there was something wrong, there was a good chance that Victor would take a fair share of the blame. While hewasn’t sure of everything Victor’s job entailed – and neither did he want to – he knew that at least part of it was to oversee that things went smoothly in the lab.

“I would rather speak with Gus directly.”

“The current batch is fine,” Walt added quickly before other man opened his mouth to protest, “But there is something I do need to discuss with Gus.”

Victor still didn’t look convinced and so with some reluctance, Walt continued with, “It’s to do with my current partnership...”

Victor smirked at that, his previous expression of worry and frustration replaced with one of pure smugness. Once again, Walt wanted to hit him.

Without another word to him, Victor picked up the phone in the office and started dialling a number.

“Hey, it’s me,” Victor spoke to someone who Walt could only assume was Gus.

There was no turning back now, and Walt’s anger instantly morphed into apprehension.

“Heisenberg wants to speak to –”

Heisenberg... It seemed like such a long time since he had last heard the name and in turn, he couldn’t help but experience an odd sense of loss. Technically he was still Heisenberg – had never stopped being – but there was no denying that he was no longer the one in charge. Now he was simply a cog in Gustavo Fring’s meth empire; an incredibly valuable cog but a cog nonetheless.

The lab was truly incredible and he was making more money than he could have possibly ever dreamed for. But as Jesse had confessed, he too missed their days cooking out in the desert in the RV. It was their special place and now it was gone forever. He would have liked to have fucked Jesse in the RV at least once. While it never would have crossed his mind at the time, now it felt like such a wasted opportunity.

Like couples returning to their first date spot on an anniversary, he and Jesse could have driven out to place were they had first cooked. Maybe it was a bit warped but then again, their relationship was hardly conventional. However, with the RV no more, it wasn’t possible and as such Walt couldn’t help but feel slightly saddened by the unattainable notion.

However, any regrets and perverted thoughts – fucking Jesse on those old crappy cots would have truly been the best way to celebrate a successful cook – he had were quickly forgotten as Victor handed him the phone.

“Hello,” he said, again assuming that the person on the other side of the phone was Gus.

“Hello Walter. I was told you wished to speak to me,” his employer greeted in his always calm and collected voice.

“Yes, that’s correct. I’m calling for -” He shot Victor an annoyed look until the man finally had the decency to leave the office and let him have at least a smidgen of privacy.

“Well, I...I’m calling about the conversation we had during dinner at your house; about why I’m doing all of this.”

“Yes, I remember. You cook in order to provide for your family.”

“I do. We uh also spoke about distractions and how they can interfere with more important things. You implied that Jesse Pinkman is a distraction for me.” Walt took a breath. “You also implied that if I needed help getting rid of...well, a distraction... ”

He trailed off, unable to bring himself to say getting ‘rid of Jesse’, the thought that abhorrent to him.

“Yes. I meant what I said,” Gus stated simply, filling the brief silence that followed.

“Is this why you are calling? Do you desire my help, Walter?”

Walt didn’t answer straight away, taking a moment in order to choose his words carefully.

“While I both understand and _appreciate_ the offer, the thing is I do not see Jesse as being a distraction. He simply can’t be and that’s because I consider him family.” It felt strange saying it out loud. Especially to Gus Fring of all people, but it was how he truly felt.

His mind conjured the image of Donald Margolis from their improbable meeting at the bar as the man’s words about family and how you can never give up on them rang back to him. The stranger’s words at struck a chord with him and it was at that moment he seemed to realise quite how much he cared for Jesse; that the reason he hadn’t wanted Jesse to exit his life was because he saw the younger man as being family. A member of his family only he was privy to, but family nonetheless. And with family, you can never give up on them.

“Jesse and I may not be genetically related but he is my partner and I will do right by him. That is why without Jesse, I won’t cook.”

“Family? Is that truly the way you see him?” Gus questioned.

“Yes. I-” He hesitated, “Jesse, he’s important to me, that’s why I can’t just abandon him.”

“I see. While I would ask you to reconsider, it certainly sounds like you’ve already made up your mind. However, I sincerely hope that you do not come to regret this decision. While loyalty is an admirable trait, can you say without a doubt that he feels this loyalty you? After all, drug addicts can be rather _unpredictable_.”

“I know Jesse,” countered Walt, “He does what I say. And I trust him... I trust him more than anyone.”

“That may be so but considering the lifestyles many junkies lead, they often get themselves into unfavourable situations. As such, you never know quite how long they will stick around for.”

“If you don’t trust Jesse then I ask you to trust me,” Walt almost begged, once more finding Gus’s words to be threatening.

He had no idea if the man really would make a move to kill Jesse, but he couldn’t take the chance. A wave of protectiveness washed over him and his anxiety started to fade, the determination and fierceness of Heisenberg taking its place.

“I refuse to cook without Jesse. Period. That means if something _unfortunate_ was to befall him, then I’m afraid I would no longer be able to continue my position under your employ. Without Jesse, you don’t get me. It’s as simple as that.”

There was nothing but silence on the other end of the phone line and had it been anybody else on the line he would have thought the person had hung up on him.

With Gustavo Fring, his silence was just as threatening as his words. Walt wanted to take it back, to apologise, but he couldn’t. Heisenberg wouldn’t let him. And so the only thing Walt could do was to stand there and wait with the phone clutched in his hand as adrenaline continued to coarse through him.

“I understand,” Gus finally spoke. “I shall say no more on the matter then.”

Walt felt himself physically relax, his body releasing a tension he hadn’t even realised he was holding on to.

“However, given your seniority over your lab _assistant_ ,” Gus emphasised the word, “I hold you personally responsible for his actions.”

“Furthermore, due to the dangerous and delicate nature of our line of business and possibility of prying eyes, this also includes outside the work place. If he is kept in check then there should be no issues.”

Walt could feel the icy coldness in his employer’s voice but he wouldn’t allow it to dissuade him, determined to keep Jesse safe.

“Like I said, Jesse, he listens to me; does what I say. I guarantee absolutely that we won’t have any problems,” he stated resolutely.

“For your sake, Walter, I hope so.”

The phone clicked and with that the conversation was over.

Walt took a deep breath. He had done it.

He had finally ensured Jesse’s safety.

Walking out of the office, he glanced over to see that Victor was still there. Their eyes briefly met and Walt shot him a triumphant smirk.

It felt good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. The next chapter hopefully shouldn't take quite so long. 
> 
> Thank you again for all the comments and kudos. They are much appreciated. :)


	16. Chapter 16

Apparently, Skyler, frustrated by being unable to get Walt on his house or cell phone over the weekend – he had forgotten it at his condo when he had returned home to shower before grabbing breakfast and heading back to Jesse’s apartment – and what she perceived to be an unwillingness on his part to discuss the carwash, had gone ahead and spoken to Bogdan directly by herself.  

Walt would have been annoyed at this, especially given the fact that he would rather have her not involved in the whole business at all, but it was hard to remain angry when he was still on a high from just a couple of hours previous when he had been able to successfully ensure his partner’s safety.

From what he could tell during the brief conversation they had when Junior went to the bathroom, Skyler’s meeting with Bogdan had not gone well. He hadn’t believed that Bogdan would accept the offer and sell the carwash, the man being wholly disagreeable in general. As such, he had expected that to simply be the end of it, only to find that Skyler had scheduled an appointment with Saul Goodman the very next day to discuss their options. It would cut into his non-working time with Jesse, something which he wasn’t too keen about, but he hoped that it would at least dissuade her from any further involvement.

Having been married for seventeen years however, he should have known that Skyler wouldn’t give up so easily. After all, her determination was just one of the many traits that she possessed that Walt had been so attracted to.

The meeting preceded much differently than how he had envisioned it, considering that much to Saul’s surprise, as well as his own, he ended up agreeing with Skyler that Bogdan’s carwash was absolutely the one they needed to buy.

He had always disliked his former employer, Walt viewing him as a man who believed himself to be much more important than he really was as well as someone who got off on ordering other people around. And given that just the previous day he had stood up to his current employer, who happened to be a drug lord with his own empire, Walt certainly did not intend to just sit by and let some small fry carwash owner insult his manhood.

That Bogdan had even dared imply that he had ‘sent his woman to do his business for him’ angered him enough to momentarily consider actually going down the violence route in order to give him what Skyler had called an ‘attitude readjustment’.

This of course was out of the question. Still, the fact that he had the power to make such a thing happen satisfied him somewhat.

After brainstorming, they eventually came up with a non-violent and unsuspicious solution which would not end up costing them the ridiculous sum of twenty million dollars or risk any innocent workers getting deported.

The plan involved one of Saul’s men posing as an environmental inspector who after a routine check-up would declare that the water Bogdan was using to be contaminated and thus his carwash would need to cease operation until a new water infiltration system was installed.

While Saul was adamant that his guy was one of the best – Walt highly doubted this – he still had his reservations, as while Bogdan was an infuriating human being, he wasn’t stupid. Skyler however, as stubborn as ever, was determined to see it through and so Walt left her to sort out the finer details of their planned false inspection.

Between the conversation with Gus and the possibility of taking his ex-boss’s business from right under him, Walt couldn’t help but feel empowered, just as he had when he got back the thirty-five grand Tuco owed him, along with another fifteen thousand as compensation for the injury the brute had inflicted on Jesse. In the end, not only had Walt got his money but he had been able to avenge Jesse. And while he experienced regret over the beating Jesse went through, a feeling of triumph was his overall prevailing memory of the exhilarating encounter. Possibly because it was at that moment, he felt that Heisenberg had been born.

Now alone in his condo, he searched out his porkpie hat. Finding it, he sat down on the couch and fingered at the edges. He grinned. It had certainly been awhile since he had last worn it. And just as he was about to put it on, the door bell rang signalling Jesse’s arrival.

Instead of putting it on as he had intended, he tossed it onto one of the chairs as Jesse walked straight on in; the both of them previously deciding that they had definitely bypassed the need to wait before entering.

“Hey,” he greeted cheerily as Jesse as sat down next to him on the couch.

“Still in a good mood then, huh?” said Jesse as he leant over and kissed him.

“Does it seem that way?” Walt asked lightly, kissing him back.

“Totally. I would ask if you’d won the lottery or some shit, but considering the mad dough you’re already making, I doubt that’s the reason.”

“Well then, maybe I’m just happy to see you,” he replied, pressing a kiss to Jesse’s hair.

“Hmm.” Jesse didn’t seem convinced but that didn’t stop him from snuggling further into Walt’s side. “So what, it like a big secret or something?”

“It’s no secret. I just feel good about things is all.”

“Anything in particular?” Jesse asked curiously.

But before Walt had the chance to formulate a reply, Jesse was half stood up and leaning over him to grab the hat that Walt had just previously tossed onto another chair.

“Hey, this is the hat you wore to our meets with that psycho Tuco, right?” said Jesse as he inspected the item in his hand.

“Yeah, I came across it when I was looking for something,” replied Walt, not wanting Jesse to know he had actively searched it out, “I never got around to putting it away again.”

“I thought you looked so dumb when you put this on,” stated Jesse as he placed the hat on his own head.

As with a lot of what Jesse wore, it was too big for him, reminding Walt of a child trying on his father’s hat.

“Oh?” Walt had to admit, it stung somewhat hearing Jesse say this.

“Yeah. I was like ‘Dude, what the hell?’ especially cause you arranged to meet Tuco in that junkyard which was pretty freaking stupid. But...”

Suddenly, Jesse took off the hat and climbed up onto his lap, before placing it on top of Walt’s head. He proceeded to give Walt a considering look before smiling. “Now it kinda looks badass on you.”

“You like it then, huh?” Walt asked, pleased, the sting from Jesse’s previous comment erased.

“Yeah, it like suits you, you know?” Jesse replied, adjusting the hat on Walt’s head. And then wrapping his arms around Walt’s neck, added, “Plus you look sorta hot in it too.”

It was in that moment that Walt quickly realised how turned on he was, Jesse being on his lap and his compliments definitely clearly having something to do with it. And so, with a sudden burst of lust he took hold of Jesse’s face, kissing the boy hard.

Jesse in turn kissed him back just as eagerly, grabbing at Walt’s shirt as he pressed in closer.

“I totally want you to fuck me right now,” Jesse mumbled through the kiss.

Walt of course, was more than happy to oblige. But as his hands deftly made their way down Jesse’s spine, the moment he reached Jesse’s hips he abruptly stopped, immediately pulling his hands away.

“Yo, what gives?” Jesse asked; confusion plastered all over his face.

“Your bruises...” Walt stated guiltily.

The last time he and Jesse had anal sex had been at lab were Walt consumed with a combination of both lust and possessiveness had carelessly ended up hurting Jesse.

After giving Jesse a blowjob – of which the boy had received many that weekend – he hadn’t brought up the fact he had hurt Jesse into conversation since. And despite wanting to fuck his young partner right there and then, the feelings of shame over his recent actions were impossible to ignore.

“They don’t hurt and they’re like fading now,” Jesse countered, taking Walt’s hands and pressing them against his hips. He smiled encouragingly. “See? It’s cool, yo.”

“Okay, they may be healing, but what about your-”

“Oh my God, that’s fine too!” declared Jesse with an overdramatic sigh. Clearly he still thought Walt was making too big a deal about the whole thing. Walt meanwhile felt he was completely justified in his concern, and the last thing he wanted was to cause Jesse any further hurt, no matter how minor.

“Come on, let’s just do it,” the boy urged before placing his lips back against his mouth.

Momentarily, Walt forgot his concerns, distracted by Jesse as he slipped his tongue hungrily into his mouth. But with great refrain, he managed to pull back once more.

“Jesse, wait. We should probably wait another couple of days just to be safe.”

“Mr. White, come on!” Jesse begged, “Seriously, I’m like so horny right now!”

While Walt’s erection had deflated somewhat after remembering what he had done, Jesse was still rather hard. He swallowed, feeling Jesse’s erection through both Jesse’s and his own pants, and dear God, he just wanted to rip off the boy’s clothes and have his way with him.

It really did seem as if the universe was somehow testing him.

“Alright, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” he said, trying to sound reassuring and hoping that a simple hand job would at least satisfy the boy.

But Jesse was apparently having none of this, grabbing hold of Walt’s wrist as he reached out his hand to undo Jesse’s pants.

“No, I told you, I want you to fuck me, Mr. White. I don’t want a handjob.” said Jesse sounding both needy and petulant. “Please, come on, Mr. White!”

Walt was unsure if he had ever heard Jesse sound quite so desperate before.

“My ass has like totally healed! I know that cause I-”

Jesse instantly shut up as if he had been about to say something he shouldn’t.

“You know that how?” Walt asked, his curiosity piped.

“Just cause...” Jesse replied uncomfortably with a shrug, trying to look anywhere but at him. This of course was made difficult by the fact Walt’s face was just inches in front of him.

“Jesse,” Walt spoke firmly, “Tell me.” It came out sounding like an order, but he very much wanted to know.

“It’s fucking embarrassing...” Jesse whined, his cheeks reddening.

“ _Jesse_.”

“Alright fine!” Jesse groaned loudly, practically pouting.

“So uh, last night I was in bed and couldn’t sleep and I started thinking about you and I was already pretty horny, so I started to like you know...”

Walt wet his lips. “What did you do, son?”

“I started like fingering myself. And I thought about you being the one like doing it. I mean it was good and all but not the same as when you do it.”

Walt’s breath hitched.

“I mean your fingers are bigger than mine and I dunno, you just make it feel so _good,_ you know?”

Jesse’s face was bright red by this point as he continued on. “And then I thought about you uh being there holding me and putting your dick in me and fucking me and shit. So now that we’re here I really just want you to fuck me, okay!”

Jesse almost shouted out that last part and for a moment Walt felt like he couldn’t breathe. He pictured Jesse lying on his bed, the boy’s fingers coated in lube as he awkwardly inserted them into his ass; all the while Jesse thinking about him, imagining Walt fucking him and gasping out his name as Jesse pleasured himself.

Walt’s cock was rock hard by this point. Yet somehow, still, managing to maintain composure, he leant down even closer to Jesse and whispered in his ear. “Did you miss me, son? Do you want to feel me inside you?”

Jesse didn’t reply, instead biting down on his lip.

“Want me to make you feel good?” he said smoothly.

Jesse nodded; his eyes downcast and cheeks still flushing from embarrassment.

“Jesse, you’re telling me the truth, aren’t you?” Walt asked, his voice suddenly taking a more serious tone. “You do feel better?”

“I told you I’m fine!” Jesse cried, finally looking back up at him.

Walt chuckled and pressing a few soft kisses against Jesse’s neck, said “All right then. Take off your clothes for me.”

It sounded like another order, but one that Jesse had no issue complying with as he quickly removed them. He took off his shirt before shrugging off his pants while Walt held onto him tightly, not wanting him to lose balance and fall on the floor.

Walt pulled his own pants down to his knees but otherwise remained fully clothed, far too preoccupied and completely transfixed by the slender naked form on his lap.

“Come on Mr. White,” moaned Jesse, giving Walt’s legs a squeeze.

Walt momentarily ignored his plea, instead taking time to appreciate the exquisite sight before him; Jesse’s flushed cock lying flat against his stomach as drops of pre-cum trickled out.

“Look at you,” said Walt, once again overcome with arousal, “Such a needy little thing.”

“Yo, I ain’t nee-” Jesse was unable to finish his sentence however, distracted as Walt started rubbing his fingers against one of Jesse’s erect pink nipples. The boy visibly shuddered and Walt grinned.

“Not needy huh?” Walt teased, moving his finger from Jesse’s nipple to run down his chest.

Walt could hear Jesse’s heart beat loudly inside his chest, his breathing becoming faster.

“Hurry up...” Jesse whined.

Walt’s hand moved down even further, his finger now brushing gently along the length of Jesse’s cock.

“Cu-Cut it out!” Jesse stuttered, “I’m totally gonna blow my load!”

“Isn’t this what you want?” Walt said playfully.

“N-No. I want-” Once again Jesse was silenced as Walt’s finger started circling the tip of his cock.

“Tell me what you want, son.”

“In-Inside...” was all Jesse managed to gasp out.

“Okay, son. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” Walt said, pressing a kiss to Jesse’s forehead.

With one arm still wrapped around Jesse’s waist, Walt reached over to the set of drawers next to the couch and opening the top drawer, pulled out a small bottle of lube.

It certainly wasn’t the first time he and Jesse had fooled around on the couch and so it made sense to keep a bottle nearby. Especially with how impatient his partner was.

Walt coated his fingers with decent amount of lube and without him even needing to ask, Jesse had pulled himself up, positioning himself for Walt to enter him.

“Such an eager boy,” Walt said almost proudly.

The first finger went in quite easily, it being only when Walt inserted a third finger that Jesse started noticeable react, wriggling somewhat on his lap.

Worried, Walt wondered if maybe it was still too much for Jesse and considered stopping just as Jesse let out a loud moan. “Fuck! This feels so good, yo! Your fingers are totally the best for this.”

Relieved, Walt’s grin returned. His hands were much broader than Jesse’s smaller delicate ones. Still, the image of Jesse using his own long slender fingers to pleasure himself made for a gorgeous image in Walt’s mind.

Giving Jesse what he couldn’t have the night before, Walt started to slowly part his fingers, stretching inside him and eliciting a series of soft whimpers from the boy.

However, his fingers could only do so much and Jesse started to grow impatient.

“Come on, Mr. White!”

Walt could understand Jesse’s impatience, he feeling just as eager to have his cock inside of the boy.

Jesse gasped as Walt pulled out his fingers, and grabbing hold of the bottle of lube Walt started lathering up his cock as quickly as he could, slightly panicked that he would come before he even had the chance to penetrate him.

Jesse meanwhile started nudging his head against the crook of his shoulder reminding Walt of a cat fervently wanting attention. Walt in turn reached out one of his hands to cusp the back of Jesse’s head. Although his hand was sticky from both lube and pre-cum, Walt brushed his fingers through Jesse’s hair as if petting him, the boy now practically nuzzling into him and making soft contented noises that Walt could almost believe to be purrs.

Eventually dropping his hand from Jesse’s hair, he brought it down along with his other one to rest upon Jesse’s hips.

Anticipating what was about to happen, Jesses wrapped his arms around Walt’s shoulders for support and pulled his body up. And with his hands still on Jesse’s hips, Walt slowly guided him down onto his cock, Jesse’s entire body quivering as Walt slid inside him.

“Good boy, that’s it,” Walt spoke encouragingly, running one his hands along Jesse’s arms. “This feels so much better now, doesn’t it?”

“Ye-yeah.”

“My, my, look at how horny you are,” said Walt proudly, stroking Jesse’s cheek; then bending over whispered, “My cock feels so good in you, doesn’t it? You missed it last night, didn’t you? You missed me.”

Jesse whimpered. “Ye-Yes.”

Walt himself however was not unaffected, barely holding it together at the sudden tightness enveloping around his cock.

“Please, Mr. White...” Jesse panted, in turn tightening his arms around Walt’s shoulders. Jesse only ever used the word ‘please’ when they were having sex which Walt found amusing. As if he could ever deny the boy when he was in such a beautiful state? And seeing Jesse being reduced to such all because of him, well it was certainly a boost for his ego.

All of a sudden, Jesse started bucking his hips and Walt gasped at the unexpected motion, his dick feeling as if it had just been set alight. Quickly he returned his hands to Jesse’s hips, helping Jesse thrust up and down onto his cock. It felt amazing and if Jesse’s repeated use of the words ‘fuck’ and ‘Mr. White’ were any indication, it felt the same way for him too.

“That’s it, Jesse. Good boy, such a good boy. Keep going...”

Jesse continued to manoeuvre his hips up and down, Walt helping to lift him. As always, Walt was amazed at how light Jesse was, although admittedly Jesse was the one doing most of the work; the boy vigorously thrusting up and down of his cock with such fervour.

Finally with Jesse’s hands clinging onto the back of Walt’s shirt, he came, and panting heavily let his head drop against Walt’s shoulder. Walt meanwhile continued to thrust upwards into him, coming shortly after.

With a contented sigh Walt gently cusped the back of Jesse’s head, allowing Jesse to regain his breath while he basked in the afterglow.

“Fuck, that was so _good_ ,” said Jesse, drawing out the word, ‘good’.

Raising his head from Walt’s shoulders, he looked at the older man and smiled. “I so needed that.”

Walt grinned. “I could tell.”

“I swear, until you came along, I never knew taking it up the ass could feel so good, you know? I thought all those gay dudes out there were totally whack. Like seriously, why the hell would you ever wanna stick something up your ass?”

“Well, I’m happy to have shown you otherwise,” said Walt proudly, even though like Jesse, he had never been with another man before.

“I’m assuming last night was the first time you’ve ever fingered yourself then?”

Jesse blushed. “Yeah, maybe...”

“It’s sweet to hear how much you miss me when I’m not around,” said Walt, pressing a kiss to Jesse’s cheeks.

“I didn’t miss you. I was just horny is all!” Jesse answered, appearing embarrassed.

Walt chuckled while Jesse glared at him. However with his cheeks still flushed and hair completely dishevelled, the boy looked much more adorable than intimidating.

“It’s also rather sweet how needy you are,” Walt added, not bothering to hide the amusement in his voice.

“Screw you! I ain’t needy!” Jesse cried defensively, “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get laid.”

Walt chuckled again, realising he should probably back off before Jesse really did go into a mood with him.

But Jesse was already climbing off of him and Walt felt his dick slide out of Jesse’s ass.

“Shit, I got my spunk on your shirt,” said Jesse, stopping and staring at chest.

“Well, it’s certainly not the first time that’s happened and I highly doubt it’ll be the last,” Walt replied, not caring in the slightest. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t wash it after all, and even if it was ruined and he had to go through a new shirt with Jesse like this every day, it wasn’t like he couldn’t afford to buy them either. As such, it was hard to imagine that not too long ago, he and Skyler actually had to be careful and budget the amount of how much they spent on clothes. Now he could buy out a store easily.

Jesse was in the same situation. Although he did wonder if Jesse actually took advantage of this as Walt swore the boy always wore the same t-shirts, baggy pants and hoodies whenever he saw him. Ill-fitting with skulls on them was Jesse’s clothing of choice. However, Walt had noticed that the clothing he wore never seemed to be quite as flashy as when they had first started cooking together; the bright and stylised designs replaced with darker colours.

“I always thought you would be like grossed out and get mad, with your gotta have everything clean and tidy.”

“Perhaps I’m not quite as high strung as you thought I was,” Walt answered, feeling calm.

Jesse grinned, repositioning himself back onto Walt’s lap. “That’s for sure,” said Jesse before kissing him once again.

“Hey, why am I the only one who’s completely naked?” Jesse asked suddenly, apparently only just realising that other than Walt having his pants pulled down just enough to free his cock, his partner was still fully clothed.

“Maybe because someone who has no patience kept pleading with me to ‘hurry up’,” Walt replied, playfully.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I guess so,” Jesse admitted looking slightly sheepish.

Walt chuckled before kissing him again. “It’s fine.”

While Walt very much loved the feeling of their naked bodies pressed together, in instances like these, he found something incredibly hot about having the boy completely naked before him while remaining mostly clothed himself.

Naked or clothed, either way, Walt adored Jesse’s body.

“Hey, Heisenberg,” said Jesse, jolting Walt from his thoughts.

He was surprised to hear Jesse refer to him in such a way, it being only when he continued with “You still have your hat on,” that Jesse’s form of address made sense.

He had completely forgotten that he was still wearing him, Jesse having put it on him earlier.

Walt smiled, remembering Jesse’s admiring comments of him looking both hot and badass in it. “So I do.”

Reaching up, Jesse plucked it off his head and brought it down on his own. Just as before, it was too big for him.

Folding his arms, he leaned against Walt and asked “So, do I look badass too?”

Once again Walt started laughing, unable to keeping a straight face.

“Yo, what the hell?” asked Jesse, seemingly having no idea what was so funny to him.

“Badass isn’t quite the word I’d use. I would say more... well, cute.”

The expression on the boy’s face was priceless, it clearly not being the answer he had expected.

“I should like totally kick your ass, bitch!” yelled Jesse, punching him on the shoulder; his cheeks a bright red. Walt meanwhile continued on laughing.

Taking the offending article off his head, Jesse proceeded to toss across the room.

“Hey, be careful with that,” said Walt, feeling oddly protective of it.

“What, it like the source of your power or something?” Jesse snorted.

Walt was in too good a mood to get annoyed and so with a grin said, “Damn, it looks like you’ve discovered my secret.”

Jesse snickered, his face softening somewhat. “Well, your power source is totally messed up. So it makes you a badass and me, like cute? How the hell is that fair?”

“From where I am, it works out great,” replied Walt and with renewed vigour took hold of Jesse and tossed him down on the couch.

“Hmm. Yeah, well, it’s a pretty raw deal for me,” said Jesse, looking up at him and wrapping his arms around Walt’s shoulders.

Walt grinned, bending down to kiss him. “Well, then. I suppose I’ll just have to make it up to you.”


	17. Chapter 17

Much to Walt’s surprise, Skyler’s plan succeeded. Bogdan bought the phony inspection and within a matter of hours, was calling them up to accept their offer. Skyler however, still angry with how he had treated her withdrew their previous amount and offered only eight hundred thousand dollars to buy the carwash. Walt had been taken aback at this, believing that she had just blown the deal. Bogdan of course refused at first, hanging up, but less than two minutes later and the distasteful man was calling them back to accept the new offer.

Walt was well and truly impressed, and it was difficult not to admire Skyler the effort she had put into securing the carwash for them. Strong-willed and determined, not to mention beautiful, Walt was reminded of some of the reasons why he had fallen in love with her in the first place.

She was smiling; the first time Walt had seen her do so in a long time. They even laughed together as they shared a bottle of champagne Walt had bought to celebrate their victory. Nevertheless, the cheerful atmosphere proved to be short-lived after Skyler learned that it had cost him three hundred and twenty dollars for the bottle, insisting that there was no way an unemployed school teacher could possibly have afforded it. Despite telling her he had paid by cash and that no one had seen him – she had countered that the cashier at least had – she was not reassured, going on to relay to him how one ‘slip-up’ had led to the whole Watergate scandal. Apparently he was now Richard Nixon in her mind.

This troubled Walt somewhat. How were they possibly going to run a business together if they were constantly at odds with each other?

Still, to dispose of the evidence as Skyler put it, they finished off the bottle of champagne. By this point however, the taste had been sullied somewhat and Walt found he couldn’t enjoy it quite as much as he did the first several sips he had taken.

They couldn’t even celebrate their successes without some form of friction and as the alcohol started to affect him, he couldn’t help but long for Jesse. While he doubted that Jesse’s palate would quite allow him to appreciate the sophisticated taste of the champagne he acquired, he knew the gesture alone, Jesse would at least appreciate; no doubt using words like ‘dope’ or ‘awesome’ to describe it as he took a swig.

Walt couldn’t help but smile fondly at the image of the grinning boy in his head. If Skyler noticed the change in his expression however, she didn’t say anything.

At Skyler’s insistence he grabbed a cab home, apparently even the possibility of being pulled over for drunk driving enough to risk his less than legal profession being discovered.

While he doubted police officers inquired too deeply into the brand and price of the alcohol drivers had consumed before being pulled over, he admitted that avoiding any unnecessary contact with the police was definitely for the best.

He had already been pulled over once before in recent months due to the windscreen on his Aztec being cracked, made even more unpleasant by the fact that the crack had been caused by a piece of debris from the Wayfarer 515 crash. Being pulled over had in turn led to an infuriating confrontation with a police officer and resulted in Walt being both pepper-sprayed and arrested. Suspicion would inevitably be aroused if he was pulled over again; especially since he would once more have to turn to Hank to vouch for him and pull some strings to get him off the hook As such it was an indignity he would rather not experience again anytime soon.

Despite Skyler having put a bit of a damper on their victory with her paranoia, Walt still felt good about where things where in his life. After all, in the space of just over a week he had stood up to a drug kingpin – not to mention his awful old boss – as well as acquire a business which he could use securely to successfully launder his vast earnings. And when it came to his relationship with Jesse, well, the boy still appeared to be as smitten with him as ever.

Clearly the champagne was affecting him more than he had intentionally thought as sitting in the back of the cab he started to grow hard just thinking about the other night when Jesse had practically begged Walt to fuck him. Walt loved teasing him, making Jesse aware of just how desperately needy he was for him. Jesse of course would protest the notion but would end up quickly succumbing, overcome with arousal. And in turn, Walt as he always promised would take care of him.

He could still hear the pleading eagerness in Jesse’s voice from that night; the sounds the boy made as he thrust up and down on Walt’s cock, clearly loving every second of it.

Part of Walt had been tempted to have the cab driver change direction and drop him off at Jesse’s place instead of going home. He wanted to extend his celebratory mood and what better way to end the day than to spend it having mind-blowing sex with his young lover?

But in the end he decided against it; perhaps because Jesse would have no idea why Walt would be celebrating in the first place. Jesse had already been curiously questioning his good mood last time they got together before he got distracted by Walt’s not oft-seen hat. In instances such as that, he was thankful for Jesse’s short-attention span.

Like Walt, Jesse seemed fond of the hat and so he found himself unable to quite put the thing away. Perhaps part of the reason was that he wanted to fuck Jesse while wearing it again, especially when it had garnered such comments from the boy of him looking both hot and badass. While Jesse himself certainly didn’t look badass with it on, Walt had to admit Jesse wearing it while otherwise completely naked definitely was hot.

And with that image in his head, when the taxi pulled up outside his condo, he practically ran out after quickly handing the cab driver over his fare and leaving a very generous tip in turn.

Sitting down on the couch, Walt took out his cock and what seemed like hardly any time at all came. He let out a loud contented sigh as his head dropped against the back of the sofa. He regretted somewhat not going to Jesse’s apartment but when he thought about their last interaction, he was sure that Jesse said he was spending the night hanging out with his friends. Still, it pleased Walt immensely knowing that when Jesse was alone, Jesse also jerked off thinking about him. And in a way, Walt was still recovering from the delicious knowledge that Jesse had at least once fingered himself while imagining Walt.

Walt started to jerk himself off again as he thought about it. He felt like a teenager and a ridiculously drunk and horny one at that. He wondered if he texted Jesse to come over right then if his partner would drop everything and rush over. He believed so. After all, even when he was being deliberately difficult and petulant, Walt got the feeling that despite this, Jesse still desired his approval, the need to please him overwhelming.

Walt removed his cell phone from his pocket. Jesse had been so demanding of sex the other day that it only seemed fair that Walt return the favour. But just as he was about to compose a text, he stopped, suddenly becoming aware of the pale band of skin on his finger from where his wedding ring once resided. From there a hint of guilt started to build up inside of him.

Jesse was unaware that Walt was still a married man. He also had no idea that Walt was buying a carwash with his not so ex-wife. The carwash he had put off telling Jesse, believing that there was no point in saying anything until things were finalised.

As for still the being married... well, he couldn’t quite say, simply that when he was Jesse he didn’t want to think about Skyler or his position as an outsider in his own family. When he was with Jesse it was just so easy to forget those things, to instead get lost in the boy’s eyes as he stared at him adoringly.

Still, Jesse deserved to know. He knew this. And so with a sigh he made up his mind. He would tell Jesse tomorrow, let him know that his marriage to Skyler was on paper only and that the carwash was simply a measure to launder money without drawing too much attention to his sudden ill-gotten gains.

He felt himself relax somewhat, although his buzz and arousal were completely gone. And so with another sigh, he stood up dragging himself to bed.

Walt knew that once he explained the situation to him, the boy would understand. After all, Jesse always listened to him.

It would all be fine.

 

Already on his way over to Mr. White’s place, Jesse received a phone call from the man saying that he had to head out to pick up his car but that he had left the key for the condo hidden under the mat. Jesse of course was to use the key to let himself in and make himself at home until Mr. White returned.

Jesse pretended to complain, saying that he could have totally used the extra time to defeat a particularly difficult boss in a videogame he was playing. Mr. White promised he would make it up to him.

“Hey, pick me up some funyuns on your way back!” cried Jesse through the phone, “Though that totally ain’t you making it up to me.”

Mr. White fake complained in return; or possibly for real complained. Jesse could never completely tell, the guy actually being a pretty decent actor.

Walking into the living room of the condo, Jesse wondered if he should have felt weirder being there without Mr. White around. Yet apparently since he had been spending so much time there the past couple of months, it felt kind of normal.

Jesse flopped down on the sofa and with his sneakers still on, placed his feet on the table. He grinned, thinking about how pissed off Mr. White would be if he saw him doing so. But Jesse rationalised that the guy had said to make himself at home, and this was totally something Jesse would do at home.

He thought about watching TV and more or less zoning out until Mr. White got back when out the corner of his eye he noticed Mr. White’s nearby. Removing his feet from the table he swiped it and stood up.

Moving over to the mirror, he put the hat on his head and upon seeing his reflection cringed. It really did look lame on him, not to mention the fact that it was too big on him, something that he hadn’t quite noticed until seeing himself wearing in the mirror. To be fair it was a pretty lame hat in general, the style itself doing nothing for Jesse. But as he had told Mr. White, it did make the guy look sorta badass.

It had been incredibly hot when Mr. White had fucked him wearing the thing, and not just because Jesse happened to be feeling like super horny at the time. Mr. White stretching him out with his thick fingers then filling him up with his cock, God, it had felt so fucking amazing.

Still, saying Jesse looked _cute_ wearing the hat was going way too far.

Blushing, Jesse took the thing off. He never knew how to react when Mr. White said shit like that. And when he did confront him about it the guy would totally laugh in his face like it was the most hilarious thing in the world. Jesse wasn’t sure what pissed him off more; Mr. White laughing like a complete douchebag or the fact that Jesse couldn’t help but feeling actually kind of happy when he said those things. What the hell that said about himself, he had no idea.

For better or worse, Jesse was abruptly startled from his embarrassing thoughts by a loud knock on the door.

Jesse started to panic.

Who the hell could that be?

He knew he could simply not answer the door and pretend no one was home, but what if it was Mr. White’s ex-wife or kid? Did they have a key to the condo?

Scratch that. The door was unlocked anyway. They could totally just walk in if they wanted to. And if they did, how the hell would he explain being there when Mr. White was nowhere to be found?

He had never met Mr. White’s son but his ex-wife was sure to recognise him considering she had basically threatened to call the DEA on him if he ever went near her husband again. Would she assume that Jesse was still just Mr. White’s drug dealer or did she know that Jesse and Mr. White were working together? If not, would she actually call the DEA on him? After all, her ex-husband was in the drug business too and it would certainly put all of them in an awkward position.

Speaking of the DEA, what if turned out that Mr. White’s complete asshat of brother-in-law was the one knocking?

Jesse’s heart started to race. If he saw Jesse there, the bastard might lose it and actually try to kill him for real.

No, wait... From what Mr. White had told him, the guy was still laid up in his bed; those weird messed up assassins sent from the cartel having fucked him up real good.

Jesse smirked at this. Prick totally got what he deserved.

Nevertheless, despite knowing that it couldn’t be Hank Schrader, Jesse still had to deal with the fact that someone was at Mr. White’s door.

The mysterious person knocked again.

Shit. What if it turned out to be a burglar?

But then they probably wouldn’t have knocked first he realised...

As Jesse mulled over the possibilities in his mind, he noticed the shadow from under the door disappear and just as he started to relax, he suddenly recognised the shape of the figure as they walked by the window, presumably leaving.

“Hey wait!” he called out, hurrying to the door.

With a suit that colour it could really only be one person...

“Yo, Saul!”

The lawyer turned around, shooting him a confused look. “Pinkman?”

“I was looking for your partner.”

Jesse snorted. “Yeah, I kinda got that what with you turning up at his place.”

Saul smiled that phony grin of his. “Still charming as ever kid.”

“Mind if I come in?” said Saul, brushing past him and going inside the condo.

“He’s not here I take it?” He then asked, glancing around.

Jesse shook his head. “He had to like run an errand.”

“What and he left you here to housesit? I’m impressed. Does he trust you not to set the place on fire?”

“I’m here cause we have a meeting,” Jesse replied defensively.

“Relax kid, that was a joke,” Saul replied, placing a folder of papers down on the counter. “Know when he’ll be back?”

Jesse shrugged. “Soon, I guess. Anyway, what’re you doing here? It’s like a Sunday. Don’t you have the day off?”

“The law never sleeps. Or well, not for my important clients that is, in which case I am twenty four-seven, non-stop. That’s just how dedicated I am.”

Jesse found himself snorting again.

“And speaking of my ever so important clients... have you given anymore thought to the nail salon? Great way to launder money, divert suspicion, you know, keep the taxman off your back.”

“I ain’t buyin’ a nail salon, yo,” Jesse sighed. “Do I look like a dude who’d go to a frickin nail salon?”

“They happen to do spa treatments too, I’ll have you know. And their massages... My God. Hey, let’s just say there’s a reason I opened up my office at that particular strip mall.”

“Whatever. I’m not buying it. It’d make like no sense!”

“Kid, plenty of people buy businesses they’d never set foot in. You think the CEO’s of McDonalds are sitting down by the freeway with their big macs?”

Jesse rolled his eyes.

“Alright, alright. That’s a no on the nail salon. I read you loud and clear. But as your lawyer, I’m advising you to follow in your partner’s footsteps and buy something and soon.”

“What’d you mean follow in my partners footsteps and buy something?”

“The carwash. That’s why I dropped by actually. Not a bad idea, mind you but I was really hoping the wife would go for the nail salon,” Saul said with a disappointed sigh, “I mean what lady wouldn’t want a free lifetime supply of manicures and enzyme peels, am I right?”

Jesse frowned, confused. He didn’t understand.

“So you’re saying what exactly? That Mr. White just up and bought a carwash?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. And as of today Walter White is the proud owner of A1A Carwash. Or he will be once he and his wife sign these contracts,” declared Saul, picking up the folder, “Personally I’m not a big fan of the name. I’m hoping that they’ll at least change it to something with a bit more panache.”

“Why the hell would Mr. White’s ex-wife have to sign anything?” Jesse asked, struggling to make sense of it all. “They’re divorced already. She ain’t like entitled to like half of it or anything is she?”

“Well, technically she is entitled to half given that she’s one of the partners. They own it together. Also they aren’t divorced.”

Jesse felt as if the bottom had just dropped out of his stomach. “W-What do you mean they ain’t divorced?”

“She never filed the divorce papers so legally they are still married and she remains Mrs. Walter White,” said Saul, looking slightly exasperated at having to explain everything, “Good ol’ Walt really kept you out the loop, huh, kid?”

“I...I don’t get it...”

“Hey, what I don’t get is why she married Walter in the first place. You’ve seen her right? All this time I’ve had a completely different image in my head and I meet her and she is _gorgeous_. Not to mention feisty. A little opinionated, but who doesn’t love a woman who takes charge?”

By this point Jesse had completely zoned out of what Saul was saying. He just...didn’t understand.

Mr. White had told him he had signed the divorce papers, so why hadn’t his wife filed them? Had he lied about the whole thing? Why the hell were they buying a business together? And furthermore, why hadn’t Mr. White said a single thing about the carwash to him?

“...I thought buying the laser tag place was a pretty good idea. I mean Walter is a scientist and if there’s one thing we know, it’s that scientists love lasers. But apparently this wasn’t convincing enough for the wife. However, for you young Master Pinkman, this presents a great opportunity,” said Saul, once again switching to his salesman persona, “The whole nail salon, I get it, not your thing, but laser tag... Well, that sounds right up your alley, am I right? You and your friends, I bet you love that stuff, running around, pretending to fire guns at each other. And hey, it’s not just laser tag, a lot of great arcade games there, plus skee ball, that’s always fun. And while technically you’d be an investor rather than the owner, you Jesse Pinkman are welcome to treat the place as your own personal playground. As the kids say these days, sounds pretty amazeballs, huh?”

Jesse remained silent, still not paying attention to Saul as he prattled on. Mr. White had lied to him and right now that was the only thing he cared about.

“Hey kid, you listening?” asked Saul, clearly put out by the younger man’s complete lack of response to what he no doubt believed to be a genius idea.

“Fine, well, whatever, I’m gonna go. Tell your partner I dropped by and that all the papers he needs to sign are right in here,” said Saul, giving the folder a pat, “And hey, think what I said over and get back to me, okay?”

Jesse didn’t reply, not even bothering to look up at Saul as he left.

He stood there, not quite sure what to do until cautiously he approached the counter and picked up the folder.

He wanted the naive, stupid, non-thinking part of his brain to take over, to make him believe that Saul was simply playing a joke on him, that it was just the lawyer’s weird sense of humour, or somehow the guy had gotten things mixed; that it was actually someone else and not Mr. White who had bought the carwash.

But Jesse could never go back to that carefree, ignorant headspace, not after everything he had been through. After all, the only time he ever felt some semblance of peace was when he was Mr. White. But now...

Quickly he snapped the folder open almost as he took too long, the thing would bite his hand.

From what Jesse briefly read, it was exactly what Saul said it was. Mr. White was indeed still married to Skyler White and they had just bought a carwash together.

Frantically Jesse started sifting through the papers, barely even glancing at them as he desperately tried to search for something that would prove it wasn’t true, that Mr. White hadn’t been lying to him the entire fucking time.

Breathing heavily, the papers scattered onto the floor as he held onto the counter for support, trying to make sense of everything.

But he couldn’t.

He just _couldn’t_.

And in that moment, Jesse felt something inside himself break.

He really did miss when his biggest worry was Hank Schrader appearing at the door and beating the shit out of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some angst ahead. I know. I fail miserably at just allowing them to be happy together. Their relationship is so complicated (or apparently I just like making things unnecessarily complicated for them).
> 
> Again, thank you very much to everyone who has left comments and kudos so far. I really appreciate it. :)


	18. Chapter 18

As Jesse had asked him to, Walt went to the store and got him some funyuns. He also picked up some soda of which he happened to be out of and knew Jesse would want. In a way it was almost as if he were shopping for a teenager and for a brief moment he thought of his own son before quickly shoving the comparison out of his mind. The age gap between them was something he definitely didn’t want to think about at the moment, especially when he had a much more pressing issue to attend to.

On one hand, he was very much looking forward to ‘making it up’ to Jesse, which would undoubtedly involve sex. On the other however, he needed to sit down with Jesse and discuss the fact that he had just bought a carwash with his not quite so ex-wife.

If his winning streak continued on as it had been then Walt knew it would be fine, and so feeling confident he decided to ‘make it up’ to Jesse first and then tell him. After all, Jesse tended to be at his most calm and content after they had been intimate, probably making it the best time to relay such a delicate piece of information.

Jesse would understand he assured himself. And if Jesse got upset, then Walt would simply have to ‘make it up’ to him all over again.

Just thinking about it made him grin. Given how turned on he had been the night before, he was eager to have his way with the boy as soon as possible.

When Walt opened the front door to his condo, he had entirely expected Jesse to be stretched out on the sofa watching TV; to greet him with something along the lines of ‘Took you long enough,’ and to flash him a mischievous smile. But in the living room at least, Jesse was nowhere to be seen.

He figured his partner to be in the bathroom, and for the briefest of moments before heading to the kitchen, he imagined Jesse sprawled out on his bed, waiting for him. It painted a delicious image in his mind, one that was quickly shattered however when he noticed the sheets of paper scattered on the floor.

Did they belong to Jesse and if so, why had he left them on the floor in such a mess?

Confused, Walt reached down and picked up one of the pieces of paper. It appeared to be a legal document of some sort.

“Jesse!” he called out as he stood back up. But no response came.

Frustrated he bent over to pick up the rest when he noticed his name on one of the sheets.

His heart stilled.

No. Not just his name, but Skyler’s as well.

From what he could tell, the papers seemed to be documents relating to his new ownership of A1 Carwash. And within an instant Walt speculated what must have happened.

“Jesse!” he cried out again as he hurried upstairs quickly checking the bathroom and bedroom.

“Damn it,” Walt cursed. Jesse was gone and God knows what was going through his partner’s head.

Why the hell had Saul turned up unannounced, Walt thought angrily. It was a Sunday for Christsake!

He needed to speak with Jesse as soon as possible, explain to him about the money laundering scheme and eliminate any conclusions that he may have leapt to.

Walt grabbed his cell and immediately dialled him. “Pick up,” he murmured, waiting for his call to connect.

There was a click. “Jesse-”

“Yo, this is Jesse. Leave a message... or don’t. Whatever.”

Walt cursed again. Straight to voicemail.

“Jesse, hi, it’s me. I need to speak with you,” Walt stated hurriedly, “You may have seen something today, a contract that is, and it’s important that I explain what it’s about. It’s true that I just bought a carwash with...”

He hesitated for a moment. “...Skyler but I assure you that it’s not whatever you’re thinking. It’s purely for... well, I, can’t quite explain everything over the phone.” He knew he was probably being paranoid but the thought of someone listening in unnerved him. Plus it was better if he was there in person reassuring Jesse. “Still, I really need to speak with you. Call me back as soon as you get this message and let me know where you are. I’ll come meet you right away, okay, son?”

He hung up the phone and ran his hand over his head, resisting the urge to curse again.

He glanced down at his cell, growing ever more frustrated and anxious about Jesse having not gotten back to him in the thirty seconds since he had left the voice message.

Meanwhile, on his house phone Walt dialled Saul, needing to confirm his assumption.

Unlike Jesse, the lawyer actually picked up, although he would have much preferred had it been this other way round.

“Walter, hey, you get the contract I left you?”  Saul asked in his usual enthusiastic manner.

“Why the hell did you show up at my condo today?!” Walt barked down the phone, “And why the hell did you give those documents to Jesse?”

“Well, firstly you should be thanking me for taking the time out of my oh-so-rare day off to hand-deliver those forms to you. Considering how much money you currently have what with your _gambling wins_ ,” Walt could practically hear the quotation marks, “I assumed you would want to get your new business up and running as soon as possible. And secondly, I did not give the contract to your partner. I left the folder conveniently on the counter for you to see. The kid just happened to be there and let me in. So really I believe that a thank you is in order.”

“Saul...”

“Alright, what’s the big deal? He run off with it, set it on fire? What exactly is the problem here?”

“The problem is that because of you, Jesse now has completely the wrong idea about what’s going on!” Walt yelled accusingly.

“And what wrong idea would that be? That you and your beautiful wife Skyler bought a carwash together, cause I’m sure that’s exactly how it is.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Walt sighed.

“I see...” Clearly Saul did not see however. In fact he had absolutely no idea.

“What did you say to him exactly?”

“I told him that you and the missus just bought a carwash together. That is it,” Saul replied, sounding very much like he was explaining something to a child, “Oh and uh, I asked him if he had given anymore thought to buying that the nail salon I was talking about but that still seems to be a no go. Which is fair enough but I was really hoping for more of a reaction with the laser tag. Hey, do me a favour and talk to him about that, okay?”

 “Saul, did you mention anything about Skyler and myself still being married?” Walt asked, taking note of Saul’s use of the word ‘missus’.

“Yeah, the kid had no idea, looked like I had just told him he was adopted or something. Though considering his parents evicted him from his own house and then he blackmailed them to get the house back for dirt cheap that might’ve been a relief to hear. Messed up families, huh?”

“Shit,” Walt spat. He had at least hoped Jesse hadn’t known that part.

There was silence before Saul finally broke it.

“Well, look, this seems like something you and your partner should discuss, so I’m gonna hang up. Just look over the contract, make sure all the terms are okay and get back to me, alright? We still need to discuss the matter of my payment and it sure ain’t cheap I’ll tell you that much.”

Walt didn’t reply.

“Okay, any questions, you just call.”

Saul hung up and Walt had to resist the urge to throw the phone across the room.

This was definitely not how he had wanted this day to go. He called Jesse again to no avail.

Wondering just what Jesse was thinking, something suddenly caught his eye. There on the living room floor was his hat, partly crushed.  Shocked, he walked over and picked the item up. Examining it, it was clear to see the hat had been stood on. Just as with the papers, Jesse had seemingly lashed out. And now in contrast to the earlier image of Jesse lying sprawled out in his bed, now all he could see was Jesse stomping on his hat.

Walt continued to stare down at the hat in his hands. Just the other night he had felt so protective over it, had chastised Jesse for recklessly tossing it, but now seeing it in such a damaged state, rather than anger, fear filled him. Jesse was clearly hurt and Walt needed to talk to Jesse _now._

Grabbing his keys – the spare ones he had left for Jesse, like the papers and hat also lay on the floor – he got into his car and drove straight over to Jesse’s place.

When he arrived however, Jesse’s car was nowhere to be seen.

Not bothering to knock first, Walt tried to open the door only to find it locked. Jesse hadn’t come home then, no doubt having gone to one of his friends whose names it always took Walt a minute or so to remember. Remembering them off the bat wouldn’t have helped however as Walt had no clue where they lived or even how to contact them. When they were under his and Jesse’s employ, Jesse had always been the one who dealt with them barring once when Walt had to meet them to make an exchange in Jesse’s place. At the time Jesse had been distraught from witnessing the death of one of the junkies that had robbed his friend. And it had only been after he had given him some encouragement that the boy returned to his normal self.

He still felt guilty about that time considering he had been the one to place the gun in Jesse’s hand, telling him to take care of things.  He had only wanted Jesse to scare the man a little, not have him witness one of the junkie’s being crushed to death with an ATM by the other. He could only imagine the sight and he regretted not being more sympathetic. Instead he had given him some speech, convincing Jesse that it worked for them if he got a fierce reputation and to have people frightened of him.

A blowfish, that was the analogy he had used to encourage him...

He just hoped that his words would get through to Jesse this time.

That was when he actually got a chance to say them. As things were, he would simply have to wait for Jesse to call him back.

 

The call never came however. He phoned Jesse one final time at midnight, leaving a message before turning into bed for the day. It was a restless night for him, his worry keeping him from getting a proper sleep. Partly he was worried because he didn’t want Jesse mad at him and partly because he feared that Jesse in a state of distress would fall back into old habits.

No. Jesse was stronger than that, he assured himself. Things would be fine. He just needed to talk to him that was all.

Provided that their ever silent watcher wasn’t around, Walt would pull Jesse outside and explain as much as he possibly could before they hit the deadline to when they had to start cooking a batch. Outside a laundromat certainly wouldn’t be the most ideal of places to discuss such things but better to get it out of the way than have it hang over them the entire day.

This turned out to be another futile hope on Walt’s part however as half an hour after their working day was due to begin and Jesse still hadn’t showed up.

No longer could Walt convince himself to remain calm, the deadline for when they needed to start drawing ever closer.

He glared at his watch with helpless frustration.

Where the hell was he? Jesse was clearly upset with him but surely he didn’t think that meant he could just skip work?

Walt’s need to do something kicked in and while the thing he wanted to do most was run out and track down his partner, there really was only one option for him. He needed to start the cook, even if it was on his own.

He stared around the vast lab and sighed.

Walt was quickly reminded that the cook process –mainly because of the amount that they were expected to yield – was definitely a two man job as he struggled to keep up with the meticulous schedule he insisted he and Jesse adhere to. The cook wasn’t even half way over and his back was already killing him.

He had kept glancing up at the door all morning, waiting for Jesse to arrive, but when the door finally did open, it wasn’t Jesse who walked through.

Of course Victor just had to show up today. Hell, with the luck he was having, maybe Gus Fring would also make a surprise appearance.

“Where’s your partner?” Victor asked brusquely after he did his usual survey of the lab and it became apparent that Jesse was nowhere in sight.

“He’s...” Walt could lie. Say that he had to step out, that Jesse would be back shortly. But he had no idea on how long Victor planned on staying. He could easily see the man sticking around all day just to call his bluff. Not to mention, if he was particularly scrupulous, he could simply check to see if Jesse had clocked in for the day.

No, Walt couldn’t lie about Jesse being there, but he could at least lie about the reason for his absence.

“He’s ill. Caught a bug that’s going around,” Walt said simply, deliberately not over elaborating to try and divert any suspicion.

But the man was suspicious by nature. “He ain’t here cause he’s got a cold?” Victor asked, disbelievingly, “Sounds like a shitty reason to skip out on work.”

“It’s more than just a _cold_.” Walt retorted.

“He would be absolutely no use here in his current state, not to mention the germs he could bring in. Just one contaminant, only tiny breach and this entire batch could be ruined,” he exclaimed, pointing to one of the vats for emphasis.

“You look okay. Aren’t you supposed to be the sick one?” Victor asked mockingly.

“I suppose I’m just lucky,” Walt huffed, turning away from him, “Now can I please get back to work. In case you haven’t noticed, I now have to do the work of two people.”

“Guess you should have chosen your partner better,” Victor replied coolly.

Walt just glared. Given the situation, there was no way he could antagonise the man. Inwardly he cursed. To think that just a few days ago he had been smirking triumphantly at him.

 “I’ll have to let the boss know he didn’t show up today,” Victor stated in his usual expressionless way yet it was clear to see he was obviously revelling in Walt’s discomfort.

Panic surged through Walt at this. Trying not to show it however, he simply nodded. “He’ll be back tomorrow. I’m sure of it.”

Walt wasn’t sure if he was saying this for Victor’s sake or to reassure himself.

“Whatever,” the enforcer said, turning to leave, “Just remember he’s _your_ responsibility.”

 Gus had made that perfectly clear last time they had spoken. Just one little slip and...

This was serious. He needed to find Jesse and get this mess sorted out as soon as possible.

 

Jesse stared idly at the television screen, his fingers mindlessly smashing buttons on the controller in his hand as several awful looking mutated creatures scrambled towards him, edging ever closer.

And just like that he – or rather his character – was dead.

He let the controller slip out of his hand and on to the floor as he leaned back against the sofa.

Ever since he had left Mr. White’s place yesterday, Jesse had been hanging out at Badger’s place. His friend’s apartment was small and crummy with mess seemingly covering every single inch of the place. It really was no wonder that most of the times they and Pete hung out at Jesse’s house. Still, it wasn’t like Jesse was particularly picky or anything, although he was pretty sure Mr. White would have a heart attack if he saw the apartment.

He frowned, inwardly berating himself. He was here precisely to avoid thinking about that asshole.

“Dude, that’s like the fifth time you’ve gotten us killed!” cried Badger, a controller also in his hand.

They were playing some co-op Zombie game, a game Jesse quite enjoyed and was usually pretty damn good at but right now his mind was elsewhere.

“Whatever,” Jesse sighed rubbing his hands over his face.

“So uh, how long are you gonna be sticking around here for?” Badger asked, taking a seat on the other side of the sofa.

“That like you’re subtle way of telling me to get the hell out?”

“What? Dude, no. I just...uh...You seem kinda bummed out and I was thinking of you know...” He made a gesture with his hand and Jesse instantly knew what he was referring too.

“Smoke away.”

“You sure?” Badger asked guiltily, “Cause I can totally...”

“Just smoke it already!” Jesse snapped.

He knew he was being a bit of dick but he would make it up to his friend, preferably when it felt like his heart hadn’t being ripped out of his fucking chest.

Badger didn’t seem fazed, seemingly just happy to be able to smoke as he reached over and took a joint out of a small box on the table in front of them. He didn’t ask Jesse if he wanted one to which Jesse was thankful for, not knowing if he could trust himself to say no if Badger had offered.

He knew he should leave, just go home. He wasn’t exactly stellar company at the moment. He had told himself he had come here for a distraction but really he was just hiding out.

Mr. White had let several messages on his cell – possibly some too on his home phone – but he had only listened to the first one. The guy said he wanted to explain things, that Jesse had no doubt gotten the wrong idea. But how the hell was that even possible? Jesse was sure he had exactly the right idea about what was going on. He was still together with his wife, they were going to buy a carwash together and then...

Frustrated, Jesse pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit up. It definitely wasn’t as good as weed or even meth but there was still something cathartic about it as he took a slow drag.

He was quickly interrupted however by a banging on the door. He glanced over at Badger.

“Shit, I hope that’s not my landlord. Guy’s been on my ass about rent all week,” Badger said panicked as he stubbed out his joint on the table.

“You actually got the money?” Jesse asked after another knock sounded.

“Yeah! Well, uh, no. But I totally will have. Just like sometime in the future, you know?”

Jesse was just about to tell his friend he would give him the money – hell, it wasn’t like he was strapped for cash in any way – when Badger pulled back from the peephole in the door and announced, “Dude, it’s Heisenberg!”

Jesse’s eyes widened with surprise. What the hell was Mr. White doing here?

“Uh, I’m guessing he’s here for you?” said Badger, looking slightly baffled.

Part of Jesse wanted to tell Badger not to open the door, to ignore it until the man gave up and went away. But he wasn’t that much of a pussy and so with a sigh Jesse forced himself up and brushing past Badger he opened the door.

Mr. White looked instantly relieved when he saw Jesse standing there.”Thank God you’re here.”

Jesse didn’t say anything.

“Hey, Heisenberg!” Badger greeted loudly from behind Jesse.

Jesse would have scolded Badger for calling Mr. White ‘Heisenberg’ with the door open and for anyone to hear but currently he had a lot of other things on his mind. He assumed Mr. White was the same given the fact he seemed intently focused on Jesse, ignoring Badger’s presence completely.

“How’d you find me?” Jesse asked, angry but genuinely curious.

“Well, you haven’t been home so I figured you’d at least be at one of your friend’s houses, and Saul he still has uh, _Bradon’s_ address and details from when he was his lawyer. And since you haven’t been returning my calls I thought I’d try here.”

“Well, congratulations, you found me,” Jesse replied sourly.

“Look Jesse, we really _really_ need to talk.”

“Fine,” said Jesse before turning back to Badger. “I’ll just be a minute.”

Mr. White seemed taken aback. “Jesse, I think it would be for the best if we went back to your place or even mines to well, discuss things properly.”

“Here’s fine,” Jesse retorted brusquely, closing the door behind him.

Mr. White looked like he very much wanted to protest but in the end he simply nodded. “Alright then.”

They moved away slightly from the door and further into the landing.

“Jesse, why weren’t you at the lab today?” asked Mr. White causing Jesse to stare at the man disbelievingly.

“Seriously? That’s the first thing you ask me?” Jesse replied angrily, “Why the hell I wasn’t at work?”

“Look, Jesse, I understand that you’re upset with me. And that you saw something you weren’t meant to see, and I will explain it to you I _swear_. There is a completely logical explanation for everything I promise. But first of all, whether you’re angry at me or not, you can’t just skip work.”

“So that’s why you’re here, huh?” Jesse spat, “To give me some fucking lecture about missing work?”

“I’m not lecturing you,” Mr. White argued, “But this isn’t like before back when we cooked in the RV out in the desert. We have a very strict timetable to adhere to and today because you didn’t show up, I had to do _your_ work as well.”

“Oh well, I’m _so_ sorry you had to bust your ass off doing all the heavy lifting for once!”

“Jesse, this isn’t about that! This is about Gustavo Fring! Today I had Victor questioning me about where the hell you where. I told him you were out sick but whether he actually believed me or not is another matter completely.”

“Just take the missing time outta my pay already, I don’t care!”

“This isn’t a regular job; you can’t just take a sick day! These are dangerous people we’re dealing with and right now they’re looking for any excuse to get rid of you, Jesse, do you understand that?” the older man exclaimed, “What’s more is that any tiny slip up you make, I’ll be held personally responsible.”

Jesse snorted. “So all of this is really just about you, huh? So what, that asshat Victor say all this to you?”

“No. It was Gustavo Fring. _Our boss_. And I know you’ve never met the man before but he is certainly not someone to be taken lightly.”

“When the hell did he tell you this?”

“It was a couple of weeks ago now.”

“What and you don’t say a single thing to me? Some psycho says he wants to get rid of me and you don’t think that’s something I should know!?” Jesse shouted, enraged.

“I just didn’t want to worry you,” his partner replied feebly, “I...I had it all under control.”

“Oh yeah, cause it really fucking sounds like it! So I take a day off and I risk getting a bullet in my head!? That’s fucked up, yo!”

“It...It won’t come to that,” said Mr. White, although he didn’t sound convinced, “Just show up at the lab tomorrow and do your job. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

He gave Jesse what he assumed to be a reassuring smile but all Jesse felt was disgust.

“How the hell am I supposed to believe anything you say?” Jesse asked weakly.

“You lied about being divorced. You bought a carwash with your ex-” He paused, “...with your wife. And you didn’t say a single thing to me, not one Goddamn thing.”

“Jesse, I wasn’t trying to hide it from you, I swear! I was just waiting for the right time to tell you is all.”

Jesse let out a humourless chuckle. “Yeah cause there’s totally a right time to tell your boyfriend or whatever the hell we are that you’re still married and are gonna buy a business with your wife.”

“The only reason we bought the carwash was for a way to launder money! It’s all part of my alibi!” Mr. White argued, “How the hell am I supposed to be paying off my _own_ medical bills let alone someone else’s? I’m an unemployed school teacher for Christsake!”

“Oh yeah, and that like totally justifies going into business with your ex-” Jesse cursed. He had been about to say it again. “With your wife! You couldn’t have gone into business with I don’t know, _anybody_ else on the planet!?”

“I did not choose this! I didn’t want Skyler to have anything to do with this whole business but she would not let it go, and hell, it was damned better than any of the ridiculous ideas Saul suggested!” the older man yelled defensively.

“Liar,” said Jesse through gritted teeth.

“What?”  
“You’re a liar. That’s all you ever do... I get it now, this whole thing, I see for what it really is...”

“Jesse-”

“And it’s my fault too you know. For being so fucking stupid, so fucking gullible...” Tears welled up in his eyes. “God, to think that I actually thought that we could be... But really it was all about some kind of sick twisted pretend power play, right? Cause God forbid, the great fucking _Heisenberg_ doesn’t get what he wants. I was just something close by you could like take comfort in and fuck around with until you finally got what you really wanted.”

Mr. White looked like he had just being slapped. “What? God, Jesse no, that’s-”

“Just shut up!” Jesse practically screamed, “I don’t want to hear anymore of your bullshit lies, alright!?”

“Jesse, no, that is not what I think-” His old teacher reached out to touch him and Jesse flinched, taking several steps back, almost tripping over in the process.

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

The asshole actually had the gall to look hurt by this and Jesse’s anger increased tenfold.

“You got what you wanted so why don’t you go back to your wife and play house already. Or do whatever the hell you want. I don’t give a shit. Just stay the fuck away from me,” Jesse ordered, tears now running freely down his face.

“No, Jesse, please don’t go-” The desperation was clear on his face as once again he tentatively reached out his hand to Jesse.

But how the hell could Jesse possibly believe a Goddamn thing the man ever said or did ever again?

Jesse turned and walked back inside Badger’s apartment.

“Jesse wait!” He heard Mr. White scream as he slammed the door.

He hurried past Badger and locked himself in the small dingy bathroom and cried... crying just as hard as the time he had in that crack house, loud sobs wracking through him.

And as with Jane, Jesse felt as if he had just lost someone he loved all over again.


	19. Chapter 19

After Jesse had ran back into the apartment Walt banged on the door frantically, shouting after him. Jesse’s friend was the one who of course answered, looking completely bewildered and clearly having no clue do what had just happened between Jesse and the older man he knew only as Heisenberg.

“Let me in, I need to speak to him!” Walt all but demanded.

“Um, I don’t know man. Jesse’s my bro, yo and you uh gotta have done something messed up to get him to be like this...” answered Badger, turning to glance at the closed bathroom door behind him, seemingly very uncomfortable with the entire situation.

“I did do something to Jesse. I hurt him. Quite a bit...” Walt admitted reluctantly, “But that’s why I need you to let me in so I can talk to him and sort things out. So if you could just move out of the way-”

The younger yet much taller man’s face darkened somewhat. “I seriously have like no idea what the hell just went down between you guys but since he pretty much screamed for you to stay the fuck away from him, I think I’d be a shitty friend to let you in here.”

With a sigh Badger asked, “So could you just like back off and leave?”

“Please, I just-” As Walt took a step forward so did Badger almost causing Walt to collide into him. With Badger right in front of him, Walt realised just how much bigger the man was compared to himself. He had always been aware of the size difference between Jesse and Badger the few times he saw them together. With Jesse already being small and somewhat scrawny, Walt found the sight comparison of and him and his ridiculously tall friend both amusing and endearing – he was sure Jesse had once claimed that Badger had easily lifted him and spun him around before – but now with that tall wall in front of him preventing him from seeing Jesse, he felt anything but these things.

“Fine, I’ll leave...” said Walt with great defeat, “Please just tell Jesse that-”

That Jesse was wrong about everything? That Jesse had simply misunderstood everything?

In what world could any of those words be seen as comforting or reassuring?

What words could he say?

“Please tell him that I’m sorry.”

Walt turned and as with his tail between his legs, he returned home.

 

He sunk down onto the couch and picked up the dented hat, simply staring at it.

“What, it like the source of your power or something?” Jesse had asked him derisively just a couple of days ago.

Walt had gone along with the joke and told Jesse that he had discovered his secret, that the hat did power him. But that was a lie. They both knew it. There were no superpowers in this world. But any strength Walt possessed, Jesse was the source; whether the infamous Heisenberg or lame old Mr. White.

He was willing to bet Jesse didn’t realise this. He wondered how many other things Jesse didn’t realise; that he himself hadn’t realised.

He stared at it for what felt like hours before angrily throwing it across the room. The hat was ruined, just as his relationship with Jesse was seemingly ruined.

He had screwed up; screw up so badly. He could see Jesse’s tear stricken face so clearly in his mind and never had he seen the boy look so hurt and betrayed.  

_“Stay the fuck away from me.”_

Finally Walt started to cry himself, the depth of regret and sorrow he was feeling so overpowering that a loud wretched sob escaped him.

“I’m sorry,” he cried, “I’m so sorry...”

Despite his cancer diagnosis, despite previously having zero financial means to support his family, despite staring death itself numerous times in the face, Walt had never in his life felt so helpless to fix things.

 

Walt slept on the couch that night, partly because he was too exhausted and sore to drag himself up the flight of stairs to bed, but primarily the reason was he would be sleeping alone. It wasn’t as if he shared a bed with Jesse every single night and the nights he didn’t, he still slept well enough. But what ran though his head was the knowledge that since he wasn’t having dinner with his family that evening the next day he should be waking up with the younger man wrapped securely in his arms whether at his condo or at Jesse’s house.

The alarm would go off and Walt would gently nudge the boy into awakening. Jesse would smile that adorable tired smile of his and Walt would greet him with a kiss, all the while urging him to get up so they weren’t late.

Walt had felt that aching lack of comfort of having someone next to him not too long ago when Skyler had kicked him out, and he certainly wasn’t ready to experience it again. The fact that things had been going incredibly well with Jesse compared to his deteriorating relationship with Skyler only added salt to the wound.

With his hand resting on his aching sore head Walt pushed himself up into a sitting position and glanced down at his watch. He still had time to shower and get ready for work – albeit with skipping breakfast – without being late. Small blessings he supposed. Not that he would have been able to eat breakfast even if he did have the time. He gazed down at the bottle of scotch on the floor and a bout of self-loathing swept over him. He had been so harsh with Jesse for using drugs in the past to help deal with his problems, berating him, thinking him weak and yet here he was using alcohol to numb his own pain.

Furthermore each time Jesse had used – at least since they started cooking together anyway – he had turned to it because of some deep hurt and loss out of his own control; his friend’s death, Jane, and most recently a couple of months ago because of Walt. And even with the former two, Walt bared some responsibility for. After all, he had been the one who insisted they expand their territory resulting in Jesse’s friend being shot in a turf dispute. And as for Jane...well, he tried to forget his role in that altogether.

Walt meanwhile, he created his own pain; the architect of his own downfall so to speak.

He had never been a very charitable person, finding it difficult to feel sympathy for others. With the people he cared about, it was different of course; or to an extent at least. But he would hear people whining and complaining – in more recent years mainly from students arguing against what they believed to be an unfair test score – and instead of empathy, all he would feel was scorn. After all, in most likely hood they had brought their misfortune upon themselves.

And yet wasn’t this what Walt did to himself? Cause his own misfortune?

But no, even this wasn’t enough. Apparently he just had to drag other people down with him, and while his relationship with Skyler seemed all but ruined, Jesse was the one who had suffered most by his hands.

_“Ever since I met you, everything I ever cared about is gone, ruined, turned to_ shit _..._ Dead!”

The words Jesse had yelled at the hospital that day still haunted him, those words he finally thought he could forget ringing loudly once more like gongs in his head. The distressing thing was that the more he heard them, the truer they seemed. He had known it the moment Jesse had said them.

_“You don’t give a shit about me!”_

These words however were a lie. God, Walt cared about Jesse so much. And just as with the regret and sorrow he was experiencing, the depth of how much he cared for Jesse was almost overwhelming that if he thought too deeply about it he would momentarily forget how to breathe.

But perhaps the most tragic thing of all was that Jesse’s words about Walt not giving a shit about him were the only thing Jesse now truly seemed to believe about him.

And after everything he had done, could he really convince Jesse otherwise?

 

With great effort Walt was able to get up and get ready and it was only when he was about to clock in for the day that he realised that he would have to do not only double the amount of work but have Victor agnostically question him about Jesse’s continued absent. It was ironic almost that it had been such a massive ordeal yesterday yet today after everything that had happened, it was simply an afterthought.

And to think that with all the awful things no doubt going through Jesse’s worried mind, Walt’s first instinct was to berate him for not showing up to work.

God, of all the possible things he could have said to him yesterday...

“I’m truly awful,” thought Walt as he stepped into the super lab.

However, upon walking in, he was utterly shocked to see Jesse down below already suited up and getting ready to start for the day.

It took great restraint on Walt’s part not to call out Jesse’s name and rush down the flight of stairs towards him. Jesse meanwhile didn’t even glance upwards as he heard Walt’s footsteps echo against the metal railings. In fact Jesse seemed to be not acknowledging him in the slightest even as Walt tentatively approached him.

And just as Walt was about to speak, say God knows what, Victor walked out the office and Walt was instantly silenced.

“You’re late,” stated the man.

“Barely,” replied Walt, struggling to hide his frustration at the interruption.

“Yeah, well, the boss appreciates punctuality. He also doesn’t appreciate it when his employees skip work,” he said, turning pointedly to look at Jesse.

“Take it out of my pay check,” Jesse replied impassively.

“Oh we will. And just for the trouble, we were thinking of taking it out of your partner’s pay as well,” said Victor, now deliberately looking at Walt.

“Fine with me,” said Jesse, his voice still lacking in emotion. Nevertheless, he turned to glance at Walt, the first time he had since his partner had entered the lab.

Walt wanted to protest to Victor how ridiculous this was, how unfair. After all, he had done two people’s worth of work yesterday! But he knew he was being baited; by both men actually.

Victor he didn’t give a shit about, but Jesse... Jesse had already called him both greedy and petty in the past, and while not protesting Victor docking his pay wouldn’t change Jesse’s view, he also didn’t want to reinforce it. Right now, that was not important to him. After all, the loss of a day’s wage was nothing compared to the loss of Jesse.

“I understand,” Walt answered diplomatically. At least this way, he got to deprive Victor of seeing him angry and confrontational.

The enforcer stared at both of them. “As long as we’re clear.”

“Crystal,” Jesse supplied unnecessarily. He was ignoring Walt completely but apparently his intense dislike of Victor was still present.

“Guess you better get started then,” Victor stated simply.

Walt expected Victor to then go back into the small little office, or better yet _leave_ , but instead he walked several meters back and folding his arms leant against one the counters; he was out of their way but in a prime position to observe them.

The bastard was doing this on purpose, Walt thought furiously.

Jesse meanwhile had already gone back to doing what he had been before he arrived, once paying no attention to him. Not that they could exactly have a profound conversation with Victor watching their every move.

And so with slumped shoulders Walt started to the lockers to get changed.

Jesse was _here_. He supposed that was something at least.

 

One of the things Walt loved most about his working relationship with Jesse was the synchronicity they experienced during their cooks together. They knew their roles perfectly, could go hours without uttering a single word between them, instead relying on a small grunt or nod to signal the next coming stage of the cook process. Yet most of the time even gestures weren’t needed. Walt knew that it was ridiculous, but it felt almost as if some form of telepathy had developed between them.

In the past Walt had been told by disgruntled colleagues and even employers that he was not an easy man to work with. Another thing he thought to be ridiculous. After all, it wasn’t his fault that they couldn’t keep up with him or ended up getting in his way. Elliot and Gretchen, they had been different of course, but ever since Gray Matter...

Teaching was much simpler. Sure, you had to stick to a curriculum and as with everything there was always some kind of politics involved, but overall it was a solitary endeavour, one in which he could be left to his own devices, barring interactions with students who of course had no say in the way he chose to run things.

Since the beginning of Gray Matter, cooking meth with Jesse was one of the few experiences he actually enjoyed working together with someone else.

Jesse mostly did what he told him too, which Walt supposed helped. He would bitch and moan and Walt would get angry with him, but never in the same infuriating and exasperating way he had with previous colleagues. And this was _Jesse Pinkman_ of all people; one of the most vexing students he had ever taught.

But God, they were so different now from back when Walt was –in Jesse’s own words – just Jesse’s old annoying lame-ass teacher. Jesse had matured greatly and Walt, well a lot had changed in the past half a year for him.

Yes, everything about working with Jesse was different than what he had experienced with anyone before, even Gretchen who had also been his lab assistant.

_“Yeah, Mr. White! Yeah science!”_

One of Walt’s most favourite sights in the world along with looking down at his beautiful baby girl in his arms was Jesse staring at him, his eyes a light with admiration, and the slight blush that would arise upon the boy’s cheeks when he realised he’d been caught.

But today there was absolutely no admiration in Jesse’s eyes. Instead they seemed empty, and this frightened Walt. He had seen Jesse wearing the same expression when he got out of rehab.

Inwardly Walt shuddered at the memory. Back then...and really it wasn’t even that long ago, Jesse had been broken; blaming himself both for Jane’s death and the deaths of the one hundred and sixty-seven people who died during the Wayfarer 515 air collision.

_“I’m the bad guy.”_

He couldn’t handle seeing Jesse in such a state again. Jesse had claimed to have embraced self-acceptance but all Walt saw that day was a young man who had given up.

Walt would not let that happen again; wouldn’t let Jesse sink back into that pit of despair and helplessness.

Jesse _needed_ him.

Or this was what he told himself at least.

Walt would talk to him; they would sort all of this out.

 

It had taken every ounce of strength Jesse had possessed that day to drag himself into work. He felt exhausted and heavy yet strangely empty at the same time.

After his argument with Mr. White outside of Badger’s place the night before, he had holed himself up in his friend’s bathroom, sobbing for at least a good hour and ignoring Badger’s awkward occasional pleas to open the door. It was only after Badger said he was going to call Pete that Jesse unlocked the door.

 “Dude, what the hell happened! Are you okay?” Badger asked panicked with an expression of such profound worry on his face that Jesse had neither seen nor thought his friend was capable of, “Heisenberg said he hurt you or something!”

Jesse leant back so he was sitting against the grubby bathtub. The bathroom was so tiny and with both him and Badger occupying the small space, there was hardly any room at all, Badger of course taking up more of the space.

“He didn’t hurt me,” sighed Jesse. _Not physically anyway._

“Okay, so what happened?”

 “No-nothing...” Jesse lied weakly.

“Uh, that wasn’t nothing. You’ve been in here cr-” Badger hesitated awkwardly for a moment, “...well, _you know_ , for like an hour. And before that I heard you and Heisenberg yelling out in the hall.”

“Come on man, tell me what happened,” Badger spoke softly now, crouching down slightly in front of Jesse, “Seriously, you’re my bro and I’m like worried about you and shit.”

A wave of shame washed over Jesse; shame that his friend was witnessing him in such a pitiful state and shame because Badger of all people was talking to him like he was some upset little kid who needed comforting.

And the most pathetic thing was that he really did want to be comforted; just not by Badger.

_“Everything will be alright, son. I promise.”_

Jesse abruptly stood up, almost causing Badger to topple over.

“It was just some dumb fucking argument,” said Jesse as casually as he could, “I decided to take the day offa work and dude blew a gasket. Guy overreacts to everything, you know? Seriously, what else is new?”

“...Okay.” Badger was staring at him very much like he didn’t follow; or rather more likely that he didn’t believe that was all there was to Jesse’s story.

“Dude, do you wanna like t-”

Jesse knew that the word ‘talk’ was the next word that was about to come out of his friend’s mouth, most likely followed by ‘about it’, and that was something Jesse could not handle right now.

“I think I’m gonna bounce,” Jesse said quickly, “Just remembered some shit I need to do.”

Badger looked rather like he wanted to protest but what with Jesse briefly being his boss in the past, perhaps he felt it wasn’t his place to question. “Okay.”

“Guess I’ll catch you later?” said Badger as they got to the front door.

“Yeah, yeah,” replied Jesse, digging his hands into his pockets, unable to quite look his friend in the eye, still feeling humiliated that Badger had seen him such a wretched mess.

“I mean, we still have to finish that mission, right?” Jesse added, referring to their videogame.

“Totally!” Badger’s face lit up a bit and Jesse smiled weakly.

He knew people that would have ripped the shit out of him if they had heard him practically sobbing his fucking heart out in a bathroom – a sobering reminder of a short period he had experienced during middle school – but not Badger. He was a good guy; a _good_ friend.

“Oh, yeah.” Jesse dug his hand deeper into his pocket, this time, pulling out a large wad of cash. It probably wasn’t sensible to be carrying that amount of money around but currently this was the very least of his problems.

“Here,” he said, holding the money out for Badger.

The taller man looked somewhat baffled. “Uh?”

“Come on, take it,” said Jesse more forcibly, “You said you were behind in rent so this should cover you for at least a few months.”

“You serious that this is okay?” Badger still looked surprised.

“Hey, you want me to change my mind?”

“Hell no!” cried Badger, quickly taking it as if Jesse might actually think better of it and recant the offer.

“Shit, I feel like I should give you something.”

Badger quickly surveyed his apartment, “Uh, I don’t really got much to offer, man. Uh, you want the rest of my pot?”

It frightenedJesse how tempted he was to say yes, to take it.

“Nah, it’s cool. Think of this as like hush money or something,” answered Jesse, hoping to Christ that Badger didn’t go spilling the beans to Pete about his little ‘outburst’.

But if the expression on Badger’s face was anything to go by, he wasn’t following him in the slightest

 “Uh, sure man. Whatever you say.”

With a nod, Jesse started to leave.

“Hey, Heisenberg told me to tell you something!” Badger cried after him, suddenly remembering.

Jesse stilled. “Oh?”

“Yeah, he said to say he’s like sorry.”

Sorry, huh? Mr. White always seemed to be sorry about something...

“I’m guessing he meant about hurting you,” Badger added akwardly.

Jesse snorted quietly “Yeah, maybe...”

“You better use that money to pay your rent, not get high, yo! If not, I’ll totally kick your ass!”

“Don’t worry, man, I got this!”

Jesse smiled somewhat and left.

Having returned home and with next to no distractions from his painful thoughts, that night had been hell for Jesse.

He had forced himself into work the next day, even went in early. Victor showed up five minutes after he did saying nothing.  He simply leered at him and while the action should have pissed him off as it usually did, instead Jesse felt nothing. The same had happened when Mr. White walked through the door. He felt absolutely nothing. He was numb.

Victor remained in the lab with them all morning, and for the first time ever, Jesse was thankful for the man’s presence. He wasn’t ready to face Mr. White. Wasn’t sure if he ever would be...

 

Walt had hoped for at the very least a moment to speak Jesse during lunch but his partner decided to skip it entirely, choosing to work on instead. He could have tried pulling Jesse to the side but Victor seemed intent on spending the entire day in the lab much to Walt’s ever increasing frustration, stalking and leering at them from the sidelines. He couldn’t risk making a scene; letting the enforcer know that there was problem. Yet even if the man hadn’t known about them and their ‘relationship’, it was plain to see there was friction between the pair.

Walt was unsure if Victor was doing this out of his own volition or Gus’s orders. He had told Gus about Jesse’s absence the day before, he knew that much.

At the end of the day, Walt left Jesse to stack up the pile of containers that held that day’s haul and hurriedly rushed to the lockers to get changed. He had noticed the boy growing ever tenser as the day wore on, constantly stealing glances at the clock on the wall. Anticipating that Jesse would try to leave as quickly as possible without interacting with him, Walt made sure to get ahead of Jesse.

When Jesse came out not too long later, Walt was waiting next to his car.

Jesse sighed despondently almost as if he had expected Walt to be waiting there to ambush him.

“Jesse, we need to talk,” said Walt, trying to speak as gently as possible.

“Yeah, cause that worked so well yesterday,” the younger man replied coldly.

Walt winced, “I’m sorry I was so-”

“I turned up today. Isn’t that enough or you got something else to bitch at me about?”

“No. Jesse, I want to apologise; properly this time. Look, there are a lot of things I need to explain and-”

“Yeah, well I don’t wanna listen no more,” Jesse interrupted.

“Jesse, please-”

“No! You know what!? I don’t owe you anything anymore! You got what you wanted from me, so as far I’m concerned we’re _even_.”

“Even? Jesse, what are you-”

“No! I don’t need to listen to anymore of your crap! I am through with you! I’m done with all this shit, all the lies! The only reason I showed up here today is so I don’t get a fucking bullet in the head cause apparently that’s what happens if you take a day off; something which you so conveniently neglected to mention.”

“That won’t happen!” Walt cried, “Jesse, I’ll protect you! I _swear_ to you. I arranged it with Gus that-”

“I don’t care about any of your Goddamn arrangements!” shouted Jesse, “I came home last night and there was a car right across the street from my house with some guy just sitting in it staring at me. And you know what, I’ve seen that car before, yo! So not only do I have that prick Victor watching me like I’m some bitch in prison, I have guy’s watching me at home too!”

“It could have been just a coincidence...” Walt replied weakly.

Jesse let out a hollow laugh.  “Even after everything you’re still lying, huh?”

Walt lowered his eyes. “Nothing will happen to you, Jesse, I promise...”

“You got dinner with your family tonight, right, Mr. White?” Jesse asked in such a nonchalant way that Walt was momentarily stunned.

“Go home. Like I said, you got what you want. Celebrate, go fuck your wife. The real thing’s always better, right?”

Walt felt like he had been slapped. “Jesse... Skyler, we’re not to... You’re the one I-”

But somehow without him even noticing, Jesse had slipped by him and gotten into his car.

“Jesse, wait!” Walt yelled, grabbing hold of the car door in one last desperate plea.

Jesse barely reacted, his face blank.

“This isn’t what I wanted! Not at all!”

“It sucks when you want too much and don’t get it, right?” answered with another empty chuckle, “Guess we have the same problem.

 “Don’t worry, I ain’t gonna skip on work no more. You won’t have any problems. You’ll keep your money and I guess I get to keep my head. Lucky me, right?”

Jesse took a deep breath before turning to stare right at him. “But I want you to know that is the only _reason_ I’m here. I don’t give a rat’s ass about the money and I sure as shit don’t care about you anymore.”

Walt let his arm drop from the door. “Jesse...”

And then with what felt like more finality than Walt had ever heard in his entire life, Jesse said, “Goodbye, Mr. White.”

With a stumbling step backwards, Walt watched as Jesse drove away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be some resolution for them soon , I promise! I got this chapter out a bit quicker than usual so hopefully that makes up for it a little bit. ^^;;
> 
> As always, thank you very much for all the comments and kudos! They are much appreciated. :)


	20. Chapter 20

Walt was left with a feeling bordering on devastation as his mind tried to process Jesse’s words; Jesse’s words that had made the boy sound so empty and at the same time sounded so absolute.

Walt already knew that he had screwed up massively, but only now was it that he realised the true extent of his blunder. Once again he had broken the person he had come to care so deeply about. Yet this time there seemed to be no solution. Back in that horrific crack den, Jesse had clung to him in a way no other human being had ever held on to him before. Walt had been sure that the most heartbreaking moment he would ever witness would be when he chose to do nothing and watch Jane die on that fateful night, but in the end it had been nothing compared to the sight of Jesse sobbing helplessly against him, unable to even stand from his debilitating grief from both losing the woman he loved and the blame that had engulfed him.

Walt had to practically carry Jesse after finding him. But this time Jesse wouldn’t be leaning on him for support, wouldn’t cling on to him as if his very life depended on it. Because unlike with Jane, this time Jesse was truly aware that Walt was the one who had caused him such pain.

_“Ever since I met you, everything I ever cared about is gone, ruined, turned to shit... Dead!”_

Walt’s legs felt weak as he wearily made his way to his car. He felt exhausted, both emotionally and physically and after climbing into the driver’s seat, he let his head fall limply against the steering wheel.

Why was it he kept hurting the people he cared about?

He had hurt Skyler with his chosen method of providing for his family, his son with his initial refusal to get treatment for his cancer, followed by his ‘fugue’ state; had almost gotten Hank killed in place of himself. And yet Jesse was the one who seemed to be the one getting hurt over and over again.

His daughter was only a few months old...how long would it be before he managed to hurt her in some way?

Finally after what felt like hours, Walt lifted his head from the steering wheel and glanced up at the clock on the dashboard. Jesse had been right, he was in fact having dinner with his family tonight and at this rate he would be late.

He didn’t want to do anything more to upset Skyler, especially given that he had been so preoccupied with tracking down Jesse yesterday, followed by their unpleasant confrontation that in the end he had all but ignored her calls.

The voice mail she had left him asked if he had heard back at all from Saul. He hoped that with his lack of response, she would assume he hadn’t, and if not he would lie, tell her that Saul had only given him the contract today.

He paused suddenly as he realised that once again his go to solution was to lie...

That seemed to be what he always did these days and wasn’t it exactly that which had gotten him into his current predicament?

He had told so many lies over these past eight months that it was difficult to keep track of them all. Perhaps that was why they all fell apart in the end...

Still, despite the convenience, it frightened Walt how easily lying seemed to come to him.

Jesse had actually been one of the few people he didn’t feel he needed to lie to. Jesse accepted him and understood his reasons for cooking. He didn’t need to justify himself. More so than with any other person, he could truly be himself with the boy.

This realisation only seemed to cause more frustration for Walt as he berated himself once more for having not told Jesse. After all, Jesse would have most likely understood if he had taken the time to actually explain things properly; had told him that his continued marriage to Skyler and them buying the carwash together was all to do with keeping up appearances... their cover so to speak.

Walt stared down at his left hand and the ring that no longer occupied his finger. Seventeen years it had been there and now it was just gone. He wondered if it wasn’t for Jesse if he would have kept on wearing the thing.

 When he looked back up at the clock somehow ten minutes had passed. He cursed.

Starting up the engine, he set off to his old house.

On his way there he almost took a wrong turn, one which would have taken him to Jesse’s place. He was going home but it was no longer really his home, and the only other place he wanted to be was at Jesse’s house.

As Jesse had done so before he had left, Walt let out his own humourless chuckle. It looked like there were now two places he was no longer welcome.

 

“Hey Dad!” Junior greeted from the living room as Walt walked through the door.

“Hi son,” he replied weakly. He knew he should at least try to put up at least a somewhat happier front for his family’s benefit but Walt felt so drained that even being there was a struggle. Thankfully Junior seemed distracted by the television and thus didn’t read too much into his father’s less than enthusiastic greeting.

“Ah, finally you’re here,” said Skyler, popping her head out from around the kitchen.

“Yeah, sorry, I was running a bit late,” Walt apologised; not that apologies seemed to count for much these days.

“Um, could you come help me in the kitchen, please?” Skyler asked him politely enough, though he suspected that the reason was more likely to be so they could speak out of earshot of their son.

“So, have you heard anything from Saul?” she asked anxiously pulling him to the furthest corner of the kitchen.

“Yes, I did actually. He dropped off the final documents at my condo. All we need to do is sign and that’s us all set.”

“That’s great,” replied Skyler, sounding genuinely pleased, “Did you bring them?”

“They’re in my jacket. I figured I’d wait till Junior wasn’t around till I took them out.”

“Alright then. I suppose we’ll have a look over and sign them after dinner?” Skyler asked as she picked up some plates.

“Sounds good,” replied Walt with a forced smile.

Sitting outside the Laundromat, he had honestly just wanted to tear the documents up in frustration over how much trouble they had caused him. If the helpless exhaustion he was experiencing wasn’t as strong as it was he probably would have.

Appearing as if she was about to go set the table, Skyler paused before turning back around to face him. She was smiling; clearly excited in a way he was not.

“Now that we have the contract in our hands, I was thinking we’d tell Walt Junior at dinner tonight?”

For a moment Walt panicked. “Oh, uh, maybe we’d better wait, have a look over the contract; make sure everything is in order first, just to be on the safe side.”

Skyler nodded. “You’re right. No point in announcing until we’re absolutely sure. We can’t afford to look over even the smallest of details.”

Junior already knew that his father and mother were going into business together but announcing that they had gotten a carwash and that everything was finalised was more than Walt knew he could handle tonight. Not after that devastating admission by Jesse less than an hour ago he was still reeling over.

“Alright, dinner’s ready!” Skyler announced as she placed that plates she had been holding down on the dining table.

“TV off please,” she told her son, and then calling back to Walt, asked, “Could you bring dinner through?”

“Just coming.”

As he glanced down at the dishes of food in his hands, a strange concern came over him. Jesse had skipped lunch; probably breakfast as well for that matter given that he had actually shown up at the lab before Walt that morning. Would he have eaten anything the day before at his friend’s apartment Walt found himself wondering.

The boy was skinny enough as it was that he really couldn’t afford not to eat, especially not with all the stress he was currently experiencing.

Inwardly Walt sighed. It all seemed so hypocritical to be worrying so much given he was the one who had driven Jesse to such a state.

“Jesse, have you eaten _anything_ at all today?” Walt would often ask Jesse when they met up after work or at the weekend.

And of course more often than not, Jesse would reply with a sheepish, “Uh I kinda forgot.”

This generally led to Walt berating Jesse. “You need to take better care of yourself!”

However, it was more through affectionate exasperation than actual frustration. Also it provided Walt with a good method of teasing him.

“Well, I suppose with the diet you have it’s no wonder you’re so small.”

“What?! I ain’t small, bitch!” Jesse would yell back usually resulting in Walt bursting into laughter.

His partner always looked incredibly offended by this. Still, whenever Walt offered to order something in or cook for him, Jesse’s eyes would practically light up. Rather than it being due to the prospect of food, Walt suspected it was more to do with someone actually willingly doing something to take care of him.

Once he had sat down at the table, he stared at the plate in front of him and all of a sudden he couldn’t help but remember the bag of funyuns he had bought for Jesse the other day that laid uneaten in his condo.

 It felt wrong to enjoy what would no doubt be a delicious meal while Jesse was hungry and no doubt oblivious to it. After all, what was a little hunger when you had just had your heartbroken? That at least seemed to be how Jesse worked.

“Dad, you okay?” Junior asked him.

“I’m fine. Just tired is all.”

He did feel exhausted so it wasn’t a complete lie. He supposed for him that was some sort of achievement.

After dinner, Skyler politely asked Junior if he minded going to his room so she and Walt could discuss some things. His son smiled at this but left without a fuss.

Now that it was just the two of them, Walt took the contract out, watching silently as Skyler read over everything.

“Well, it all seems to be in order,” she acknowledged as she came to the last page.

“I thought so, but figured it best to let you read over everything. With your old job in finance, you’re more familiar with these kinds of things than I am.”

Skyler smiled at this.

“Alright, I suppose there’s nothing left to do but sign then,” said Skyler as she picked up the pen, holding it out to Walt.

“You first. You did all the work after all,” replied Walt, holding his palms up.

Skyler seemed surprised by this but quickly got down to signing it. Walt figured she probably assumed he was having a rare moment of humility, but in reality he just wanted to put off signing for as long as he could, almost as if his signature on the document really would signify the end of his and Jesse’s relationship.

But before he knew it the pen was being placed in his hand and Walt found himself signing the cursed thing.

“Well, that’s it,” said Walt, “I’ll drop by Saul’s office with these tomorrow.”

“You sure? I can if you-”

“No, it’s fine,” Walt interrupted. In all honesty he still felt uncomfortable about Skyler and Saul having any interactions whatsoever.

Like so many things, that was never supposed to happen.

“Walt, are you alright?” Skyler asked gently.

Now it was his turn to be surprised. Instead of frustration at his mood, Skyler really did appear concerned about him.

“Just tired is all,” he answered in the same way he had when Junior asked.

“Is it...” Skyler began only to pause, “Walt is everything alright with work?”

“What? No, yes yes. Everything is fine.”

“I promise,” he then added for reassurance when Skyler didn’t look entirely convinced, “I’ve just not being sleeping well is all.”

“You’re not having second thoughts about this are you? Buying the carwash?”

_“Of course I am!”_ Walt wanted to yell. The damn thing had cost him his relationship with Jesse after all!

For a brief moment Walt was overcome with an intense anger at his wife for forcing him into buying the thing, so much so that he wanted to curse and scream at her. But as soon as the anger had come, it drained out of him. In the end, it wasn’t Skyler’s fault that this was happening, it was his own and it certainly wasn’t fair to take it out on her.

“No. It’s the best way to go,” Walt conceded, “We need a way to launder the money I’m making and buying a business that I’ve had some kind of connection with... well, at least for appearances sake, it makes the most sense.”

Skyler smiled again. It wasn’t her _true_ smile, or rather one the radiant smiles she had wore when Walt had first fallen in love with her – with everything that had happened he highly doubted one of those would ever be directed at him again – still it was nice to see, despite the bittersweet memory it had brought with it.

Jesse smiles were also lovely but in a completely different way. While Skyler’s were confident and stunning, Jesse’s were sweet and almost shy at times. But when he was happy, truly relaxed and open, it was one of the most beautiful sights Walt could imagine.

But as with Skyler’s, he doubted he would see it again.

After all, broken people didn’t smile in such a way.

“Speaking of appearances, I was thinking that after we explain to the rest of the family about your ‘gambling addiction’ and how we’ve used the winnings to buy the carwash, well, maybe at some point you could move back in...”

Walt stared at Skyler in absolute shock, completely blind sighted. Of all the things she could have possible said to him, he certainly had not expected that.

“You...You want me to move back in?” he asked, his voice disbelieving.

Skyler folded her arms over her chest. “Maybe not right away, but eventually...”

Walt honestly did not know how to reply. He never thought Skyler would ever... Or rather he had given up hoping that she would ask him to come back.

“Walt?” Skyler’s voice took on a nervous tone.

“Why... why now?” he found himself asking tentatively.

“Why? Well, like I said, for appearances sake. If we’re going into business together then it might look a bit better if we-” She paused, her brow furrowing, “Walt, I don’t understand. Given that not too long ago you practically forced your way in here against my will, I thought this was something that you wanted?”

‘Of course I do,’ he wanted to say but the words failed to escape him.

 Instead, he replied, “I’m just surprised is all. I honestly never thought you would want me back here.”

“Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I forgive you, the hell you’ve put all of us through; me, Junior, Marie, Hank... But having you here, it would probably make things easier for our cover.”

Walt let out a cynical laugh. “Our cover? Is that honestly what our marriage is now?”

“I honestly don’t know what our marriage is, Walt,” Skyler retorted, “I just thought it was something we should figure out _together_.”

Walt stood up. He needed to move. He was so unequipped to deal with this right now, not after the past couple of days he had. But as usual, life was not giving him a fucking break.

“And me moving back in, that would be the answer? Everything could just go back to the way it was?” he questioned, his voice a mixture of hope and fear.

“No. Things can’t go back to the way it was. Not after everything,” the blonde woman replied both firmly and sadly.

“Then why?” Walt cried, throwing his arms up, “If that’s how things are going to be then why should I move back in?”

“Because you love your family!” Skyler rebuked in a hushed tone, glancing over her shoulder towards Junior’s room.

Walt sat back down again and ran his hand over his head. It was true. He did love his family. He loved them so damned much.

The chance to be with them again... that’s what he had been fighting for, wasn’t it?

So why? Why was he hesitating so much? Surely he should be jumping at the chance to be back here with them.

‘I thought this was what you wanted?’ Skyler’s voice repeated in his head.

He had thought so too. It had been what he wanted; at least until the past couple of months.

Walt didn’t have to think very hard to figure out what had changed for him. It was Jesse and that sudden moment that had come upon him when he realised that the young man meant more to him than simply being one of his old students, was more to him than just a business partner; that in actuality he wanted him, desired him...

Even before that moment he had felt so deeply for the boy that it almost frightened him. Due to the powerful protective and possessive feelings coursing through him, he had let an innocent person die – a woman Jesse turned out to love very dearly – just so the boy wouldn’t leave him. And further still this was all before he had yet realised his attraction to his young partner; before he had kissed Jesse and pulled him onto his lap, before Jesse had gotten on his knees and sucked his cock, before he had taken Jesse to bed and made love to him for the very first time.

Walt certainly wasn’t one for clichés but Jesse Pinkman had truly brought colour back into his dull and monotonous life; had made him feel alive again after years of a stagnant and disappointing existence.

Not too long ago Jesse had asked him if he regretted cooking, and while he had admitted that there were a great number of things he wished he could have done differently, he didn’t regret cooking, especially the time he had gotten to share with Jesse. Cooking had given his life a sense of purpose once more and in the end it was through the shared horrors they had experienced together that he and Jesse had been bonded. And against all his wildest expectations, that bond had brought him happiness.

So it went that Walt had to wonder, would moving back home bring him the same happiness that being with Jesse had?

Gus had once told him that Jesse was simply a distraction. And now with Jesse wanting nothing to do with him surely it was the best time to go back to focusing solely on cooking to provide for his family.

Who knew, perhaps Skyler’s proposal was actually a good thing? He could move back here and let Jesse go once and for all. As Skyler had said, things may not quite be able to go back to the way they were before but they could make a go of it. He would get to see his son and precious baby girl every day. He could start over again, truly be there for his family...

And yet the prospect provided no true excitement.

Not long after he had been kicked out, it had been an expectation for him that eventually he would move back home. Skyler would see the light, apologise and be truly appreciative of all he had done for the family as she welcomed him back home.

But after Hank’s shooting, a sense of hopelessness replaced his expectation as Skyler’s resentment for him only seemed to grow.

However, not long after, his relationship with Jesse progressed in a way he could never have anticipated and thus his thoughts of returning home and being with his wife had all but vanished.

If he returned home would his feelings for Jesse fade the same way?

Doubt and fear surged through him suddenly at the thought. He didn’t want to give Jesse up, couldn’t give him up, not after everything they had been through together, all the struggles they had endured.

And in the end Jesse was his family too. He had realised it on that unfortunate night when he had met Donald Margolis in that bar, and the words ‘You can never give up on family’ had forever be etched on his mind.

“I do love my family,” he said slowly out loud, letting the words wash over him.

It was true and Jesse Pinkman to him was his family.

He loved Jesse; he loved the boy so much. The boy who was both cocky and infuriating and yet one of the most kind and loving people Walt had ever met.

And suddenly he was recalling not too long ago when Jesse had baked him some brownies; his aunt’s recipe. Walt had cooked dinner and Jesse had offered to take care of dessert.

He didn’t have much of a sweet tooth but he had quite enjoyed the brownies.

“You ain’t just saying that?” Jesse had asked him after telling him he thought they tasted good.

 “No, I’m not just saying that, I do like them,” Walt had replied somewhat exasperated, having no idea why the boy was so worried.

Jesse had sighed. “I followed Aunt Ginny’s recipe but I know they aren’t as good as hers or anything.”

“Well for your first try I think they turned out really well,” Walt had said hoping to be sound encouraging but when he looked back up at Jesse he appeared slightly uncomfortable.

“Jesse?”

“I uh, have a confession to make. This might of not being my first batch of brownies,” Jesse admitted, guiltily, “It may have taken me more than one go...”

“Oh?”

“Well, the first batch came out all burnt and shit. And the second batch actually _tasted_ like shit and the-”

“Jesse, how many attempts did you actually make?” Walt had found himself asking curiously.

Jesse looked away at that, clearly embarrassed as he had mumbled, “Like five.”

Walt had stared at Jesse in slightly disbelief. If that had been the case, then the boy must have spent all afternoon baking.

When Walt had questioned why, Jesse with a shrug had awkwardly answered, “I don’t know. I guess I’d bigged Aunt Ginny’s brownies so much before that I didn’t want you to be disappointed.”

Walt’s heart had melted at that moment. Looking back he wished he had said something, wished that he had told Jesse how appreciative he was, that Jesse really was one of the sweetest people he had ever met.

And suddenly it hit him, that Jesse in all his broken fragility would have no idea how Walt felt about him; have no idea that he truly loved him.

Walt immediately shot up from where he was sitting. “I have to go!” he announced.

“What? Walt, this is important!” said Skyler, staring at him incredulously.

“I know that,” Walt quickly answered as he picked up the contract from the table, “But there’s...there’s something that I really need to do.”

“So just like that you’re leaving?”

“I have to.”

Skyler followed after him.

“Walt!” She reached out and took hold of his arm. He stopped.  

“If there’s something more important to you than this...” she paused letting his arm drop, her voice hesitant before taking on a firmer tone, “Walt, if there’s something more important to you than what we’re discussing, then you coming back to live here, then maybe it’s not a good idea after all.”

Walt faltered at this, turning back around to face her.

“If you leave now then that’s it.”

It was an ultimatum. If he left now, any chance of reconciliation between them would be impossible.

“I can’t deal with the lies, the running around anymore, having no idea what’s going on. This is it Walt, take it or leave it.”

Walt felt his breath catch. This was it; the chance to finally have his family back, to live once again in the same house as his wife and children. But Jesse, his sweet Jesse...

He had told Jesse that he was beautiful, that he was special to him, but these words seemed to pale so much in comparison to the words, ‘I love you’.

Jesse needed to know, even if was too late to fix things, even if the boy hated him with every single fibre of his being for hurting him, Jesse still deserved to know. And it had to be now.

“I’m sorry Skyler,” he replied remorsefully, “I...really am.”

“So am I.”

“I...I’ll drop these off with Saul tomorrow,” he said, holding up the contract, “Like I said, you’re right. The carwash is the right move but-”

“But moving home to be with your family isn’t,” Skyler finished coldly.

He flinched, diverting his eyes to the floor. “It’s complicated...”

“It always is with you,” she replied simply.

“You’ve stopped wearing your wedding ring these past couple of weeks,” she stated, her voice strangely calm, “I didn’t say anything before but I’d noticed.”

Walt looked back up at her guiltily, feeling as if he should apologise once more. But in the end, he said nothing.

What could he say?

“Goodbye Walt.”

Walt stood motionless as he watched her walk down the hallway and go into the bedroom they had shared together for the past sixteen years.

As the door closed behind her Walt was momentarily overwhelmed by the finality of the action. It was a place he would no longer be permitted to enter; just as he would never be able to live in this house ever again.

Yet despite such a saddening realisation, his resolve was somehow stronger than ever before.

And with one final glance back he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight delay with this chapter.
> 
> Thanks very much to everyone who is still reading. We'll be coming to the end soon. :)


	21. Chapter 21

As he lay on his bed with his eyes cast towards the ceiling, Jesse found himself wondering if it was possible to feel everything and yet nothing at the same time. It seemed to be that one moment he was so overwhelmed with emotions that it took every ounce of self-control he possessed not to burst into tears, and yet in the next he felt completely empty, numb in a way he had never quite experienced before. The constant flux was both disorienting and exhausting with neither state offering his mind a single modicum of comfort.  As such, it was difficult to believe that just forty eight hours previous he had felt normal; _happy_ even.

The numbness was similar to the kind he had experienced previously including after his Aunt passed away, Combo’s murder and finding Jane dead next to him. And yet, somehow his current numbness was different. He didn’t understand why. After all, how could feeling nothing at all feel different when there was no feeling to feel in the first place?

It made no fucking sense to him and unfortunately the only person smart enough who Jesse knew could possibly answer such a question was Mr. White, the very person who had caused him to feel this way.

Not that he was really looking for an answer however. Nevertheless the strangely philosophical question did provide him a brief distraction from his other onslaught of thoughts and as such he was thankful for the moment of reprieve.

 The dull ache in his stomach from having not eaten a proper meal in days also offered him a slight distraction. Yet, it wasn’t enough to make himself actually get up and eat something.

If circumstances were different, Mr. White would have no doubt chided him about not eating. Jesse didn’t understand it but the man had a strange preoccupation with making sure Jesse was eating all right. Whether it was that he was eating too much junk food or just not enough food in general, Mr. White always seemed to be on his case.

It was annoying and at the same time, it had made him feel a little bit happy; yet another thing that he didn’t understand.

Not that it mattered anymore of course. He had made it perfectly clear to Mr. White just hours before that he wanted absolutely nothing more to do with him. Everything that had developed between them was over now.

All except cooking meth of course... the very thing that had brought them back into each other’s life in the first place.

How long Jesse had left on his contract as a meth cook under a psychopath he had never even met before, he had no idea; simply that it was slightly less than a year, which in turn amounted to roughly a year of having to see Mr. White almost daily.

He was positive that it was this kind of shit that made employers discourage workplace relationships.

He wondered if the guy who was at the lab before him – he was sure his name was Gale or something along those lines – was still around and if he perhaps wanted his old job back, for as far as Jesse was concerned, he was completely welcome to it.

Of course if Jesse was replaced then there was a good chance that Gustavo Fring would decide to just get rid of him once and for all if the intense way Mr. White had spoken about the man was true.

Mr. White had promised to protect him; apparently Fring and him having some sort of arrangement. But would Fring keep his word on whatever it was they had negotiated? And furthermore, now that his and Mr. White’s relationship was over, would the older man even care about keeping him safe?

Jesse chastised himself. No, Mr. White wouldn’t stop caring completely. The man was a liar, but still Jesse believed that he would at least try to keep him safe. Or that’s what he wanted to believe anyway.

It was funny; the reason for Jesse turning up to work at all earlier was in part due to Mr. White. Because apparently from what Mr. White had said, whatever fucked up deal Mr. White and Fring had, it therefore made him responsible for Jesse’s actions.

On top of everything else, Jesse had been so angry that this had all gone on behind his back; that Mr. White hadn’t said a single thing about it to him and that Mr. White was expected to take responsibility for Jesse like he was some fucking child.

But still, even after everything, Jesse didn’t want Mr. White to get into trouble because of him and so Jesse had forcibly dragged himself out of bed that morning; partly for self-preservation and partly due to fear of the consequences for his partner.

And so from now on the only reason Jesse would continue to work at that lab until his contract ended would be solely to ensure his own safety and to a lesser extent, that of Mr. White’s.

He had been truthful in saying he didn’t give a shit about the money anymore. After all, he had barely spent any of the money he had made. He supposed he had been busy with his relationship, but still it was hard to believe that not all that long ago he had been so desperate for cash; for money he could use to splurge on meth, party and go to strip clubs with his friends. Back then those things had seemed so important, the only things that really mattered to him.

And for the briefest of moments he had found something far greater than all of them combined... But it was gone now, and no amount of drugs or cash could fill the hole it had left inside of him.

After Jane he believed that he could never feel so strongly about another person ever again; until Mr. White of course. Yet his and Mr. White’s relationship had begun long before he had met her. It hadn’t been romantic and certainly not sexual, but it was established. Perhaps that was why while loving Jane dearly and enjoying the notion of starting a new life together with her somewhere far away from Albuquerque, the thought of leaving with the way he and Mr White had ended things was so distressing to him. Mr. White had only been going to keep his share of the money until he had gotten clean and yet Jesse had got so mad at him, in turn relaying his frustrations to Jane. From this, Jane’s idea to blackmail Mr. White into giving them the money was born and looking back upon it Jesse sincerely wished that he had tried harder to talk her out of it. Though Jane was so strong willed that he doubted he could have.

Despite the unpleasant threat of blackmail, Mr. White had still been there for him after Jane’s tragic death, something for which Jesse would be eternally grateful for. Yet Jesse certainly couldn’t have anticipated that he would eventually start a romantic and sexual relationship with the older man.

While once it would have been completely incomprehensible, now Jesse found himself desperately missing it, for as quickly as it had begun, it was over now.

Mr. White and his numerous lies had seen to that. It turned out that he was still married and had just bought a business with his still wife while Jesse had been none the wiser. The fact that Saul of all people had met Mrs. White and knew way more than him just added salt to the wound. Jesse had been devastated as the lawyer had inadvertently delivered the news, and yet while knowing his fury should be directed solely at Mr. White, Jesse was as equally angry with himself. After all, in the end wasn’t it only logical that Mr. White would return to his wife; his family?

Mr. White loved his family and everything he had done up to this point had been to provide for them. Yet despite cooking for their sake, his wife had kicked him out – funnily enough one of the reasons being because he had lied – and as Jesse had been led to believe, gotten a divorce from him.

And so with the sudden appearance of Saul at the condo that day and as the details of the carwash and Mr. White marital status were revealed, Jesse had been hit with what deep down he had known all along; he was a temporary replacement; a temporary substitute for Mr. White to take comfort in and keep his bed warm at night until he was finally able to get back the real thing and return home. 

Jesse had known this and yet he had refused to let himself dwell on it, instead choosing to take comfort in his partner’s affectionate words and loving embrace. After all, who wants to confront an ugly reality when you have such nice things to focus on instead?

That was why as upset with Mr. White as he was; Jesse was just as angry at himself. Mr. White would have the opportunity to finally be with his family again. It was only matter of time. He saw his wife several days a week for dinner with his kids and now that they were going to be running a business together, he would be spending even more time together with her.  It was funny, when Mr. White had first revealed that his wife had kicked him out of the house, Jesse had felt sorry for the guy, a small part of him even hoping she’d take him back despite the debilitating grief he was experiencing from having just lost Jane. Now the thought of their reconciliation filled him with dread. This was if they weren’t already back together.

He had called Mr. White a liar, but in the end, Jesse couldn’t help but feel he was the biggest liar out of either of them. For as much as he had been lying to himself about Mr. White not eventually leaving in the end, pretending that he didn’t care about Mr. White anymore as he had claimed earlier was just plain laughable.

The fact was that Jesse cared about his old teacher so much that it hurt him deeply. As was the case with Jane, he loved the man, probably even more so given all that they had been through together.

With Mr. White, he could be himself in a way he couldn’t with any other person. Mr. White didn’t judge him, there was teasing but it merely playful. Jesse could sit on the man’s lap and cuddle into him and Mr. White wouldn’t question it or think him strange, wouldn’t berate him for wanting to be held. He would simply wrap his arms around him and gently pet Jesse while whispering soothing words into his ear. Jesse wasn’t made to feel ashamed for wanting this. In fact, Mr. White seemed to encourage the behaviour. It always made him feel so safe and wanted. It had been so long since he had felt either.

_“There’s my good boy.”_

Tears started to well up in his eyes as he was suddenly hit with the realisation that he’d never be held in such a way ever again; at least not by Mr. White.

Once more he was all alone.

Sobs wracked through his entire body and slowly he curled into a foetal position, desperately willing himself to sleep.

 

Jesse’s eyes shot open as he was startled into awakening by the sound of someone walking down the hallway. To his surprise he had actually managed to fall asleep and now was being awoken in one of the most unpleasant ways with an unknown intruder in his house.

Panic struck him as quickly he climbed out of bed. Desperately his mind try to figure out the best place to hide as he realised there was nowhere for him to escape to, when all of a sudden, a familiar figure appeared in his door way.

“Jesse.”

Upon seeing who it was, Jesse was unsure whether he was relieved or not that it wasn’t someone coming to kill him.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he shouted, or had at least that’s what he had intended. Instead his voice came out sounding quiet and hoarse, his throat recovering from his bout of sobbing earlier.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” Mr. White replied apologetically, “I knocked several times but there was no answer. I started to get worried and you’re door wasn’t locked so-”

“So you just to invite yourself in?” Jesse interrupted, all the while cursing himself in his head. How could he have been so stupid as to forget to lock the door with the possible threat of Gustavo Fring looming over him? Sometimes he really did wonder if he had some kind of death wish...

“Didn’t you listen to a thing I said today?”

“I heard you,” Mr. White answered, remaining stood in the doorway, “But there are still things I need to say, things that you need to hear.”

“I don’t wanna listen anymore. I told you I don’t wanna hear anymore of your bull-”

“Please!” Mr White shouted, a strange mixture of fear and determination on his face, “Please, Jesse, just listen to what I have to say right now and I promise you that afterwards if it’s still what you want, I’ll never bother you again. Just five minutes, I swear...”

Jesse sighed, running his hand over his face. He was so tired, exhausted even. He didn’t have the energy to yell for Mr. White to leave or to argue, and so with weak resignation, he replied, “Fine...”

Mr. White smiled faintly, giving him an appreciative nod.

Padding across the room, he brushed past Mr. White and headed down the stairs. Jesse didn’t want to listen to whatever the older man said in his bedroom, not where Jesse had slept happily and peacefully curled up against him not days before.

He halted suddenly once he entered the living room and caught a glimpse of the futon. He sighed. In the end, it seemed regardless of where they spoke it would bring up memories and though originally happy ones, now they would be painful for him. And so willing himself not to care he plopped himself down on the futon.

Mr. White followed after him, seeming nervous. While Jesse sat, the older man remained standing. Despite his seemingly desperate need to speak to him, Mr. White remained oddly quiet. Nevertheless, he was watching him with an expression which Jesse couldn’t quite decipher.

“Yo, I thought you said five minutes,” said Jesse hurriedly, unnerved by the older man’s gaze, “You just gonna stand there or do you actually have something to say to me?”

“I do. Jesse I...” Mr. White began only to trail off, strangely hesitant. It was certainly unlike him; Mr. White always seeming to know what to say. Perhaps it was why Jesse suddenly found himself more willing to listen.

“First of all, I want you to know how truly sorry I am about everything. I know I’ve been saying sorry what seems like a lot lately but I mean it, I really do. I’m aware that I’ve put you through a lot.” Mr. White spoke remorsefully, “And...God, it hurts me seeing you like this; knowing that I...”

“Well, I’m sorry your guilt for being a complete lying douchebag is inconvenient to you but that’s not my problem. This ain’t confession, yo!” Jesse spat, his anger returning. “I ain’t gonna just sit here and listen to you say you’re sorry just so you can feel better about yourself or some shit.”

Mr. White winced and for a moment Jesse thought he would leave, but to his surprise he kept on talking and Jesse with his inability to tear himself apart from the man, continued to listen.

“That isn’t why I’m-” Mr. White stopped, sighing again, “I only found out a couple of weeks ago that I’m still married. I signed the divorce papers just as Skyler had wanted but it turns out that in the end she never filed them.  Her logic was that because you can’t be forced to testify against your spouse it would be better for our, well, _situation_ if we remained married.

“Again I had no idea about any of this until a few weeks ago,” the man reiterated, “If I had known sooner...” He trailed off.

“We’re still married but only on paper. I...I know that isn’t an excuse for not telling you. In all honestly I wasn’t sure how to go about it.”

“So, what, you decide to just keep it a secret from me and then go into business together with your wife? What kind of fucked up logic is that?”

“It’s more complicated that,” Mr. White replied weakly.

Jesse snorted. “Really? Cause it seems pretty fucking simple to me.”

Mr. White opened his mouth to protest only to close it as a look of sad resignation covered his face.

With the futon occupied by Jesse and no other furniture, the older man sat down on the small coffee table in front of Jesse.

“You’re right. I made it more complicated than it needed to be... I should have told you straight away, but I didn’t.”

Mr. White ran his hand over his face. “As well as that, there was also the carwash situation. Skyler kept badgering me so I eventually gave in and arranged a meeting with Saul. As well as my gambling wins, laundering the money I make through a legitimate business seemed the best way to go for explaining our extra cash flow to the rest of the family.

“Skyler came up with the idea of the carwash. I was against it initially. After all, I didn’t even want her to be involved. I was so sure it would fall through. That’s part of the reason why I didn’t say anything to you. I thought there would be no need to. Plus, when I was with you I just didn’t want to think about it. I wanted to enjoy our time together. I suppose I’d gotten so comfortable with what’s developed between us these past few months that I didn’t want anything to get in the way of that,” admitted Mr. White with a sad smile, “Of course, Skyler in her brilliance found a way to make the carwash work and before I knew it we were the soon to be owners of A-1 Carwash.

“I realise that you may not believe me after, well everything, but that day you found out...” The man stopped, gritting his teeth “From _Saul_ of all people... I had been planning on telling you. I thought about how I would broach the subject when I was driving home but by the time I got to the condo you’d already found out and had left. I panicked when I saw all those papers on the floor. I called you then rushed straight over to your place. You weren’t there so I ended up returning home. I kept worrying about what must be going through your mind, so much so that I barely slept that night...”

“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?” Jesse asked with weak defiance.

Mr. White shook his head. “No. But I do want you to know that I wasn’t using you Jesse. You have to believe me. The time we’ve spent together, I’ve truly lo...I’ve truly enjoyed it.”

“But it’s over now. That’s what you came here to say, right?” said Jesse bitterly.

“No. I still want to be with you Jesse.”

“Yeah and how’s that gonna go? You’re still married, right? You’ve got a business together with your wife so eventually you’ll end up...”

He trailed off.

‘You’ll leave me,’ he wanted to say but couldn’t bring himself to utter it out loud. It hurt too much.

“Skyler asked me to move back home,” Mr. White said all of a sudden and just like that Jesse felt his heart breaking all over again.

It was exactly as he had thought.

“Guess you got what you wanted then.” He had wanted the words to be harsh and mocking but instead he simply sounded defeated.

He thought he was prepared for this. After all, he had fully expected Mr. White to return home to his wife and family eventually. But apparently expecting it and actually hearing it were two very different things. Still, he refused to let himself cry in front of the man. This was made difficult of course by the simple fact that he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

His eyes fell to the floor, so sure if he looked up again that he would burst into tears.

“No. What I want is you Jesse,” Mr. White softly corrected, “That’s why I told Skyler I couldn’t move back in.”

Jesse’s entire body stilled as his eyes slowly drew upwards. Surely he had misheard. That couldn’t be right.

“Wh-What?”

“I told you back in the hospital that I wanted you, Jesse. I wasn’t lying. And I still want you. I want to be with you,” Mr. White spoke determinedly, “I...I _need_ you. God, you mean so much to me, son, and this past year has been so...”

“Why?!” Jesse found himself blurting out, still in complete shock. “I don’t...I don’t get it, yo!”

Jesse shot to his feet. “To be back with your family again, that’s what you wanted right?! I mean the whole cooking crystal meth thing; that was for them! And now...now that you get the chance to finally be with them again, you’re just gonna throw that away? That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Why!?” Jesse cried out again, grabbing hold of Mr. White’s shoulders.

“Because I love you, Jesse.”

And once again Jesse was stunned into absolute silence.

Jesse’s arms fell from the man’s shoulders as Mr. White stood. “I love you so much, Jesse. And I should have told you sooner, much much sooner, just like so many other things,” Mr White said, “I was so stupid and blind that I didn’t see what was right in front of me. I’ve loved you for a long time now, I just didn’t realise it.

“After everything I’ve put you through, I don’t expect you to forgive me. I understand how much I’ve managed to hurt you son. It’s all I ever seem to do, huh?” he added with a small self-deprecating chuckle, “Still, the fact that I love you is something I believe you deserve to know. As well as apologise, that’s what I came here to tell you. Again, after everything, I’m not sure if that even means much to you...”

“Of course it does!” cried Jesse, “I mean...”

Jesse was in such shock that he could barely get the words out.

To be loved. It was all he had ever wanted.

 “Do you really love me that much that you’d give up being with your family?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

“I’ll still have them in my life. I just won’t be living with them,” Mr. White answered, “Well, I suppose it’s been that way for some time now... It’ll be hard but I think it’s for the best.”

“But now that you’ve found out that you’re still married, don’t you wanna be with your wife?”

“I still love Skyler,” Mr. White confessed and for a moment Jesse felt his heart sink, “In a way, I probably always will. But I’m aware that things can never go back to the way thing were between us. We could try and make it work but in the end I doubt Skyler would ever truly forgive me for what I’ve done. If we remained together it would be for our ‘cover’; purely for appearances sake. And I...I don’t want to live like that anymore.

“I was struggling through life, willing to just give up and die and let the cancer take me with it. But this past year...I felt truly alive. And while I don’t doubt that cooking; having a purpose again played a part, the main reason I feel this way is because of you Jesse...”

Jesse’s breath hitched.

“Another thing I need you to know is I consider you just as much a part of my family. Back on that night I handed over your share of the money to you, back when you were planning on leaving, I was so scared. You told me you would never bother me again, that I’d never see you again, but that was the last thing I wanted. I was so frightened of losing you. And as tragic as what happened to Jane was, I was thankful when you didn’t leave. My heart broke when I found you in that crack den, but you where still here. And I was so relieved.”

So overwhelmed by Mr. White’s words, Jesse was rendered speechless.

Mr. White, he really did...

With the outmost care, Mr. White reached out and softly wiped away a stray tear from Jesse’s eye. “I almost lost you once and I don’t want to lose you again; not without a fight. I’m being selfish and I know I don’t deserve it or expect you to but please forgive me, Jesse. I wasn’t lying when I said I need you. You told me once that I need you more than you need me and my God, you were right.”

Mr. White repositioned his hand so it was gently cupping Jesse’s face. “I love you, Jesse so please...”

“No one’s ever said that to me before...” Jesse spoke quietly, still struggling to comprehend everything that had just been said to him, “I mean my parents did when I was a kid, and my aunt before she died told me...but no one else.

“I loved Jane, but I never got the chance to tell her how I really felt. I don’t even know if she felt the same way. Guess, I’ll never know. I always felt sad that I couldn’t tell her. But at the same time I was sorta relieved, you know?  Cause if she didn’t feel the same way, then maybe it was better that I didn’t know.”

“If she didn’t then she was an idiot,” Mr. White said harshly, causing Jesse to stare at him in surprise.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Mr. White said quickly, “To talk about the dead like that is just...”

He paused, taking a breath, “You deserve to be loved, Jesse. Possibly more so than any other person I know.”

Jesse snorted. “Uh, yeah, I doubt that.”

“You shouldn’t,” said Mr. White, taking on that teacher-like tone that Jesse knew so well, “Because I mean it.”

And then more softly he added, “You deserve to be happy.”

And just like that Jesse started to tear up again, suddenly transported back to that evening in his apartment when Mr. White had first said those very words to him. He threw himself at Mr. White, burying into his chest as he felt a pair of strong arms wrapping themselves tightly around him. Not long ago, those words alone were enough to make him happy but now he had new ones to focus on.

“Say it again,” he ordered gently, his voice muffled by Mr. White’s chest.

“That you deserve to be happy?” Mr. White asked in turn.

Jesse shook his head. He couldn’t see him but he could hear Mr. White give a small chuckle as realisation apparently dawned on him.

“Oh. I see. I love you. And I’ll say it as many times as you want.”

Jesse smiled. He couldn’t seem to stop the tears.

 “You’re a total dick you know,” he said, his voice still muffled, “But...”

He started to pull away, the task made slightly difficult by his partner’s reluctance to loosen his hold on, almost as if Jesse were some sort of lifeline.

Eventually however Jesse was able to squirm back somewhat – at least enough so that he could look the man in the eyes - and finally he said, “I love you too.”

Mr. White broke into a huge smile and only then did Jesse realise that like him Mr. White was crying.

Immediately he was pulled back into his embrace, this time resting his head comfortably on his shoulder.

“I promise that from now on that I’ll be completely honest with you. About Skyler, the carwash, Gus, I’ll let you know everything...” said Mr. White as he gently started to run his hands through his hair. And instantly Jesse let himself melt into that touch he had been so convinced he would never feel again.

“But more importantly,” Mr. White continued, his voice taking on a tentative tone, “Will you forgive me for what I’ve done?”

Jesse felt it was completely unfair to be asked such a question when he was being held and petted like this; when he felt so at peace. Still, no matter what state he was on in, he knew his answer would always be the same.

“Well, I don’t have much of a choice, yo.”

“Is that a yes?” Mr. White asked, his voice still cautious.

Jesse let out a loud chuckle. “Of course it’s a yes, asshole.”

And abruptly, Mr White tightened his grip on him. It hurt slightly, but it did nothing to dampen the extreme relief and warmth he was feeling just from simply being in Mr. White’s arms again.

“Thank you,” Mr. White replied; his voice filled with more gratitude than Jesse had ever heard from him before.

Jesse’s smile widened as he let out a contented sigh. “Yeah well, you totally owe me, bitch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, reconciliation! I'm sorry it took so long. I going to go ahead and blame it on both characters having so many issues... ^^;;
> 
> I was a bit nervous about this chapter but I hope it didn't disappoint.
> 
> As always, thank you very much for reading and for all the comments and kudos! :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies as this chapter is a bit shorter than usual but I wanted to post something as it's been awhile since I last updated. Sorry about that! Anyway, the next chapter will be the last but I hope you enjoy this in the meantime. :)

Walt was still very much tired when he awoke that morning. And yet he was positive that he could have physically been reliving his worst moments during chemo and still feel a sense of euphoria; for currently he held the sleeping form of Jesse Pinkman in his arms.

Yes, his young partner had forgiven him and for that, Walt was beyond grateful; not long ago terrified that he had lost Jesse forever due to his own stupidity.

As was the case most of the time, Jesse looked wonderfully peaceful when he slept. There had been a few instances over the past several months were Jesse had woken up because of nightmares – he never went into detail what they were regarding, although given the horrors they had both been through, Walt could only guess – but with a few soothing words from him, Jesse went back into what Walt believed or at least hoped to be a peaceful sleep.

Walt truly loathed the thought of waking Jesse up right now but he really did have to get going soon. If time had permitted he would have made Jesse a huge breakfast given his discovery last night that just as he suspected, Jesse had eaten very little these past couple of days.

When he and Jesse finally parted from their embrace, they had both been so exhausted; eager to simply fall straight into bed and fall sleep. Walt however had been adamant that Jesse needed to eat something first and ignoring Jesse’s assurances that he was fine, took the boy’s hand and immediately dragged him into the kitchen.

Jesse laughed loudly as Walt did so; tears still in his eyes.

“I was totally right.”

Walt had been confused but when he had questioned him about it, Jesse simply shook his head. “It’s nothing, yo.”

Seeing how tired the boy was – he felt exactly the same way – Walt elected to cook something light and quick and so had ended up making him an omelette.

“It’s good,” Jesse had complimented, smiling as he took a bite, “Can you grab me some ketchup?”

Moving to one of the cupboards, Walt took out the bottle of ketchup and handed it to him. He had whipped together breakfast and lunch for them at Jesse’s place several times before and by now he had found himself completely familiar with the boy’s kitchen.

When Jesse had finished eating, Walt took his plate and placed it in the sink before they headed up stairs. While one might have expected a passionate bout of love-making to occur following their newly confessed love, the only thing the pair had had on their minds was getting some decent sleep. And so after removing their clothes, they simply crawled into bed.

Once settled, Walt reached over to Jesse, kissing him softly while momentarily running his hands through Jesse’s hair. Jesse in turn had let out a contented sigh, seemingly struggling to keep his eyes open.

“We’re so lame,” Jesse chuckled, yawning as he allowed Walt to manoeuvre him so he was snug against his chest. “Shouldn’t we totally be fucking right now?”

Walt smiled, kissing the top of the boy’s head. “Probably. But there’ll be plenty of time for that, I promise,” Walt reassured, “However, I think what’s best for now is that we get some sleep.”

Jesse had mumbled what Walt assumed to be something along the lines of ‘goodnight’. The words ‘I love you’ that followed afterwards meanwhile, Walt heard and understood perfectly.

 Walt’s heart swelled and he pulled the boy even closer, letting the warmth of having Jesse back in his arms and his words envelop him. “I love you too, son,” he had spoke ever so softly in return, “I love you too.”

Now it was morning and once again, much to his dismay, Walt would have to leave soon to get ready for work. Jesse was still fast asleep however and Walt found himself struggling with the dilemma of whether to wake the slumbering body or leave him be.

After a minute or so of debate he made up his mind and so quietly he started to call out Jesse’s name. “Jesse...”

The boy started to stir, awakening only to then bury his head further into Walt’s chest; apparently eager in his semi-conscious state to sleep for longer.

Walt chuckled, this time speaking his name ever so louder while gently rubbing Jesse’s shoulder. Although he really needed to get going, he didn’t want to startle Jesse awake.

“Jesse...” he said once more.

In turn, his partner let out a loud yawn, wriggling back slightly. Walt’s arm remained around him however, not content in letting go of Jesse completely even if he had finally succeeded in waking him.

“Hey,” said Jesse, greeting him with a smile.

Walt smiled in return. It was certainly a beautiful thing to see first thing in the morning as he had well discovered these past few months.

“Sleep well?” Walt asked, running his hand along the length of Jesse’s arm.

“Yeah, pretty good. You?”

“I certainly did,” Walt answered, although it didn’t change the fact he would have liked the chance to sleep for a lot longer. Still, he wasn’t going to let fatigue dampen his mood, not with Jesse resting comfortably in his arms after almost losing him completely.

“What time is it?” Jesse asked, yawning once more.

“Time for me to leave I’m afraid,” Jesse’s expression faltered slightly and Walt felt instant guilt before quickly adding, “I have to go back home and shower as well as grab some clean clothes before work.”

Jesse frowned. “Don’t go. Stay,” the younger man urged, snuggling back against Walt’s chest, “You can just shower here. And you know, can just like borrow some of my clothes.”

Walt was about to reply that there would be absolutely no way he could fit into Jesse’s clothes when he remembered Jesse’s penchant for wearing clothing that engulfed his small frame. While Jesse’s ‘threads’ as the boy referred to them had gone down a little in size since they first started cooking together, they still hung very loose on him. Nevertheless, even if the clothes did fit Walt, there was no changing the fact that he would look utterly ridiculous in them. He couldn’t imagine turning up to the lab wearing them let alone anywhere else.

“I think it would probably be better if I just stuck with wearing my own clothes.”

“Lame,” huffed Jesse, rolling onto his back. “Still, thanks for you know...”

“What?” Walt asked, slightly confused. Honestly, if there was anyone who should be thankful for anything, it was definitely Walt himself.

“For waking me up before leaving,” Jesse replied, rolling back onto his side to face Walt, “I probably would have like freaked out if I’d woken up and you were gone. You know, think last night was just some dream or something...”

“I can guarantee you it was no dream,” Walt reassured before leaning over and kissing him on the lips; Jesse eagerly returning the kiss.

It could have easily led to so much more, but there was no time. And so reluctantly he pulled back.

 “I better go.”

Jesse pouted but he didn’t protest. By now he was undoubtedly aware of the possible consequences of being late or not showing up for work.

“Make sure you eat something for breakfast,” Walt ordered as he climbed out of bed to start getting dressed.

“I’m outta cereal and you used up all my eggs making that omelette,” Jesse replied, yawning as he stretched his entire body, now occupying the empty space on the bed where Walt had just lain.

“Then pick something up on the way to the lab. You should have enough time.”

Jesse simply laughed. “Fine. What about you?”

“Be time I get home and get ready I doubt I’ll have time,” said Walt as he finished buttoning up his shirt, “Don’t worry, I can manage till lunch.”

“No way, man,” Jesse protested, folding his arm as he sat upright, “If you’re gonna force me to eat, you totally gotta eat something too. I’ll grab you a like a McMuffin or something.”

Walt smiled, moving to the bed to give Jesse one last kiss before leaving. “Thank you.”

Just about to leave, he paused at the bedroom door before turning back around.

“What?” Jesse asked, seemingly confused that Walt was just standing there staring at him.

Walt grinned. “Love you, son.”

And at that moment, Jesse’s entire face lit up.

 

When Walt arrived at the lab, Jesse was already in his protective gear, getting ready for the day’s cook. He motioned towards the office when he noticed Walt and when Walt went in there sitting on the table was an egg McMuffin. Walt grinned and sat down to quickly eat it before he started for the day. He saw that Jesse had also gotten him some orange juice unlike the cola he usually acquired for himself; no doubt from Walt voicing several times before of his disgust at the thought of drinking soda first thing in the morning.

Finishing breakfast, Walt got ready and joined Jesse in the lab.

It was business as usual but compared to yesterday, the day so far had been practically blissful, and made even better by Victor having yet to appear.

“Wanna grab lunch at the diner while this batch cooks?” Jesse asked hopefully as they discarded their suits.

Immediately about to answer yes, Walt faltered suddenly, remembering that he had something he needed to do.

“I can’t, I have an errand to run.” he said apologetically.

He wanted to just leave it at that but hiding things had almost cost Walt their relationship in the first place and so reluctantly he decided to tell Jesse the truth of what he needed to do.

“I have to drive over to Saul’s office. Drop off those contracts for the carwash so everything’s finalised.”

Jesse’s eyes fell to the floor. Hearing about the carwash Walt was buying with his wife was probably the last thing the boy wanted.

“Oh, okay...”

Walt’s guilt instantly came rushing back. Mentally he cursed. Couldn’t he have at least one Goddamn day without upsetting the boy?

“It’s just that, to launder the money I make here, I need a business to put that money into and this carwash will be the best way to do that, and the sooner I get...”

He trailed off. Here he was explaining his need for the carwash rather than the reason he needed to go to Saul’s. He frowned. It sounded like an excuse, and God knows Jesse had heard enough of them from him to last a lifetime.

Sighing, he ran his hand over the top of his head. “If I back out from the deal now then...”

For the past several days he had just wanted to rip those damn documents up, and he was utterly positive that he would have if not for being aware of the fallout it would cause. After all, he certainly didn’t need yet another reason for Skyler to be angry at him, especially given how their last conversation had ended.

_“Goodbye Walt.”_

There had been such finality to Skyler’s voice as she had turned and walked away from him that it frightened him slightly. Even still, he refused to entertain the notion of Skyler not wanting to go ahead with buying the carwash. She was far too practical and strong-willed a person not to go through with what they had started, especially given it was her idea. And if Walt refused, it would only be seen as yet a further betrayal on his part.

“I get it, yo,” said Jesse suddenly, awakening Walt from his thoughts, “I mean it’d screw everything up if you pulled out now, right?”

Walt nodded, ashamed at himself for having put Jesse in this position in the first place. Still, that didn’t stop him from wanting reassure Jesse.

Stepping closer towards him, Walt placed his hands on his shoulders. “Jesse, I need you to know that this doesn’t change a single thing about what I said last night, alright?” Walt assured, “Skyler and I may own a business together but you’re the one I want to be with and that won’t change beca-”

Jesse interrupted him once again, this time by placing his lips on Walt’s. Walt immediately relaxed into the kiss, feeling a little of his tension disappearing. As had happened before, the situation had seemed to reverse itself and Jesse was the one comforting him.

Eventually Jesse broke away from the kiss and Walt found himself deeply missing the lost of contact, despite its brevity.

“You should like go already” said Jesse, still close enough that Walt could feel his breath against his face.

“I’m sorry about all this,” Walt sighed, “Once this is over with I promise that things will go back to normal.”

Jesse gave an awkward laugh. “Uh yeah, I hate to break it to you Mr. White, but normal and us don’t exactly go hand in hand.”

Walt couldn’t argue with that.

When he had started cooking meth Walter White had been offered a slight reprieve from the mundane existence and the normality of his everyday life. Yet now with Jesse, Walt found himself craving some normality that he and Jesse could share; eating together, curled up on the couch with Jesse comfortably on his lap, Walt couldn’t get enough of those moments, and right now he just wanted to have a normal lunch break – pretending that he wasn’t in fact waiting for vats of methamphetamine to cook – and have a nice meal with his partner. Not that the diner was fine dining but –

He stopped, struck by an idea.

“Hey, let me take you out to dinner tonight.”

“What? Like a date?” Jesse laughed,

Walt grinned. “Exactly like a date.”

And no doubt despite himself, Walt saw Jesse blushing slightly. “Yeah...Yeah, that could be good. Where’d we go? The diner after work?”

Walt quickly shook his head. “No. No. Not there. I’m talking about going to a proper actual restaurant. Somewhere nice...Somewhere fancy, _expensive_ even. A place where you need to dress up.”

“Shit, I can’t remember last time I went somewhere classy,” said Jesse, scratching the back of his head, “Man, I don’t know if I even have any, you know, proper clothes.”

“I’m sure you have something to wear,” replied Walt, bridging the small gap between them, “And of course it wouldn’t be till later. You’d have plenty of time to get ready.”

“Wow, you’re pretty eager, huh, Mr. White?” Jesse teased, leaning his body into Walt’s.

“I want to do something nice for you, son” Walt answered honestly, softly kissing the top of Jesse’s head, “After everything, you completely deserve it. Although I do admit that it isn’t exactly much.”

 “Nah, it sounds good,” Jesse chuckled, “It’s totally a date, yo.”


	23. Chapter 23

Walt found himself incredibly rushed during his lunch break. Not only did he have to go to Saul’s office, he now had to figure out a nice place to take Jesse out for dinner that night. Furthermore when he arrived at Saul’s place, the lawyer was apparently in a meeting with another client. He was already angry at Saul for letting the cat out of the bag about both the carwash and his marital status to Jesse and being made to wait only added to the frustration he felt towards the man. With the amount he was paying Saul, surely he should be getting the VIP treatment instead of being forced to wait in a crowded waiting room with a bunch of people, many of whom he would cross the street if he ever happened to see them walking towards him. If he was supposed to get special treatment however, Saul’s secretary – Walt could never remember her name – certainly wasn’t privy to this fact, taking no heed of Walt’s hurry to speak with Saul.

“Can’t you at least call his office and let him know I’m here?” Walt urged her, exasperated after having been sat waiting for at least twenty minutes now.

“He’ll be out shortly,” she answered disinterestedly, not even bothering to look up from what she was doing.

Walt was about to protest further when finally the door to Saul’s office opened.

“See,” she said, again not even sparing him a single glance.

Walt simply huffed and stalked straight past Saul into his office, not even taking into consideration of the possibility that Saul may have had another appointment scheduled.

“Walt, finally you show yourself! I was expecting you days ago. Was worried maybe you and the wife had given up on the carwash and skipped town,” the lawyer joked.

“Saul, can we just get this over with?” he sighed, handing him the folder with the signed documents.

“Still in that cheerful mood from the other day I see. And here I was hoping that being the owner of a very profitable business or at least on the books anyway, would lift your spirits.”

Contrary to what Saul believed, Walt was in a rather good mood. It just didn’t involve having to be here.  

As such, he remained mostly silent as Saul had looked over the contracts, a part of him hoping that perhaps Saul would find something wrong in them and that he and Skyler wouldn’t be able to go ahead with buying the carwash after all. Still, the thought of the possibility of all of this being for nothing bothered him much more and so when Saul announced that all that was left was the handover, Walt couldn’t help but feel for the most part relieved.

Saul congratulated him before once more tryingto push the nail salon on him.

“More businesses, more ways to launder money, huh?”

“I really think one business is more than enough, Saul,” Walt replied bluntly as he stood up to leave.

Saul held up his hands in surrender. “Well, if you ever change your mind... And hey, remember, it does mean a free lifetime supply of manicures and enzyme peels for the missus.”

Walt was taken off guard at the mention of Skyler. While he wasn’t going to sit down again, unable to spare the time for a proper discussion, there was a question that had been lingering on his mind since the previous evening.

“Saul, if Skyler and I were to get a divorce, how would that work out for the business?” he found himself asking, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“I thought you two kids already tried that route? If my memory serves me correctly, it didn’t work out so well what with her not handing in the divorce papers,” Saul answered, leaning back in his chair before adding, “Which in my professional opinion was a very good thing for you.”

Walt failed to see how it could have possibly been a good thing after all the trouble it had caused him.

“Your wife knows too much,” Saul filled in, apparently picking up on the sceptical look on his face, “Hell, she’s involved in all this, an actual part of it, an accomplice so to speak but you two are married and the whole spousal privilege, works in your favour. If she’s having second thoughts, I suggest you put on some of that old Walter White charm and convince her otherwise.”

“I...I’ll try,” Walt replied simply, because what else could he say? After all, he had no intention of telling Saul that it was actually him who was considering the divorce.

With that out the way he quickly left, now tasked with choosing a nice restaurant to take out Jesse for dinner. He had already decided firmly in his mind that he would choose a restaurant where he and Skyler had never been before. Not that he and Skyler ever had the money to go anywhere particularly overly fancy however; having always been in a perpetual state of needing to save money just to make ends meet. And even though Walt did have the money now, he doubted Skyler would let him take her to a fancy place had they still been together, given her reaction to the bottle of wine he had purchased for them to celebrate the other week.

After glancing through a directory, Walt came across the name of a place he recognised. He had driven by it on numerous occasions but of course had never been inside. And while not being five-star high-class, it had still been far out of Walt’s price range for him to even consider going. But things were different now and so without any hesitation he quickly called the restaurant to make reservations.

 

As Walt pulled up to Jesse’s house, he found himself feeling strangely nervous, similar to what he had experienced when he had invited Jesse over to his place for dinner for the first time. While he supposed that that night could technically be classified as their first date – in addition to his first time sleeping together – this was his first time actually taking Jesse out anywhere and as such part of him was more inclined to count this as their first proper date.

‘God, fifty years old and going on a first date’, he thought, both bemused and oddly excited.

His last ‘first date’ was a little under twenty years ago, and this realisation made his excitement wane slightly,  a fear at how rusty he may turn out to possibly be replacing it. There was also the fact that Jesse was so much younger than him. Would going out for dinner be too dull for him? Would Jesse be disappointed with his choice of restaurant? If that was the case, perhaps Jesse would realise that being together with Walt would actually be a huge-

Abruptly Walt shook his head. No. There was no time for such thoughts. The sole purpose of this evening was to show Jesse a good time and to make it up to him for everything he’d put him through this past week. This of course would be impossible if he kept on worrying, something which Jesse would be sure to pick up on; the boy was surprisingly intuitive.

He took a deep breath. First thing was first; he needed to actually get out of his car and so climbing out, he walked up the pathway to Jesse’s house and rang the doorbell. He envisioned standing there, nervously waiting for awhile but Jesse ended up opening the door almost instantaneously.

“Hi,” Walt greeted.

 “I saw you drive up. I could have just came to your car, you know,” said Jesse, looking slightly embarrassed.

“I was being polite and decided to come get you,” Walt replied good-heartedly, “Proper first date etiquette and all.”

“Yeah well, if you try and hold a door or pull my chair out for me or some shit, I’m totally gonna kick your ass,” joked Jesse, locking the door behind him.

“You look good,” said Walt, finally getting a proper look at Jesse in his suit. It was the first time he had ever seen the boy dressed so formally.

“Are you kidding me?” said Jesse, glancing down at himself awkwardly, “Last time I wore this was when I tried to get an actual normal job. The other suit I own is better but it doesn’t fit no more.”

“Too big?” Walt asked, thinking nothing of it.

“It’s too small, yo!” Jesse cried, sounding offended.

“You actually own an item of clothing that doesn’t entirely engulf you?” Walt asked, honestly surprised.

“I got it in high school. I have actually grown since then, you know!”

Walt gave Jesse as scrutinising look while simultaneously trying to hold back a smile. “Really? You still seem just as small to me now as the first day you entered my classroom.”

“Hey, screw you!” yelled Jesse and by this point Walt was unable to contain his laughter.

“You totally can’t laugh, yo! I mean, what the hell are you even wearing? Your outfit makes you look like you’re about to go yachting or some shit,” Jesse retorted, crossing his arms.

Walt laughing slowly ceased as he glanced down at himself. He was wearing the same navy suit he had worn to Elliot’s birthday. It was a little outdated sure but he hadn’t thought it looked that awful. And just like that his worries about being rusty and the age difference between returned.

“Hey, uh, it doesn’t look that bad,” Jesse quickly declared, obviously noticing his change in expression, “I mean it is sorta lame but-”

Jesse stopped talking suddenly before breaking out into an excited smile, “Wait a minute, is our date like on a boat? Cause that’d be totally awesome!”

Walt simply gave Jesse a deadpan stare, his concerns immediately forgotten. “Jesse, we live in New Mexico. We’re nowhere near the ocean.”

“Oh...uh yeah,” said Jesse, deflating slightly before embarrassment took over.

“You know, I’ve never actually been on a boat before,” Jesse told him as they made their way to Walt’s car.

“Never?” Walt questioned, surprised.

“Mr. White, we live in New Mexico, remember?” Jesse answered with a grin, echoing Walt’s words while mimicking his tone as they climbed into the car.

It was then that Walt found himself wondering if Jesse had actually ever been outside of New Mexico before. Walt himself hadn’t been born here but he was sure that at some point or another he recalled Jesse telling him that he had been born in Albuquerque. If that was the case then it was likely Jesse had lived here his entire life. Had he at least vacationed outstate or was Albuquerque all the boy knew?

“You okay?” Jessed queried, tilting his head curiously.

Walt smiled softly. “I am. I just realised that there are bound to be so manythings that I don’t know about you; that we don’t know about each other.”

“Uh, is that a good thing?” Jesse asked, unsure.

Reaching over, Walt placed his hand on top of Jesse’s. “Absolutely. Discovery is what makes life so interesting after all. Surely you at least remember me telling you this in class?”

 “Of course, you were always going on about it; like all super enthusiastic,” laughed Jesse, gesturing with his hands to emphasize.

“I was,” agreed Walt, and he took Jesse’s hand again, this time giving it a soft squeeze, “And I’m just as enthusiastic to learn more about you.”

Jesse’s eyes widened slightly, before he quickly glanced downwards, a red tinge painting his cheeks. Walt’s own smile grew bigger and leaning over, he pecked a small kiss on Jesse’s left cheek before turning the key in the ignition.

“Let’s go. Don’t want to be late.”

And for once, it was wonderful not having to use that statement in reference to work.

 

The distance between Jesse’s and the restaurant wasn’t too far – Walt had wanted a place relatively nearby – and while they sat mostly in silence throughout the drive over there, it was a pleasant silence; not awkward or oppressive, something which Walt had regrettably grown accustomed these days. As such, the way things were now was a much welcomed change.

When Jesse asked him the name of the place they were going, Walt chose just to tell him as while originally wanting it to be a surprise, he realised that it was incredibly unlikely that Jesse would have ever heard of the place before. And just as he had predicted, this turned out to be the case.

“Reservation for two under the name, White,” Walt told the maître d as they arrived while Jesse stood slightly behind him, staring around at his surroundings in what appeared to be awe.

“Of course. Right this way, sirs,” the man replied, leading the way to their table.

“Holy shit, you weren’t lying about taking me someplace fancy!” exclaimed Jesse as they were shown to their seats.

Seemingly realising how loudly he had just said this, Jesse looked somewhat embarrassed, quickly sitting down in his chair as a result. “Uh, I mean you know this place is pretty, you know...”

Walt merely chuckled. “I told you I was going to take you somewhere nice,” he said, unable to stop himself from feeling pleased at Jesse’s reaction, “There are probably a lot nicer places than this but on such short notice I-”

“Dude, this place is already like a kazillion times nicer than anywhere I’ve ever been!” Jesse interrupted, once more glancing around in an effort to take everything in.

The place wasn’t small but not too large either, the low lighting and soft music in the background giving it a rather intimate atmosphere, which was exactly what Walt had hoped for.

 “Seriously, anywhere more up class than this and they probably wouldn’t let a guy like me in,” said Jesse, tugging at his suit.

Considering how he usually dressed, Walt was surprised that Jesse of all people seemed to be self-conscious about his appearance. Nevertheless, he decided not to tease him about it, truly wanting Jesse to relax and enjoy himself.

“I think you look very handsome right now,” Walt assured him. Although he had to admit, he was probably biased in this regard.

“But if it really bothers you that much, you can always make an appointment for a suit fitting. Get something that’s designer; properly tailored just for you and that’s... well form fitting.”

“Hmm? Like the thought of me in a tailored suit, huh, Mr. White?” asked Jesse, his tone changing from self-deprecating to sultry.

While Walt had grown rather fond of Jesse in his eccentric oversized clothing, the thought of Jesse wearing something tailored just for him, fitting his slim frame painted a gorgeous image in his mind.

“Very much so, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t far more interested in what lies underneath the suit,” Walt replied, equally sultry.

His cheeks reddening, Jesse snorted. “Perv...”

Suppressing laughter, Walt added, “Still, it would be a good thing to own a few suits for going out.”

“Wow, how many fancy places are you actually planning on taking me to, Mr. White?”

“As many as you’d like,” Walt replied smoothly.

“Fine, but you have to like get a new suit too,” Jesse ordered, “One that doesn’t make you look like you own a boat. Seriously I keep expecting you to put out a captain’s hat or something.”

Walt smiled. “I’m completely onboard with that.”

Again Jesse snorted, though he was grinning massively. “Oh my God, you are such a dork, Mr. White.”

Before they could discuss the matter any further, the waiter came over to take their drinks order, with Walt of course ordering a glass for both himself and Jesse of their most expensive wine. He would have ordered an entire bottle but given that he was driving and they both had work the next day he decided it may not be the best way to go.

A complimentary basket of bread was brought out along with the wine and rather than take a sip of the glass was placed before, Jesse instead eagerly dug into the bread.

“Awesome!”

The waiter looked slightly bemused and when asked if they would like to order, Walt told him to give them a few more minutes.

Instead of being embarrassed by Jesse’s reaction, Walt simply found such behaviour to be just part of his boyish charm. As such, he found it difficult to refrain from reaching out and ruffling Jesse’s hair. But somehow he manged/

“You’re going to spoil your appetite,” he did admonish a short time later as he watched Jesse scoff down his third piece of bread after eventually giving the waiter their orders.

“Alright, _Dad_ ,” Jesse retorted sarcastically.

And at that Walt felt an odd sensation, a kind of self-consciousness possibly similar to what Jesse felt about what he was wearing. Anyone seeing them together would think of them as being father and son catching up over dinner rather than two lovers out on a romantic date. This of course would only be the case if they hadn’t heard Jesse refer to him as ‘Mr. White’. If they did, Walt wasn’t sure what in the world they would think.

Nevertheless, there wasn’t much time to dwell on these thoughts as Jesse made a show of pushing the bread basket to the side. “Sorry, I’m just really hungry is all,” Jesse justified.

“You didn’t eat lunch?” Walt asked, his brows furrowing slightly.

 “Nah.”  Jesse shook his head before sheepishly adding, “Since you said you said were taking me out, I thought I’d like save my appetite.”

Walt nodded in return. Although he disapproved somewhat given that he knew Jesse hadn’t exactly eaten much these past few days, it pleased him think of Jesse being so excited about being taken out somewhere.

Yet again, after everything, it was the least Walt could do for the boy.

Thankfully their starters didn’t take too long to arrive, and as with the bread Jesse dug into his food fervently. It heartened Walt to see that Jesse’s appetite had returned as with each passing day and the deepening of their relationship, Walt found himself feeling more and more responsible for Jesse’s wellbeing with ‘Let me take care of you, son’, being one of the main thoughts circling around Walt’s mind these days. But if he told Jesse even in an offhand manner, the boy would surely get offended and so for the moment at least, he decided not to say anything.

 

Overall, it was a rather pleasant meal and Walt even found himself regaling Jesse with some stories from his college years. If the expression on Jesse’s face was anything to go by, the boy seemed too greatly appreciate Walt opening up to him, seeming entranced by his words. Although he would poke fun, Jesse was so open and accepting that it made Walt wonder why he had chose to hide so many things from Jesse in the first place.

Perfection was the reasoning that came to his mind, as despite their differences and bickering, he was well aware that Jesse looked up to him with adamant admiration. Although Jesse had witnessed Walt during certain weak points, he still wanted Jesse to see him as strong and in control; someone he could depend on completely.

‘I didn’t want to disappoint you. But I ended up hurting you instead,’ Walt thought self-deprecatingly.

So many secrets had been kept these past six months that talking to Jesse about days past, that being completely honest in such a way felt almost as if he was unburdening himself. Inwardly he chuckled as he wondered when he had last spoke to anyone of that particular college story in which he, Elliot and several other people he had lost contact with so many years ago had played a prank on their least favourite professor.

Still, despite regaling Jesse of days, he made an effort not to delve into anything too deep. Even before they had found themselves back in each other’s lives and what they had experienced since throughout, they had both suffered in their own ways.  And so after everything – particularly the past few days – he wanted their date to be fun and light; for them to enjoy themselves and forget everything.

Jesse’s aunt Ginny did come up in conversation however and there was a brief flash of sorrow that fluttered across Jesse’s face before it quickly faded.

Walt at one time when he had bothered to listen before they got together was sure he had heard Jesse saying he had kept his aunt’s house mostly the same since her passing. Having his parents kick him out of his own home would have been painful enough but the fact they had remodelled the house completely must have hurt Jesse quite a bit. Walt wished he had been a bit more sympathetic at time, but he was at least able to rationalise his detachment to an extent what with what with all the trouble he was going through himself.

Nevertheless the mention of Jesse’s aunt was brief and soon after Jesse’s old band TwaüghtHammër was brought up; Jesse proudly telling him how he had played drums as well as produced, not to mention directed their one music video. Jesse then proceeded to list a series of names of people who were in the band; the only one Walt recognising to be Badger who according to Jesse had sung lead vocals.

Walt was generally fuzzy in regards to whom Jesse’s friends were despite them technically working under him as dealers, but the six foot four tall man was someone Walt doubted he would forget anytime soon as despite how furious he had been with Jesse’s friend using his large figure to prevent Walt from entering his apartment and speaking with Jesse the other night, he found himself at least a smidge thankful that there was someone out there other than himself looking out for Jesse.

After they had finished their main meals which just as Walt had hoped, was delicious with Jesse gleefully agreeing, their waiter asked if they wished to see the dessert menu. While Walt would have been happy to simply pay the bill and head back to his place, the expression on Jesse’s face made it clear that his partner very much desired something sweet. Walt of course couldn’t say no, especially not with the fact that Jesse was looking at him for what seemed to be affirmation that having dessert would be alright, something which in turn sent a sudden rush of blood down to Walt’s groin.

There really was something about Jesse seeking his approval that turned Walt on like no one’s business, and so without a second thought, he answered yes to the waiter’s question.

Jesse smiled as he was handed the menu and thankfully for Walt he became so engrossed in the dessert options that he didn’t notice Walt’s discomfort from his sudden arousal.

It felt – to Walt at least –fairly reminiscence of the time at the diner were Jesse seductively ate his fries, dipping them in mayonnaise sauce in front of him, completely oblivious to the affect he was having on Walt.

And with slight embarrassment Walt realised that this was back before they had even gotten together, Jesse only having given massages at this point.

Suddenly Walt found himself both dreading and deeply anticipating the images that Jesse eating dessert would conjure up.

_“Mr. White…”_

“And for you, sir?”

Walt was instantly jolted back to reality, having been so engrossed in his thoughts that he had actually missed Jesse ordering.

With both the waiter and Jesse staring at him expectantly, Walt quickly answered “Just a coffee for me, thank you.”

 “Lame,” said Jesse after the waiter had left, “Fancy place like this and you don’t wanna at least try something?

“It totally makes me feel like a little kid being the only one getting dessert,” Jesse added, huffily.

“I’m pretty full already. But that doesn’t mean you can’t indulge,” replied Walt, knowing that even if he hadn’t been preoccupied with thoughts of Jesse seductively eating dessert, he would have just chosen a coffee. He never was a big fan of desserts really. Jesse meanwhile, seemed to love them however, something which Walt didn’t find surprising in the slightest.

“Well, sucks for you if you change your mind when you see my dessert cause I’m totally not sharing, yo,” said Jesse, resting his head on his hands with a playful smile on his face.

 “Somehow I’m sure I’ll survive.”

And if he didn’t, it would be because of something different completely.

Jesse as it turned out had ordered a chocolate fondant pudding which came with a splattering of ice cream on top.

“You jealous?” Jesse asked smugly after the dessert was set before him.

“I’m perfectly fine with this,” Walt replied, taking a sip of his coffee with what he hoped projected an air of adult sophistication.

Jesse simply rolled his eyes before digging in, making a loud appreciative noise as he took the first bite. Taking intermittent sips of his coffee, Walt watched engrossed at Jesse ate. The ice cream mixed with crumbs of chocolate stuck to his lips, the boy carefully licking them clean after every spoonful or so.

And somehow once again, Jesse seemed completely oblivious to the effect this was having on his partner.

“Man, I seriously can’t take another bite,” Jesse declared, finally putting his spoon down after what for Walt felt like an eternity. He honestly couldn’t wait to get Jesse back to his.

“So good though. You missed out, yo,” said Jesse triumphantly.

“Well, since you can’t _bare_ to take any another bite, mind if I try some?” Walt found himself asking suddenly, noticing the small drop left on the plate.

“Hmm, thought you were full from dinner, huh?”

“One little bite won’t kill me. And if it’s really as good as you say it is…”

Jesse laughed. “Fine.”

Jesse raised the plate to pass it over to him when Walt halted him.

“Just scoop up what’s left and hand me the spoon.”

 “Uh…kay.”

Jesse looked rather baffled but nevertheless did as he was asked. He was intercepted however as suddenly leaning over Walt gently grabbed hold of Jesse’s wrist.

“Hey! What are-”

But he was instantly silenced by the sight before him as guiding Jesse’s hand Walt wrapped his lips around the spoon taking in the sweet dessert.

Making an appreciative noise similar to the one Jesse had made earlier, Walt savoured the taste before finally releasing his grip on Jesse’s wrist.

“You were right, son,” he said as he licked his lips, “That was _very_ good.”

Jesse appeared completely dumbstruck, his hand holding the spoon suspended in midair until his brain seemed to catch up with him.

 “A-Asshole,” Jesse stuttered out when he was finally able to speak again, his face bright red. “That was like-”

 “Hot?” Walt supplied smugly, ignoring the fear that maybe perhaps he had gone too far. It was their first date in public after all and making a show of things probably wasn’t the best way to go.

“What? No…” Jesse protested, but Walt knew from the expression on Jesse’s face how turned on the boy was and his worry quickly faded away causing him to laugh instead.

“Next time get your own dessert, bitch!” Jesse huffed.

It was nice turning the tables and causing Jesse to be the one aroused in public.

Sweet vengeance indeed…

For a brief moment, Walt wondered if anyone had actually seen what Walt had done. If they had witnessed the display, despite his use of the word ‘son’, Walt highly doubted anyone would mistake Walt for Jesse’s father after seeing that.

No one appeared to look scandalised so he assumed they had gone unnoticed, something for which he couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed about. A part him wanted everyone there to know that Jesse was his.

 “So, should we, you know, get the bill and get out of here?” Jesse asked; his cheeks still flushed. And if Walt was reading the boy correctly what with the unconscious way he was licking his lips, it certainly wasn’t embarrassment that was prompting Jesse to want to leave.

Walt smirked. Maybe he wasn’t so rusty with this whole dating thing after all.

 

Walt left a generous tip for the waiter, making sure to pay their bill all in cash. He was happy that Jesse didn’t offer to chip in for the meal, Jesse apparently realising that this was for him; that it was Walt’s treat.

It didn’t take long for them to get back to his place, this being exactly the reason why Walt had chosen a restaurant both fancy and yet close by. And as soon as the door closed behind them, Walt pinned the boy up against the wall, smashing his lips against Jesse’s; Jesse fully anticipating the action as he eagerly allowed him to slip his tongue into his mouth as he wrapped his arms around Walt’s broader shoulders.

Walt in turn pressed his body tight against Jesse’s, holding him in place against the wall, eliciting a small moan from his partner.

It felt like forever since he had been able to kiss Jesse like this. Last night he had wanted to, desperately so, but then had been a time for words, for Walt to ask of Jesse’s forgiveness and to prove how much he cared for him. But now Walt finally had the chance to physically show his love for the boy, something which he knew that Jesse welcomed completely if the feverous way he was returning Walt’s kisses was anything to go by; clinging to Walt with as much desperation as Walt himself felt. 

Their make out session against the wall wasn’t enough however, Walt urgently needing more, and so with little effort, he manoeuvred them to the couch; Jesse’s body falling underneath him. But before either of them could even catch their breath, Walt was pulling the boy on top of him and onto his lap as if there was ever a place that Jesse truly belonged, it was there.

Being manhandled in such a way didn’t seem to bother Jesse in the slightest; the young man wrapping his arms around Walt’s neck once more and shuffling further against him.

“Thanks for taking me out tonight,” said Jesse, resting his head against Walt’s chest.

“It was my pleasure,” replied Walt, securely wrapping his arms around Jesse waist. As much as he wanted to fuck Jesse right there and then, he didn’t mind the interlude, especially if Jesse happened to be showing gratitude.

“Did you enjoy yourself?”

“Hell yeah. The food was awesome!” Jesse declared happily, “Plus it beats microwave meals any day. The food you end up with after you microwave it never looks the same as the picture on the cover. So much for truth in advertising…”

“Well, from now on, we can go to any restaurant you want. You just let me know and I’ll make a reservation for us.”

“Hmm? And what if I wanna be the one to take you out, huh?”

“Then I’ll happily follow,” replied Walt as he started to slowly place kisses down Jesse’s neck.

“Maybe we can even go out of town sometime, get away from all of this,” Walt added, remembering the possibility that Jesse had never been out of Albuquerque before.

“What, you mean like stay at hotel or something?”

“Exactly. A five-star, luxury hotel… Only the best for us,” said Walt continuing his gently assault again Jesse’s neck, “Anywhere you want.”

“Yeah and I’m sure our sociopathic boss would be fine with us taking like a week off to go on vacation,” answered Jesse petulantly yet nevertheless, still seeming to fully enjoy the attention that Walt was currently lavishing on his neck.

“Well, maybe not for a week. At least not now anyway, but even a weekend away would nice wouldn’t it?” said Walt as started to creep his hand underneath Jesse’s shirt.

“Yeah, but…”Jesse trailed off and Walt felt Jesse tense slightly, which of course was definitely not the reaction he had been hoping for.

“Jesse, what’s wrong?” Walt asked, suddenly fearful.

“Would you even be able to take a weekend off? I mean you cook meth but now you own a carwash and everything. Won’t that like take all your time?”

Walt frowned. The whole evening had been incredibly enjoyable so far with no mention of the carwash whatsoever. As things went, Walt supposed it was foolish to believe that it wouldn’t at least come up in conversation.

“Skyler will be handling most of the business side of the carwash, and for you, I’d find away,” answered Walt, using the hand that was still underneath Jesse’s shirt to run up and down his side in which he hoped was a reassuring gesture.

But Jesse’s eyes were diverted, no longer looking at him and it was clear for Walt to see that Jesse was troubled.

Worry overtaking him, Walt took his hand back and instead used it along with his other hand cusp Jesse’s face between his palms. “What’s wrong, son? I thought you were having a good time tonight?”

“I am!” Jessed cried with such indignity that Walt was momentarily startled.

“It’s just…” And just like that Jesse had that lost, frightened expression back on his face, the same one he had worn the night before.

“Jesse, talk to me,” Walt found himself pleading, “If something’s bothering you, I mean if I did something else…”

God, what the hell more could Walt actually do to the boy? The thought that he had somehow done something else to hurt Jesse, distressed him greatly.

“Mr. White, is this what you really want?” Jesse asked when he finally spoke.

“What?” Walt was baffled by the question.

“What do you mean by what I really want?”

For a moment Walt was so sure the boy was about to pull away from him– an action that would have surely broken his heart – but instead he lowered his head and grabbing hold of Walt’s shirt clung to him.

“I mean me,” Jesse answered weakly, and Walt found that his partner’s words only served to confuse him more. Honestly, after everything, how could Jesse possibly think otherwise?

“Jesse…”

“Am I worth it? I mean, you have a family already… Your wife asked you to move back home. If you did that, you’d be able to see your kids every day. I mean, I know divorces happen all the fucking time but I…”

“Jesse, I thought we’ve been through this already. I’ve already made my decision.” Walt tried to pull Jesse back so he could at the very least see his face and show Jesse his resolve but Jesse wasn’t budging, only grasping onto Walt’s shirt even tighter.

“Seriously though, what if you end up regretting everything? Regret being with me?”

“Jesse, I don’t regret choosing you or the decisions I’ve made since. Not for a second.”

“Yeah, but what about in like a week’s time!” Jesse cried, “Or like in a month or even in like a year or -”

“Jesse!” Walt yelled suddenly. And grabbing him by the shoulders he yanked Jesse back so he could finally see his face. There were tears in the boy’s eyes.

“Jesse, that is not going to happen.”

“But what if –”

“Son, I _promise you_ ,” said Walt with as much sincerity as he could muster, desperately needing to make Jesse understand.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Mr. White…” Jesse choked out eventually, “Tonight’s been so great but then I just started thinking about you I don’t know, resenting me and then stopping loving me and-”

And just as Walt had torn Jesse from his chest, he was pulling him back against it. “God, Jesse. No, I could never stop loving you. Not after everything.”

“I’m scared…” said Jesse, burrowing himself straight back into his chest, “I don’t know why, cause I’m like really happy but I just…I don’t wanna lose…this”

“I can understand that,” said Walt pressing a kiss against the top of his head, and with a self-deprecating chuckle added, “You think I’m not scared?”

“You…You are?” Jesse asked, sounding surprised.

“Of course I am. I was so terrified that I’d lost you forever. I hurt you Jesse, and the truth is I feel that maybe I…”

_…Maybe I really don’t deserve you at all._

“But last night you took me back and the thought of losing you again…”

He tightened his hold on Jesse, suddenly overcome with emotion. “God, I need you son.”

_And the truth is I’ll always need you more than you’ll need me._

“You’re my family,” he told Jesse once again, and as much as it hurt he couldn’t help thinking back to that fateful meeting in the bar with Donald Margolis, “And no matter what, you never give up on family. You never stop loving them…

“I told you last night; that I still I love Skyler. Despite what’s happened, she’s my family. But you’re what I want Jesse, and what I need. Only you see me for who I really am. And I hope…I hope you feel the same way about me.”

“Of course I do, asshole,” cried Jesse, as he wrapped his arms around Walt’s neck. “Of course I do.”

Walt smiled, taking a gentle hold to cradle the back of Jesse’s head. “Then I suppose, despite how scared we feel, there’s really nothing to worry about, is there?”

Jesse gave a small smile too, “I guess you’re right. Just promise you won’t leave …”

Walt cupped Jesse’s cheeks between his hands once more, this time placing a soft chaste kiss to Jesse’s lips. “I promise.”

They stayed like this for several minutes when something caused Jesse to stir. Out of his eyes Jesse noticed Walt’s – now damaged – porkpie hat and leaning over with Walt quickly grabbing hold of his hips to steady him, Jesse picked it up.

By this point Walt felt he really should have known better than to leave it lying around.

“Your hat…” said Jesse out loud as if to himself as he examined it over in his hands.

“You did quite the number on it,” Walt replied frankly.

“Yeah, well, it ain’t like you didn’t deserve it,” Jesse retorted, his tone turning defensive.

Instead of getting mad at Jesse however, Walt simply smiled; thankful that Jesse’s petulant and unapologetic attitude was still there despite his worries regarding their relationship.

“I suppose you’re right,” Walt agreed, neglecting to mention his horror upon finding it crushed on the floor.

“Do you think you can you fix it?” Jesse asked, staring at it somewhat regretfully.

“It doesn’t matter,” Walt found himself saying.

“Really?” Jesse asked, sounding truly surprised, obviously aware of Walt’s odd attachment to it.

“I am. After all, there are much more important things in life,” said Walt, once more pressing his lips against Jesse’s, and taking the item out of Jesse’s hand he tossed the hat across the room.

 “Yeah, but isn’t that like the source of your superpowers? Think you’ll like be able to cope without it?”

“Well, I don’t have worry about that. I have you,” said Walt, stroking Jesse’s cheek, “But more importantly, will you still want to be with me? Without my ‘powers’, I’ll just be some lame old man, after all.”

Jesse grinned, this time being the one to kiss him. “No way. I prefer you as lame old ass Mr. White over Heisenberg any day.”

 

It wasn’t long before Walt was leading Jesse to his bedroom. As fervent and passionate as their kissing had been earlier, Walt took Jesse by the hand, guiding him upstairs with an uncharacteristic kind of delicacy.

When Jesse had given him a questioning look, Walt had simply replied, “It’s a first date. Isn’t it only fair that I act like a gentleman?”

Jesse had rolled his eyes at that but hadn’t protested, instead muttering something along the lines of “God, we’re such fucking homos,” under his breath.

“That’s fine with me,” Walt had whispered in his ear in return, “Especially given the things I’m about to do to you.”

Once they reached their destination, Walt almost instantly forgot his gentlemanly act, throwing Jesse onto the bed; again something which Jesse didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

Passionately he kissed him as they removed each other’s suit jackets. Followed by this, they started to unbutton one and others shirts but upon realising how long it was taking it, they gave up, deciding it was faster to do so themselves. And so for the briefest of moments, they parted. Jesse took slightly longer given that he wasn’t accustomed to wearing shirts and so for the last few moments Walt watched him, his eyes focused upon Jesse’s slim fingers as he worked to undo the buttons

With the shirt off, Walt took hold of Jesse, wrapping his arms around his waist. He at least wanted the honour removing Jesse’s pants, and through his underwear he could see that Jesse – much like himself – was already growing hard.

Once removing his own pants, he carefully pulled down Jesse’s boxers and seeing Jesse’s flushed cock increased his arousal tenfold.

“Gorgeous,” he said out loud as Jesse lay sprawled out beneath him. And suddenly he was struck with the realisation that had things gone differently, he may have never got to see this sight again; that he had almost lost both it and Jesse forever.

‘Am I worth it?’ Jesse had asked him, and Walt almost laughed at the absurdity of the question as he gazed down at the figure laying before him.

The fact that Jesse had even needed to question such a thing hurt him and so with everything he possessed, Walt resolved to prove the boy otherwise.

“Uh, Mr. White, are you gonna like...?” Jesse’s head was tilted, confused, and quickly Walt realised that he had just been staring at the boy these past few minutes, his own underwear still on.

“Still rockin the tighty-whiteys, huh?” Jesse teased.

“Well, I know how much you love them,” joked Walt, as he hurriedly removed them. And bending over he proceeded to kiss Jesse deeply.

“You’re gorgeous,” he pronounced once more, pulling back slightly.

“Yeah, you said that,” said Jesse looking somewhat embarrassed.

“And I’ll say it again. Gorgeous. You really are, son,” he declared, pressing his now fully naked body against Jesse’s. And even without the gasp that came out of Jesse’s mouth, he could tell how aroused the boy was by his words, feeling Jesse’s erection jutting against him.

Just like before, he started trailing kisses along Jesse’s neck and down towards his chest. Jesse’s chest was so smooth, only a small dappling of hair and Walt grinned as he took in the sight of Jesse’s tattoo, running his tongue along it before proceeding to suck at his nipple. Jesse moaned, his back arching and at this point Walt realised that he would have to move fast to get Jesse to where he wanted him. And so reaching over to his night stand, he grabbed at the bottle of lube there, having left it out for convenience sake that morning before leaving for work.

Jesse had let out a frustrated little groan as Walt had abandoned the nipple he’d been sucking on and so as not to appear as if he were teasing the poor boy – he could happily indulge in that another night – he decided to slick himself up first, hurriedly coating his cock in lubricant.

“All right son, open up for me,” said Walt and obligingly Jesse spread his legs open, inching closer to Walt, so eager to receive him.

“That’s my good boy,” Walt said gently while also gently inserting a slicked up finger; Jesse taking it with ease, and before he knew it he was inserting a second then third finger.

Jesse moaned at this third one went it, gasping his name out loud.

“Mr. White, please,” he begged.

“Hush sweetheart, just a moment,” Walt soothed as he stretched his fingers a just little. Jesse’s lithe body quivered as Walt removed them and it was difficult for Walt to ignore the feeling of his own cock; both the tingling sensation from the lubricant covering it and his desperation to be inside Jesse.

“Are you ready, son?” he asked, although he already knew the answer, Jesse practically trembling in anticipation for him.

To go with his gorgeous form, Jesse let out a gorgeous moan. He always made the loveliest of noises. And if it was Walt’s words that got Jesse hard, for Walt it was surely the sounds the boy made.

“That’s it sweetheart, nice and slow,” he said settling down on his elbows, wanting to be as close to Jesse as possible.

Jesse shivered as Walt quickened his pace, his breathing getting louder. Jesse’s eyes were closed but Walt was so close he could see the tears catching lightly upon his eyelashes.

Using all the stamina he possessed, Walt freed one hand and gently cupped Jesse’s cheek. “Look at me, son,” he ordered softly.

Jesse did so, opening his eyes to gaze up at him. It was yet another gorgeous thing about Jesse, and while his eyes were not deep in colour, Walt knew how he easy it would be to become lost in them. Nobody’s eyes seemed to hold and project emotion like Jesse Pinkman’s.

“Mr. White…” Jesse whimpered.

‘Poor boy,’ Walt thought. He really needed to stop just watching him like this. What he needed was to give him some release. It was just so easy to become transfixed.

“I’m sorry, son,” he apologised, before covering his mouth against Jesse’s, shoving his tongue inside and just like everything else Jesse willingly accepted,  in turn grabbing Walt’s face, their kiss growing deeper and more frantic.

 Again Walt realised that he had to move fast and so tearing his mouth away he leant upwards, his cock slipping back slightly before thrusting back into him.

“Fuck!”  Jesse cried out in a sudden wail of ecstasy.

“I love you, son,” said Walt, keeping pace as best he could, “I love you so much, so much.”

And as if the words were an automatic release, Jesse came just as Walt had hoped. He kept repeating the words, wanting to embed them in Jesse’s mind. Walt recalled how shocked Jesse had been when he had confessed the night before; the disbelief on his face that another person could possibly love him. He didn’t want Jesse to feel that way; wanted him to know that he was loved and so with both his body and his words Walt hoped to prove it to him once and for all.

With a few more thrusts, Walt came shortly after and he found that he had to use all his strength to stop himself from collapsing on top of Jesse.

 “Are you alright, son?” he asked through laboured breathing, exhausted.

Tears were streaming down Jesse’s face but he looked so happy that Walt was sure he knew the answer.

“Of course I am,” laughed Jesse, embarrassedly rubbing at the tears in his eyes, “After that, how the hell could I not be?”

Walt smiled in turn and pulling out of Jesse he collapsed next to him on the mattress.

“I’m afraid that might be all I have in me for tonight,” Walt admitted, turning to face him as Jesse also twisted around.

“Still think you’ll be okay with a lame old man like me?” he asked cupping Jesse’s cheek, feeling the dampness there from Jesse’s tears.

“I think I’ll deal. It probably sounds totally gay but I’m kinda find just being like this,” Jesse answered curling into him, and wrapping an arm around him, Walt brought him even closer.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” said Walt, pressing a kiss against his hair.

Jesse snorted. “Hey, you’re the one who’s a total perv, Mr. White.”

Walt laughed out loud. Jesse was probably right, but like Jesse, he was completely fine like this.

But still, one more time for good measure, he whispered, “Love you, son.”

He felt the body in his arms tremble lightly.

“I love you too, Mr. White.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally it's over! When I first started with the idea of Jesse giving Walt a massage, I envisioned writing maybe 5,000 words with two chapters at the very most. Clearly this fic got very much away from me. ^^;;
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has left kudos and commented over the course of the fic. It means so much and thank you to those who offered encouragement. I'm constantly riddled with anxiety so knowing that there were people out there who wanted to read more definitely spurred me to keep writing. :)
> 
> Although, 'Small Comforts' is over, I do have a few more fic ideas for this verse (apparently any world in which Walt and Jesse are happy together I become instantly attached to) so I hope to continue it with a couple of one-shots in the future.
> 
> Again, thank you very much for reading!


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